Jealous of an ex when she's not even around! lol

[Normella]

This has to be the dumbest issue I have right now, but bear with me!

 

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months, and everything has been really, really wonderful. We were both in serious relationships before we got together and had ended them this year(he ended his in January and I ended mine in March, but mine was on and off by then). At the beginning, we talked about our past relationships and I got a pretty good idea of how it was between him and his ex. He was in the Navy for four years and lived in Hawaii(he was stationed there). He was with his ex for about 2 years(but they went through tons of breaks), and they broke up when he came back here to California. His reasons for breaking up with her were as follows:

 

1) he knew he didn't want to marry her

2) they broke up all the time

3) they just weren't made for each other

 

My reasons for my breakup were more intense. I was with a guy for a year and a half and about 8 months on and off. It ended when I found out he got a girl pregnant while he was seeing me and she was already 5 months along. I still despise the guy, but yea...it was a bit different. lol

 

So here's where the jealousy comes in...he showed me pics from Hawaii a loooong time ago and he had pics of his ex in there. This girl had the nicest body...She was really short and really curvy and had a huge butt. She was a white Hawaiian girl, so she was tanned and had long curly brown hair, and she looked like those girls who know how to pose for pictures...you guys know what kinda girl I'm talking about. Her face was O-kay, but it's her body I couldn't stop looking at because we couldn't be more different. I'm 5'7 and slender and have a tiny little butt...and i'm very self conscious about it. He, on the other hand, never stops telling me how beautiful I am and blah blah blah...

 

it's just so silly that I'm jealous of the way she looked, but she just didn't seem like his type at all...and yea. He still has the pictures of Hawaii and her pictures are in there, too. I had told him it kinda bothered me that he had pics of her, but I didn't want to admit to why. It wasn't because it's his ex, because he doesn't speak to her or about her and doesn't hate her and wishes her the absolute best in life, but it's because of my own little insecurities. I suddenly wished I had a better butt and knew how to pose in pictures...but i'm just this goofy girl that is really sarcastic and smart-alecky..it's so stupid because at one point I coerced him to tell me why I was better than his ex, and while I said I didn't want it, I secretly was so happy when he was telling me how much smarter, prettier, and cooler I am. lol Doesn't it sound childish? I freely admit that it does, but I'm such a jealous goofball.

 

How do I get rid of this feeling??

 

IT MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVEN TALK TO HER!!! Ahhhh....it's so stupid!

 

Someone just tell me I'm crazy and send me on my merry way...

[Merin]

Goes to show though that even IF she had an incredible body, it wasn't in his heart and soul to stay with her;)

 

He thinks you're beautiful and clever and funny...... so maybe he feels this time he got it right you know? Found a girl with brains and beauty who makes him laugh!

 

[dnm1010]

the best thing i can tell you.. and i tell other people this too... is that you really need to tell him how you feel otherwise these feelings will magnify inside you. you are in a relationship with someone who sounds like a wonderful guy.. he sounds understanding and willing to listen - whcih is very important. you need to think about it this way.. if there was something that bothered him to the point he was as upset as you are... would you want him to open up to you so thattogether you can grow fromt his? i know i would.. therefor i would treat him the same...

[Kitty04]

You are getting great advice so far. Although its easier said than done, if these men are worth hanging on to, we have to do whatever we can to hang on to them! Its so hard to find someone faithful, kind and good hearted. Your man sounds like a great catch because he didn't stick around with someone just becasue of the way she was on the outside. That shows character, and it also shows that he knows no matter what, you are who he wants to be with.

[Normella]

Originally posted by Merin2

Goes to show though that even IF she had an incredible body, it wasn't in his heart and soul to stay with her;)

 

He thinks you're beautiful and clever and funny...... so maybe he feels this time he got it right you know? Found a girl with brains and beauty who makes him laugh!

 

 

Shucks. I should feel like a big fool for even thinking this way, huh? I can be such a girl sometimes... Thank you for the encouragement!

[Normella]

Originally posted by dnm1010

the best thing i can tell you.. and i tell other people this too... is that you really need to tell him how you feel otherwise these feelings will magnify inside you. you are in a relationship with someone who sounds like a wonderful guy.. he sounds understanding and willing to listen - whcih is very important. you need to think about it this way.. if there was something that bothered him to the point he was as upset as you are... would you want him to open up to you so thattogether you can grow fromt his? i know i would.. therefor i would treat him the same...

 

Oh definitely some great advice! I have told him how I feel, but it's never without getting teary-eyed or choked up because I just feel soooo stupid for being so jealous and silly. I think tonight I'm going to apologize for freaking out about him still having the pictures because I'm nobody to tell him what to do with his past, especially if it isn't a part of his life now. And I definitely think he deserves to know exactly what's on my mind. He always does the same with me. Thanks!

