"He says... I need time to myself"

[LoveB86]

Text Msg says:

 

I'm sorry I just got a lot in my mind right now. I have other things going on I need some time to think about I hope you u understand but I just need time on a good trip sorry (he says my name and not the usual "babe").

 

Mind you we worked across the street from one another. He is 28 and im 26. We were a couple for a year. Talk everyday morning and night. See each other 3-5 a week considering we work different shifts. I am very close to his family especially his immediate family. I Notice he been busy with work that the calls and txts msgs aren't frequent especially this past Easter weekend. He wanted me to come down to see his family, but I had other things to do that day. I see him ad his family majority of the time anyways. We talked things out that following day (monday) and I apologized to him and we flirted like usual (which was at work). He called me that night and abruptly got off the phone because his brother who is in the army called and that's the last I heard o him. Ever since then, he just disappeared.. it's been 3-4 days and no response to my calls or long txt msgs at all. Nothing! He finally wrote responded with that text msg above!

 

Been sick ever since, can't sleep or eat, blindsided and don't know what the hell is going on. I feel weak and can't stop texting him and calling him. I cried a good 50 times and head is pounding.

[Sheilalou008]

Text Msg says:

 

I'm sorry I just got a lot in my mind right now. I have other things going on I need some time to think about I hope you u understand but I just need time on a good trip sorry (he says my name and not the usual "babe").

 

Mind you we worked across the street from one another. He is 28 and im 26. We were a couple for a year. Talk everyday morning and night. See each other 3-5 a week considering we work different shifts. I am very close to his family especially his immediate family. I Notice he been busy with work that the calls and txts msgs aren't frequent especially this past Easter weekend. He wanted me to come down to see his family, but I had other things to do that day. I see him ad his family majority of the time anyways. We talked things out that following day (monday) and I apologized to him and we flirted like usual (which was at work). He called me that night and abruptly got off the phone because his brother who is in the army called and that's the last I heard o him. Ever since then, he just disappeared.. it's been 3-4 days and no response to my calls or long txt msgs at all. Nothing! He finally wrote responded with that text msg above!

 

Been sick ever since, can't sleep or eat, blindsided and don't know what the hell is going on. I feel weak and can't stop texting him and calling him. I cried a good 50 times and head is pounding.

 

Give him time and space...like he asked for. Texting and calling him like a crazy person isn't going to make him see you as a strong, confident woman or someone he wants.

 

Yes, I know it hurts but please, do not sell yourself short. I promise in the long run he will not matter. You will feel like a fool for begging him. Give yourself a few days to be sad and go and have fun. It won't be easy but it can be done. This will not be the last time your heart gets broken and it never gets easier.

 

Whatever you do, stay away from his family. It will make him angry. I know you are close but it is going to push him farther away.

[mammasita]

Jeez, I know how much it sucks to be blindsided like that when it seems like everything is going well.....been there done that.

 

You have to give him space, stop texting/calling/messaging. That will only drive him further away.

 

Scenarios like this will play out in one of two ways:

 

1 - He's too much of a wuss to be 100% honest with you and is trying to slowly fade away

2 - He genuinely needs time and will be back....but YOU have to stop contacting him. Let him look for you.

 

Unfortunately, its usually scenario #1.

[lissa90]

I agree with the above advice.

 

When my ex said he needed space I went crazy and did not give it to him. We are now broken up.

 

Give him all the space he needs, but think of it as a break up and try to move on. Usually (but now always) space comes before the break up :[.

 

Atleast it did for me anyway

[LoveB86]

Okay, I will stop the text msgs and calls. I've been texting a good 20 times in long paragraphs. I tried and no response from him except that 1 msg. It's hard but I gotta go NC. Just am taking this as a end to us. I cannot stop crying. I took him to a hockey game last week and bought the tickets too! This comes by shock as we have a really good time with each other. Our intimacy didn't seem a problem at all. I pushed him away a few times if he made mad, but always resolve our issues by communicating since he was a "huge advocate" ::sarcasm:: *SMH, but he is ignoring me for days.*

 

I did get another text from him when I asked if he had met someone else because I'll be glad to leave him alone and he said "NO". ::sarcasm:: like I believe that.* That's all the information I got from him.

 

He lives with his family.. but today I wanted to visit his parents to thank them for welcoming me into their home and being so kind to me and that I'll miss them*dearly especially his sister (who is around my age) *

Edited April 5, 2013 by LoveB86

[Cogee]

For what it's worth, my ex said the same sort of thing when she had already decided to break up. I gave her exactly what she asked, which was time to think and 1 week of silence later I sent an email asking what was going on and where we stood. She replied immediately to that and we met one final time, where the relationship was ended.

