AldoIk Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Ok so last month I found out through others that he has been screwing several women he meets at bars. When I confronted him about it, he confirmed that it's true but that he'll stop. It's not just a gf he is cheating on, but his fiancee and the wedding is set for December 2013. I don't know up to what point I'm I suppose to cover up for a brother or friend. I'm really sick of lying for him and go on pretending that it's the perfect couple, telling her how lucky she is to have him, etc. I got cheated on before and what upset me the most is many people knew it and I was the last one to find out on my own. At that point, I hated everyone involved in this that didn't have the guts to tell me; I had the rights to know what type of cheating whore I was being with. Not only that but I had to then checked myself for STD's which luckily I'm clear. Now he is doing the same thing to this girl, who gets along with my family. I told him that if she finds out, to not come running to me on how to win her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AldoIk Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 I just had a brief talk with him, telling him that he has to stop and if his fiancee suspect I'm not going to help him lie. If it proceeds towards the wedding, honestly I don't even feel like attending it. Any inputs would be helpful. I really wish she finds out soon about this and as much as I love my brother, this is where I think he deserves to get thrown to the curb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I'd tell her. Protecting family in these situations is so disgusting to me. The fact that you'd let this poor girl cluelessly marry your brother who is acting like this is ridiculous. At the very least tell your parents. He needs to feel ashamed about this or he won't quite. You'll have let a girl needlessly ruin her future for however many weeks-months-years as he continues to screw around on her. For what? Love for your brother? If you love him make him improve as a person, don't just ignore the festering scum under your feet. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Yes, tell her, do you really want her to marry a man like that? You know how it feels, so tell her, f* him. He needs to learn consequences from his actions. What a pig and a loser. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calvin's wagon Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Is he having unprotected sex with the other women and his fiancee? Even though he's your brother, I'd tell him to tell her today/in the next ___ (2,3?) days, and definitely before he has sex with her again. And that otherwise you will tell her. That way you will make a small concession to the fact that he's your brother, but ultimately you will protect her. I understand that he's your brother, but I cannot imagine how you will feel if, worst case scenario, she gets an STD from him or becomes pregnant only to find out that he's been cheating on her, and that you could have helped her all along... And I understand you sense loyalty to your brother, but you will be helping him in the long run by doing this - he needs to grow up/change, realize that there are consequences to his actions, ... If you cover for him (by not telling her now), you are showing him that he can get away with betraying the people closest to him, ... Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
TaserTag Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I agree that you should give your brother a set amount of time to come clean on his own and, if he doesn't, you should tell this girl yourself. If she marries him and then finds out that everyone knew about his cheating and no one told her, she will have married into a family where no one has her back. That seems even worse to me. As you said, you know what it feels like to be cheated on and the worries that come with it. She should know what she's getting into and be allowed to make a decision on whether or not she wants to try to work this out. And your brother should act like an adult and a real partner if he's planning on getting married... or call off the wedding if he isn't ready to commit. I think you'd be doing them both a favor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Keep out of it. Tell him he disgusts u and all that but it's just not your business. Link to post Share on other sites
MichiganMan222 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 People say he should tell her like it's nothing. Does everyone realize how hard it would be for this guy to torpedo his brother's marriage (as justified as it certainly would be) and most definitely his relationship with his brother...probably forever? But OP, burying your head in the sand would not be unacceptable, either. If you want to protect your brother from a life of child-support and an understandably bitter-ex, then act. So here's the best solution. Anonymously make the future Mrs. aware of the situation and let things pan out on their own. Relationship with brother is maintained, doomed marriage never happens. Sounds like the coward's way out, but it's not. Sounds simplistic and difficult, but it's not. I was put in this EXACT situation and I wished I would have done it that way. How do you accomplish this? You have to creative, but I suspect there would plenty of opportunities. Be creative and save everyone involved of a painful meltdown later (including the future nieces and nephews, as pointed out already). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Keep out of it. Tell him he disgusts u and all that but it's just not your business. uhh YES it is: this poor girl has A RIGHT to choose if she wants to be with a man who wants to scre*w other women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right now, this women is making a very UN INFORMED decision about a HUGE deal - whom she is going to marry! Would a doctor not tell a person that taking ____ medication would cause them to gain 50 lbs? NO! This is JUST AS BAD: marrying a CHEATER is JUST as bad to most women. We DESERVE to have the right to LEAVE such a person who cheats and therefore is weak, selfish, and bad at picking women he truly loves (hence why he feels the need to cheat in all likeliness) I would not marry a man who cheats. I would be LIVID if I had my rights taken away from me - my right to NOT be with a man who cheats and has different values to me and probably does not truly love me! He is pathetic and has no idea about women; if he did, he would have picked the right women who he loved enough to not scr*ew around on. I would ask him why he wants to marry a girl who he feels the need to cheat on? If I were in your predicament: - I would tell my brother that I am telling her if he doesn't because it is SO wrong to take her rights away ( to decide whether she wants to find a man who will not cheat OR stay and work on the relationship) - I would say that you do not support their relationship and will not be attending the wedding - I would have a serious talk with him about why he chose to be in a long term relationship with a women who he feels the need to sleep around on; surely he would be better suited to a women he loves so much that he is NOT compelled to cheat?) -I personally think people settle too often because they want marriage and a family and take any decent women that comes along, without realising they cannot just call madly in love with just ANY women no matter how beautiful she looks and how nice she is. So yeah if I were you I would be really curious about his relationship and ask him about it, and then I would explain that I am strongly against cheaters and felt the need to tell his girl even if it meant losing him for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 The problem with an anonymous message is that she might not believe it. I wouldn't. Unless the message contains undeniable proof, brother is just going to tell her it came from someone who is jealous of their relationship or whatever and she'll believe him. All it might do is plant a seed of doubt in her head, and that wouldn't really be all that helpful. I think you should tell your brother that you're going to tell her soon (a week?) so he has a chance to tell her himself before that happens. You can frame it as, "Bro, you're not a ****ty person, but you're kind of acting like one right now, and I don't want you see you make a big mistake by entering a marriage with this big gross secret and also your fiancee deserves to know. I hope you won't be mad at me, but if you are, I'll understand and I'll give you some space." Something like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 My brother cheats on his fiancee I got cheated on before Any chance one or both of your parents have cheated??? Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyInsomniac Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 AldoIk, it's clear from the way you're handling this that you're a man of standards who holds true to them - even when it isn't easy. Good on you. You're doing the right thing, and having been in the same boat, I commend you for having the courage to do this. If more people did - less people would end up going through what we've had to go through. Link to post Share on other sites
Holyoak Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 On so many levels she must know, and you will feel good about saving her so much pain in the future, and allow her the chance to find a real man that will cherish her. Yes, this will be very hard, but I bet your conscience will eat you alive if you don't, and by you coming here demonstrates you do indeed feel the need, and Jiminy Cricket is screaming at you. Link to post Share on other sites
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