laura22 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Hi ..new to this forum. I am in a real bind. I reunited with a former colleague on facebook recently. I asked for professional help and he continued to "message" me. Well, one thing led to another in these chats and it got quite physical. The man has a ton of money -- house in the Hamptons and dates models etc. However, he and I only met once a few years back. He invited me to his house in the hamptons for 3 days. Despite my repeated attempts of telling him "i'm not that kind of girl"...our texts are very physical. We haven't talked much on the phone...and most of his texts are pictures of his body...etc. I freaked out and told him recently that I just felt too vulnerable to come..and he said that I was overreacting..that we can have fun in texts..but that he will be a gentleman. Well, I agreed to go and the night before I left I got into a bad car accident. I couldn't go...then the following weekend was Easter and he wanted me to leave my son ....to come visit him. I didn't -- told him I needed to spend time with him. Well, now this weekend...it's planned. I'm supposed to leave in the morning and I'm terrified. I feel awful...because I don't want to let him down...but I just can't get past my fears. I don't htink he's a predator or anything..but I do think that he's going to find a way into my knickers! So.....I want to back out...it's a 6 hour flight each way. I don't know how to back out now though...I feel awful. He's going to be angry that AGAIN i'm not coming...... even though the first time was a car accident. I just feel like i've strung him along...because I truly thought I could do this.. but I'm staring down the barrel of a gun and I don't feel I can hack it. I texted him tonight and offered to come in Saturday for dinner and fly out for work on Sunday. He said that it was less than 24 hours of time...and would "leave it up to me". He isn't happy that I'm changing plans again... and I understand that. But, at least I was offering to come... and meet him. That's the thing -- do people really meet someone they've been texting/chatting with for 3-4 weeks -- for the first time by spending 3 days with them at their home?? I just feel so frightened by the idea of not having an escape/privacy. In many ways (excpet the sexting) he's a stranger to me... Advice? Blow him off completely? Go on the trip for a quick turn around? Or ask him to come to me instead? I think the last option is actually quite a good one...except I had been ready to visit him and got into the car accident. So I have been the one efforting a "make up for it" trip... Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 This is a very dangerous situation!!! Back out now!!! Your instincts are telling you that you should be scared and you are considering ignoring them because you're worried about upsetting a complete stranger - someone you've never even met! The guy sounds like a creep and your gut instinct is telling you the same. Never ignore your gut! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laura22 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 Thanks for this advice...I do appreciate it. This man is EXTREMELY successful and powerful. He is a good guy...lots of charity work. I don't think he's a bad person -- but I do think he's got the physical side of the relationship on his mind. I am just stunned at the things he's said to me before. He said he was joking...(he is sarcastic) but I sent him a pic of my face - smiling and he said "beautiful" now aim lower...I want to see your chest. He just says things that seem quite severe... Again -- he is joking quite often ...but he is serious about his requests for pictures etc. I haven't ever met a person like this before and I thought maybe it was because of our distance... Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Another thought.......why do you want to meet this guy anyway? He's a complete stranger, you haven't talked much on the phone, he keeps sending you naked pictures and then tells you you're overreacting when you say you don't like it? And now, because you're considering changing your plans he's not happy and you're scared to back out in case you upset him further? What's the attraction? He sounds revolting! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Thanks for this advice...I do appreciate it. This man is EXTREMELY successful and powerful. He is a good guy...lots of charity work. I don't think he's a bad person -- but I do think he's got the physical side of the relationship on his mind. I am just stunned at the things he's said to me before. He said he was joking...(he is sarcastic) but I sent him a pic of my face - smiling and he said "beautiful" now aim lower...I want to see your chest. He just says things that seem quite severe... Again -- he is joking quite often ...but he is serious about his requests for pictures etc. I haven't ever met a person like this before and I thought maybe it was because of our distance... First rule of LDRs - always meet in a public place! If he's not happy about that, tell him to take a hike! He should be respectful of your wishes and your safety. This guy is a creep. I've met men like him before. If he's rich and powerful, he thinks he can get whatever/whoever/whenever he wants. Unless you want to become his property, steer clear! