Mint Sauce Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 There is a definite correlation between stress, and sex drive suppression. I honestly don't recognize this. My sex drive if fully robust. Nothing life has thrown at my the past 34 years, and there's been quite a bit, has affected my sex drive. It is fantastically stable, hence my inability to comprehend the variations I see in my partners, or I read about here. The only thing I know is that when the relationship is bad, I withdraw to masturbation, but still with equal gusto My libido is a natural constant, together with the speed of light, the gravitational constant, and a bunch of others. Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 (edited) I've been on both sides. Being rejected sucks. He was NOT interested and wouldn't talk about it. Even when he had a boner, he didn't want me to acknowledge it. I know it wasn't that I was uglier because he had been normal at first and I looked the same. On the other side, my ex-h and I developed a weird dynamic where he started acting like my dad (and he was younger than me). The thought of him touching me all of a sudden disgusted me. We had been fine before. We went to therapy where the woman basically took his side, and the conversation somehow ended up with her telling me to wash the dishes more (?). I left him because it was unbearable. In the latter case, no WAY could I have done it just to please him because the thought disgusted me. He also changed a lot physically. It got to the point where he turned me off so much I didn't even want to wear revealing clothes around him. It felt incestuous. To say that I should have just taken one for the team and just done it would be ludicrous; like asking someone to have sex with someone they found repugnant, like a street person. One other thing. I've seen guys here say things like, "oh she's mad because I don't take out the garbage so she's withholding sex as a punishment." No. She feels resentment and that led to her no longer finding you attractive because of that. (Not saying this is always. Just whenever I hear the whole "withholding as a punishment" thing in the same paragraph as, "she says I don't listen but that's stupid so I just ignore it. Why won't she give it up?" I just can't believe how blind some people can be. Being angry can lead to resentment which can lead to losing attraction.) Remember tho, I've been on the other side of the fence. It was my fault for staying. If he didn't find me attractive, he didn't, and that's that. I tried everything, didn't work, I should have left. Being rejected SUCKED and honestly made me feel like I was a disgusting hag. But the two guys I dated since seemed to feel the opposite way, so that's good! Edited April 19, 2013 by KraftDinner didn't make sense the way I wrote it Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 My first marriage, with the father of my children, lasted 17 years. So much sex and I think we did about everything and anything. Twice a day. It ended because of a myriad of reasons. Not because of infidelity, mainly because I did not really love him. And we really should never have gotten married, we are of two different dichotomies completely. My current husband, whom I met at the end of 2000, and we married in 2005, we have little to NO sex. In fact, I'm just not even attracted to him in that way. He has a really low libido. He's 10 years younger than me. Never married, and no kids. And no, he's not gay. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE IS PERFECT about this man. Except his packratism. Now, I was quite the horn dog when I was single and while I had a healthy and safe sex life, and even went out with some guys for awhile that I rather liked and did share some common interests with, well, there just was no one like my husband that I would ever have considered to live with for the rest of my life. Last time we went 20 months, before that it was one year without sex. We knew that when we got married. We also looked at when we're really old, who do we want to be with day in and day out, when the sex organs just don't work or the hormones just don't give one the desire anymore. Hence, we have an open marriage - though I am most discreet and do not let any of that meddle in our lives in any way. I call him my Ken Doll. He's perfect in EVERY WAY - save that ONE thing. It's like I went from two extremes - a marriage where only the sex was the thing that we had in common (and our love of our children) and a marriage where there is practically no sex and everything else in common. I do think that people need to really talk about that more before they get married and have children. I know that there were plenty of times that I didn't feel like it with my first husband but I did it anyway. Faked enthusiasm even. I did want him to be happy. I find it strange that women do things like withhold sex from their spouses when they are angry with them over something. Makes no sense to me. I will say that I am a rather odd, eccentric, weird person. It's really hard to find a person that would accept me completely as I am. I was very lucky to have found my husband. We will take care of each other and love each other forever. Otherwise, I would not have gotten married to him. Which we both find marriage to only be a piece of meaningless paper. Harder to get out of a mortgage than a marriage I think. With or without that marriage certificate, we would be partners in life. It's not common - but it DOES exist. But it has to be an agreeable position that both partners decide on BEFORE they get married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 This question is not meant to cause hurt or anger, but I'm hoping it will get some responses that may be helpful to someone... There is a thread going about sex and marriage in another section, and It made me wonder why some spouses don't want to have sex with their husbands or wives... Is it that you don't care about them or love them anymore,is it you just aren't interested, is it that something is "wrong" in you ) a health issue or e,optional issue, etc.) , or are they doing/ not doing something that is killing you passion and interest in sex? When I was in my mid 20s, after having kids it was painful. When my 30s hit...all hell broke lose. But then it came down to me rolling over after he finished still aroused and not finished off. Then his affair. Sex is much better.....since I let him know that if I don't finish neither does he. It put things in perspective for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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