Should this happen?

[Silly24]

He says he hasn't been dating anyone else since talking to me. And I believe that he's correct.. He sends me pictures when he is going to bed etc and I know he's sleeping alone.

 

But regardless .. We are in a text relationship! Not in person. And he is currently telling me via text that essentially he is a saint for waiting for my next work trip... He is asking to meet then instead.

 

He didn't give up...

 

Oh sweetie don't believe that. Just cause he goes to bed alone, doesn't mean he isn't seeing ladies. According to you he's wealthy...trust me...he's gettin' him "some" often.

 

Go if you want to, but realize that it will only be an adventure and nothing more. This is all he is looking for anyway.

 

I dated a man for two years, it was a LDR, and I recently learned that he was persuing women left and right when he wasn't with me or talking with me on the phone and we spoke for hours every day. I mean we spoke on the phone, there was no texting. Texting is so impersonal

[LittleTiger]

Well said. Well said.

 

I think it's quite possible that I want to tell him I don't like his Internet twitter interactions with these women because they r an example of what I would deal with if we ended up in a real relationship. Now I see him treating this as if it's a real relationship because we text all day long. I know his every move (allegedly) and he knows mine. But for example I went to see a movie.. He never asked how it was. He just said he was going to bed and requested that I send him a picture of myself from behind.. Bent over..no underwear.

 

I obviously didn't cooperate and the next morning he didn't text for awhile because he didn't get the pictures.

 

That ain't cool... But he did call me and offer to help me when I was going theough work drama. That was nice of him. But u see the difference?

 

Ok.....

 

Firstly, you will not end up in a real relationship with this man so don't worry about his movements on twitter.

 

Secondly, texting all day long is not treating it as a real relationship. A real LDR involves phone calls and usually Skype too - and lots of conversation that doesn't involve sex. He is non-stop sexting because he has you hooked on the end of his fishing line - he is reeling you in and he can't just drop the line because he will lose his fish!

 

Thirdly, just because he apparently has a 'nice' side (probably part of the 'reeling in' process) that doesn't excuse his other side........do you really think it is acceptable, respectful behaviour for a man you have never met to ask you for a photo from behind, bent over without underwear? You have already told him you don't like this kind of request, so why do you allow him to continue?

 

As others here have said, if you're looking for a ONS with a rich, powerful guy to notch up on your bedpost and you don't mind if the guy is an arrogant, selfish, thoughtless, disrespectful scumbag, who just might coerce you into doing something you are very uncomfortable with (even more uncomfortable than you have been so far)..... go for it!

 

If you have more self respect - tell him to take a long walk off a short pier!

[laura22]

This is all very true and disappointing. But I think this forum has helped me get stronger. He was texting pics of himself and his tan...

 

And I was in my old neighborhood. And I snapped a picture of the house I used to live in and said how much I loved it and missed it.

 

He responded "I got a picture of an ugly courtyard. You will text pics of those bushes and not your own?"

 

I responded "I guess we can't all have it all.. I loved that house. It's a historic craftsman".

 

He hasn't replied.

 

I felt that was a classic example of being an *******

[LittleTiger]

I felt that was a classic example of being an *******

 

So.....still planning to hook up with him?

[laura22]

No.... I think that was an obvious example of him being selfish and mean, right?

 

No matter how hot he is... That is inattractive... If you ask me.

 

 

But now .. Since he invited himself to my trip ... How do I get out gracefully? So I tell him he's a jerk or do I just go out gracefully?

[FitChick]

Men gain power by pushing boundaries, women gain power by setting them.

Great signature line for someone.

[FitChick]

Hard to swallow

 

He will definitely want you to swallow.

[justwhoiam]

But now .. Since he invited himself to my trip ... How do I get out gracefully? So I tell him he's a jerk or do I just go out gracefully?

Hmm what about: I'm not going to date any man in the next 2 years, as I've just found out I got an herpes and it will take time to be treated... Sorry about that. Good luck.

[Celtica]

No.... I think that was an obvious example of him being selfish and mean, right?

 

No matter how hot he is... That is inattractive... If you ask me.

 

 

But now .. Since he invited himself to my trip ... How do I get out gracefully? So I tell him he's a jerk or do I just go out gracefully?

 

I am so, so happy that you decided against this whole thing.

