Help! I will see him for the first time tomorrow

[maree]

My boyfriend just broke up with me last week. I go to the same gym he does, approximatley about the same time. One or two times a week I will see him. In short, I cannot go another time, and he is usually walking around talking to everyone.

 

So I will probably see him for the first time tomorrow. We broke up recently and are amicable, yet I am very emotional. But I don't know how I will react to seeing him. Will I panic? Will I get shocked at seeing him and pretend I didn't see him(which is so fake, and seems like I'm ignoring him, but sometimes is just a gut response I have to unexpected situations).

 

Or should I just not go to the Gym for a couple of weeks?

 

How do I prepare myself?

 

If he asks me how I'm doing what do I say?

 

Also Tony: How do you play at being aloof,etc? I think I come across as the Kimmy lady. However, I think I may intimidate men because I am very financially secure. Do you think being financially secure scares men?

 

Also, even though I really and truly am NOt HIGH MAINTENANCE, and my friends totally agree, but they tell me that I exude that image. How do you think you can get rid of that aura? They say that men may think I am very high maintenance.

[Tony T]

1. Will I panic?

 

There's really no reason to. But you know yourself better than others. If you work yourself up well enough, you can do almost anything. But you're going to have to face him sooner or later.

 

I wouldn't stay away from the gym if I were you because I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of letting him know just how upset you are.

 

Don't go out of your way to walk over to him to say hello, but if your eyes meet just smile, wave, say hi, and go about your business. You owe him nothing more. And by all means, DO NOT keep your eyes on him...don't watch his every move. Just carry on with your exercise.

 

2. Will I get shocked at seeing him and pretend I didn't see him(which is so fake, and seems like I'm ignoring him, but sometimes is just a gut response I have to unexpected situations).

 

No, as I stated above, just smile, wave hello, and go about your business. Keep your composure, be pleasant, but don't go out of your way to be overly friendly. If he comes over to talk to you, tell him you're busy exercising but to call you later if he needs to talk about something. Pretending you don't see him is just plain rude, dishonest, and juvenile.

 

3. Or should I just not go to the Gym for a couple of weeks?

 

Hell, NO!!! Like I said above, you don't want him to know you have been affected by this so much that you would alter your schedule. You may as well get used to your new life now. If you think you're going to break down, think about the maddest you have ever been in your life...and when you see him...bring that thought to your mind. You cannot be mad and sad at the same time. The mind can only handle one emotion at a time. If you want to break down and cry in your car before you leave or when you get home, feel free.

 

4. How do I prepare myself?

 

Already answered that. Just be strong and be absolutely committed to not letting him know just how hurt you are. Give out the vibes that you're gonna be just fine. The exercise will help you get over him quicker, too.

 

5. If he asks me how I'm doing what do I say?

 

Switch the subject over to your gym activities. Say something like: "Doing just fine...gotta keep up with the exercise you know..." Don't go into a long winded conversation. Resume your exercise after a few words. Better to talk to him as you are working out or moving from one machine to another.

 

6. How do you play at being aloof,etc?

 

Nothing to it. Just be cool. Don't care so much. Take it from a veteran, all this works out just fine in the end. When you finally find Mr. Right, you'll look back and get pissed at all the time you spent jerking around with these losers and falling for the wrong people. So fast forward yourself right now, and stop caring so much. If things work out, fine. If they don't, fine. Your world won't be better or worse for what your ex thinks about you now so just don't care. To hell with him!!!

 

7. I think I may intimidate men because I am very financially secure. Do you think being financially secure scares men?

 

That's a very general statement. You may intimidate some men who are very insecurity or otherwise psychologically out of balance. But I am curious as to how they know your financial status. Do you present them with a current financial statement? If you are having a problem with this, you are either saying things or presenting yourself in a manner which makes your financial situation obvious. Don't do that. Be humble. If men make a comment about your pad in the beginning, tell them you are house sitting, don't tell them you own your place. If they make a comment about your fancy car, talk about sweating over the big payments. As you get to know them much better, let the facts of your financial status out a little at a time.

 

Many men have very weak egos and indeed would be intimidated by a woman who just blurted out her financial situation in the beginning. But the right man for you will be confident, self assured and will be very proud of your financial success...as long as you remain humble about it.

