A scenerio for the women that are not into revealing pasts

[joystickd]

How would you feel about this?

You meet a guy get to know him and over time you get close. One day while you are going out another guy approaches him and speaks. During the time it's reveal they had a sexual relationship. How would you feel about that he never revealed that he had sex with a man?

[Star Gazer]

How would you feel about this?

You meet a guy get to know him and over time you get close. One day while you are going out another guy approaches him and speaks. During the time it's reveal they had a sexual relationship. How would you feel about that he never revealed that he had sex with a man?

 

It would mean he's bisexual at the least or gay at the most, which means I wouldn't be dating him anymore. I am only interested in men who are a zero on the Kinsey spectrum.

[RedRobin]

Are you trying to tell us you are coming out?

[MoreThanThat]

I'm bi myself and I'm open-minded but personally before I'd have sex with a guy, this is something I'd want to know. I had a similar thing happen (but not in person, an email came in to my boyfriend at the time). I ended it.

[Lani]

This is a good one!

I like to think I'd be ok with it. I would, of course, be a little shocked at first but I'd hope to get over it.

I maintain that the past should be the past, and as long as it's actually in the past, it shouldn't mater.

 

That said, I can't say how I would really react unless I were in that position.

It would certainly the blood donation questionnaire a different experience!

[NervisPervis]

We are so browbeaten to be "cool" with bisexuality and homosexuality that I think women would almost feel pressure to stay with him. "Hey, I'm hip with that. That's cool". And you'd (Lani) be stuck with a life of him meeting up with men in rest area parking lots the rest of your life. Or at least until you finally got wise and left him.

 

There are no bisexual men. Only gay men that try to fit into a hetero world. He'd be out bnging multiple strange, anonymous men per night while you stayed home with the kids.

 

Hey gals. It's your life. Your future. If you say anythiing besides "I'd run for the hills" you're either stupid or lying.

 

 

Before all of the acusations of homophobia start flowing, I'll just say he's a major liar as well.

[Lani]

We are so browbeaten to be "cool" with bisexuality and homosexuality that I think women would almost feel pressure to stay with him. "Hey, I'm hip with that. That's cool". And you'd (Lani) be stuck with a life of him meeting up with men in rest area parking lots the rest of your life. Or at least until you finally got wise and left him.

 

There are no bisexual men. Only gay men that try to fit into a hetero world. He'd be out bnging multiple strange, anonymous men per night while you stayed home with the kids.

 

Hey gals. It's your life. Your future. If you say anythiing besides "I'd run for the hills" you're either stupid or lying.

 

 

Before all of the acusations of homophobia start flowing, I'll just say he's a major liar as well.

 

It's not about being cool. It's about understanding who someone is.

 

There are no bisexual men? What kind of statement even is that?

 

Like I said, I don't know how I would react in the actual situation, but I would hope I'm not judged on my past and try not to do it to others.

 

For the record, I would not say 'I'm hip with that'... because I'm not 80.

[suladas]

If they had an actual relationship that would be much different then just one or a few encounters. I really doubt I could trust being with someone who had relationships with both sexes to know what they want.

[pbjbear]

Im gonna agee with suladas on this one. If it was an actual R, not a experimental encounter, Id be out.

Every single bisexual male I know has difficulty not cheating in their R's. Its not surprising considering they are attracted to so many people. They also tend to lead a....not sure what the right word is....very sexually adventurous life? I dont mind trying new things, but many of them go too far for me.

I wouldnt judge them for it, but they wouldnt be compatible with me.

[neveragain34]

I'd leave and never look back! I'm sorry, but chances are he's gay, not bisexual. I don't want to be someone's cover up.

[NervisPervis]

but I would hope I'm not judged on my past and try not to do it to others.

 

If your past includesd massive amounts of anonymous sex with women, you'd BETTER get judged on it. Or your new husband will be in for a world of hurt. And if you don't get judged on the sexual orientation, you should SURELY be judged for lying about it.

 

The man in this scenario is a lying scumbag who's conquests at the gay bars and highway rest areas numbers in the hundreds.

 

You would be stupid or a liar to say anything other than "I'd run for the hills".

[NervisPervis]

I don't want to be someone's cover up.

 

It's called his "beard".

[Archgirl]

How would you feel about this?

You meet a guy get to know him and over time you get close. One day while you are going out another guy approaches him and speaks. During the time it's reveal they had a sexual relationship. How would you feel about that he never revealed that he had sex with a man?

 

I guess it would depend on the amount of time I'd known him - like whether I'd feel lied to.

 

I have no idea how I'd feel about the sex with a guy bit, waay too hypothestical for a realistic answer from me. But it wouldn't mean nothing, would at least give me pause I'm ashamed to say.

[RedRobin]

Ok, I'll answer the question... In this scenario, I'd assume he's not a mind reader and he can assume I'm not a mind reader.

 

Unless I told him that I'd have a problem dating men who had sex with men or was attracted to men, he's not a liar or a bad person for not immediately volunteering it.

 

The fact that this part of his life came out during our time together would be enlightening for both of us, I imagine... would inspire some soul searching (provided the rest of the relationship is honest and healthy)... then go from there.

 

How this scenario relates to your opening topic, I'm not sure.

[NervisPervis]

I'd assume he's not a mind reader and he can assume I'm not a mind reader.

