Should this happen?

[PepperPotts]

I don't mean to be rude...

 

...but am I the only one here who is starting to get skeptical about this whole thing? New account tells story of famous guy who wants to meet non-famous girl in a five star hotel, girl isn't sure if she should go or not, remains unsure after four forum pages of people pointing out why it's a bad and potentially dangerous idea because, as she keeps reminding us, he's super famous and super hot?

 

And I think most famous men know it's not a fantastic idea to send indelicate pictures of yourself to women who are ignoring you-- she very well *could* sell them to the Post, and he would surely know that.

 

I don't know... it just smells fishy to me.

 

And if this *is* real, Laura, our advice is just going to keep repeating and repeating and repeating...

[laura22]

You can be a skeptic but you would be wrong. I am in the same industry as this man so he knows that I'd never "out" him.. But to be honest.. I think he trusts me because I'm prOb the first woman he's talked to .. Who has a child and is not out for his money. I don't make as much as him but I do well myself. But I also recognize that I am drawn to him brcause he is successful in my field.

 

And yes.. I am doing my best to stay strong. I ignored him all afternoon and he finally texted a pic of himself again and told me he booked his flight for next weekend even though I told him to wait until I got my itinerary ...2 days ago!

 

So now... I'm in a bind. IF he really did buy his ticket.. I'm going to give him even more ammo against me.

[FitChick]

IF he really did buy his ticket.. I'm going to give him even more ammo against me.

 

What does that mean? Has he said he would ruin you in business if you didn't have sex with him? Tell him you have naked pictures of him so you wouldn't recommend it.

 

You need to google his divorce and past relationships and dig up some dirt on him. I'm sure he didn't suddenly develop a brain tumor and start abusing women. Maybe that would convince you what a douchebag he is, even though all of us already know that.

 

Ask yourself how you would feel if you met him and had sex and he totally ignored you afterward or, worse, you suspect he was telling colleagues about your escapades. He has a certain reputation so those people would respect the fact that you didn't give in like all the other sluts and wannabes.

 

If he is in showbiz, PM me with his name. I may know him or know a lot about him.

[FitChick]

...but am I the only one here who is starting to get skeptical about this whole thing? New account tells story of famous guy who wants to meet non-famous girl in a five star hotel, girl isn't sure if she should go or not, remains unsure after four forum pages of people pointing out why it's a bad and potentially dangerous idea because, as she keeps reminding us, he's super famous and super hot?

 

Funny you should say that. I was thinking the same thing. I could see an inexperienced twenty-something girl falling for this crap but not a mature woman and mother. It could be a total fiction from a wannabe romance novel writer testing the plausibility of a future plot. Jackie Collins, is that you?

[CherryT]

Does sound fishy... but just in case.

 

You say you're in a bind but you put yourself there. You suggested he come and asked him to wait until you got your itinerary. With his history of disrespect and disregard for what you're saying, it's totally in line that he would ignore that too and just book it.

 

If you don't want to feel in a bind, stop setting yourself up for it. I don't know what you want us to say? You are clearly putting yourself in that situation and then wondering why. You invited him and now you're afraid he'll actually go? You're responsible for your own actions and your actions are singing a different tune then what you're saying to us.

[laura22]

I realize that my actions are to blame.. No matter what happens. I can stop this.. And avoid telling him which hotel I'm at etc.

 

My problem is that I tend to feel bad.. He appeals to my "generous/nice" side.

 

I guess my biggest problem is there is still a riduculous part of ne who thinks there my be a chance that he truly wants ME. But when I look down at my body.. I realize that's insane. His last girlfriend was essentially a VS model. I'm not bad.. But I'm not that. And he will realize in time.. And it is hard for me to swallow defeat.

 

Buy I will end it tomorrow. Still don't know how. But I jabe to. Being dumped will be far more hurtful. ((

[FitChick]

My problem is that I tend to feel bad.. He appeals to my "generous/nice" side.

And it is hard for me to swallow defeat.

 

Do you have a pattern of playing the victim in your relationships? A predator can smell a victim a continent away.

 

When was the last time you had a date? Had sex? Had a relationship? What is your relationship with your son's dad?

 

Something will be hard all right but you will have to swallow!

[laura22]

I am not normally a victim but I am a people pleaser. That is true.

 

I was a doormat with my ex .. And my last relationship my BF was prob going to cheat on me. He was a narcasaist too.

 

These men ..

 

My Ex actually looks like a saint.. In comparison to this current guy

 

 

I mean one morning I texted him that I got really sick Overnight.. Prob food poisoning. Said I was better. His response? "well I bet your vagina still looks great!".

Edited April 8, 2013 by laura22

[CherryT]

I am not normally a victim but I am a people pleaser. That is true.

 

I was a doormat with my ex .. And my last relationship my BF was prob going to cheat on me. He was a narcasaist too.

