Caldespair Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 The quick 2o plus years married, 2 kids 18 and 16. 12/1/2012 argument with my sbxw. thought all resolved, but not. Ive been out of our home since. I thought we had a great mariage and had it all. All I can say to sum up why marriage ended is, complacency, 18 year old went away to school, and the old, we grew apart and had divrgent interests. Nearly 100% sure no affair on her end. I have had a rough time, but try to look at glass half full. I lost 20 lbs and have decided to make the best out of a nightmare occurance. I still love my sbxw, tried to reconcile, but she is stubborn, has had divorce in her family. In fact, her mother tossed her dad out when she was my youngest daughters age. I see the divorce as a pattern in her family. I was silly, thinking we would be old together. Its been a rude awakining. The bad lawyers less contact with my two daughters And days like today when I feel the exteme pain of my loss of my marriage. Its noted on this form, how you can move along, feeling OK, but some days it hits you hard. Feelings of despair, loss, and future. Funny that I finally was able to sleep a bit, but now, forget it. Other notes Lonely and alone. Miss my life partner. I have struck up some friendships with a couple of ladies. One in particular could, in the future, be a prospect. She invited me to a concert tonight. I turned her down, made and excuse. My heart is not where I want it to be now. I believe it will be a while until I can be present, and engage in a meaningful way with a women. Any who, this site has saved me and I always turn to it when I feel completely lost. Thanks for letting me vent. Link to post Share on other sites
TailSpin75 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Caldespar - I'll hit my 4-month mark this Monday. I read your words and it is truly as though you were describing the feelings that I have. I journal like a mad man since shortly before the big 'D' was declared - to dump, vent, purge, and to document this amazingly painful... human experience. In the past 6 weeks I have poured myself into about 175 typed (single space pages) using over 100,000 words to describe my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I'll look back through it from time to time - be a witness to my own progress but I also see that in some 'areas' I run over the same old ground. Like you as well - I've met a few ladies and one in particular seems to be... interesting (for a lack of a better word). But I've since throttled way back. I'm just 'not there' (wish I was but recognize I'm not). I get the push from friends but since pulling back - feel a lot of stress relieved. I'll know when I'm ready and I just know that for now I am not. This week has been incredibly 'challenging' for me - just a period (where as you say) it all hit me hard... very hard. I was able to maintain some sense of optimism... recognizing that I was doing nothing more that weathering a strong emotional storm. Came out of the emotional fog yesterday morning and have been doing really well since then, but you and I both know that it won't be the last storm to hit my shores. It's a slow, long, and extremely painful process - but I do accept that because my aim continues to be a full and healthy recovery. Through this process - I have read and heard a lot of advice. To be honest - a lot of it sounded great when I heard it, but with the burden of emotions I was carrying around... they were mostly just... nice words to hear... empty... lacking genuine weight or meaning that would allow me to apply those 'words' in some purposeful way. More recently some of that advice has resurfaced and I recognize I'm in a better place now to at least ponder them and determine if / how I can actually apply them. The one I've been holding onto this week is: You are precisely where you need to be with your emotions. It just reminds me that we all get through this in our own way and in our own time. Thank you for the post Caldespar - for sharing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Hit a pretty low point today, just one of those low days...helped along with the fact that my XH has a job change and is earning a better wage and his GF is now the owner of my old car which was a bday gift for me...just gets getter and better, you get up just to be knocked back down! I understand that feeling of loneliness it's one that I feel the most strongest at the moment, it all sucks as we all know too well Link to post Share on other sites
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