 

Throw your financial successes in people's faces and you deserve what you get.

 

7. Also, even though I really and truly am NOt HIGH MAINTENANCE, and my friends totally agree, but they tell me that I exude that image. How do you think you can get rid of that aura?

 

You should ask your friends how you exude that image. Since you work hard and make good money, you are probably used to the finest restaurants, the best cars, the best plays, shows, concerts, etc. and are willing to finance those yourself if nobody else does. You are merely doing what you want to do because you can afford it. Many other people do not have that same financial ability. Even if they make excellent money, they may be in heavy debt because they don't manage their money as well as you do.

 

You will stop excuding the high maintenance stuff if you go with your friends and potential dates to hamburger joints, movie theatres in average (but safe) parts of town some of the time. If a guy suggests doing something, don't try to immediately upgrade the situation. Don't talk about so many of your experiences or aspects of your lifestyle.

 

When you get serious with a guy, you need to let him know the things you like to buy and do but you also need to allay any fears he may have by letting him know you finance those yourself.

 

A woman can put great pressure on a guy if he thinks getting serious with her will call for him to shell out loads of dough and spend inordinate amounts of time to keep her happy.

 

For the most part, men like women who they feel are their equal in most respects. In general, people tend to be the same way...and even care for those who are less fortunate, not more. The phonies of the world, the golddiggers of both sexes, will gravitate to those who have money.

 

Learn to be humble, to listen to others, observe others, and be among them. Do your own thing for yourself and enjoy those extraordinary things you do without shouting it about to the world. Again, ask you friends for examples and then work on yourself.

 

There are many passages in the religious manuscripts of all faiths and religious beliefs about humility and other valued human virtues. Visit your bookstore, read them, and you won't exude so much high maintenance anymore.

 

Just as an aside, you asked for a lot more answers than most people do here...but I won't quite put you in the high maintenance category myself, just sort of medium,...LOL.

[maree]

Tony;

1. Thank you for your words of wisdom!

 

2. I won't say what I do for a living, but that is truly THE reason why people think I'm high maintenance. If you knew what I did you would agree that it's only an IMAGE thing, but on the surface may appear as high maintenance. I swear I am full of humility and humbleness! The small degree of success that I have I am forever grateful for. And I do lots of volunteer work. I didn't mean to let you think I have a big head. But it does scare me that a man who doesn't really know me, just by virtue of my profession would make a snap judgement.

 

I really like your advice about not divulging too much about my tastes, and past experiences, etc.This advice is very very good.

 

3. LOL: as for your last comment, my ex boyfriend, used to say, that I was really Medium maintenance, but liked to think that I was low maintenance. Maybe there's some truth to that!! HeHe

 

Also, thanks for the Gym advice! I will work my but off tomorrow and keep my head up high.

[Tony T]

You must be a television news anchor person??? Or perhaps you are Claudia Shiffer. I have seen her at my gym a few times when her old beau Copperfield was in town.

 

Oh, don't tell me you are Catherine Harris. Not too fond of her.

 

At any rate, you imply that people would assume a lot because you obviously are celebrated in what you do.

 

People who make such assumptions are pretty stupid. I used to be the number one radio and TV personality in the U.S. 13th largest market. When you go off the air, people forget you real fast.

 

Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.

[Deejette]

Good, keep your head high. "The show must go on!" and all that. This will keep you from panicking. If you are already in the public eye, you will know how to put on an act and look like you're not dying inside.

 

It is not a good idea to stay away from the gym just in case you run into him. You are giving him too much power. Take your power back and go into the battle with courage. Show that you have not been devastated by this.

 

Also, it is always good to look your best. If that means you look high-maintenance, so be it. I don't think you should make yourself less attractive just so you will be approachable. You need a man who can deal with your level of financial security and career success. If you have to dummy yourself down to appeal to guys, they are not worth it.

 

You must be a television news anchor person??? Or perhaps you are Claudia Shiffer. I have seen her at my gym a few times when her old beau Copperfield was in town. Oh, don't tell me you are Catherine Harris. Not too fond of her. At any rate, you imply that people would assume a lot because you obviously are celebrated in what you do. People who make such assumptions are pretty stupid. I used to be the number one radio and TV personality in the U.S. 13th largest market. When you go off the air, people forget you real fast. Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.