only girl going on a guys trip

[bbcc1983]

Hello. I'm new here and need some advice. I am going out of town this weekend with a group of my guy friends. I hang with 3 of these guys all the time and am friends with another guy coming. I think the total amt of guys will be 7 and then me... I'm acquainted with the rest of the group. Is it weird that I want to go on a guys trip? I mean I was invited.

Real issue is.. My main guy friend and I hang out a whole lot, much to the dismay of his girlfriend who is also a friend of mine. Back story. I have been best friends w the girl for yrs. After a series of events and to keep this story short I became friends w the guy on my own. My friend never hung out w or expressed any interest in him. Lo and behold a year into my friendship w him she moves in w him and they start an insta relationship which I warned against bc u shouldn't **** where u sleep and she had just literally gotten out of a long term relationship mere weeks (more like) 1 week before. That's why she moved in w my friend. Her relationship ended she was stuck and my guy friend had the extra space I vouched for her and she moved in. The rest is history. Anyway she does not like that I hang out with him all the time but he intiaties all hang outs, txts, phone calls 98% of the time. So we kind of have a rift in our friendship over a guy which I never in a mÍllion yrs would think that could happen. She moved into her own place but they still are seeing each other and he still calls me to hang out so pretty much anytime he's not w her he's trying to hang w me and one of our other best friends and his roommate. Now I feel like me going on this trip is going to make her go insane but I mean is it that serious? I know she is jealous of our close friendship but nothing ever has or will happen w us. U would think if a person gets to hang out w her best friend and boyfriend she would be happy abt it but she was always such a downer or dissociated herself from us or a group of ppl we would be hanging out with. She also told him she was jealous of his best friend of 10 plus yrs and roommate and of his dog so seriously she has to be the irrational party right? My friendship with the gf is pretty much we are just cordial when we see each other but that's it and its sad bc we used to be the very best of friends. I'm not sure what happened but I just need sound advice bc I want to have a friendship w everyone and not be in a tug of war btw a couple. Weird!! Should I go on this trip? What should I do abt the tripping girlfriend?

[will1988]

they are going to run a train on you! JK

 

go on the trip. It is not your fault your BFF and her ex/bf are on the outs.

[bbcc1983]

lol Will. I am seriously one of the guys although i do think i will come back maimed or injured bc we are wild and crazy kids and its my first time going out on a trip w them. i think i should go also. but they are still dating or whatever she just doesnt live w him anymore... we are going to have fun and i dont think there is anything wrong w me going i just dont want to deal w any crazy aftermath.

[mammasita]

Why wasn't she invited?

[Radu]

How old are you and the crowd ?

 

Personally i don't believe that much in platonic male-female friendship and i think you will notice a weird dynamic with 7 guys there and you the only girl.

Not orgy-weird, but deffinitely interesting.

[USMCHokie]

This reminds me of that new Kristen Stewart movie, On the Road...

[bbcc1983]

whoa. i wasnt expecting so many responses. i am 23, they range from 22-27. the thing is i literally hang out with half of this group all the time. i literally am one of the guys so it is going to probably be a little strange being away but im not scared, wont be in danger, they arent going to hurt me. the coordinator of the trip sent a group msg out inviting us all to his families place. i literally think i am the only girl going unless some of the guys decide to bring significant others which at this time i dont believe is going to happen. we are interested in the same stuff which is being outdoors, nature, messing stuff up, shooting guns, drink heavily, and fish. i think im the only girl that they hang out with that things dont get weird/dramatic and we just all want to have a good time. i have spent the night at these ppls houses and vice versa nothing has ever happened. i was the only girl at the coordinators bday party and i went too hard and passed out in the hotel with a group of guys and they just let me sleep. we are seriously just friends. i just think its weird that one of the guys who i consider my best friend out of the group knows that my friend and i have issues and he still wants to hang out with me all the time. i literally think we hang out more than him and his gf. so i can see in some ways her being mad but at the same time we are just really great friends that obviously like to hang out a lot.

[bbcc1983]

Why wasn't she invited?

bc i dont think its a bring your gf/ bf type trip.. ps i have a bf who doesnt mind that i am going on this trip. we have been talking abt me going w them for like a year.

[Radu]

I don't think you will be in danger.

 

But at 23 i think you are still very much idealistic.

 

I'll be blunt, a straight man and a straight woman can't be platonic besties.

