Question for religious people.

[awesomesauce]

How do you deal with your religious views and morals. Im just wondering because im a guy whose in a confused part of his life. Im just curious how other people work around and cope with it. The main thing im confused about is sleeping around, i want to, but i dont know if its the right thing to do. I have asked different people i know, and they each have given different answers. Some say to go enjoy your young life while you can, and then others say you shouldnt do that cause your not that type of guy anymore. I know it all comes down to what i want and feel comfortable with, but i want other peoples opinions cause im sure others have been in my shoes. Also im still trying to find me again, im finally feeling happy and comfortable with myself since my past break up.

Edited April 5, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Noproblem]

I don't practically beleive in religions

I believe there is a God, but as for religions; not so much

 

Still, huh, it's hard to break free from religious thinking; deep down inside, you know it's wrong and there is a possibility you'll go to hell blah blah blah -____-

 

So, even if you slept around, you won't really enjoy it, because you will feel guilty!

 

What I mean is, if you think it's wrong, chances are you'll still think it's wrong after doing it....

So, it's simple; don't do it unless you think it's OK and Right

 

I didn't help much, did I

[Giraffe1]

Do some soul searching and that's how you will find out the answer to this question. We are all individuals and live our lives differently depending on our beliefs. Do what feels right for you that's what it boils down to, you.

 

For me personally sleeping around is not something I enjoy. It leaves me with an empty, used feeling. I see sex as sacred and special and I only want to give that part of myself to men who deserve it.

[Djz05]

Ah religion. One of the things that really held me back sexually. Always said I'd never have sex until after getting married, which I had every intention of doing.

 

23 years later I realized it was just not me. I didnt want someone telling me what I can and cannot do. If Im not harming anyone, I should be able to enjoy myself. I lost my vcard really late, thanks to a really good friend. Afterwards I became more comfortable with myself. I have a really high sexual drive but I never sleep around. ONS are not my thing, I still want some sort of connection before I even think of sleeping wih anyone. I still think sex is a really special event shared by partners. I've had some FWBs and we are still good friends inspite of how others may have turned out.

 

But otherwise I guess there was just a switch in me that flipped and made me change my perspective. Hormones maybe?

[Necris]

I'm a Christian myself and the way I see it, if I'm going to sin and do whatever I enjoy for the sake of just short-term enjoyment why say I'm a Christian at all? Why be religious and not serious about it? So I just try to avoid sin whenever possible. If you're serious about your faith OP do not let others tempt you away from your path. Besides when you think about it a few hours or a few minutes of pleasure is it really worth it?

[ChessPieceFace]

I used to be a christian (now I am undecided/agnostic), I don't ascribe to dogmatic views on morality, but rather sensible and logical ideas about morality. By nature I disagree with casual sex, but I also believe it is more logical and more consistent with an evolved human being to not have casual sex.

 

The most sensible, evolved and rational viewpoint is to reserve sex for people you truly care about, but not to wait completely until marriage (since sexual compatibility is too important before signing your life away, and since it's unfair to people's needs, especially men.)

 

However, no one else is you. Make your own decision about what's best for you and don't let anyone's dogma (be it for or against casual sex) dictate your actions.

[dichotomy]

Sin is Sin. We all sin. I don't believe God, Christ, ranks sins as different than others. They all fall WAY short of his Glory.

 

Example, I occasionally (well when I was younger) got really stupid drunk, or said something hurtful to people I love, and once or twice have had one night stands. What is the bigger sin? I feel bad about all these poor choices. Not sure God looks at bigger or smaller. He who is without sin - cast the first stone.

 

Also there are sins, I know are sins, such as small lying, taking some pens or pads of paper from work home, that I don't feel bad about too much at all.

 

None the less I seek forgiveness for my flaws and try to do my best.

 

Sleeping around is a tough one. I don't like casual sex, not for me. I also think there is no such thing as casual - because bonds are created - chemicals alter your brain during sex, and someone often ends up not being able to remain casual about it. I also like the idea that I am giving and receiving something that is special or slightly rare with those I love. But I understand some people can "keep it separate" and I think they feel about casual sex - like I feel about getting a therapeutic massage.

