what to do? HELP ME!

[jackie, 16]

my problem all started when i began to hang out with this one dude. i tought that i was starting a great new friendship, until our mutual friend told me that he was totally in love with me. ok, im only 16 and i have never had a boyfriend before because i did not think it was very important at the time, but it soon accured to me, after i found out he liked me that i was also scarred to death to be in a relationship. i paniced and told him that i could never return his fellings and that i hoped we could still remain good friends. he reacted tottaly irrationally and said that he was a loser and didn't deserve to live. then his anger turned on me. now he is all ways calling me satanic and an ice queen and just being plain bitter towards me and i dont know how to stop this. and his jealosy towards my other guy friends. it's not like im going to run off with the next man i meet so why is he still so mad at me? and when is going to to stop?( i feel really bad because he's so depressed and angry) and im sooo stresed out! im too young to be going though this right now.please help me!

[Tony T]

This guy's insane. The way you describe him, he could even be dangerous to himself (suicide) or to you (homicide). You may need professional guidance here.

 

You are absolutely not responsible for this guy's conduct or feelings. He is. He is young, immature, and as I said INSANE. He is responsible for his feelings and his reaction to all this.

 

If I were you, in order to difuse the situation for your personal protection, I would schedule a talk with him...in public somewhere...in the schoolyard...or somewhere at a mall. You can talk with people walking around as long as they don't sit next to you.

 

Tell him you really like him as a friend but that you feel you are way too young to be involved with anyone. Let him know it's nothing against him. Convince him that he is a great guy and you are very flattered about how he feels about you. But let him know that you have never had a relationship with a guy before you don't feel this is the right time for you. Assure him it has nothing to do with him personally.

 

Gradually, reduce your contact with him. Hopefully this talk will diffuse the situation. I would usually recommend that you open things up for a nice friendship in a situation like this...but this wacko doesn't sound like somebody you ought to buddy around with. He scares me and I have no idea who he is or where he is.

 

I also urge you to get some adult guidance from someone you know well regarding this situation. This guy sounds like he could explode. That's why you need to talk to him carefully and make him feel better about all this as soon as possible. If he continues to pressure you, just be very firm and let him know he's not a very good friend if he can't respect your own personal desires for your life.

 

When you can, stop being around this guy altogether. He sounds like someone you could see in the headlines one day...and not in a good way.

 

In the future, when you have to let guys down, do it in such a way that they feel good about themselves. Don't make it sound like you are rejecting them personally...but that you are just rejecting the general idea of seeing anybody at the time. Some guys just can't handle rejection. You will learn soon enough there are some real crazies in the world. Well, I guess you're learning now.

[taughtmepatience]

One thing that you shouldn't do is give this creep one glimmer of hope. If you keep deflecting his advances and ignore his stupid behavior, he will get the point and move on. He is trying to get a reaction out of you because he is hurt, and wants to hurt you too. Don't allow him to feel as if he has any power over you. I would suggest talking to your parents about this situation. It may seem awkward at first, but they will certainly be understanding and give you sound advice.

 

good luck

 

--dave

my problem all started when i began to hang out with this one dude. i tought that i was starting a great new friendship, until our mutual friend told me that he was totally in love with me. ok, im only 16 and i have never had a boyfriend before because i did not think it was very important at the time, but it soon accured to me, after i found out he liked me that i was also scarred to death to be in a relationship. i paniced and told him that i could never return his fellings and that i hoped we could still remain good friends. he reacted tottaly irrationally and said that he was a loser and didn't deserve to live. then his anger turned on me. now he is all ways calling me satanic and an ice queen and just being plain bitter towards me and i dont know how to stop this. and his jealosy towards my other guy friends. it's not like im going to run off with the next man i meet so why is he still so mad at me? and when is going to to stop?( i feel really bad because he's so depressed and angry) and im sooo stresed out! im too young to be going though this right now.please help me!

[Deejette]

This guy has real problems and what he thinks is love is actually obsession and hatred. Stay away from him as much as you can. He will move on to his next victim.

 

The school guidance councilor may be a good person to speak to about this. If the situation gets too bad, maybe he/she can intervene and talk to him too about it.

 

It isn't fair for anyone to call you "Satan" just because you were trutful with him about your feelings. He is making a fool out of himself, but he still could be dangerous.

 

One thing that you shouldn't do is give this creep one glimmer of hope. If you keep deflecting his advances and ignore his stupid behavior, he will get the point and move on. He is trying to get a reaction out of you because he is hurt, and wants to hurt you too. Don't allow him to feel as if he has any power over you. I would suggest talking to your parents about this situation. It may seem awkward at first, but they will certainly be understanding and give you sound advice. good luck --dave