Add guns, beer, outdoors activities and that will only help to bring it up to light.

You will learn something either way.

 

PS: Some ppl have managed to be best friends over decades, straight man with straight woman, but those are the exceptions that confirm the rule.

[bbcc1983]

I don't think you will be in danger.

 

But at 23 i think you are still very much idealistic.

 

I'll be blunt, a straight man and a straight woman can't be platonic besties.

Add guns, beer, outdoors activities and that will only help to bring it up to light.

You will learn something either way.

 

PS: Some ppl have managed to be best friends over decades, straight man with straight woman, but those are the exceptions that confirm the rule.

 

maybe im idealistic but in the time ive been friends with and hanging out with them nothing weird has happened. they have their own girls and i have a guy in my life so its never been like that. they usually treat me like im one of them.

[Radu]

First of all, let's be clear ... i really think you should go.

 

This is why i don't think it will work :

- men and women control their answers to others based on weather or that person is a potential long term partner or not.

That means that if you ask a woman a question whose answer might put women in a bad light and you are a straight man, she will present it in a positive light.

If you ask a man a question that might put men in a bad light [as a straight woman], you will get a corrected answer as well.

This correction does not happen voluntarily, it happens involuntarily.

As long as we view another as a potential even on an instinctual level, we will give an altered answer.

This means that generally, sexuality and gender does matter in giving answers or friendship.

Hell, there are instances where brothers have fallen in love with each other, through close contact, you can't possibly believe that you are immune, which leads me to my next point ...

- you are naive in the sense that you dismiss the possibility.

Knowing of the possibility and guarding yourself against it is one way to make sure this doesn't happen.

- tomboys are seen as more accesible than girly-girls.

That's because they can speak both languages, malese and womanese.

Guys who would be otherwise intimidated by girls, would find these girls more approachable.

They are also more likely to ask questions about relationships and sex.

How do i know this ?; i ended up in a FWB with my then 3yr old best friend [best thing that ever happened to me tbh, she really taught me a lot].

Tomboys are hotter than ppl think, and hotter than they themselves realise for this reason but also because they tend to have some male characteristics that some women who are gay might find attractive.

- this will be unlike anything that you have experienced before with them because there will be more of them, just one woman [for a longer period of time], isolation, guns [manly thing].

I know personally what happens when you put a girl in a group of guys for extended periods of time.

Depending on the length of the time spent, location, etc ... the dynamic will change.

Humanity is still very much controlled by instincts even though we developed a language, and in that situation you will start becoming 'precious', rare ... one of a kind.

This is one of the reasons why ship captains get a headache when they got 1 woman in their crew of many many MANY men.

The natural instinct of men, is to protect the woman, on it depends the survival of the species.

In all societies, if a man goes missing, nobody cares but if a woman goes missing all hell breaks lose ... if she is of the majority ethnic group ... look up white pretty girl missing syndrome in the US and compare it with a missing latina/black girl.

- finally i think you are naive because even though you were 'first' in his life as the platonic 'bestie' your position and his immaturity [contacting you so often and initiating all contact] basically told his then gf [your former friend] that you are more important to him than she is.

No self respecting woman would want to be in that position.

 

I think you should go, and keep these things in mind, and watch what happens long term.

I believe that you will find it quite interesting from a social pov.

[bbcc1983]

hey radu. you are awesome for responding to this. it seems like you know a lot. i have never had a group of guys ive hung out with ever. i used to be a tomboy when i was younger but i got more girly i am still very much a girl who has some guylike interests and feel lucky to have such a good group of guy friends, i still very much act like/ look like a girl. i have had close/bff guy friends but like 1 not a gang of them. for some reason we all get along really well. the reason im so off putting on the situation is because of the length of time and situations we have been in and nothing happening ever. i wont let it for starters but even when were out drinking they might act a little strange and flirtatious but i shut it down and we go back to goofing around. my girl friends boyfriend (my bestie, whatevs) is really immature- another reason i advised her not to sleep w or get in a relationship w him but that did not matter to her. they have broken up and gotten back together several times over several months. they both exhibit immature behavior that i unfortunately am sometimes caught in. i dont feel like i should stop having to hang out with my friends just bc 1 person gets mad/jealous. i have tried taking steps back but its very hard bc we are all in similar circles.

[PogoStick]

1 word:

Lots of condoms!