 

These men ..

 

My Ex actually looks like a saint.. In comparison to this current guy

 

 

I mean one morning I texted him that I got really sick Overnight.. Prob food poisoning. Said I was better. His response? "well I bet your vagina still looks great!".

 

Again, I don't know why you want to please a pig like that. Anyway, all I can offer is the idea for you to work on yourself. You can't change these men, but you can change what you're willing to put up with. They will be who they are and you can control what you gravitate to.

 

After all you've told us you still give a sh*t about whether this scumbag likes YOU. Who the f*ck cares if he likes you? He doesn't deserve you.

 

Your son deserves a mother who has a backbone. Remember you're not just choosing your next BF or even more. You're choosing a man who will be in your sons life. Do you want a scumbag to be his bonus dad? I think you need to seek counselling so you can get your priorities back in check and learn to deal with your insecurities so they don't make you gravitate to these jerks. Unless you take control of what you will be putting up with, eventually you'll just run into a big enough jerk who can't take no for an answer and will result in physical abuse or rape or whatever. Sounds harsh, but it doesn't seem like you're wiling to set a standard until that happens. I don't know how clearer the signs can be with this guy to RUN away and yet you stay. Please seek help.

[laura22]

I actually made a therapy appointment for this week.

 

I was raped repeatedly as a teenager by a family "friend". I think I'm seeing signs that the crime is still haunting me and causing problems in my behavior.

[CherryT]

 

Something will be hard all right but you will have to swallow!

 

FitChick, you got me

[LittleTiger]

I actually made a therapy appointment for this week.

 

I was raped repeatedly as a teenager by a family "friend". I think I'm seeing signs that the crime is still haunting me and causing problems in my behavior.

 

That's a very wise move! I hope your therapist is able to help.

[FitChick]

I am not normally a victim but I am a people pleaser. That is true.

 

I was a doormat with my ex .. And my last relationship my BF was prob going to cheat on me. He was a narcasaist too.

 

My Ex actually looks like a saint.. In comparison to this current guy

 

You sure know how to pick these guys! Doormat. Victim. People pleaser. Martyr. All the same thing.

 

Sorry if I am a bit harsh but I had a friend ('had' is the operative word) like you. After years of 'poor me' 'what should I do' and never changing and always moaning and looking for sympathy, I got her out of my life. I am so much happier without the stress and drama.

[LittleTiger]

You sure know how to pick these guys! Doormat. Victim. People pleaser. Martyr. All the same thing.

 

Sorry if I am a bit harsh but I had a friend ('had' is the operative word) like you. After years of 'poor me' 'what should I do' and never changing and always moaning and looking for sympathy, I got her out of my life. I am so much happier without the stress and drama.

 

That is harsh FitChick! Especially when she has just said she is seeking the help of a therapist.

 

The OP is not your ex-friend. I also think she has shown very positive signs of having learned from her experience with this creep - credit where it's due!

[laura22]

Well you have been a good online "friend" to me. So thank you. I'm working very hard to see the light so to speak...

 

All of this feedback has given me strength .. I was too enamored with this man.

[Celtica]

I mean one morning I texted him that I got really sick Overnight.. Prob food poisoning. Said I was better. His response? "well I bet your vagina still looks great!".

 

O.M.G. Out. Get him out. Now!!! If I got a text like that, I would have blocked and deleted asap. And went to find some type of person I trusted in case he started stalking me or harassing me anymore. In order to prevent any creepos like this from coming into your life, you've got to develop your senses to sniff 'em out real quick. Go make some friends in a church group. Go meet people who are in healthy relationships, know what it's like. Re-program your role models, and the mental image of what kind of man you want in your life by finding those people who are healthy. That's what I did. I grew up Catholic, but my parents were horrible role models. Not until I surrounded myself with people who had healthy views of what it means to be in a relationship and marriage, and to be in love as what Christ had for us (of course, these are my beliefs, take it or leave it), I was able to sniff out such guys from miles upon miles away. Role models are key, feeling safe in your social surroundings is key. May not be as exciting as the ritzy, never-satisfied, luxuriously-living men you might meet, but in the long run it's far more pleasurable and satisfying and beautiful. You are not a victim. You are responsible for your life. You choose.

[troubadour]

 

I mean one morning I texted him that I got really sick Overnight.. Prob food poisoning. Said I was better. His response? "well I bet your vagina still looks great!".

 

 

If I were you I would be calling Gloria Allred today.... she would find a way to squeeze some big $$$$ out of that POS.

[laura22]

I am not a gold digger nor am I a bad person. I like to be happy and have the people around me happy. This guy is a very dynamic personality. I don't think he's a bad person. But I think he has a one track mind. His ex wife and girlfriends have been prominent ... Tramps .. High profile. He knows how to recruit hot women ... But I have noticed his girls have been crazy people. Not all but some. One got arrested for going crazy On a cop arresting her for DUI ..

