"He says... I need time to myself"

[LoveB86]

Anyone else have any comments on the recent text from him? Line # 22

 

I just woke up after a 3 hour sleep. This breakup is affecting my sleeping pattern. Only 3 hours of sleep cycle. This is great  I also want to throw up because of these jittery nerves

Edited April 6, 2013 by LoveB86

[misswillow]

LoveB86,

 

I know how hard this is for you. There really isn't anything you can do after that text, except show him, and yourself, that you can be a strong woman by having no further contact with him. No more multiple texts, or any texts. He has asked for space and now you need to respect that. Try not to hold onto any hope that he will change his mind, because as others have said, space usually means a breakup. And I think you're right that he only sent the text because his sister told him to.

 

I know weekends are the worst. There is a thread about that in the Coping section..maybe you could read through that to see how many of us feel the same. I lived with my ex for 2 years, and we had so much fun on weekends, so now they are just empty. All this pain and emptiness is just something we have to go through. Just keep coming here for support.

[Tressugar]

Sorry to learn of your heartbreak. Just want you to know that it will get better with time.

[stillafool]

He is a coward. Why does it always seem as soon as Spring arrives people want to change partners. When I was young and single I always feared Spring when I was in a relationship. Oh well, I'm rambling.

 

I just want to say I'm sorry you are going thru this and what he is doing isn't fair. If he has found someone new he should tell you so. It's unfair to keep someone in limbo. He doesn't need to tell you what to do to stop thinking about him, he just needs to be honest and tell you WTF is going on. Definitely do not answer him and please don't do another texting marathon. I hope that anger will set in soon for you to help you process the unfairness of this situation. He has technically broken up with you he just won't say it. Start drinking chicken broth and try to eat yogurt. Take care of yourself, I know it's hard because you probably feel weak. (((HUGS)))

[LoveB86]

Thank you misswillow, tressugar and stillafool for your response. I am speechless. I just .... omg the three words are about to slip my mouth. Yes, I love him so much. I am about to break down in tears, if he only knew how much I loved him.

 

It's hard baby, it's hard to get thru this. The nerve to tell me to stop thinking of him and go out with my friends. Who says that!? Like I never asked you what to do, so where the hell did that come from? Oh... he probably read the meltdown texts when I said "I love u so much, I don't know what to do now" from earlier this week. I got so much mixed emotions right now

[2sunny]

Stay strong.

 

Respect his wishes and don't contact. Any contact is dissecting him now.

 

Stay busy! Eat well and take a nap if you can manage it.

[Sorelab93]

im in the same situation. my ex gf telling me that she need to be alone and she dont know what kind of feeling she has for me. she needs to find herself.. what the **** is that? tell the truth.. can someone explain me what that means?

[LoveB86]

Just got back from my dentist checkup. Everything is good and teeth is nice and clean. But cannot smile worth anything. I am losing myself and I am trying to love thy self as much as I can right now.

 

Hope everyone is getting through their day. It's hard today! Only 3 hours of sleep. My friends mostly have plans with boyfriend, husband, family, no babysitter ... Am stuck at home for the rest of my weekend.

 

I just can't stop crying.

[LoveB86]

im in the same situation. my ex gf telling me that she need to be alone and she dont know what kind of feeling she has for me. she needs to find herself.. what the **** is that? tell the truth.. can someone explain me what that means?

 

Sorelab,

 

All I can say is just hang on in there. I understand how you're feeling. The best advice I can give to you is to vent it out. Let the pain out but don't do anything destructive that might put you or others in harm. If you need to, run as fast you can, do something that you love to do or always wanted to do, wash your car or go to a sports game.

 

Occupy your mind as much as possible. You don't know, I don't know, NO ONE knows what's going on in these "time to think" dumpers' minds other than them. We don't know if its another man/woman, whether they have a major problem (financially, physically, family issues) we don't know as the secenarios are endless, but what we need to do is stay focus and find our way to being ourselves again.

 

It's hard dude! The man I once loved is gone, that's all i know.