 

There are so many creative ways you could un-invite him:

You could:

 

1) Tell him your mother or father (or both) will be visiting for that time, either because a relative died or because they randomly chose to visit, or because you invited them yourself. That will get a guy like him to leave quickly.

 

2) Tell him you are no longer interested (he'll probably just stop contacting) as you two are looking for different things, etc..

 

3) Do NC (no contact/communication)

 

4) Act extremely dorky or say something odd that will scare him off. I knew a girl who was quite popular with the lads and she would use this technique if she was really not interested. Worked every time haha :bunny:

 

I just can't tell you how happy I am and everyone is that you got out of this!! Good job!!

[FitChick]

. Since he invited himself to my trip ... How do I get out gracefully? So I tell him he's a jerk or do I just go out gracefully?

He's allowed to travel anywhere in the world and do what he wants without your permission. All you can do is say "I'm sorry but it seems I will be very busy and won't have time to meet you. Good luck with all of your future endeavors." Be very businesslike and unemotional and not friendly. He'll realize the game is up and will move on to some other sucker (sucker in the literal sense!).

 

THAT will make him remember you, as the ONLY WOMAN who ever rejected him. Revenge is sweet!

 

You still have his texts and photos and will have great conversation for future cocktail parties! I think the world deserves to know what this man is like.

 

Link to an article about him and let us guess who he is!

[Celtica]

Great signature line for someone.

 

That was my signature line for a while - my quote! hehe, if you are going to use it, remember I get the credit! lol

[LittleTiger]

No.... I think that was an obvious example of him being selfish and mean, right?

 

No matter how hot he is... That is inattractive... If you ask me.

 

 

But now .. Since he invited himself to my trip ... How do I get out gracefully? So I tell him he's a jerk or do I just go out gracefully?

 

I think you've had more than enough examples of him being selfish and mean ....... but if this is the straw that breaks the camel's back then I'm sure we're all delighted to know that you've finally seen the light!

 

In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing attractive about this man - nothing at all!

 

You can get out of the rendezvous any way you like - gracefully if you prefer! If it were me I would probably send a quick text saying something along the lines of "Changed my mind about meeting up, too busy - have a nice life!" Then delete his number and don't reply if he responds. You don't owe him any explanations.

[Celtica]

He's allowed to travel anywhere in the world and do what he wants without your permission. All you can do is say "I'm sorry but it seems I will be very busy and won't have time to meet you. Good luck with all of your future endeavors." Be very businesslike and unemotional and not friendly. He'll realize the game is up and will move on to some other sucker (sucker in the literal sense!).

 

THAT will make him remember you, as the ONLY WOMAN who ever rejected him. Revenge is sweet!

 

You still have his texts and photos and will have great conversation for future cocktail parties! I think the world deserves to know what this man is like.

 

Link to an article about him and let us guess who he is!

 

I think this is the best suggestion for ending it by far! And please do let us guess who he was... Now you can brag that some famous guy hit on you and you rejected him!!! Hah!

[justwhoiam]

Now you can brag that some famous guy hit on you and you rejected him!!! Hah!

I don't think he's famous. He claims he has famous acquaintancies.

[laura22]

No actually he is quite famous. Unfortunately for me because I will be reminded of him every time I see him and he's great for giving himself publicity. He was just in NY post last month. Ugh.

 

This is going to be hard... Because as difficult as some of this has been... He really appears to be QUITE the catch. But if he is like this... He would end up breaking my heart. Im already feeling pretty low. (

[LittleTiger]

No actually he is quite famous. Unfortunately for me because I will be reminded of him every time I see him and he's great for giving himself publicity. He was just in NY post last month. Ugh.

 

This is going to be hard... Because as difficult as some of this has been... He really appears to be QUITE the catch. But if he is like this... He would end up breaking my heart. Im already feeling pretty low. (

.

 

I'm confused laura.

 

You have never met this man and, by the sounds of it, you have barely even spoken to him. He knows nothing about you (unless it relates to work) and has no interest in anything that is personal or means something to you (eg your old house). You know nothing about him other than what you have learned of him as a 'famous' person.

 

You have never had chatty conversations as friends getting to know one another. Most of your interactions have been sexting and him trying to coerce you into sending him naked photographs in compromising positions.

 

So what are you feeling low about? Are you saying that you have feelings for this man? If, so, how? How do you feel anything romantic for someone you don't know who has basically been rude and disrespectful from the first contact? How, exactly, is he a catch?