 

Unless I told him that I'd have a problem dating men who had sex with men or was attracted to men, he's not a liar or a bad person for not immediately volunteering it.

 

 

From the OP:

 

"You meet a guy get to know him and over time you get close."

 

Nobody said anything about immediately volunteering it. This is a serious relationship developing. This scenario points a liar and a sneak that likes to smoke the pipe. A LOT. And uses unsuspecting girls as a "beard".

 

And there's no "mind reading" about it. "Over time" implies they are getting serious and the presumption is that it is a heterosexual relationship. Non disclosure of "bisexuality" at that point is a lie. PERIOD.

 

OK. I get that we're all posting = signs on our facebook pages in sloidarity with an "oppreseed" minority, and being gay is now all the rage. But just because we all want to appear "enlightened", that doesn't change the realities on the ground that have been there for millenia.

 

This new gay enlightenment is an unanticipated gold mine for the gay man on the down low (low down?).

 

WAKE UP GIRLS. This is your LIFE. Not a game. You don't owe it to ANYONE to be on the receiving end of a social experiment. Do what makes YOU comfortable.

[NervisPervis]

the pig guy who wants a virginal girlfriend is delusional.

 

Excuse me?

[MoreThanThat]

Sorry, but my not revealing all the details of my sexual history isn't the same as hiding my orientation. Unless a woman is an outspoken virgin you should be naturally assuming she has a sexual history, just as women naturally assume this about men, but concealing your sexual orientation is a different ball game.

 

this 1000%

[Mme. Chaucer]

The man in this scenario is a lying scumbag who's conquests at the gay bars and highway rest areas numbers in the hundreds.

 

I did not read that in the OP ...

 

You would be stupid or a liar to say anything other than "I'd run for the hills".

 

You sure seem touchy about homosexuality. Is there anything from YOUR past you'd like to share?

 

OP - I don't know. I really am open minded. I believe that there are people on all parts of the spectrum of sexuality, as well as homo or hetero people who have experimented with the "other side."

 

If the guy in the scenario is actually bisexual, I would have a problem with the fact that he's allowed our relationship to develop without sharing his sexual orientation with me so I could make a decision about where I stood with that. I would probably have a pretty big trust issue over finding out about this because of a stranger's revelation. That would probably be worse than the sexual part, for me.

 

I must be stupid or a liar … oh, well.

[RedRobin]

From the OP:

 

"You meet a guy get to know him and over time you get close."

 

Nobody said anything about immediately volunteering it. This is a serious

relationship developing. This scenario points a liar and a sneak that likes to

smoke the pipe. A LOT. And uses unsuspecting girls as a "beard".

 

The OP didn't say how long or even if the two hypothetical people (man/woman) had sex yet.

 

Some people here think 'over time' is by the third date... and 'getting close' is, um, I dunno. I don't know what 'getting close' is to the OP. I only spoke from my own perspective...

 

So, chill.

 

Also, the beard thing... homosexuality and bi-sexuality is pretty out these days. Most people don't have the need to hide it anymore. Thank goodness.

Edited April 4, 2013 by RedRobin

[NervisPervis]

homosexuality and bi-sexuality is pretty out these days. Most people don't have the need to hide it anymore. Thank goodness.

 

Yet they still do. i wonder why...

[BetheButterfly]

I'm simply saying a guy who banged a hundred girls doesn't have the right to demand a good innocent girl. Just as in that same post I discussed the morbidly obese not having a right to a fit partner. Reasonable expectation predicates that people can demand from a partner what they bring to the table, and its delusional to demand what you don't have to offer.

 

That's very understandable!

 

That's why I don't have a problem with my hubby wanting me to take care of my body and work out and eat healthy. He is very fit; it makes perfect sense that he wants a fit wife.

[BetheButterfly]

How would you feel about this?

You meet a guy get to know him and over time you get close. One day while you are going out another guy approaches him and speaks. During the time it's reveal they had a sexual relationship. How would you feel about that he never revealed that he had sex with a man?

 

This question isn't for me because I 100% believe in revealing my past. But, I'll answer anyways.

 

I would be sad and shocked, and feel betrayed. I would ask him a ton of questions and seriously think about ending the relationship if those question and his actions do not show me that he will be faithful to me (I expect myself to be faithful to the man I love.)

[joystickd]

The scenario didn't state that he was bisexual or homosexual just that he had sex with a guy. How would you women feel if you had to hear about his past from someone else instead of him? How would you feel about him portraying an image of being something he is not?

 

Most men don't have a problem with a woman with a past. They have a problem with how they handle it. Some women omit it and some portray an image that is totally opposite. The thing is at some point you have to reveal your past to this person so he can make an informed decision about whether you are someone they can be with. I know for me I'm an open book because I expect the same in return at some point and I expect to be held to the same standard that I am holding the person to. I wouldn't bother me that someone wouldn't want to pursue something with me because of my past.

[runningfar]

Unless there was something else there to concern me I would be okay with it. I'd feel bad he felt he had to keep it from me and we'd have a discussion of honesty.

 

Either he is bisexual or he explored. Either way, not too much a concern if he is with me.

[spiderowl]

Angry and betrayed. I would feel totally misled. I would dump him. I'm heterosexual and if I wanted to meet someone who was bi, I would have made this clear.