[LoveB86]

It's Saturday afternoon and I feeling very lonesome. I cried and cried over this man and am cold and sad. All I am doing is replaying the moments back and something dunn on me.

 

Just last week before the meltdown "i got other things goin on and need some time to think" that happened this week. Him and I went to a hockey game like on a Tuesday, I didn't see him Thurs/Fri/Sat/Sun which was unusual. But my friend came from out of state to me, so I spent Fri and Sat with her. I asked him if he wanted to come out but he was working and was not in the mood for anything. I texted/called him Fri, he txt back that he was with his uncles and didn't hear from him since. Saturday he worked but called and ask what I was doing and I told him I was going to be with my friend for lunch and asked him to call me when he gets off. He text me saying he was going to his best friend's get together (guess his friends were announcing about their expecting a child). I text him and didn't hear from him again. Sunday came and I text him to say Happy Easter and that we haven't really chatted. He txt back apologizing that he's not been calling but asked me to come over for his family Easter get together. I was kinda upset with him bc I havent heard from him, but was tired and didn't want to do anything. From that day: He changed!

 

Something tells me he spent time with someone else. I am now tripping out, but if he was... then why he invited me over for Easter Sunday if he was guilty about possibly cheating. Now he needs time to think and havent heard from him since.

 

I hate this inspector gadget bs of the way my mind is processing

[JourneyLady]

What we fear is "not knowing". What we fear is them walking out of our lives without seeing it coming. It's very much a control issue of wanting to be able to plan, to know, to see the path ahead and also to know how we are supposed to behave.

 

But we really have no control. It's hard. My guy has asked for space and to slow down as he has other things on his plate. I know I have to let go and let him be - and respond only as he desires for the moment. If I love him, I will let him proceed at his own pace. Because that's what real love does: it lets the other person proceed on their own path, offer assistance (when asked for) and the hope that down the road they decide you are the right person for them: assuming you have decided they are the right person for you.

 

In addition it's hard because we don't know if we should be open to others interest in us as well. The person that wants space but isn't saying goodbye is putting a limit on the person who doesn't need space. They need to recognize that too.

 

Give them this: only respond as asked for. Be willing to share viewpoints if asked for. Stand back and notice where they are in their emotions if you are able to see those. It's hard. It's hell. But it is the only way things can come out right is to wait: if you are going to rush it, you will probably lose it.

 

And if you absolutely, positively can't wait. Heal and move on.

I'm not a patient person myself so I do know it is hard. I have set a personal limit on how long I will wait for him up to a time of less complication in his life.

[LoveB86]

JourneyLady,

 

Your response was enlightening in a calm, adult like manner by allowing space. Space of what others on LS might say "breakup, he cheated, he is into someone else" and all of the above. Others might say that is wrong to be accepting of someone who does not want to be with you, but I liked that you said it as if you love him, let him go. I would love to hear other responses regarding that point of view. It really takes off the edge of what might be considered of someone who wants the person back, but does that ever make you think that all in all is just making you feel of false hope?

[LoveB86]

I feel absolutely alone on this Saturday night. I am starting to miss him, but no interest in breaking NC. I am starting to think what if he's going out with someone new tonight? While I am sitting here sobbing away? Yep its my reality.

 

I am having a hard time with this. No appetite today again.

Seems like I am always the unhappy one in the end.

[LoveB86]

This website is about all I have right now to just vent away. I just miss him so much, been laying in bed and I just cannot get over the thoughts of went wrong!?

 

We "paint the town" almost everyday going to places and just enjoying our time with one another. Why would he not want that!? I know if he goes out, he can't help to think of me. All the places reminds me of him

 

I am crying all night tonite on this Saturday evening

[Damsel in Distress]

Aw, love, you have had such a hard weekend

 

The main thing I would tell you is that it WILL get better. That first shock of realizing that this is happening is just horrible. I couldn't eat, I felt jittery, I really could not believe this was happening to me. I also obsessed over the good times and could not believe he didn't want that any more.

