No sex in 4 months, sexuality confusion

[greenthumb95]

Hello all, I am desperately in need of some advice.

 

You may remember a previous post of mine, located at this url:

 

'URL removed, outside urls are not allowed'

 

Anyways, my wife is pregnant, and we havent had sex in almost 4 months! I know that the first trimester sucks as far as nausea, etc..but she doesnt seem interested at all! Our sex life has always been pretty uneventful ever since we met. 2 or 3 times a month maybe, and she never initiates..well, not never..but rarely. A few times I wasnt in the mood when she did, and she says she is scared of rejection, and thats why she doesnt initiate.

 

Am i being an ass for wanting sex with my pregnant wife? I know she is tired alot, but I dont know.

 

Very sexually frustrated here!

Any thoughts?

Edited April 5, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[greenthumb95]

Well, 2-3 times a month was about the norm ever since we have been together. Ever since she got prego, we havent had it tho

[Mantha03]

If this is her first pregnancy than its going to be tough on her with fatigue and nausea but hopefully that will pass it usually does and then the sex drive goes up, usually. Yet, being that your sexual life was so minimal before she may not feel an increased urge. Have you tried talking to her about it? & no you are not an ass for wanting to have sex with her while she is pregnant it helps make labor easier when it comes.

[greenthumb95]

We have a bit, and I understand the pregnancy is tough, especially in the first trimester. I hope she starts wanting it more. It makes my sex urges for men skyrocket when I dont get it.

[ses]

First I want to say that you're being very considerate and respectful of her despite your own needs. I think you should talk with her about your concerns. She may feel self-conscious of her body and does not feel as attractive. Assuage her fears and reassure her. Pregnancy intensifies a woman's hormones and she really may not be feeling in the mood. Sex is a normal and healthy part of any relationship; you have every right to desire the intimacy.

 

What concerns me much more is your attraction to men. I read some of the post regarding the confusion with your sexual identity. Have you told your wife? Are you in an intimate relationship with a man? I think it's imperative since you two are bringing a child into this world and are in a committed relationship. You need to be honest and direct with her. Sex with both men and women can be risky, and she should be aware so she can protect herself from contracting any diseases. Concealing your sexual orientation to a partner only destroys trust in a relationship. It's incredibly unfair. I honestly believe your wife has the right to know. You may be worried of the ramifications but honesty is always the best policy. Don't deny yourself, and don't deny her.

[greenthumb95]

First I want to say that you're being very considerate and respectful of her despite your own needs. I think you should talk with her about your concerns. She may feel self-conscious of her body and does not feel as attractive. Assuage her fears and reassure her. Pregnancy intensifies a woman's hormones and she really may not be feeling in the mood. Sex is a normal and healthy part of any relationship; you have every right to desire the intimacy.

 

What concerns me much more is your attraction to men. I read some of the post regarding the confusion with your sexual identity. Have you told your wife? Are you in an intimate relationship with a man? I think it's imperative since you two are bringing a child into this world and are in a committed relationship. You need to be honest and direct with her. Sex with both men and women can be risky, and she should be aware so she can protect herself from contracting any diseases. Concealing your sexual orientation to a partner only destroys trust in a relationship. It's incredibly unfair. I honestly believe your wife has the right to know. You may be worried of the ramifications but honesty is always the best policy. Don't deny yourself, and don't deny her.

 

I have told her, somewhat. It was over social networks and text messages. She basically told me that unless i want to leave her for a guy, she didnt want to discuss it. I have never, and am currently not intimate with a man. I do have intense fantasies of performing oral sex on a man though.

[ForeverHopeful1]

Hello all, I am desperately in need of some advice.

 

You may remember a previous post of mine, located at this url:

 

'URL removed, outside urls are not allowed'

 

Anyways, my wife is pregnant, and we havent had sex in almost 4 months! I know that the first trimester sucks as far as nausea, etc..but she doesnt seem interested at all! Our sex life has always been pretty uneventful ever since we met. 2 or 3 times a month maybe, and she never initiates..well, not never..but rarely. A few times I wasnt in the mood when she did, and she says she is scared of rejection, and thats why she doesnt initiate.