 

So... I wouldn't out him.. No matter what. Although he is a champion In the non profit arenas too.. But he makes no effort to be discreet about his taste in playboy type women. He lives it up and it's all over social Media.

[laura22]

Can I ask a piece of advice? I have therapy later this week. But I need to figure out how to handle this properly. When I text him and tell him that's this is done. (I have been guilty of giving him mixed signals).. Should I tell him that he has hurt my feelings and I'm not willing to meet him and talk any longer?

 

I have to give him some answer/adios to keep graces considering we work in same industry. He says he booked a flight for next weekend.. Because he's trying to push me closer to him. He knows I fell off the map when he offended me when he insulted my former home.. And them tpld me I should send a picture of MY bush to him instead.

 

I just want to feel good about the way I end this and not worry about saying too little or too much.

[LittleTiger]

Can I ask a piece of advice? I have therapy later this week. But I need to figure out how to handle this properly. When I text him and tell him that's this is done. (I have been guilty of giving him mixed signals).. Should I tell him that he has hurt my feelings and I'm not willing to meet him and talk any longer?

 

I have to give him some answer/adios to keep graces considering we work in same industry. He says he booked a flight for next weekend.. Because he's trying to push me closer to him. He knows I fell off the map when he offended me when he insulted my former home.. And them tpld me I should send a picture of MY bush to him instead.

 

I just want to feel good about the way I end this and not worry about saying too little or too much.

 

If you want to be nice about it then just tell him the truth and stand your ground.

 

You don't owe him any explanations but nor do you have to be rude.

 

You could tell him you've changed your mind. That you appreciate the help he's given you professionally (if he has) but you find his sexting offensive (he won't be surprised) and you're not interested in hooking up with him. You could tell him he's not your type and you've decided to call it quits. Then ask him not to contact you again.

 

If he won't listen to you, you might have to approach someone more senior to get him to stop harassing you - because that's what he's been doing. You've played a dangerous game here so let's hope you can walk away unscathed.

 

Good luck!

[laura22]

Yes this won't be good and I'm very nervous about it. The truth is I told him I would meet him for DINNER someday.. And he is texting about his flight reservations and how he wants to get that 5 star hotel. I am scared about texting and shutting him down but I have no choice at this point.

 

I think he's going to think I'm a complete flake because ive continuously blown him off. It was my fault.. Because I played into it for awhile.

 

Now.. It's different. So I was thinking of texting and telling him I'm sorry but I can't meet him while I'm on the east coast for business because he has offended me one too many times. And while I appreciate our past relationship, I just can't continue.

 

My gay BFF told me that he thinks he's a narccist and that will only inflame him .. And thinks I should just avoid ever texting him again. But at this stage .. I think he would call 9 1 1 on me because it would be unlike me and I would not normally be so in attentive.

[FitChick]

I think he would call 9 1 1 on me because it would be unlike me and I would not normally be so in attentive.

 

Only someone who cares about you would call 911.

 

Text him that you've changed your mind, you will be too busy and you're sure he won't be lonely for long.

[justwhoiam]

Yes this won't be good and I'm very nervous about it. The truth is I told him I would meet him for DINNER someday.. And he is texting about his flight reservations and how he wants to get that 5 star hotel. I am scared about texting and shutting him down but I have no choice at this point.

The above along with the other things you said speaks for itself. I see anxiety all over the place. You're scared to be involved in something that would disgust you, and you're scared to stand him up. And that all came because of some silly sexting.

 

Anyway, you didn't answer my questions. So I too question your good faith.

[laura22]

Well I texted him to end it this am and he was completely blindsided or so he said. He was very upset and asked me to explain why I felt so offended. Untold him gently what happened and told him the details didn't matter. He begged for me to forgive him. Told me he had a NJ kind of sense of humor and said he really didn't mean disrespect. Just. Warped sense of humor. He offered to fly out and simply take me to dinner and said that it would be a mistake for both of us if we didn't simply meet for dinner. He said we didn't even have to hold hands. I haven't responded to his million texts... He seems quite apologetic and sincere. Am I crazy for believing him?

[TMichaels]

Am I crazy for believing him?

 

Yes.

 

Is your life really that pathetic or your standards so low that you can't see you're being played like a fiddle? And, what's worse, is that you crave it and continually have fanned the flames while feigning shock and awe.

 

Get a hobby, a pet, a life, or your head examined. You pick.

 

Pick anything. Please. Anything but the unhealthy, dangerous, fantastical obsession you persist in nurturing and refuse to let go.

 

If you can't sort out the forest from the trees, get help -- from a professional not in a forum like this one that obviously hasn't been effective in helping you come to terms with reality or else you would have expunged this idiot from your life long ago.

 

Best,

TMichaels