It will get better but you absolutely have to stay NO CONTACT. I think it's especially hard for you right now because you sent so many unanswered texts - every time you attempt a contact and it's ignored it cuts like a knife Plus you were blindsided... and rather than break up with you directly, he's refusing to talk to you about what is going on... it's so painful

 

You also have to start working on letting go of this relationship. It's hard work. You are doing a great job by writing your thoughts down here - it can be so helpful to get those thoughts OUT of your head... and writing them down helps you organize them a bit. Do you have anybody you can talk to in real life? Friends, family? I found it very helpful to seek out my friends. Everybody's been through a breakup before and it's nice to have somebody right there with you who will listen and sympathize. I think it's just helpful to speak the words and know that somebody else is hearing your pain.

 

As you start getting those thoughts out of your head, the next thing is to try to stay out of your head. Instead of ruminating and obsessing, start doing physical things like getting out the house, doing things that keep you from thinking. The more you can stay out of your head, the easier it is to heal.

You also need to try to get out of bed, try to eat something (in that stage I simply couldn't eat. When I started getting shaky I'd get a spoon of peanut butter just to give myself some calories. Absolutely no desire to eat.)

 

But just know this horrible stage of shock, disbelief, grief DOES get better. You can get through this. Hugs.

[LoveB86]

Hi Ms. Damsel,

 

You couldn't had said it any better regarding how he ignore me without any warning. Can you believe he said what he said in line #22 when I am guessing his guilt and probably the advice of his sister to send me a text last night after no responses for days? It was no different then the 1st text but atleast I was at NC when he sent the txt last nite.

 

The problem is w/ family, we all got our own issues between my grandpa being in surgery, my cousin got murdered last

month, I felt this stupid guy wasnt worth me saying anything to my family, but they know there is something wrong. With my friends, they just say the usual "get over it" when its not that easy as 123. Getting over it comes with time. My friends all had plans tonite. But usually I would not bother them because I would of been at my dude's house

 

I didnt even realize it but I took 1 hour away from LS and just watch tv and google funny photos which took my mind off of things for a little. Kinda getting sad again because the later it gets makes me wonder what/who he is with.

[Cogee]

Exactly, talk to someone and just vent all your thoughts. Exhaust your mind, then exhaust your body with exercise. For me, it took 3 weeks for my appetite to return to normal and my sleep still hasn't fully recovered.

 

I'm starting to get myself back into good routines with my friends having fun nights out each week at scheduled times. Eventually the pain just turns numb and you don't think about things as much, but it takes time.

[2sunny]

Instead of being sad I think is be angry!

 

I'd be angry at him for no explanation - no communication - and his inability to be honest with you!

 

You deserve those things and its just cruel and mean that he's not told you what's been on his mind.

 

Get mad - you deserve a man who treats you better than he's acting toward you.

 

He's also a coward - any man is capable of communicating what changed = he owed you that much, at least! The fct that he hasn't and won't shows how much he's a poor choice - for since this his way of handling his emotions - it's really is unhealthy and totally sucks!

 

He sucks!

 

You deserve better than what he's done!!!

[LoveB86]

Omg I just thought of the unthinkable. I wanted to drive over to his house and see if I can catch him in a act. Its 12:06 midnight on Saturday. I been home

all day and I deserve to be told what changed! I'll feel better once I find out it's another girl. Then atleast I will have my closure.

[LoveB86]

Instead of being sad I think is be angry!

 

I'd be angry at him for no explanation - no communication - and his inability to be honest with you!

 

You deserve those things and its just cruel and mean that he's not told you what's been on his mind.

 

Get mad - you deserve a man who treats you better than he's acting toward you.

 

He's also a coward - any man is capable of communicating what changed = he owed you that much, at least! The fct that he hasn't and won't shows how much he's a poor choice - for since this his way of handling his emotions - it's really is unhealthy and totally sucks!

 

He sucks!

 

You deserve better than what he's done!!!

 

You know what? I can't be angry right now. Deserve better? I thought I had better because he was overall a good guy in the relationship. No major arguments, we always talked if there was a problem.

He is acting out now only towards the very end, so I deserve better of someone handling issues when they feel trapped???? I mean I don't understand. The way he is a acting now is a shock. Do I think I'll meet someone better to handle it differently, nope, because otherwise breaksup wouldn't happen because that person was better as to find a solution.

