Long term friends with benefts - I want more / she doesn't

[shayneofthejungle]

I am friends with benefits with my next door neighbor. We have been like this for a long while, approaching 5 years now.

 

To set the foundations, she was married, her husband was tragically killed, that was 8 years ago. We became very close and I helped her through that rough spot and 5 years ago we started a sexual relationship fully knowing it was purely friends with benefits.

 

We have become very close over these 5 years. It has developed into more than just an infrequent encounter, we holiday together, weekends away together, we spend most of our free time at either of our houses together. We basically eat, sleep and play together. For all purposes we are “together”. BUT, I have never been allowed to call her my girlfriend, she has made that very very clear.

 

So about 18 months ago she told me it was time to settle down again. At first I was delighted but that soon turned sour when she told me she was on the lookout. Basically, I wasn’t even in the picture…. devastating. Oh well, she’s still a friend so I just sucked it up.

 

While she has been looking her and I have still maintained our relationship but I guessed that once she found the right one it would end. I was prepared for that. Well she has been seeing the same man for 11 months now and our relationship shows no sign of slowing down. He took her away late last year and proposed, she said yes, that is where I thought it would end for us. Yet she is still coming over regularly.

 

What is she playing at? I know I should finish it if she wont but honestly the infatuation I had with her which grew to lust has grown into a really strong love for her. I have told her of my feelings and she says she feels the same but says we are meant to be friends (with benefits) forever. She says she knows what she is doing is wrong but does not want to stop. She said if I were 10 years older that she would have already married me. I really don’t care about age.

 

What do I do? Do I walk away? Do I tell her fiancé that she has never been faithful to him? Honestly, the thought of losing her does my head in. I would rather be her friend next door with a few extras than walk away altogether.