movingon45 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I've been reading the posts here re exMM wooing and telling lies and then dday. My exMM never promised a rose garden. We knew what we were getting into. No promises about marriage. I ended the A because of disagreements and I'm coping with LC for 6 months now. Tried NC but died inside. I text him sometimes and he responds but just to answer. Text exchange does not prosper. Greets me on occasions, but when I greet back he doesn't respond again. Roller coaster just like most of you. Wondering/feeling bad why being friends after an A is not possible. Missing the endless texts etc. Is there a forum for married friends with benefits? I went to the forum on Friends and Lovers and Coping, but they seem to be for young ones. My exMM and I are in mid40s.
underwater2010 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I've been reading the posts here re exMM wooing and telling lies and then dday. My exMM never promised a rose garden. We knew what we were getting into. No promises about marriage. I ended the A because of disagreements and I'm coping with LC for 6 months now. Tried NC but died inside. I text him sometimes and he responds but just to answer. Text exchange does not prosper. Greets me on occasions, but when I greet back he doesn't respond again. Roller coaster just like most of you. Wondering/feeling bad why being friends after an A is not possible. Missing the endless texts etc. Is there a forum for married friends with benefits? I went to the forum on Friends and Lovers and Coping, but they seem to be for young ones. My exMM and I are in mid40s. To put it simply SEX complicates any friendship. The endless texts stop when the sexual attention/favors stop. It is not hard to realize. On a good note there are other websites dedicated to those who want to cheat and they are geared to an older audience.
Author movingon45 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 You've nailed it on the sexual favors! What's the point, right?
FallenPrincess Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I am having an A with a single man (I'm the married one). I don't think he cares too much about me. It seems to be just a work relationship with occasional sex sprinkled in. It is such an odd thing. The chemistry is intense, and we get along well but he is the kind of guy that doesn't get emotionally invested in relationships. I don't think he could ever "buy" a car. He will forever lease them. I am in my late 30's.
SidLyon Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I am having an A with a single man (I'm the married one). I don't think he cares too much about me. It seems to be just a work relationship with occasional sex sprinkled in. It is such an odd thing. The chemistry is intense, and we get along well but he is the kind of guy that doesn't get emotionally invested in relationships. I don't think he could ever "buy" a car. He will forever lease them. I am in my late 30's. You say you are having an A with a single man. In your OP you say "My exMM and I are in mid40s." Is this the MM you were previously having an A with? Have you had many affairs while being married? I assume you do have to tell lies to conduct these affairs.
Author movingon45 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 You say you are having an A with a single man. In your OP you say "My exMM and I are in mid40s." Is this the MM you were previously having an A with? Have you had many affairs while being married? I assume you do have to tell lies to conduct these affairs. She is not the OP.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I am having an A with a single man (I'm the married one). I don't think he cares too much about me. It seems to be just a work relationship with occasional sex sprinkled in. It is such an odd thing. The chemistry is intense, and we get along well but he is the kind of guy that doesn't get emotionally invested in relationships. I don't think he could ever "buy" a car. He will forever lease them. I am in my late 30's. Sure. Why wouldnt he?..You have heard the story about why buy the cow when the milk is free? He's a lucky guy! TFOY
MissBee Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I've been reading the posts here re exMM wooing and telling lies and then dday. My exMM never promised a rose garden. We knew what we were getting into. No promises about marriage. I ended the A because of disagreements and I'm coping with LC for 6 months now. Tried NC but died inside. I text him sometimes and he responds but just to answer. Text exchange does not prosper. Greets me on occasions, but when I greet back he doesn't respond again. Roller coaster just like most of you. Wondering/feeling bad why being friends after an A is not possible. Missing the endless texts etc. Is there a forum for married friends with benefits? I went to the forum on Friends and Lovers and Coping, but they seem to be for young ones. My exMM and I are in mid40s. I'm not understanding the difference between an affair/OW situation and married friends with benefits. It seems all the same more or less. Are you friends with any/all/most of your exes? Most people aren't. You often cannot move seamlessly from lovers and constant texts to friends. Friends don't text each other constantly or get distraught and depressed if their friend doesn't reply. You are only really "friends" if you can treat your ex like any other friend where you don't have extra expectations of them that you wouldn't have of a normal friend. Essentially, people cannot go from romance into "friendship" seamlessly, as usually they still act like they are dating or expect to be treated in an extra special way and if they aren't they get upset. LC won't help you get over this. NC, although it makes you feel like you're dying inside, won't kill you and is for your own good. But LC and the stretched out process of waiting for breadcrumbs will have you stuck and hurting far more. I lived it. The breakups in which I went NC, I healed and I even became friends with one later on. One of my most painful break ups that took 2 YEARS to get over, was one in which I had LC and intermittent NC but kept trying to be friends smh...such a mess! It was an emotionally taxing rollercoaster that ended once I cut off all contact for good. If we were meant to be friends we would be...we weren't and it's fine. Attachment is a process and it's hard to break. The process of detaching can feel like withdrawal and most people don't know what to do with that "emptiness"....find things to fill it with and slowly him not being in your life will become your new normal and you won't even count NC anymore...but it will just be your life. 2
Author movingon45 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 I'm not understanding the difference between an affair/OW situation and married friends with benefits. It seems all the same more or less. Are you friends with any/all/most of your exes? Most people aren't. You often cannot move seamlessly from lovers and constant texts to friends. Friends don't text each other constantly or get distraught and depressed if their friend doesn't reply. You are only really "friends" if you can treat your ex like any other friend where you don't have extra expectations of them that you wouldn't have of a normal friend. Essentially, people cannot go from romance into "friendship" seamlessly, as usually they still act like they are dating or expect to be treated in an extra special way and if they aren't they get upset. LC won't help you get over this. NC, although it makes you feel like you're dying inside, won't kill you and is for your own good. But LC and the stretched out process of waiting for breadcrumbs will have you stuck and hurting far more. I lived it. The breakups in which I went NC, I healed and I even became friends with one later on. One of my most painful break ups that took 2 YEARS to get over, was one in which I had LC and intermittent NC but kept trying to be friends smh...such a mess! It was an emotionally taxing rollercoaster that ended once I cut off all contact for good. If we were meant to be friends we would be...we weren't and it's fine. Attachment is a process and it's hard to break. The process of detaching can feel like withdrawal and most people don't know what to do with that "emptiness"....find things to fill it with and slowly him not being in your life will become your new normal and you won't even count NC anymore...but it will just be your life. SIGH I know you're right!
Author movingon45 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 I'm not understanding the difference between an affair/OW situation and married friends with benefits. It seems all the same more or less. Are you friends with any/all/most of your exes? Attachment is a process and it's hard to break. The process of detaching can feel like withdrawal and most people don't know what to do with that "emptiness"....find things to fill it with and slowly him not being in your life will become your new normal and you won't even count NC anymore...but it will just be your life. Oh and to answer your question, he's my only Ex. We were friends after our college break up 25 years later, until he started texting intimate matters and then we crossed the line. We did what we didn't do when we were college sweethearts - that is, the physical act.
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