Am I being unreasonable?

[ses]

I'm 24, female. I live at home currently with my father and stepmother. After the latest argument with my father I'm beginning to think it would be a good idea to consider moving to my aunt's temporarily. My dad has constantly told me I'm a brat, that I haven't matured past the age of 12 and am inconsiderate. I accept that I need to be more considerate and act my age but his words really sting. It would almost be better if he smacked me without comment instead of changing his tone of voice to mock me. I have no motivation to listen when he constantły yells. It kills me inside because I genuinely feel bad for my actions. I'm tired of crying and wanting to self-injure to quell the frustration I feel at myself.

 

When I was a teen I struggled a lot with depression and it severely affected my academic performance. I thought about taking anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications to cope but my father didn't have the highest opinion of psychiatry and "psycho-babble." I try to control my stress by just venting to others now. I wish I could make it disappear and get over it but I can't.

 

He recently criticized me for not introducing my gay male best friend. The reason? My dad has made homophobic remarks in the past (including at holiday dinners) and they have made me feel uncomfortable. Sure, my father has always been a nice guy to my other friends but he has no right to approve of my friendships, or interfere in my personal life.

[ses]

Another issue: My father recently remarried. I dislike my stepmother and feel uncomfortable in her presence. He has been with her on/off for the past 12.5 years. It has caused me to feel a sense of bitterness and resentment since my father had primary custody of my sister and I. I envisioned her as a mother figure but she would then leave a year later and return shortly thereafter. She's left him multiple times due to commitment issues and he's always taken her back. She has also been incredibly jealous of my mother (who has since remarried). She's spoken disparagingly of my mother in my presence. The day of my high school graduation my stepmother told my mother (who was visiting from another country) to get out of HER house. Naturally my mother, my sister and I all shed a lot of tears.

 

She has also broken my confidence on numerous occasions. I would try telling her something as a private matter and she would immediately tell my father who would then confront me. I don't have the right to approve of my father's relationship and I do want him to be happy but I feel so uncomfortable. She's tried to give me advice on relationships but the environment is so toxic for me. I don't even feel comfortable eating dinner with my parents. I don't want to get close to her only for her to disappoint me once more. My father seems to think marriage will keep her committed to him but I disagree.

 

I respect and love my father but this entire situation exacerbates my stress. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but I don't want to continuously disappoint my father and prevent him from being happy.

 

I worry that I'll hurt him by suggesting I stay elsewhere but I feel like my mental health should be a priority. I want to be happy too. I love my family, and that will never change.

Edited April 4, 2013 by ses

[CC12]

A few questions:

 

Why are you not already living on your own? Do you have a job? If not, why?

 

Why would your father be hurt by you wanting to move out? Most parents expect their children to leave at some point.

 

 

Your complaints don't seem unreasonable, but as an adult, you're responsible for yourself. If you don't like your living situation, you can change it by moving out on your own.

[Msrxchef]

Yes, I agree, is there a reason as to why you can't move out on your own?