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Hi Laura, You would be meeting him as...? Sorry but I couldn't gather that from your post. So here are the options: Friend = no big deal if you don't go FWB = back out, you're already feeling awful that might happen ONS = see FWB GF/BF = I really don't see this happening, he didn't offer any kind of relationship whatsoever, just "fun" (for him) Thus, you talk to him and ask him straight, up front, what he would be meeting you as. Depending on his answer, you will let him know you're having second thoughts. And also, the accident was a sign that you didn't have to go. Sounds stupid, but well, better sound stupid than feeling awful afterwards. Don't invite him over, this guy is no one to you, and it's not wise to let him meet your son. If your son's not home, it's possibly even worse. And don't give him your address unless he's your trusted boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laura22 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 He says he hasn't been dating anyone else since talking to me. And I believe that he's correct.. He sends me pictures when he is going to bed etc and I know he's sleeping alone. But regardless .. We are in a text relationship! Not in person. And he is currently telling me via text that essentially he is a saint for waiting for my next work trip... He is asking to meet then instead. He didn't give up... Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) He is used to getting his way and, if he is very successful, it's because he likes a challenge. Once you give in, he will dump you and move on to the next challenge. Ask yourself if he were the plumber, would you still be as fascinated by him? Just because he is sleeping alone doesn't mean he isn't having sex. If he keeps harassing you, I hope you save his naked photos as proof in case he trashes your reputation to your colleagues. Make sure he doesn't have similar photos of you! Say you just heard from an ex and you have decided to reunite. Wish him luck on all of his future endeavors. Edited April 5, 2013 by FitChick 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 You say you're not that kind of girl but you need to act like that. You've responded back to his flirtatious texts so he's invited you over. If you want him to be a gentleman and take you out, don't be too flirtatious and get him to come to you. Own your worth and make him come to you. Right now, it sounds like you've reached out for professional advice. He or you may have started making advances and then it just didn't stop. You didn't stop. He continued to message and you continued to accept it and respond. He is also following your lead too. I think you should follow your gut. You don't feel comfortable so do not go. Why are you wanting to please him when you have a son? You have to think about your son and don't put yourself in a situation that you're not comfortable with/with someone you don't trust. As much as you don't think he's not a predator, you don't know him at all and what his intentions are (whether it's just to get in your knickers or something more if you say no). Follow your gut, don't try and please someone you don't know, and think about your son. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laura22 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 Well his ex wife and former girlfriend were actress wanna be type and also lingerie models. So.. It's clear that he is pretty into the physical... He is a very good looking man. But yes if he was the plumber .. I would prob have a different image of him. Question. Is it common for men in a NEW rElationship to ask for text pictures of body parts? And I mean even the parts "south of the border"? I thought obgyn was the only person who would want to LOOK at that.. Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Well his ex wife and former girlfriend were actress wanna be type and also lingerie models. So.. It's clear that he is pretty into the physical... He is a very good looking man. But yes if he was the plumber .. I would prob have a different image of him. Question. Is it common for men in a NEW rElationship to ask for text pictures of body parts? And I mean even the parts "south of the border"? I thought obgyn was the only person who would want to LOOK at that.. A text only and requests for body part pics is a sign that he sees you as an object and not a living breathing human being with feelings. AKA - emotional intimacy issues. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 I don't understand why this guy has such a hold over you that you feel awful and are concerned about his anger. Why do you feel that you owe him anything? You've stated your boundaries, he keeps pushing them and you keep letting him do that. It doesn't matter if this is normal or not to an internet board of random strangers. You feel uncomfortable and therefore you must say stop, enough is enough. As I said in your other thread, cut him loose. What do you expect to get out of this? A good story that an "extremely successful and powerful" guy wanted you once? If you were happy about this going ahead and enjoying the potential ONS/fling then I'd say go for it, it's your choice. But you are not. You are terrified. You are also an adult woman who can say, "no." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Well his ex wife and former girlfriend were actress wanna be type and also lingerie models. So.. It's clear that he is pretty into the physical... He is a very good looking man. But yes if he was the plumber .. I would prob have a different image of him. Question. Is it common for men in a NEW rElationship to ask for text pictures of body parts? And I mean even the parts "south of the border"? I thought obgyn was the only person who would want to LOOK at that.. No, it's not common for a man starting a relationship to ask for pictures of body parts. It is, however, very common in the case of a man looking for a quick sh*g! Sorry to be crude but you must be incredibly naïve. As for the 'south of the border' pictures, what do you think porn consists of? A male obgyn is probably one of very few men who isn't interested in looking at what some random woman has between her legs. In 99% of cases, that is exactly what straight men want to LOOK at. It appears that you are blinded by this man's good looks, power and money. You asked for advice and every single person here has advised you to cut ties. You would be a fool to take up his invitation, but something tells me you're going to anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 If you want bragging rights about having sex with a powerful man, then have a one night stand. Men like this are generally selfish and terrible in bed. You will learn never to do it again (if you're intelligent). Make him pay for your plane ticket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laura22 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 I didn't go this past weekend. I told him I couldn't get off work. And wasn't calling in sick. He now wants to fly to meet me on my next business trip on the east coast. He was very clear that he would book us a very nice hotel room. Said he wouldn't want us to have to stay in anything less than a 5 star hotel. Is it too late to draw a line and agree to meet him (if he comes to me) but mandate diff hotel rooms? I'm probably trying to put hope into a relationship that he sees more about sex than anything else? I like the guy. But I don't want to have sex with him yet. If he can respect that.. Great. But if he can't.. Then there's no meeting. No, it's not common for a man starting a relationship to ask for pictures of body parts. It is, however, very common in the case of a man looking for a quick sh*g! Sorry to be crude but you must be incredibly naïve. As for the 'south of the border' pictures, what do you think porn consists of? A male obgyn is probably one of very few men who isn't interested in looking at what some random woman has between her legs. In 99% of cases, that is exactly what straight men want to LOOK at. It appears that you are blinded by this man's good looks, power and money. You asked for advice and every single person here has advised you to cut ties. You would be a fool to take up his invitation, but something tells me you're going to anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Read this entire thread again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 You need to read this entire thread again. Aren't there any nice, eligible men where you live? Are they not rich enough for you? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Is it common for men in a NEW rElationship to ask for text pictures of body parts? And I mean even the parts "south of the border"? It's not common if he fears rejection. Men willing to start a (serious) relationship would be very cautious about hurting her feelings or coming across as gross or creepy. It looks like he has no problem in asking you anything. That's probably because you're just pudding in his hands. Now you're out of your comfort zone. He said he would want no less than a 5-star hotel. He's assuming that you're going to spend your first "date" in some hotel room? Or is it a requirement in any way? I'm feeling uncomfortable for you... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Celtica Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 It's not common if he fears rejection. Men willing to start a (serious) relationship would be very cautious about hurting her feelings or coming across as gross or creepy. It looks like he has no problem in asking you anything. That's probably because you're just pudding in his hands. Now you're out of your comfort zone. He said he would want no less than a 5-star hotel. He's assuming that you're going to spend your first "date" in some hotel room? Or is it a requirement in any way? I'm feeling uncomfortable for you... Please listen to justwhoiam....! It's sometimes hard to step outside of yourself in certain situations to realize how creepy it sounds to someone else. We are all equally disturbed by this!!! Know what you want! Be decisive because you OWN your decisions. In the end, we are not to blame for you going or not going. You have officially decided 100% you want to go. Or that you don't want to go. Your actions speak most loudly about your firmly held beliefs to others as a powerful woman. Men gain power by pushing boundaries, women gain power by setting them. Learn to set them or be considered weak. And if he wants a weak girl, then that means he's the **** em and leave em type. Studies have shown that men who look for short term relationships generally look for small, weak looking (or acting) women. Men looking for long term look for strong, confident women. Just something to think about... Link to post Share on other sites
