How can the cheater show/prove to me its over with the other guy?

[CanadaGuy]

How can the cheater show/prove to me its over with the other (the married guy who's wife I told) guy?

 

First problem, she had the affair, never told me, I found out. I told her sister & brother for help which they tried, no luck.

 

Did it again, with the same guy, didn't tell me, I found out.

 

Yes, I did kick her out, but a week later, she used her cute smile and one thing lead to another, and we are still together (and she does own half the house also, so...)

 

Her boss's boss knows, she was removed from her location to a new location.

 

Her

 

But I don't trust her

 

I don't belieive half the things she says, not sure what is true these days.

 

And worse, I feel worse about the relationship as time goes on. Even thou, she acts like things are great again, but I don't feel it, and can't explain it to her either.

 

Thanks in advance for your thoughts, input & suggestions.

[mighty bop]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. She is just using you. It's pretty obvious.

 

Chris

[Butchey]

I feel for you man. I've been there. To you, she will always be a cheater. Dump her before she dumps you. Just get the information you need to prove her infidelity in court. You should get the house.

[Mr Spock]

and she does own half the house also, so...)

 

Ok, well that's a good reason for her to be there.

 

Really, it sounds like she thinks things are fine, and doesn't want to work on fixing what's wrong.....are you OK with that? If you're not, and she's unwilling, maybe you should be the one who moves out-it will be a wakeup call for her...

[mighty bop]

Awesome avatar Butchey!!

 

Chris

[kellydontwanttasleep]

i can see by your writing you deserve what you got. you made the bed

[CanadaGuy]

Originally posted by kellydontwanttasleep

i can see by your writing you deserve what you got. you made the bed

 

?? Why did I deserve what I got??? To trust someone who says they love me, and that its over, after 12 years you believe someone who you think is your partner for life. I don't deserve to be lied to. So what do you mean I "deserved it"??

 

Thanks

[SoleMate]

How can the cheater show/prove to me its over with the other (the married guy who's wife I told) guy?

She should ask YOU what it would take to prove it's over. If I were you, I would say, as a minimum:

 

* She should end all contact with him (maybe one goodbye call that you listen in on)

* She should tell you she is through with him

* She should answer your reasonable questions about the affair (GROUND RULES: you just ask and listen, you don't get to attack/vent)

* She should express her intention to be with you, and regain your trust

* She should be willing to make big changes in her life to reduce temptation: e.g. moving away from the OM

 

If she agrees, there is a chance.

[kellydontwanttasleep]

the reason you deserve what you got was, you put them in a position to lie to you. you want some one who can be honest with you is so you won't get an STD. when you insist on monogamy you are making them lie to you. and to have a good relationship that depends on trust and honesty.

[teck21]

I think the time for redemption on her part is past. I don't see why she deserves another chance with you.

 

And if you decide to be lured back by her 'cute smile' and again have one thing lead to another because you decide not to use your head, then quite frankly, for lack of better words, you're asking for it. Unless she has got some other wonderful GF qualities that have not been made known to us.

 

You don't feel right, it's not right, especially since she has decided that everything's good and is apparaently showing no contrition.

[Butchey]

If you really want to save this relationship, (I assume you are married), go see a professional. You need to meet with someone individually as well as together.

 

I understand the hurt feelings and the lack of trust issue, but if you are to ever trust her again and have the relationship you want, you have to get help. Her lying to you and thinking things are normal in the relationship could be a sign of a personality disorder. I don't know her side of the story but I've seen the same thing and it's not pretty. Chronic lying can exist in all aspects of her life. She may even be lying to herself.

 

So do yourself a favor and seek out the help you need. If the relationship cannot be saved at least you will be on the right road to recover your life.

[babybear]

I agree with you and her seeing a professional. I think it can tap into some issues that may be causing her to act the way she is acting.

 

As for how to regain your trust...it's up to you. You let her know what she can do to make you trust her, and make sure that she doesnt put herself into positions where you are goign to doubt her.

 

Tell her what bothers you...what you can't handle etc. My bf cheated on me and we're working on it too. I made him cut any contact he had with them and I let him know what makes me uncomfortable.

 

 

Bb

[reservoirdog1]

Personally, I'd dump her and move on. She cheated once and you got past it. Then she did it again. What makes you think she won't do it yet again? Right now she thinks she can cheat because you'll take her back.

 

She's not worth it. You deserve better than her.