 

Lastly whether you engage in casual sex or not - I think you are best to think long term on your relationship goals. LS is full of posts about committed partners having issues in discovering their significant others previous wild pasts that were hidden and differed from their beliefs and morals. Who ever you decide to be, believe is OK, or not OK, be honest and open with others you have intimate relationships with. Or more to the point - be the type of person - that you would want to be with.

Edited April 5, 2013 by dichotomy

[TheFinalWord]

How do you deal with your religious views and morals. Im just wondering because im a guy whose in a confused part of his life. Im just curious how other people work around and cope with it. The main thing im confused about is sleeping around, i want to, but i dont know if its the right thing to do. I have asked different people i know, and they each have given different answers. Some say to go enjoy your young life while you can, and then others say you shouldnt do that cause your not that type of guy anymore. I know it all comes down to what i want and feel comfortable with, but i want other peoples opinions cause im sure others have been in my shoes. Also im still trying to find me again, im finally feeling happy and comfortable with myself since my past break up.

 

Good question.

 

Well for me I do not find God operates in my life through rules and regulations, i.e. religion. Rather, he teaches the benefits of his wisdom through a relationship with him.

 

For example, let's take intoxication. When I first got saved, I eliminated all drugs from my life. However, I had many people telling me I could still drink. I didn't really want too, but I just did mainly b/c of peer pressure. I got pretty drunk. God didn't fry me lol But here is what was interesting. When intoxicated, I had a chance to share my faith. However, I was so out of it I could not get my thoughts together. God had put an opportunity in my path, and I missed the mark. When I sobered up, I realized God was teaching me a lesson (how humbling that God will still teach us, even when we are in the midst of rebelling and ignoring his counsel; God is more merciful than we can imagine).

 

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 

Now did God blast me when I deviated from his wisdom? No. But being a Christian, I desire to serve God, intrinsically. Not extrinsically, i.e. follow these rules and regulations or go to hell. Why? Because this life is about learning to live in faith and serving God. Not about serving myself. (It can take many years as Christian to get this...I'm a slow learner haha). My relationship with God is built on love, not fear.

 

Take fornication, which is any type of sexual relationship outside of covenant marriage. God states not to engage in fornication. I'm not a virgin, but after I got saved I determined to commit my life to the Lord. Having had that type of past, I know how these things affected my life. Now if I have sex with a girl while not being married is God going to blast me with a lightening bolt? No. But there are consequences for everything. I have had a relationship with God long enough to know that obedience to God results in the best consequences. Operating in sin does not

 

There are a lot of benefits to avoiding fornication. One of the main ones is that our society tells men that to be a real man you have to sleep with a bunch of women. YOLO (I hate that acronym lol). I think that standard completely misses the mark of how a real man is supposed to live. Men are designed to be leaders and using our spiritual gifts to manipulate and connive is not what makes a man. I refuse for my legacy to be all about myself and what I can get out of other people.

 

A lot of this are things you are going to have to learn for yourself. We all have crises of faith. In these times I would advise to be slow to make any rash decision. After living a few years as Christian, when I get confused like this I rely on this prayer: "Wait on the Lord". What is God trying to teach me? God's lessons always have to do with building us up, not tearing us down. Helping us to become all he wants us to be. Bless you brother!

Edited April 5, 2013 by TheFinalWord

[awesomesauce]

I really do thank everyone's output on this topic, and I greatly appreciate it. I did have a relationship with a girl, she is what brought God really in my life, we did everything but sex cause she wanted to wait and I agreed. I was in love with her so I respected her. However we broke up, and now she's the one that lost herself and sleeping around and doing all that. Guess where I'm getting at is i felt betrayed, I invested 2 years of my life and we had an emotional connection but I did not get to feel that love. Guess you could say I was jealous, cause she changed me from that sleeping around kind of a guy to a guy who wants to follows God's word, but then I get replaced by the douche bag I used to be.

