Going out for a week straight on his own

[4givrnt4gtr]

My SO and I have been living together for almost three months now. Up to about a week or so everything had been great. We take care of each other and couldnt wait to come home.

Then, sometime last week he texted me telling me he had to work late. He works afternoon/evenings so when he says late it usually means past 10 or 11. So ok it happens. A few days later, he tells me he will be late again and won't be home until about 2 am. Given his line of work (and the fact that I know this happens once in a while), though I was slightly annoyed, i got it, its work, out of his control.

 

Then this week came about. Tuesday he sends me a text about 6 pm, telling me he is going to be watching movies after work all week as he wants to catch up on some movies he has been wanting to watch (a hobbie he had before we met, of going by himself to watch movies), and will be late coming home. He asked me to let him know if I wanted to watch some with him but for some reason that invitation didnt sound too real. SO now this irritated me, but at the same time I feel I have no right to say anything about his coming home late or going out without me given that this was a hobbie of his before we even met. So Tuesday (yesterday) he gets home at 12am. He is loving as usual, but right when he gets home he eats and starts playing video games. I get super annoyed because Im starting to feel like he is shunning me out. Granted we spent all weekend together, including monday which was great, but I can't help feeling shunned. Still, I dont feel like I have a right to say anything as I dont want to be that annoying, needy girlfriend, so I let it go. I sat with him in the couch and just cuddled up to him. HE was very loving and sweet, caressing me and such while playing.

 

THen today he tells me he is going to another movie and wont be home til after 12. I am more and more irritated, as during the week we hardly get time to hang out. I am very busy during the week, going to school and working and I really really look forward to hanging out with him at night. Now thats not even a possibility as he rather go watch movies alone. Kinda feels like he is trying to be alone, which i guess I get, but I can't help feeling sad and like he is tired of me already.

This morning when I left I said goodbye and realized I probably won't be seeing him until possibly Friday, as when he gets back I will be asleep and I leave at 6am, while he is still asleep, then he is going to another movie tomorrow night and wont come back til past midnight. This is so aggravating! If he wanted to be alone why he did ask me to move in with him?

Ugh anyway my question is

 

1. Am I overreacting? Is this normal in cohabitating couples? (that one of the partners decides to go out on his/her own while the other just stays home for days at a time?) I know its healthy for partners to have separate interests but this "every day for a week straight" feels like a bit much

 

2. How can i bring this up without sounding like a needy annoying girlfriend? (or how can I stop feeling so rejected!!)

 

Any pointers and/or slaps in the face are greatly appreciated.

[Els]

I am very busy during the week, going to school and working and I really really look forward to hanging out with him at night.

 

I think there is a way of communicating this positively without making it about him being annoying and wanting to live alone and shunning you and all the other things that you have mentioned here, and without making it sound like you're being clingy. You should always talk about things before they fester, because they WILL explode one day and you definitely won't be in a state of mind for productive discussion at that point. From the wording of your post, sounds like this has been festering for a bit.

 

My suggestion: Simply tell him the exact quote above. He might not even know it affects you and might be happy to compromise, for all you know. You never know til you communicate.

 

1. Am I overreacting? Is this normal in cohabitating couples? (that one of the partners decides to go out on his/her own while the other just stays home for days at a time?) I know its healthy for partners to have separate interests but this "every day for a week straight" feels like a bit much

 

We've been living together for >2 years; no, not normal IMO. Then again neither of us is much of a 'going out a lot' person. We typically spend a couple hours a day together on weekdays (including dinner), and he spends an hour or so alone having personal time (I have more personal time because I have much more flexible hours). There have been some weeks with very little time spent together but that was due to his work, not his hobbies, so I found it understandable.

[Els]

Also, now that I re-read your post, I must admit it sounds a little bit suspicious. He works late all week and then immediately wants to watch movies late all week with nary a break in between to spend at home? I can't help but wonder if there could be any hanky panky going on. Obviously, there isn't necessarily any, but this is some rather odd behaviour?

[4givrnt4gtr]

Thank you for your reply and let me update you to what happened.

 

So that night he came home after the movie and so the next morning as I was saying bye to go to work I said "alright bye! I see you ton...oh wait...not tonight...or tomorrow...wow..I guess Ill see you Friday "

He looked at me with a kind of shocked look on his face, gave me a hug but didnt say anything. Later that day he sent me a text saying he wasn't going to the movies anymore and that he rather spend that time with me since we have so little time to be together.

Has not done something like that since then

 

I actually have to confess I did wonder if he was cheating on me, though to be honest, he just doesn't seem to be the type. So much so that before me he only had one relationship in his whole life and did not date or slept with anyone for five years after that until we met. In fact, one day I asked him what he regretted the most in his life and he told me he regretted lying to his 3rd grade teacher about turning in homework on time, and that he hates lying

Still, I got paranoid as I've been cheated on before. I kinda snooped a bit, his computer mostly, and what I found actually reassured me more than anything. He had written an email to his ex-girlfriend earlier in our relationship, thanking her for the time they spent together, thanking her for teaching him the ins and outs of relationship and for getting him ready to be in the amazing relationship he was. She wrote back saying that she knew he was an amazing man and that I was lucky to have him. So if an ex can vouche for him, I think Im good.

So, I feel like I can trust him, despite my own misguivings, but if worse comes to worse. I can handle it