 

Am i being an ass for wanting sex with my pregnant wife? I know she is tired alot, but I dont know.

 

Very sexually frustrated here!

Any thoughts?

 

To be honest, suck it up. Seems harsh but there are a number of reasons she is having a hard time wanting sex. Her body is changing, she is exhausted, probably doesn't feel sexy, especially if she isn't showing but is gaining weight. Hormones also change a lot too. Is she scared of miscarriage? I know with my pregnancy, we were actually not allowed to have sex because I was spotting and bleeding and we didn't want to have a.miscarriage. We did anyway though. Has she suffered morning sickness? Nothing like being sick all day, everyday, to make you feel really sexy!!!! Lol Whoever said pregnancy was fun and full of blissful ignorance, lied.

 

I remember when my H and I were younger and he was always tired and he would turn me down when I initiated. It took a lot out of me being turned down even though I knew he was tired. It hurt me so badly, I just stopped initiating sex altogether. We then sat down and talked. I told him I don't have any issue initiating but he could not turn me down and tell me no if me initiating is what he wanted. I started initiating more and he stopped turning me down and we are back on track. It took time and he had to prove he wasn't going to shoot me down if I started things. It broke my heart, made me feel unloved and not sexy at all.

[NervisPervis]

Our sex life has always been pretty uneventful ever since we met. 2 or 3 times a month maybe, and she never initiates..well, not never..but rarely.

 

 

How ANYBODY can read that and still say this has ANYTHING to do with the pregnancy is just...

 

BIZARRE.

 

She's not into you in that way. And if a woman is not into you in that way, that means she's just not into you. And it will NOT get any better.

 

Good lord, why are you asking a bunch of strangers on the internet about things they don't even BEGIN to understand or have ANY life experience with? You're getting ridiculous advice (and I use the word very loosely) based on "I heard this..." and "someone told me that..." nonsense.

 

You have been on this site almost a year and a half. Are all of your 1,100 posts chastizing people for listening to people like you post? Why else are we here?

 

OP. I didn't "hear" anything. And nobody "told me" nuthin'. I LIVED what you are going through. Get out while you still can. Be happy. You don't need to stay in a marriage where you were deceived into thinking it would be good. It's not, and the kid WILL NOT make it better. Oh, maybe for a little while. But once her body fully recovers and you see the sex situation has gotten WORSE...

 

You want sex? You want to know what it's like to blow a man? Two words for you:

 

Craigs

 

List.

 

 

15 minutes in the "men seeking men" section and you'll have more anonymous hard dick that a pornstar in a gangbang video. I say go for it. Not my thing, but go for it. You are lucky. You can get gay sex easy-peasy. A lot easier than getting it from your lying wife.

 

Good luck to you.

[will1988]

greenthumb... so I see you didn't like our responses on this same exact thread you posted yesterday. Re-read what I wrote. It still stands. BTW to anyone that is interested and has not read his other threads... Greenthumb did not tell all of his story on this post. He is bisexual and is contemplating cheating on his wife with men. Here is the link...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/gender-sexual-identity/383904-no-sex-4-months-plus-sexuality-confusion

[kamani]

As a woman who has experienced both pregnancy and getting married to a bisexual man I can tell you this.

 

Your wife's sex drive may be even zero due to the pregnancy. Pregnancy was so hard for me all nine months my sexual appetite was almost nil. I'm sure it would be extremely painful for me if my husband ever tried intercourse during pregnancy.

 

You are a bisexual and your wife may be lacking the emotional intimacy of sex and love that she would get from a straight man. That might be the reason that she doesn't get turned on by you. I was never able to orgasm by intercourse till 7 years of marriage and wanted sex with him only once a week. He hid his sexuality, cheated on me till I directly asked and made him confess.

 

Unfortunately it seems your wife chose to live in darkness. I feel for your baby that you guys decided to bring into this world without an honest discussion.