 

It's exactly as stated above, that she was just saying this to delay being the bad person so that she could "have time to think" in the arms of someone else. And yes, I know for a fact that's what happened because she was with this other man during the week I had no clue what was going on where "she needed time to herself to think".

 

Hopefully your story doesn't turn out similar.

[LoveB86]

For what it's worth, my ex said the same sort of thing when she had already decided to break up. I gave her exactly what she asked, which was time to think and 1 week of silence later I sent an email asking what was going on and where we stood. She replied immediately to that and we met one final time, where the relationship was ended.

 

It's exactly as stated above, that she was just saying this to delay being the bad person so that she could "have time to think" in the arms of someone else. And yes, I know for a fact that's what happened because she was with

this other man during the week I had no clue what was going on where "she

needed time to herself to think".

 

Hopefully your story doesn't turn out similar.

 

How did you find out she was with someone? Did you guys see each much prior to the breakup?

 

I'm trying to make rhyme and reason for I don't know why I am, but I am wondering how all this led to Easter Sunday and he practically begged me to go to his house with the family in which I did not go. 1 day I didn't go.. Days later to this "I need to to think". We spent so much time

together, I don't know when or how he met her unless thru facebook which I don't have???

[LoveB86]

For what it's worth, my ex said the same sort of thing when she had already decided to break up. I gave her exactly what she asked, which was time to think and 1 week of silence later I sent an email asking what was going on and where we stood. She replied immediately to that and we met one final time, where the relationship was ended.

 

It's exactly as stated above, that she was just saying this to delay being the bad person so that she could "have time to think" in the arms of someone else. And yes, I know for a fact that's what happened because she was with*

 

 

 

this other man during the week I had no clue what was going on where "she*

needed time to herself to think".

 

Hopefully your story doesn't turn out similar.

 

How did you find out she was with someone? Did you guys see each much prior to the breakup?

 

I'm trying to make rhyme and reason for I don't know why I am, but I am wondering how all this led to Easter Sunday and he practically begged me to go to his house with the family in which I did not go. 1 day I didn't go.. Days later to this "I need to to think". We spent so much time

together, I don't know when or how he would had a chance to meet someone (if that is the culprit reason behind all this) unless thru facebook which I don't have???

 

He said "No" to another girl... *

[Cogee]

How did you find out she was with someone? Did you guys see each much prior to the breakup?

 

I'm trying to make rhyme and reason for I don't know why I am, but I am wondering how all this led to Easter Sunday and he practically begged me to go to his house with the family in which I did not go. 1 day I didn't go.. Days later to this "I need to to think". We spent so much time

together, I don't know when or how he would had a chance to meet someone (if that is the culprit reason behind all this) unless thru facebook which I don't have???

 

He said "No" to another girl... *

 

In my case I hadn't seen her in person in 1 month because she was visiting her family abroad, but we had been speaking on Skype and texting daily. I found out 1 month after our breakup that she was with someone else. I should also add that when we broke up I asked her if there was someone else and she said no.

[LoveB86]

The nerve to not even tell me what was going on hadn't I not constantly bugged him for an answer in which I got 1 short msg. Seriously the nerve to disappear! I didn't see that one coming.

 

The disappear act scares me for life now. I was in a very bad breakup before where I got dumped of 4 1/2 years over the fone. But this disappear act with this new guy is new to me. Communication just stops!

[Castled]

If your partner says he needs time, gives him a watch and walk away. If he says he needs space, send him to NASA.

 

It's simple. You always want to be with the one you love. You might not be able too, but it's not like you can but you won't.

[LoveB86]

If your partner says he needs time, gives him a watch and walk away. If he says he needs space, send him to NASA.

 

It's simple. You always want to be with the one you love. You might not be able too, but it's not like you can but you won't.

 

You're the first to put a smile on my face in literally 4 days. I love what you said about time and space! Thank you.. might be feeling like crap the next minute, but Thank you for that 

[KatZee]

This is what majority of guys do. When things are going on they like to go into their "man caves" to think by themselves.

 

He asked for time and space to think on his own. Definitely got to stop with the messaging because you're going to wind up forcing him into a knee jerk reaction of just dumping you.

 

There's obviously something going on that he either doesn't want to let you in on, isn't comfortable letting you in on, or will let you in on when he finally gets back in touch with you again.

