bump in relationship- not sure how to handle it

[dnm1010]

ok this is my first time posting a new topic here im not sure how to begin.

 

i have been seeing the most amazing guy. things are great with him in every possible way.

exept... there are certain things that bother me and im not sure how to handle them.

 

he was with a girl for almost 7 years and they broke up apparently in a big fight with a lot of hatred. he spent a while not talking ot girls and slowly opened up again but all the girls he would meet were indecent hoes... so he just had fun.

not a whole lot of fun or anything but wnough.

i call these girls his adventures.

 

anyway we were great friends before we started going out and that has its ups and downs. the ups are obvious... we know each other and all that good stuff.

the bad side is that during his adventures he would tell me all the details..

 

before we got intimate i told him how i am.. maybe beign raised in a different country with very conservative parents did it.

but i had a really hard time dealing with all his adventures when we became involved. i think one night stands are wrong. i think a lot of things that many people dont have a problem with- i do... such as porn... but thats not the issue now.

 

one majoy thing i have a problem with is his x-hookups. hes been understanding and has cut them out of his life... but one of them was a good friend of his and they just had some fun and i feel bad having him not talk to her but worse if he does.

what do i do??

 

my boyfriend and soon to be fiance has been so understanding. he said if i can tell him why i dont like something he will consider removing it.

we have had a very honest relationship.. i never hold anything inside i tell him how i feel about things and sometimes if i dont know why we try and work it out together.

 

well he recently made me a promise that there will be no more porn in his life. he deleted all his porn. he told me when i use his computer if i see any i can delete it too.

anyway so i was messing with his computer and i stumbled across conversations he had. he uses DEAD AIM which logs your conversations and i was messing with the convos i had on hsi comp... i was just messing with it and i saw he had this conversation 4 months into our relationship wiht a girl he used to mess with online. it was dirty. it wasnt long or anything.. the casual hi hows ur gf etc... then he siddenly said some dirty things and she got all riled up (about 5 lines or the dirtiness) and she gavehim her number and then she signed off. she was all like... i should kick ur gf ass... this will be our secret... the conversations keeps playing in my head...

 

well i was really shocked but i told him right away and he told me that he was bored so he was messing with her- he wasnt serious and he never called her. and he also said after the convo he read it and he said he felt really gross for saying the stuff he did and he never did it again. he said it was a one time incident and he just wasnt thinking.

i dont think he meant any of what he said to the girl.. i know he likes to play silly mind games with poeple but im having a hard time with this. i dont know where to go from here. i love him and im not going ot break up with him but i just dont know hwo to handle this.. and i knwo to some of you this is silly and not a big deal.. and it would be to me too if he told me but to find this was kind of shocking.

 

maybe somone can give me a tip or something.. im not sure what im expecting other than to probably be torn apart by some of you regarding the silliness of my issue...

 

i just cant help but think about it!

 

thankyou to anyone who posts.

[Normella]

I think your bf has some intimacy issues. Maybe there's something in your relationship that's not satisfying him physically?

 

BTW, I don't think there's anything wrong with porn and as much as he says he won't watch it because it bothers you, chances are he'll still do it because it's human nature, you know?

 

Perhaps you should spice things up between you two. Do something special. It's more than likely that he's not seeing other girls because he's keeping it on the 'net, but it is a problem. Talk to him about it and ask him what's missing in your relationship.

[dnm1010]

the thing is he didnt really look at porn much.. weve been together 24/7 for the past 8 months and the thing that bothered me was that the porn was there. i dont like the thought of him lookngi at other women.

 

i know there are a lot of people who are ok with porn and thats fine wiht me.. i just really dont like it and i cant help it. my boyfriend says he has seen a lot of it but he doesnt want it to be a part of his married life or family life.. he said that cutting it completely out now is the best thing for him. it was his choice, not mine... if it were my choice he would have cut it out a long time ago and not recently. it came from him, i didnt pester him.

 

we are both very sexually pleased... our intimacy has never been better- i feel honoured that i can please him and i love to please him as much as i can

talking to this girl was just a one time thing i just dont know what to say or think. ive stayed pretty optimistic.. i didnt yell at him but i did tell him it upset me and that the convo keeps playing in my head. how do you get it to stop? does it just take time?

[jadennis]

Hay guys this is my first time posting to this web site so HELLO! I have a delema I called my boyfriend to let him know that I was going to eat some ice cream with Doctor R. Now you have to understand that in my line of business that is what I do I take Doctors out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner and try to convince them to send me some patients. I'am what you call a Home Health Care Marketer. So back to my story, now I park my car where my boyfriend works because he takes me to my classes at the University so I called him after my class to come and pick me up and he did.

 

Now all day I hadn't been doing much marketing so my boyfriend noticed. He told me out right that I was lagging on my marketing so I told him well could you take me to Dr. R's before I take you back to work keeping in mind that both offices where not even a walk away from each other. My boyfriend replied "No" that it was very important that he not miss what was going on at work so I told him okay and we took him back to the office. After I decided to go to visit Dr. R just as I had previously planed on doing.

 

I decided to ask Dr. R to go and eat ice-cream with me right up the street. He said yes and we went. Now this Doctor does knows that I have a boyfriend, but still admires me he calls me his little angle and once told someone that he heard music when he first meet me! I never let this doctor cross the line with me!!! Anyway we go to eat ice- cream and at the shop I call my boyfriend to let him know that I will be running late because I am eatting " He asked if he could join I said "No!" he asked "why" I told him "you know why" he said "No! why?" "because" I told him "I'am working!" And that is when we started fighting and well you know the rest he stopped talking to me when I got home and really pissed me off by ignoring my phone calls and me altogether. He told me that I couldn't park my car where he once allowed me too and that he wouldn't take me to class any more.

what I want to know is who is wrong here me or him? What should I do? Please help!!!

[dnm1010]

well

i think you have some miscomunication and i think you need to talk it out... maybe you did something to hurt him that you didnt mean to do or even know you did.

 

every relationship has bumps. it is important to communicate. my bf and i have a policy that we dont get mad at each other in front of other poeple... if im working and i piss him off we talk about it later not right then and there.

 

talk, trust me it helps. sometimes youre both in the wrong.

 

if hes feelign jelous.. well then he really cares