[Normella]

Originally posted by Kitty04

You are getting great advice so far. Although its easier said than done, if these men are worth hanging on to, we have to do whatever we can to hang on to them! Its so hard to find someone faithful, kind and good hearted. Your man sounds like a great catch because he didn't stick around with someone just becasue of the way she was on the outside. That shows character, and it also shows that he knows no matter what, you are who he wants to be with.

 

I'm glad you read my situation, too. It feels a bit better to know there's someone out there kinda feeling the same. How silly are we, anyway?

 

And you know it's weird...but he thinks i'm crazy because I was gushing about how nice of a body she had and how cute she was, and all he could say was, "Geez, Norma, if you only saw her in person. you're blowing her up to be wayyyyyy better looking that she actually was!" And then I wonder what she actually looked like and if all the makeup she wore was what made her look better or if she covered up the right spots or...blah blah blah...there i go again. obsessing.

 

Did I mention that this girl keeps in touch with his oldest sister? They email each other and whatnot, and a couple of weeks ago she sent a package for her and his mom with a card(but only addressed to them). Apparently, she's still upset about their breakup. He told me about it and I asked him how he felt, and he just shrugged. He was like, "Look, I have nothing against her. we just didn't work out. all we did was break up and fight and break up and fight...I did us a favor. All I know is that I hope she finds herself a nice guy and settles down and forgets about me. That's all."

 

I wish I could say that about my ex!!!

[dnm1010]

its so wierd how we can all understand each other...

 

my boyfriend was with a girl for 7 years. since they were 12. her parents were abusive so she lives with him this entire time.. and eventually she was emancipated when she was 16 and they broke up when they were 19 or something like that...

 

she hates him.. shes rude to him and mean to him and even worse to me. and yet she keeps in constant touch with his parents. she wanted to come stay with them adn all this stuff. i hate her. i hate this. i know how you feel. i told nick that it bothers me and he doesnt understand because he says it has nothing to do with him... and to me you cant dis the kid and keep the parents... if my child had a gf and she dissed him (and went insane too)... i would not be in touch with the girl.

 

but slowly i realized that his parents are following the role of a parent.. in helpign this girl find some direction since her family was so bad. they are slowly disconnecting touch with her but it doesnt happen overnight like i woul dlike it to... also, his mom told me recently how scared she used to be that he would marry her because she was scared of her grandchildren having a mother liek her (harsh and mean etc)

 

she told me she likes me and has started talking abotu our wedding... so you see things work out. i think your best bet is to tell him how u feel about his x talkin to his family... it didnt bother nick but it did bother me and i told him all of this btu i didnt attack him or get angry with him i merely shared my feelings... and you should work on establishing a great relationship with his family. in order to do this you need to be confident and secure with them. open up to them, let them get to know you. the girl is probably upset she lost him- but geuss what... she lost him and now hes yours. and he obviousyly wouldnt be with you if he didnt see some sort of long term commitment, marriage, kids and all that good stuff. beauty is not everything, even though im sure youre beautiful yourself.

 

maybe you should have a sexy day where youre all sexy for him.... that could make u feel more confident

 

dont worry , it will all work out.

[savethedrama4allama]

Normella, is that you in the picture? STFU, you are so cute!

 

Okay so obviously she was good looking to him at one point, right. So was your ex to you. Then the drama and crap set in and he probably doesn't look so great to you now, right? Rest assured, its the same deal with him.

 

If anything, use it positively to take time on yourself. Thats what I try to do. I'm the short type with ample booty, auburn hair, fair skin, very little makeup. My boyfriend dated a girl that was trying to look like a Barbie forever. Fake tan, fake blonde, fake eyelashes. (Hrmph!) We're as opposite as you can be. What are you going to do? At least my face doesn't run off in the rain. Focus on the positives. Best wishes!

[Normella]

Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

Normella, is that you in the picture? STFU, you are so cute!

 

Okay so obviously she was good looking to him at one point, right. So was your ex to you. Then the drama and crap set in and he probably doesn't look so great to you now, right? Rest assured, its the same deal with him.

 

If anything, use it positively to take time on yourself. Thats what I try to do. I'm the short type with ample booty, auburn hair, fair skin, very little makeup. My boyfriend dated a girl that was trying to look like a Barbie forever. Fake tan, fake blonde, fake eyelashes. (Hrmph!) We're as opposite as you can be. What are you going to do? At least my face doesn't run off in the rain. Focus on the positives. Best wishes!

 

Thanks. This sounds stupid, but it's the butt I can't get over. It was just so big and mine is so small. And he reiterates OVER AND OVER how gorgeous I am and "Oh you should be a model! Why don't you try modeling out? You should really audition for something, you're just beautiful" blah blah blah...all these compliments!!!! I guess I'd sound more reasonable if he'd talk about girls with big butts or whatever and never compliment my looks, but he does it ALL the time. At one point he was like, "why is ass so important to you, anyway? i'm more of a breast and leg man!"