 

My ex pulled this move, and when he came back he confessed to cheating on me and wanting to break up with me. (I'm definitely not saying this is what yours is going to say at all.) But the fact he's isolating himself and not communicating with you leads me to believe that these things he's thinking about have to do with you and the relationship.

 

When guys ask for space, no matter how blindsided you feel, just give all the space in the world. Try to occupy your time right now, your thoughts are going to be all over the place so try not to think much. You're going to make it worse if you're jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst. Try to live your life as normal as possible right now and see what happens when he gets back in touch.

 

And absolutely DO NOT show up at his family's house. That's HIS family. Not yours. No matter how close you are with them, at the end of they day that is his family. They will side with him no matter what and you will wind up looking sad in their eyes.

[LoveB86]

This is what majority of guys do. When things are going on they like to go into their "man caves" to think by themselves.

 

He asked for time and space to think on his own. Definitely got to stop with the messaging because you're going to wind up forcing him into a knee jerk reaction of just dumping you.

 

There's obviously something going on that he either doesn't want to let you in on, isn't comfortable letting you in on, or will let you in on when he finally gets back in touch with you again.

 

My ex pulled this move, and when he came back he confessed to cheating

on me and wanting to break up with me. (I'm definitely not saying this is what yours is going to say at all.) But the fact he's isolating himself and

not communicating with you leads me to believe that these things he's thinking about have to do with you and the relationship.

 

When guys ask for space, no matter how blindsided you feel, just give all

the space in the world. Try to occupy your time right now, your thoughts are going to be all over the place so try not to think much. You're going to make it worse if you're jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst. Try to live your life as normal as possible right now and see what happens when he gets back in touch.

 

And absolutely DO NOT show up at his family's house. That's HIS family.

Not yours. No matter how close you are with them, at the end of they day that is his family. They will side with him no matter what and you will wind up looking sad in their eyes.

 

Katzee,

 

Thank you for explaining to me on this time away crap. Of course, I am not sure why lies ahead, but I will definitely take this time to move

forward. Such a blow to the heart to just leave me here dangling away, but I am gonna give him as much time needed. I hope he goes on a trip of a lifetime because when he gets back, and if he ever talks to me again, I will

tell him to pack his bags because he just won a trip to "Get the fxxk outta here". I am tired of these confused, too much going on issues men. I had more issues that were hugely a issue that had to do with my health, but I never pushed him away. Infact, I was even more appreciative of

him and life in general. But his issues caused me

to get abandoned!

 

You're right about the family situation. I didn't go because I listened to my gut. Thank you for your feedback.

Edited April 5, 2013 by LoveB86

[Damsel in Distress]

Text Msg says:

 

I'm sorry I just got a lot in my mind right now. I have other things going on I need some time to think about I hope you u understand but I just need time on a good trip sorry (he says my name and not the usual "babe").

 

(snip)

 

Been sick ever since, can't sleep or eat, blindsided and don't know what the hell is going on. I feel weak and can't stop texting him and calling him. I cried a good 50 times and head is pounding.

 

 

So sorry Love

 

I had the same reaction when I was blindsided. I felt physically sick to my stomach, lost 10 pounds in a month, crying, head spinning, thoughts racing, my whole body feeling jittery. It was HELL.

 

Others have already told you that texting and calling is the worst thing you can do - for your own good, for his good and if there is any hope left for the relationship. He's asked for space and you have to respect that request or there is absolutely no hope.

 

I will tell you that these first intense emotions WILL let up some, but it's gonna take some time and some work on your part. I spent a lot of time on LS, found it helpful to read all the posts, give out advice to others (easier to see in other people's stories than your own), I spent time with real life friends processing what happened, and definitely go to NC. You will find that every contact will set you back to this raw point - and contact can be anything from seeing his name somewhere, seeing something on Facebook, him texting even if you don't reply, ANYTHING. So the best way to suffer through this period of needing space is to eliminate triggers of him. Honestly something as simple as seeing that he played a game on Facebook has sent a lightning bolt through my heart and set me back to a bad place.

 

I do hope he gets back in touch with you after the trip and lets you know what is going on, but I would recommend that you go ahead and start focusing on yourself and recovering. Regardless of how this story plays out...you have already been hurt and need to start healing.

 

Hang in there. Being blindsided is horrible. It's like the base of your world just got kicked out from under you.

 

Hugs. (and no more calls or texts!)