Nvm that's 3.

 

It's weird that you're going on a trip that's not for gfs, which in a way means not for girls. What does that say about you? Why doesn't your bf go?

 

Anyways, there's always a girl like you in the group. Fk the jealous girl, you're obviously choosing the guy over her, and he must not care much either since he's not bowing down to her.

 

All you have to do is maintain your boundaries. Wild crazy drunken nights in the woods isn't helpful for that though. Some of those guys would surely hookup with you if you allow it. I'd be concerned as the bf unless you're the straight type who doesn't drink, but you sound like the young party type.

 

In theory, there's not a reason you shouldn't go. In reality, there are plenty of reasons it could all go wrong.

[bbcc1983]

i am now not the only girl. it appears that my good ole best guy friend knew he would possibly get murdered and has invited his gf/ ex gf whatever to the party. no one else is bring s/o but whatevs should be interesting. shes probably going to try to shoot me now- yay

[bbcc1983]

1 word:

Lots of condoms!

Nvm that's 3.

 

It's weird that you're going on a trip that's not for gfs, which in a way means not for girls. What does that say about you? Why doesn't your bf go?

 

Anyways, there's always a girl like you in the group. Fk the jealous girl, you're obviously choosing the guy over her, and he must not care much either since he's not bowing down to her.

 

All you have to do is maintain your boundaries. Wild crazy drunken nights in the woods isn't helpful for that though. Some of those guys would surely hookup with you if you allow it. I'd be concerned as the bf unless you're the straight type who doesn't drink, but you sound like the young party type.

 

In theory, there's not a reason you shouldn't go. In reality, there are plenty of reasons it could all go wrong.

 

 

Why is it weird that I am going on a trip not for gf's?I'm a girl but I'm none of their girlfriends. Sometimes they do invite s/o's but it wasn't like that this time.. Not sure why its nbd. No condoms needed for this trip it's not like that. I can handle myself. I'm a pretty tough chick and I also think that's why I get along w these guys so well.

 

It does sound strange but if u knew the dynamic it's just not happening. I'm very happy with my boyfriend, he knows these guys. He isn't the outwardly jealous type (never shown signs of getting angry when I am hanging out with friends) he's a very secure person and were mostly secure all around in our relationship. He probably isn't thrilled I'm going but I am trustworthy and if I wa ever going to hook up w any of these guys it would have happened long ago. He isn't coming on the trip bc we will hang w each of our friends together and separate and we have mutual friends in common of course but these guys aren't it and he's doing something over the weekend as well.

 

The reason I said fk the jelly girl was bc she's jealous of ppl places and things. Just irrational and ain't nobody got time for that. It was just ridiculous and still is. This weekend is going to be interesting for sure!

[bbcc1983]

Update.. So I ended up being the only girl on the trip. Drama ensued w the cpl I was talking abt so she ended up not coming. Here the kicker. When my guy friend came up (we left wo him as he was bringing her and she got off later than the rest of us) I guess they got in a fight about him rushing here to hurry so they could get out here w us. The thing is no one wanted her to come and he pulled a fast one by finally telling the leader of the trip the day of that he was bringing her. We knew abt the trip on tuesday we left friday. She got so mad at him rushing her that she said just go wo me. (They are SO IMMATURE) anyway he came wo her which I'm shocked abt bc he acts p whipped. Anyway everyone was pretty glad she didn't come. She's not into this sort of fun for 1 and is dramatic as hell. Well he told me when he got in that she said they were done and that she breaks up w him whenever they fight and its no sweat of his back and he obviously doesn't care. His exact words but the gf who I am loosely friends with now txt me last night asking if everyone was leaving early.. I said not that I knew of we had just eaten dinner and had been drinking all day and her bf was actually pretty darn effed up at the time. I said tomorrow? Meaning today and she said no, the bf txt her and said all he wanted was her and he was coming home now. Mind u we are abt 3 hrs away from home and he was beyond hammered. I guess I just don't understand what the heck his problem is. To me he will say terrible things abt her(I have told him on numerous occasions that I don't want to be apart of or talk abt his relationship w her anymore) but then after that he does a 180 and acts super into her again. They are such a toxic cpl and neither one will pull the plug. Why do u think that is? Its just so weird to me! Also I haven't been injured. I have my own room and bathroom and everythings been super kosher platonic!