 

After me and that girl broke up, I slept with one girl, and I felt so guilty afterwards. Not because I wasn't over that girl, but because I couldn't enjoy myself, there was no emotional connection and it just was not pleasing. I felt digusted with myself. I have yet to sleep with any more girls lately, like I said I'm kinda lost. However i see people throwing their body around likes its nothing, and it just makes you wonder what happened. Our aspect about life anymore has changed completely and people just don't care anymore. I don't know sometimes I wanna be that type of person, but then at times, I know I'm better than that.

 

Also I may add with the girl I was in a relationship with, I was the one doing most of the pleasing, but for some reason I liked that and was completely ok cause I suppose it was our emotional connection. Guess I kinda miss having a close bond with someone.

[dichotomy]

I kind of understand some of what your saying here - the feelings - the conflict.

 

I have been given the message more than once - that fun sex is for outside of marriage - dating and casual encounters. I now sometimes wish I had been receptive to numerous offers in high school and college. I could of had some real wild and casual times - and sometimes I think I should have and regret that I did not.

[TheFinalWord]

I really do thank everyone's output on this topic, and I greatly appreciate it. I did have a relationship with a girl, she is what brought God really in my life, we did everything but sex cause she wanted to wait and I agreed. I was in love with her so I respected her. However we broke up, and now she's the one that lost herself and sleeping around and doing all that. Guess where I'm getting at is i felt betrayed, I invested 2 years of my life and we had an emotional connection but I did not get to feel that love. Guess you could say I was jealous, cause she changed me from that sleeping around kind of a guy to a guy who wants to follows God's word, but then I get replaced by the douche bag I used to be.

 

After me and that girl broke up, I slept with one girl, and I felt so guilty afterwards. Not because I wasn't over that girl, but because I couldn't enjoy myself, there was no emotional connection and it just was not pleasing. I felt digusted with myself. I have yet to sleep with any more girls lately, like I said I'm kinda lost. However i see people throwing their body around likes its nothing, and it just makes you wonder what happened. Our aspect about life anymore has changed completely and people just don't care anymore. I don't know sometimes I wanna be that type of person, but then at times, I know I'm better than that.

 

Also I may add with the girl I was in a relationship with, I was the one doing most of the pleasing, but for some reason I liked that and was completely ok cause I suppose it was our emotional connection. Guess I kinda miss having a close bond with someone.

 

I can totally relate to what you are saying. It can take time to heal from emotional wounds like that. I think you are right that engaging in reckless behavior to pay this girl back will not help with your healing. I won't lie, it can take time to heal from an emotional wound.

 

Jesus can relate to feeling betrayed. He was betrayed by his friend, Judas. Not that it makes what you experienced any easier, but when I've been used like that it comforts me to know I'm praying to a God who gets what that feels like. Are you plugged into a church? A lot of times, these experiences in life can be healed much faster when we have other believers to help us and be there for us.

 

I think this girl is out of your life for a reason. Right now, it can be hard to see that because you're hurting. But I think you are doing the right thing. And don't beat yourself over your mistake. God understands and forgives. Main recommendation is to not keep this to yourself and to talk with friends or other believers. Not ones that are going to judge you or tell you to just man up. But those that will listen and help you heal. I will pray too bro.

 

The Visual Bible - Gospel of John - YouTube

[BetheButterfly]

How do you deal with your religious views and morals. Im just wondering because im a guy whose in a confused part of his life. Im just curious how other people work around and cope with it. The main thing im confused about is sleeping around, i want to, but i dont know if its the right thing to do. I have asked different people i know, and they each have given different answers. Some say to go enjoy your young life while you can, and then others say you shouldnt do that cause your not that type of guy anymore. I know it all comes down to what i want and feel comfortable with, but i want other peoples opinions cause im sure others have been in my shoes. Also im still trying to find me again, im finally feeling happy and comfortable with myself since my past break up.

 

I believe sex is ideally a wonderful, connecting experience between 2 adults who love each other. For me, the only relationship that I have where sex is involved is with my husband. Sleeping around would hurt us psychologically and break the covenant we made to each other. We'd also be at risk for stds.