[KatZee]

I am tired of these confused, too much going on issues men. I had more issues that were hugely a issue that had to do with my health, but I never pushed him away. Infact, I was even more appreciative of

him and life in general. But his issues caused me

to get abandoned!

 

This is where you're going to see the clear differentiation between someone in love, and someone who's on their way to checking out.

 

When you're in love with someone, your first reaction is to go to the person you love for support. When your partner is no longer doing this, and the communication starts to break down, there's a problem.

 

And more often than not, it's not the problems that are causing him to pull away, but because he's looking for a way out.

 

You're smart because you're already following through with your boundaries and saying that if he comes back you're going to send him packing.

 

Me on the other hand, I played this game THREE TIMES with my ex and we stayed together after him pulling the rug out from under me, hiding in his cave, and saying he was unsure of us once every three months until he finally pulled the plug the final and last time. I wish I had just kicked him to the curb the first time he did it because it would have spared me a lot of heartache and the feeling of insecurity and being inadequate.

[LoveB86]

So sorry Love

 

I had the same reaction when I was blindsided. I felt physically sick to my stomach, lost 10 pounds in a month, crying, head spinning, thoughts racing, my whole body feeling jittery. It was HELL.

 

Others have already told you that texting and calling is the worst thing you can do - for your own good, for his good and if there is any hope left for the relationship. He's asked for space and you have to respect that request or there is absolutely no hope.

 

I will tell you that these first intense emotions WILL let up some, but it's gonna take some time and some work on your part. I spent a lot of time on LS, found it helpful to read all the posts, give out advice to others (easier to see in other people's stories than your own), I spent time with real life friends

processing what happened, and definitely go to NC. You will find that every contact will set you back to this raw point - and contact can be anything from seeing his name somewhere, seeing something on Facebook, him texting even

if you don't reply, ANYTHING. So the best way to suffer through this period

of needing space is to eliminate triggers of him. Honestly something as simple

as seeing that he played a game on Facebook has sent a lightning bolt through

my heart and set me back to a bad place.

 

I do hope he gets back in touch with you after the trip and lets you know what is going on, but I would recommend that you go ahead and start focusing on

yourself and recovering. Regardless of how this story plays out...you have already been hurt and need to start healing. Hang in there. Being blindsided is horrible. It's like the base of your world just got kicked out from under you.

 

Hugs. (and no more calls or texts!)

 

 

Thank you Damsel for the response. I am going to do exactly that as you mentioned about LS, friends and staying out of his way. I work next door from him, so I am going to do everything I can to not see him. He has facebook and other social media like twitter and I don't. So I will never know what lies on his page (women, drama etc). But I guess its a out of sight, out of mind for me and I rather keep it the way it is.

 

His favorite show is the walking dead and he likes the same music I do, so it's hard to listen to music now. I keep the radio off and the tv on non-love channels hehe. Oh and I try to skip ESPN since he was a huge sports fan. Breaks my heart but we were gonna go to a hockey game this Sunday and now that we arw NOT speaking, now I can't build the courage to go to the game because I am scared to run into him with another woman

 

Ugh I am gonna hang on in there as this is my first weekend without him.

What's even harder is that just like his friends, they're all married.

So it's hard for me to plan things with. I cannot help but to think if he's talking to another girl to occupy his time because his friends are married with kids too. Him and I been to so many places together, I would just hope he thinks of me. Would be nice if those thoughts will eat his brain alive for hurting me.

 

Hugs to you Damsel! I am going to follow your thread and keep up with how you're doing if you don't mind. You are heading in the right direction and I hope to be there sometime soon. This is my 2nd awful breakup where the guy took time away from me

[LoveB86]

So, today I decided to get out the house. It was nice to be able to go out and get my mind off of everything. But it seem like I just masked my pain and soon as I got back to the house.. the depression hit again  I just don't know what to do at this point. It's my first weekend without him and that's hard to believe. I used to spend every Friday and Sunday w/ him. Gosh this hurts!

[Damsel in Distress]

Well I do think in the early stages there's some amount of wallowing in your sadness and grief that needs to happen. You've suffered a loss and you've been hurt. It's okay to be sad and cry! Gotta release all that. It sucks and it's miserable, but I do think it's a necessary step.

 

Just don't let it make you break NC!

[LoveB86]

Well I do think in the early stages there's some amount of wallowing in your sadness and grief that needs to happen. You've suffered a loss and you've been hurt. It's okay to be sad and cry! Gotta release all that. It sucks and it's miserable, but I do think it's a necessary step.

