what to do?

[Sitnud]

I am in an interesting situation... I need some advice.

 

I am currently 25 and my wife is as well...

 

3 years ago we purchased a home in the town that I grew up in. There was a bunch of painting and stuff that needed to be done before closing and we decided we would get it done because the current owner refused. Well I had to stay back for work since I only had enough vacation time for the closing and moving part... Well she stayed with my mom while working on the house. Well my brothers and one step brother helped out and everything appeared to be going well... After about a week of being in the house I knew something was wrong... I pressed her on it and she told me that my step brother had cornered her and forced her to touch him... well right away I was pissed... I yelled and screamed at him for a long time... then the next week she told me that she made it up to get attention...

 

Well everything was good for quite a while... several months later we found out she was pregnant... nine months later we had a beautiful daughter... First off I know for sure that she is mine... Things were tense through the pregnancy but I figured it was just hormones... Well maybe 4 months after she was born she finally confesed... She was a willing participant in the touching... she bought him stuff all the time(I was the only one working so with my money)... She would have him come over as I left for work... she had quite an affair with him... The reason that I was given was that she felt dominate over him, that is more intelligent and such... Well I wanted to forgive her and try and work it out...

 

We left my daughter with my parents and we went away for the weekend to talk and stuff... I spent over $2000 on that weekend trying to get into a positive atmosphere... Well that night we finally made up enough to mess around a little... That was the night my second daughter was concieved... Things didn't change though... She blames everything on me... she picks fights about every possible thing... she acts as if I do nothing even though I tend to be the only one bringing in any money, I usually cook, do the laundry, mow the lawn, and pay the bills... She vacuums LOL...

 

If I try to talk to her about things it just becomes a fight no matter what I do. She tells me that she is as good as I could ever do and tries to make me stay with things like that...

 

She has been diagnosed with depression but won't do anything about it... She whines real well to get me to not leave... I just don't know what to do...

 

I know she assumes that she will get the kids and so on but I will not allow that... The two kids are my entire world. She has a history of significant drug and alcohol abuse(before we met)... Her mom is an alcoholic, her dad has a history of abuse. She insinuates that she will move the kids to her parents house while she gets on her feet...

 

I don't know if I have everything here or not but I think I do.

 

As far as personal belongings... We have 1 vehicle with a loan for more than its worth... a house with really no equity... a motorcycle that is about even on the loan... and then the household stuff...

 

My proposal in my head is that I take all the debt and most of the belongings and the kids... She leaves with her clothes and stuff and no debt and I would make sure that she had no child support to pay for now(probably not ever) and she can see the kids any time she wants... This way the kids are in a safe and nurturing environment with everything they need and she can go be a kid the way she thinks she needs to.

 

I don't even know if this is the right thing to do though.

 

any help?

[mighty bop]

It looks like you know exactly what to do. Get started.

[ready2moveon26]

You need to get out and get your kids out of the current situation. You have got it all figured out, you just need to do it, which I know is VERY hard to do. My husband left me 2 years ago and we were seperated for 3 months. We got back together and things were weird for a while, but eventually we got right back to where we were. Finally, 6 months ago, I kicked him out because I couldn't allow my 3 year old daughter to see me hurt again. Your kids are young and you sound like you have your head on straight. My husband sounds a lot like your wife...selfish and irresponsible...along with a mental disorder and drugs and alcohol...not a good combination. I wish you luck! It's been hard, but I am making a new life for my daughter. My husband has not changed at all, actually that isn't true, he's gotten worse. He didn't contact our daughter at all in the last three weeks until her birthday, which was yesterday. GOOD LUCK!

[Sitnud]

My concern is the kids... I will not settle for every other weekend... well or every weekend for that matter...

 

My kids are everything in this world to me and they have to be with me. Realistically is there any chance that this can happen? I work mon-fri but strictly 40 hours... I will find a way to keep the house and a vehicle... The health insurance is through my work. My job is very stable... I have never touched a drug, never ever... I really don't drink(maybe 1 beer every other month)... I decided to quit smoking cold turkey this morning...

 

She smokes heavily... as I said has quite a drug history... has been pretty irresponsible... If it wasn't for me I think she would drink a lot(she did when we first met)... Any time we go out somewhere that has a bar I usually end up carrying her into the house afterwards so we simply don't go. She yells at the kids all the time for crying and stuff... She constantly quits her jobs and takes new ones... She is a textbook example of bi-polar... and thats not even mentioning how she treats me.

 

My problem is that nothing is documented... I can't get her to the doctor... she was never arrested... nothing!

 

Then another thing I need some advice on... I have been getting out of the office a lot since I changed jobs and seeing the country side... And after 6 years of being told that I couldn't have any friends and that no one would want me(so of course I should just be happy with her) I am seeing that this is not true... I have met a lot of interesting people and have some women chasing me... Maybe I flirt but its not on purpose... I am not looking for anything.

 

Well there is one that caught my attention... She is 20, 4.0 gpa in a criminal science major, star athlete at the university, very level headed, cultured, well read, everything in common with me, and wants to be a part of my life... I haven't went out with her... haven't done anything with her... I have talked to her and explained my situation in every detail... I expected her to run for the hills but she is standing firm... I don't want to let this slip away with excuses but I don't want to risk anything with placement of the kids...

 

Starting today I will start keeping a journal of my wifes outbursts and erratic behavior. I know her parents will pay whatever it takes to get those kids away from me just to hurt me so I will be researching lawyers and find the one with the best track record and just the best lawyer and have this person retained before I even tell her that its happening... I figure this will put me at an advantage since me having the best lawyer around means that she won't...

 

What else should I be doing? I have few people to talk to about all this so I need all the help I can get.