 

Now, if I weren't a Christian, it's probably likely that I would have a similar view due to my goals of having a strong family, as well as having children someday. While there has been and are most definitely families that are not "traditional" it does seem that faithfulness in marriage is helpful to establishing and keeping trust and the connection between spouses strong.

 

To me, emotions are a huge part of sex. Sleeping around before marriage is detrimental to me because I tend to bond emotionally with who I "make love" with in this most intimate act: sex. If I were sleeping around (or cheating) during marriage, that would be the most painful thing to my husband, and visa versa. We trust each other to be faithful, and we enjoy exploring our sexuality together!

 

About finding you, I think it'd be good to lay out your goals in life. Would you like to someday have a mate who you trust and who trusts you, who you love and who loves you, and with whom you grow old? While there are some cases of people who sleep around doing this, it does seem to be that being faithful before that relationship as well as during that relationship helps with trust and with building a strong foundation for the relationship.

 

As a person who believes in God, I think that God created guidelines/rules (like in sports, there are rules) not to be mean and restrictive, but rather to protect peoples' emotional well-being. For me personally, sleeping around I know is not beneficial to my wellbeing, but rather detrimental. However, sleeping with only my husband, the wonderful man who loves me and who I love, is extremely beneficial and is a big part of what makes life so awesome!!!

[Eve]

I really do thank everyone's output on this topic, and I greatly appreciate it. I did have a relationship with a girl, she is what brought God really in my life, we did everything but sex cause she wanted to wait and I agreed. I was in love with her so I respected her. However we broke up, and now she's the one that lost herself and sleeping around and doing all that. Guess where I'm getting at is i felt betrayed, I invested 2 years of my life and we had an emotional connection but I did not get to feel that love. Guess you could say I was jealous, cause she changed me from that sleeping around kind of a guy to a guy who wants to follows God's word, but then I get replaced by the douche bag I used to be.

 

After me and that girl broke up, I slept with one girl, and I felt so guilty afterwards. Not because I wasn't over that girl, but because I couldn't enjoy myself, there was no emotional connection and it just was not pleasing. I felt digusted with myself. I have yet to sleep with any more girls lately, like I said I'm kinda lost. However i see people throwing their body around likes its nothing, and it just makes you wonder what happened. Our aspect about life anymore has changed completely and people just don't care anymore. I don't know sometimes I wanna be that type of person, but then at times, I know I'm better than that.

 

Also I may add with the girl I was in a relationship with, I was the one doing most of the pleasing, but for some reason I liked that and was completely ok cause I suppose it was our emotional connection. Guess I kinda miss having a close bond with someone.

 

I reached a point where it didn't feel right anymore to sleep with anyone without there being a connection.. but I was sort of like that anyway. When I met H, we did sleep together prior to marrying and it felt a bit wrong but not wrong enough to stop mind you, but hey..

 

For you I think it is about claiming your beliefs for yourself now. The relationship with your ex was guided by a principle she felt she needed to keep and you respected it. Now it is about following what rises in you when you are with someone. This seems to be that you want a deeper connection and from what you say, this sounds to be your authentic desire. Your ex can do whatever she wants. I would just say to try not to feel too discouraged by what she is doing now. You said you used to sleep around so you know the score with all that. She probably is doing what her friends are doing.

 

Personally, my faith developed over time and as I became closer to God many of the things that would bother me stopped bothering me. This was a mixture of maturity in identifying who to pursue and who not to.. as naturally should happen as we get older - but primarily I was lead by a growing sense of what the absence and presence of the voice of Christ and The Holy Spirit looks like in myself and in others. That has become my guide beyond what anyone around me is doing and helps me to centre on what is actually important.

 

All being said, I would say what is most central is that you pray sincerely as you go about your life regarding what your true desires are and what sort of person you would like to share your life with and be what you are asking in word and in deed.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[El Brujo]

This is my question for religious people: do you really and truly believe that beings of spirit can break the laws of physics? (e.g., levitate heavy rocks, bring decomposed dead bodies back to life, stop the Earth from spinning, etc etc)