PepperPotts Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Please allow me to summarize the entire thread by responding directly to the thread title. NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. I'm probably trying to put hope into a relationship that he sees more about sex than anything else? I like the guy. But I don't want to have sex with him yet. If he can respect that.. Great. But if he can't.. Then there's no meeting. This guy is *meeting you in a hotel room.* This is just an incredibly expensive booty call. He's not demanding a five star room for incredibly swanky and respectful snuggle time. Do you really think booking separate hotel rooms would do anything? He's just going to try to go to yours or get you drunk and back to his. Please, for your safety and your sanity, initiate NC *immediately.* Otherwise the best case scenario is you wake up alone and mercifully unharmed in a hotel room while he talks to his bros about how he convinced this chick who swore she "wasn't like that" to hook up with him on a business trip and http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9uukvcssD1rzz3r3o1_500.gif 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laura22 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 It is difficult because it is as if I know 2 different men. The half that is supportive and kind and the other that has a one track mind. He says he is SO excited to meet up with me next weekend. And what's even worse... He is planning to fly in to the city while I am on a job interview and wait for me at the hotel... And he says he will plan all the activities. I read through this thread again and realized exactly your point. As one poster said it is very difficult to see what this looks like in reality since I'm in so deep. This reinforcement really helps me. Thank you. I thought of asking him if he would still want to meet me if he knew he had to stay in a seperate room and had no chance of sex. I just also realize that he would prob tell me what I want to hear... Here's the thing.. He's a well known name... Celebrity friends etc. so it is easy to get caught up in that and seeing him the way others see him (if he's not sleeping with them). People love this guy. Hard to swallow .. I feel like the crazy person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laura22 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 The other thing that bothers me is that he is constantly talking to attractive single women on twitter. Nothing inappropriate however he talks and teases with them back and forth. Would I look like a psycho if I tell him that bothers me, if he thinks out first time in the same room w him in 2 years (business meeting) would be in our hotel room! He's acting like we r in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 He is NOT acting like you are in a relationship!!! Where on earth did you get that idea? He is acting like a chancer who has persuaded you to take off your knickers for him the first time you meet. You do realise that 'well known name (with) celebrity friends' does NOT make him a decent guy? Ever heard of the UK TV personality Jimmy Savile? When I was a child the whole of the UK public adored him - he made children's dreams come true (in his public life) - turns out he, and a large number of his celebrity friends, were/are paedophiles!!! Outside appearances can be very deceptive! This guy you are planning to hook up with is not interested in hearing your opinion on how he conducts himself on the internet with other women. Let's face it, it's none of your business because you've never even met him. He will say whatever he thinks you need to hear and then do whatever he likes. Will he think you're a psycho? No, his opinion of you won't change. He already thinks you're a fool. He knows his has control in this situation because, so far, you have allowed him to push all your boundaries. He is just expecting to get what he wants and he doesn't care what it takes. You are 36 not 16! Please grow up and stop asking silly questions on the internet. Your instinct is telling you this man is dangerous and you seem to want a bunch of complete strangers to reassure you otherwise. Have you talked to your parents, close family or friends about him? If not, ask yourself why not? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laura22 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Well said. Well said. I think it's quite possible that I want to tell him I don't like his Internet twitter interactions with these women because they r an example of what I would deal with if we ended up in a real relationship. Now I see him treating this as if it's a real relationship because we text all day long. I know his every move (allegedly) and he knows mine. But for example I went to see a movie.. He never asked how it was. He just said he was going to bed and requested that I send him a picture of myself from behind.. Bent over..no underwear. I obviously didn't cooperate and the next morning he didn't text for awhile because he didn't get the pictures. That ain't cool... But he did call me and offer to help me when I was going theough work drama. That was nice of him. But u see the difference? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I went to see a movie.. He never asked how it was. He just said he was going to bed and requested that I send him a picture of myself from behind.. Bent over..no underwear. Despicable, as he's not your boyfriend, and it just sounds offensive. And probably the way he asks for those things too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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