 

Just don't let it make you break NC!

 

I am goin to try so hard. It's been 4 days of no response, but I text him a good 20 messages from 3am-5am this morning. I messed up but it was hard as I had to break NC. Infact, I was so upset from the no response that I missed work today. I struggled to shower as I was so weak from not eating and drinking in 3 days. I needed some time off and I'm glad I took this day to think long and hard about how to manage this breakup. I went from feeling 0 percent better to 35% today. Still have a long ways to go. I might cry a little bit later but its hard Ms. Damsel 

[LoveB86]

This is where you're going to see the clear differentiation between someone in love, and someone who's on their way to checking out.

 

When you're in love with someone, your first reaction is to go to the person you love for support. When your partner is no longer doing this, and the communication starts to break down, there's a problem.

 

And more often than not, it's not the problems that are causing him to pull away, but because he's looking for a way out.

 

You're smart because you're already following through with your boundaries and saying that if he comes back you're going to send him packing.

 

Me on the other hand, I played this game THREE TIMES with my ex and we stayed together after him pulling the rug out from under me, hiding in his cave, and saying he was unsure of us once every three months until he finally pulled the plug the final and last time. I wish I had just kicked him to the curb the first time he did it because it would have spared me a lot of heartache and the feeling of insecurity and being inadequate.

 

Lesson learned that I will remind myself. Tears are rolling down because I am scared to give him a second chance. Once he done this once, IMO, I could never ever trust him as a whole.

[LoveB86]

Wow after a whole day of trying to manage my new life without him. Feeling about 35% better. Especially because we spent Fridays together every week for a year. Finding it hard to cry as I cried enough. Did everything I could today by going out for happy hour to try and enjoy myself. Came home and felt sad again, went on Love Shack, and took a nap to free my mind. Then BOOM!!

 

Text msg from him tonite goes:

 

I'm sorry (my name goes here) it's nothing bad you did I just need time to think about things. I could of done things differently but i Hope you understand. I know your feelings are hurt i never wanted to put you thru this or make you cry. i had a talk with my sis and felt that i needed time alone to think things straight. I feel by texting you or calling you is only gonna make things harder I'm deeply sorry. Its hard for me too knowing that your sad inside Try hanging out with some friends to keep your mind busy and free from thinking about us. Sorry

 

 

 

REALITY CHECK: What the soft blow breadcrumb bs after ignoring me

for 4 days of this aftermath of a text? Makes me want to cry but am so mentally checked out, I can't cry right now, I am really in lala land trying to clear my head from bullsh** people in my life and stick around those who make me happy. Like the nerve of him! I am NC right now.

[2sunny]

Don't text him - at all!

 

He didn't ask a question or for a response. Don't text him!

 

Go silent on him. Stay busy.

 

I think he already ended it - but is just too cowardly to be honest with you.

 

He's a jerk for handling it so poorly!

[LoveB86]

Don't text him - at all!

 

He didn't ask a question or for a response. Don't text him!

 

Go silent on him. Stay busy.

 

I think he already ended it - but is just too cowardly to be honest with you.

 

He's a jerk for handling it so poorly!

 

Wow, when others see it looking from outside, it hurts even more. Look at this point I already know he ended it because I think the worst already. I am fulfilling my mind in la la land that he probably with someone else and all of thee above. But in the end, reality sets in, starting to right now and I am starting to feel the tears again. What a Emotional rollercoaster, I was fine just a minute ago too. 

[LoveB86]

I am using this thread I started as a "in between the moments" blog:

 

Wow, the pain is resetting after that txt msg. I deleted it even though I posted it on here. The nerve to think he sent that txt after the fact PROBABLY because his sister told him too. She is such a good person to me. BTW, we are all adults here. The reminder of why he needs time is unnecessary. It's like look here dude, there is no emotions felt in the text other than just advice for you to not feel guilty for hurting me. BTW, this dude got cheated on right in his face by a ex gf he lived with 7 years ago. I never ever had hurt this guy ever, bought him and his family gifts, encourage him and supported him all the way, would pay for lunch or dinner at times, would help him and his family clean their house, loved his dogs dearly, was there for him when he broke his toe, nurse him and cleaned up blood from his toe, gave him massages, took him to a hockey game, took bike rides with him. Spent time with him, when we go out with his friends, and hung out with his family. I was AWESOME to this

man! Never hurt him, never cheated! I gave him my all!

 

Why the nerve to send me a reminder to reinforce the bad sh*t. I am in tears after trying to stay so strong.