 

I really don't understand because, from everything you have said about him, he sounds horrible.

[justwhoiam]

No actually he is quite famous.

Seriously? Would he risk this much? What did you send him? Because in that case, he keeps that stuff so that he's safe.

[Silly24]

No actually he is quite famous. Unfortunately for me because I will be reminded of him every time I see him and he's great for giving himself publicity. He was just in NY post last month. Ugh.

 

This is going to be hard... Because as difficult as some of this has been... He really appears to be QUITE the catch. But if he is like this... He would end up breaking my heart. Im already feeling pretty low. (

 

He is not the "catch"...actually he is single for one simple reason, he ONLY thinks about himself. Very selfish people are very unhappy people. They are never satisfied with themselves and everyone around them.

 

Initially when you meet them, you think, "Wow! he's amazing!". He is funny, sexy and always say the right thing to get your attention. Thing is, and you need to REMEMBER this, he's just been single so long that he has a lot of practice hooking women in. He just can't keep any of them.

 

I know, I dated a man like this for two years. It doesn't get better, it just gets worse and the moment he no longer feels that your are honoring him the way he believes he should; he looks for another...

[laura22]

Well I had a work dinner with him a couple of years ago. We were both married at the time. And I have dealt w him from time to time for work...

 

But you are right. He doesn't know anything about my life.. At least not a ton. He knows superficial things and the fact my dad died etc. but not what makes me happy etc.

 

I think I am sad because I was VERY excited to be around him. It's thrilling .. He is quite dynamic.. Of course. But I agree.. There just wouldn't be a long term. He says he's lonely. Wants a wife and kids. His ex cheated on him years ago. No kids. So when I hear those things.. I see some genuine compassion. But it prob wouldn't apply to me.. Long term.

 

 

.

 

I'm confused laura.

 

You have never met this man and, by the sounds of it, you have barely even spoken to him. He knows nothing about you (unless it relates to work) and has no interest in anything that is personal or means something to you (eg your old house). You know nothing about him other than what you have learned of him as a 'famous' person.

 

You have never had chatty conversations as friends getting to know one another. Most of your interactions have been sexting and him trying to coerce you into sending him naked photographs in compromising positions.

 

So what are you feeling low about? Are you saying that you have feelings for this man? If, so, how? How do you feel anything romantic for someone you don't know who has basically been rude and disrespectful from the first contact? How, exactly, is he a catch?

 

I really don't understand because, from everything you have said about him, he sounds horrible.

[LittleTiger]

Well I had a work dinner with him a couple of years ago. We were both married at the time. And I have dealt w him from time to time for work...

 

But you are right. He doesn't know anything about my life.. At least not a ton. He knows superficial things and the fact my dad died etc. but not what makes me happy etc.

 

I think I am sad because I was VERY excited to be around him. It's thrilling .. He is quite dynamic.. Of course. But I agree.. There just wouldn't be a long term. He says he's lonely. Wants a wife and kids. His ex cheated on him years ago. No kids. So when I hear those things.. I see some genuine compassion. But it prob wouldn't apply to me.. Long term.

 

I'm sorry that you've lost the excitement of him being in your life but maybe this will help.

 

It is possible that he is looking for a relationship. However, you are not the kind of woman he will settle down with. I don't mean that in a nasty way, I just mean that you are not strong enough mentally or emotionally to 'handle' a man like that.

 

The kind of woman who will eventually catch him (if anyone) is the kind who will stand up to his appalling and disrespectful behaviour. A woman who demands respect from him. Someone who is willing to cut ties after the very first insult - regardless of his good looks, power, money and fame. Someone who has so much respect for herself that she won't put up with his, frankly, childish behaviour. Someone he has to chase very hard in order to catch.

 

You were intimidated and scared by his advances and didn't know how to respond to him, so he will never have enough respect for you to form a long term relationship. As much as you tried to portray yourself as a nice girl who was shocked by his texts, you were way too easy for him. If you met up with him, he would have you for breakfast.

 

I'm sorry if that's harsh but it is the reality.

[laura22]

Well I think that is why he has chased me so hard. I've blown off a few of his invites and fully paid trips to the Hamptons. He isn't used to it.

