Is this depression?

[itisdanielle]

I'm 21 years old, I took two years out after finishing college before going to University, I started Uni in September 2012 and since having a structured schedule, having to be in Uni everyday Monday-Friday and working part time on Saturday and Sunday I've noticed that I've been sleeping way too much, usually 14 hours and I still wake up groggy, this has interfered with my attendance which is 40% because so many days I wake up and feel that I can't go in, I'm anxious to be in my lessons as I'm constantly worrying what people think about me and that I don't fit in properly and I'm so scared of failing, I know that I am capeable of doing the work and I can pass my exams but missing so many days and being unable to do revision and work at home because I just want to be in bed is really messing up my confidence and my chances.

 

I never want to go out to social events that I used to love, such as nights out with friends or meeting up for days out. I find myself making excuses so that I can stay at home on my own instead. I am in a relationship and I've never met anyone that I get on as well with as my boyfriend, I really do love him but I'll be spending time with him and everything is all good and the next minute I just feel so down and that I don't want to speak to him. I also find that I rarely want to have sex now too.

 

I have no confidence or self esteem and feel myself being really envious of my friends lives. I'm always tired and so tearful, even the smallest things can set me of crying. I'm paranoid that I'm a let down to my family and that I have drifted so much from friends even though it's been from my own doing.

 

I can't go on feeling like this and I've been unable to tell anyone about it because I don't want them to think I'm crazy and weird. I can't afford to pay to see anyone but I also don't feel comfortable speaking to my GP about it either, I'd rather it be someone that I've never met before. I just don't know what to do.

 

Any help or advice would be really really appreciated. I'm sorry it's so long.

 

Oh, also just in case this is relevant. My dad died 4 years ago, when he died I found out that he'd also been having an affair. I had accidentally found out about it years before his death and confronted him about it and he went mad at me saying I was lying and I was wrong, and if I told my mum about it I'd be ruining the family. He then didn't speak to me for weeks and I felt so guilty. This has made me struggle with dealing with him dying, on one had I'm so so upset about it and really miss him, and then on the other hand I feel mad that he could lie to me like that and make me feel that terrible for confronting him about it when all along it was true.

Edited April 4, 2013 by itisdanielle

[carhill]

Your symptoms appear consistent with those indicating mild-moderate depression. My advice would be to inquire at your university's psychology department about no-cost counseling. That would be a good start and then, as appropriate, they could refer you to a professional medical person for further analysis and/or medications, if indicated. One step at a time. Asking for help is a positive first step, IMO. You have a boyfriend for support; he's also an equal partner so is deserving of your love and support too.

 

Good luck.