 

And yea, I used to think my ex was oh-so-adorable, but I wouldn't have checked him out on the street. his looks grew on me. Now I just look back and CRINGE. lol@my face doesn't run off in the rain

 

He told me once that his ex had really bad skin and she used to wear tons of makeup, too. I don't wear much makeup at all and he's always gushing about it. Why couldn't he just date someone who was like me so I could understand this more?? did she REALLY have to be my opposite? lol

 

And she seemed like the SUPER friendly type, too. Like, the brown noser-type. I know I wouldn't send anything to my ex's family. I'm still a bit shy and whatnot, but that's because I'd rather be shy than be all out there trying to make everyone my best friend. She seemed like that type.

 

I'm babbling again. I'm sure he has no idea. I want to mention it to him but I've mentioned it numerous times before and I don't want to annoy him anymore...thank you so much for the advice! and blah to ex girlfriends...(although we're all exes of someone, too, heh)

 

Hey...we should use this thread to talk about our exes and their current squeezes, and maybe how THEIR girlfriends would have been jealous of us!

[savethedrama4allama]

That same girl probably laments her "huuuuge a$$" and wishes it were smaller. Its rediculous, isn't it? I think we focus on the other woman's looks as an out, when we're really worried that he just plain loved or loves her more. But its easier to compare looks so that is what we do.

 

I really think that my boyfriend's ex looked like a hooker though. Wish I could post her picture to see other's opinions and figure out of I'm just biased or what. But like you and her, we couldn't be more opposite. Trust me, if she ever saw you she'd be feeling self-conscious too...on top of your looks, she's history and you're the future.

 

Anyway, keep your self-respect and don't mentally fight with a non-existent woman over your boyfriend's affections. Its a battle you certainly won't win.

 

I've always had a semi-fantasy that my boyfriend's ex is dating a guy (don't know if she is or not) but we run into them somewhere and she busts him checking ME out. Sick, but true. I'm more competetive and insecure than I'd like to admit. But in reality, I wouldn't want to hurt her that way..even though she is crazy herself (read my most recent post in the dating section).

[Normella]

Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

That same girl probably laments her "huuuuge a$$" and wishes it were smaller. Its rediculous, isn't it?

 

It sure is! When we first started talking, he told me that she was always so insecure about her looks, and how she thought her butt was way too big and she wasn't tall enough or thin enough or pretty enough. I kinda winced at it, but every girl has her "i wish i had this" thoughts and whatnot, and I'm definitely one of them.

 

I really think that my boyfriend's ex looked like a hooker though. Wish I could post her picture to see other's opinions and figure out of I'm just biased or what. But like you and her, we couldn't be more opposite. Trust me, if she ever saw you she'd be feeling self-conscious too...on top of your looks, she's history and you're the future.

 

Ah, true. Well, if the ex looked like a wanna-be barbie doll, chances are I won't think she's very cute at all. that actually strikes me as very frightening.

 

 

I've always had a semi-fantasy that my boyfriend's ex is dating a guy (don't know if she is or not) but we run into them somewhere and she busts him checking ME out. Sick, but true. I'm more competetive and insecure than I'd like to admit. But in reality, I wouldn't want to hurt her that way..even though she is crazy herself (read my most recent post in the dating section).

 

LOL! It's not sick at all. I fantasize about us going to Hawaii for our one year anniversary(he suggested it, then I said no because I didn't wanna bump into his ex), and we'll walk into a bar or something and she'll be there. Then I'll look at her up close and I'll realize that she looks completely horrible in real life and is just the photogenic type.

 

And yes, I just read your post and the ex is insane. It's awesome that your bf doesn't pay much attention to it, because it shows that he really doesn't care much for her at all. I know it's tough to ignore exes like this(i've had my experiences with weird exes), but trust me, it's the best thing you can do.

 

Weird Barbie doll-like ex girlfriends suck.

[dnm1010]

i think its good that you can open up here adn actually voice all these thoughts that have been haunting you.

 

my boyfreinds ex is theopposit of me too.. i think they date a certain kind of girl then realize how much they hate her and go for the ooposit.

 

my bf is 6'6.. h is ex was 6'... blond hair blue eyes.. very competetive, hates all people, very moody and bitchy.

 

im 5'3 on a good day. long dark curly hair - im middle eastern look.. or spanish look i guess.... brown eyes.. im always chirpy and very loving and devoted and all that good stuff. i hate competition and dont like fighting.

 

i feel good though, and its for a bad reason. his ex got super ugly and fat... so now shes an insane fat ugly tall girl. and nick told me that shes tryign to prove somethign to his parents- how better she is thats why she keeps in touch with them weekly... the thing is that we spend a lot of time wiht his fsamily so its like "who was that on the phone".. "patricia.."... but my boyfriend deosnt care abotu anything that has to do with her so its good.

 

i think you need to vent and get it all out about this ex gf. but remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. sometimes i see girls i think are ugly, or eve n boys... and then my sister goes.. wow shes so pretty or hes so cute...

 

go figure...