He called me after that insulting text earlier today and I let it go to vm. And I didn't respond. Now he's sending me pictures of himself...

[LittleTiger]

Well I think that is why he has chased me so hard. I've blown off a few of his invites and fully paid trips to the Hamptons. He isn't used to it.

He called me after that insulting text earlier today and I let it go to vm. And I didn't respond. Now he's sending me pictures of himself...

 

You allowed him to continue to send you insulting texts whilst agreeing to meet him in a five star hotel room for a hook up. He didn't have to chase you hard at all!

 

The kind of woman who will catch him is not the kind who asks for advice on LS about whether she should hook up with a jerk because he's rich, famous and good looking. She would never have agreed to meet him in the first place.

 

If he's still sending you pictures nothing has changed. It's up to you to put an end to this. Until you do, he will carry on insulting you with requests for naked photos and he'll keep trying to get you to meet up with him for a ONS. Five star or not!

[FitChick]

Well I think that is why he has chased me so hard. I've blown off a few of his invites and fully paid trips to the Hamptons. He isn't used to it.

He called me after that insulting text earlier today and I let it go to vm. And I didn't respond. Now he's sending me pictures of himself...

 

Naked ones? If yes, tell him to stop or you will forward them anonymously to the NY Post.

[AlexDP]

Thanks for this advice...I do appreciate it. This man is EXTREMELY successful and powerful. He is a good guy...lots of charity work.

 

You mean he's American Psycho?

[CherryT]

Well his ex wife and former girlfriend were actress wanna be type and also lingerie models. So.. It's clear that he is pretty into the physical...

 

He is a very good looking man. But yes if he was the plumber .. I would prob have a different image of him.

 

Question. Is it common for men in a NEW rElationship to ask for text pictures of body parts? And I mean even the parts "south of the border"? I thought obgyn was the only person who would want to LOOK at that..

 

NO. Every boyfriend I've had (some for YEARS) have never asked me ONCE to send pictures to him. If I wanted to do it, they would be happy to accept it but never would they impose and ASK. Also, it's different if you're in a relationship (especially LD) and couples want to keep it hot during their time apart. The difference is... they're a couple. They're committed. And there's NO ONE ELSE. You have no idea if there's someone else and you're not even in a relationship with him.

 

No actually he is quite famous. Unfortunately for me because I will be reminded of him every time I see him and he's great for giving himself publicity. He was just in NY post last month. Ugh.

 

This is going to be hard... Because as difficult as some of this has been... He really appears to be QUITE the catch. But if he is like this... He would end up breaking my heart. Im already feeling pretty low. (

 

You need to work on yourself and your self esteem. I don't know how you find this man a catch? When all he likes to do is flirt and ask you for pictures of your bitty parts. He doesn't care about your old neighborhood or where you've come from, your childhood or anything. Yet he'll respond like an as*hole about it because it's "too ugly for him" and then ask you to provide naked pictures... real catch?

 

Honestly, it sounds like you're infatuated by his status. The fact that he is a powerful, rich successful business man that people know. You want in on that. You're willing to try and convince yourself that he's a catch, when he's not.

 

You're practically ignoring everyone in this thread and justifying his actions but I think you know in your gut that he's a slim ball. You're the only one that can make your own choices... so it's up to you. You can trade your soul and self-worth in exchange for someone who's extremely narcissistic, abusive (sending you insulting texts... imagine what he'd be like if you were committed - YIKES!) and the life living with a successful business man.

 

That's why I have always vowed that I'll always provide for myself. If I want that nice Country home, I'll buy it myself. I always wanted the love of my life to be my partner. And that means he knows that I don't need him and we're in this because we want to, not because we have to. My BF and the love of my life treats me like the best things that's ever happened to him. Because he has pride in my work ethic and we work towards our goals and it's not just about one or the other but both. Don't you want that? Instead of some guy who treats you like "great, you're trying to tell me about your childhood. But who gives a crap about that ugly bush, why don't you send me yours". You deserve better but only if you want better.

 

Like someone said... you set your own standards. You TEACH people how to treat you... so the way he's treating you is exactly how you're allowing him to.

 

Remember, he's a "rich successful man" and an all expenses paid trip to you is no big investment for him. He probably thinks it's fun because he can sense you'll break if he tells you the right things. Don't trust everything a man says to you. Let them prove it to you.

Edited April 7, 2013 by CherryT