[stillafool]

Your wife is probably secretly turned off by you because you are bisexual. She may want to stay married because of the baby and creating a family life for her child. After the baby is born I wouldn't be surprised if she never wants to have sex with YOU again. I also wouldn't be surprised if later on she has an affair with a straight man.

[NervisPervis]

Our sex life has always been pretty uneventful ever since we met. 2 or 3 times a month maybe, and she never initiates..well, not never..but rarely.

 

 

Hey everybody. I only pick and choose the times I stand up for a man in a situation like this. But HELL-OOOOOOOOOOOO.

 

Read.

The.

Above.

 

She was NEVER into him. When she knew he was "bi", when she thought he was straight, when she cared, when she didn't care. She didn't change. Nothing changed. She just got to a point to where she could shut down for good.

 

There was no bait and switch. She was never into it. He never sold himself as an unknown comodity.

 

If he's guilty of ANYTHING, it's stupidly hoping it would change with marriage and/or kids. Well it changed all right. As expected, it got worse.

 

Wifey knew what she was geting. She bailed.

 

Dude, go out fing yourself as much hard cock as you can handle in a weekend. Jump in with both feet. I am SO TIRED of women ropping their husbands in, then changing the rules, then blaming HIM when it goes to ****.

[Sparty97]

Get used to it...you aren't going to have sex for a while after the kid is born...and if you are only doing it 2-3x a month expect that to dwindle to nearly nothing in the next few years.

 

Welcome to hell.

[Dugger]

Ok wow, people are harsh on here, the guy is honestly asking for peoples opinions and you are jumping on him for it.

 

My wife was extremely uncomfortable during her pregnancy and her sex swings went up and down quite a bit. Did you lack of a normal sex life occur because she actively didn't want to have sex with you, or because you didn't initiate it (since she doesn't either).

 

Not everyone has a huge sex drive, and some people have 0. Perhaps your wife is just one of those people who has very little sex drive to begin with and now that she is pregnant it's even worse. I would honestly say talk to her about it but since you say you already have, then there is only one other suggestion I have for you:

 

youporn, xvideos, xhamster.

 

To go as far as cheating on her with someone else (be it another woman or even another guy) I would say is pretty bad. If you are simply sexually frustrated, hell, join the line. My wife rarely initiates (I won't say never) but I find I have a rather strong sex drive and as such, I just masturbate to internet videos.

 

It's certainly not the optimal solution, but then again I would NEVER cheat on my wife (not like the thought isn't there) but to actually cheat on her with someone else..... OUCH.

 

Perhaps after the baby is born and things don't improve, perhaps she would be willing to go to sex therapy? If that still doesn't help, perhaps you should see if it's a relationship you are truely willing to maintain.

 

The said, masturbation ALWAYS helps, at least for the time being.

[Thegameoflife]

You should have left a long before marriage, and definitely before the baby. Women with no sex-drive don't change. If she started with a strong sex drive and it faded, maybe you could bring things back. You can't restore what was never there.

[adelia]

Not at all! I'd suggest telling her in a loving way that you miss being close to her and that you'd like to have sex. If she doesn't want sex in the way of intercourse maybe ask her to give you a handjob or blowjob. I'm not sure how open your marriage is that way but there's many ways she can be there for you. Congrats on your soon to be baby!

[standtall]

Good lord, why are you asking a bunch of strangers on the internet about things they don't even BEGIN to understand or have ANY life experience with? You're getting ridiculous advice (and I use the word very loosely) based on "I heard this..." and "someone told me that..." nonsense.

 

 

 

The irony of your statement is not lost here. I would say your advice falls under your condemnation as well.

 

Look, there are a lot of opinions here on LS..it is not anyone's role to approve or disapprove..merely to add and respectfully debate.

 

Now, OP it sounds like you have a whole lot of other issues going one with your marriage besides sex. I suggest some counseling and keep posting here to get many different opinions...good and bad... and choose the path that best suits your marriage.