 

This is what hurts me! Not trying to make an excuse for him, but the shock is definitely making me trip out. I've never ever seen this side of him.

 

Something happened! Whether he didn't like me anymore, whether it was another person, or he cheated. He has a talk with his sister who I am closed too. I cannot see her being accepting to this kind of behavior because I was a good person to him.

[LoveB86]

20 minutes had gone by, with no gas in the car which means I have to go get gas in the cold weather, At midnight, just to drive about 45 miles to and from his house. 35 minutes away without traffic just to see if I can catch him in a act is already sounding like a stupid, dangerous idea for me to be out. But what is stupid when you refused to let this one go!???

 

Isn't it how it goes.... when times get tough, when in doubt, don't give up? I cannot and will not let this go.

 

Yes, where is my self dignity? I don't think I am aware how i look right now.. I feel this is just some bat crazy sh*t like this is just some crazy weird sh*t.

 

This guy was totally fine as he in invited me to his house on Easter Sunday to spend a day with him and his family. He called me the next day but got off the phone because his brother in the army had called and that's when it all began.

[OwlSoul]

Panicing is never good.

I'm currently more or less in your shoes. My dumper initially said that he didn't know what he feels about me and needs some space a month ago. So welp, I gave him the space he asked for. It wasn't ideal, since I asked him a couple of times about his feelings, but no message/call bombarding/asking why and etc.

 

So now it looks more or less positive I guess. At least a week and a half ago he was sure he loves me and expressed that his feelings are turning into a more positive direction.

 

The thing is, people usually love something. But something makes them both want it and not want it. It is their own issue and there is nothing much you can do about it. Ideally, they use the 'space' thing to figure out whether say 'yes' or not.

[LoveB86]

Panicing is never good.

I'm currently more or less in your shoes. My dumper initially said that he didn't know what he feels about me and needs some space a month ago. So welp, I gave him the space he asked for. It wasn't ideal, since I asked him a couple of times about his feelings, but no message/call bombarding/asking why and etc.

 

So now it looks more or less positive I guess. At least a week and a half ago he was sure he loves me and expressed that his feelings are turning into a more positive direction.

 

The thing is, people usually love something. But something makes them both want it and not want it. It is their own issue and there is nothing much you can do about it. Ideally, they use the 'space' thing to figure out whether say 'yes' or not.

 

Yes Yes!! We were actually good. No arguments leading up to this. Just one day no phone no nothing and then a text msg. It showed no emotions towards me, nothing about a "I love you, I just need time" Nope. His time away msg sounded so generic. No emotions which makes me wonder what the hell happened?

 

Maybe this guy doesn't want to give me false hope. He was smart and knew not to mention "love" at all during this time away/space/ breakup. The fact he possibly knew to not keep me from seeing a positive or less hope out of it. It's about as mutual as it is because it could go both ways or it could be nothing! The fear of the unknown is the culprit issue.

[OwlSoul]

Just one day no phone no nothing and then a text msg

Usually it's not something happening out of nowhere, you can see it coming.

 

Distancing of my ex was obvious for me when he stopped saying 'I love you', unless I'd say it first. Then something felt wrong in the calls & just face to face communication and other signals. Then he said he does not want the relationship with me (when we broke up in January).

 

Or later, after 3 weeks he returned back and we were seeing each other for a week. Again, I felt something is going wrong. He went cold, awkward and etc. So I asked what is up. Again, this time he said he is not sure what he is feeling.

 

 

The fear of the unknown is the culprit issue.

I think it is quite obvious. He does not feel strong enough to have a relationship with you (so I think about my dumper tbh). But he also does feel something, otherwise he would break up with you at the first place. Unless the guy is a total retard.

[LoveB86]

I just had a panic attack. Thank you owlsoul, for expressing that just right! Was not aware I was in panic mode 45 min ago. Reality sinks into my mind/body/spirit... one day I will be able to look back at this thread and think to myself "what a journey with rain, storm, lightning and sunshine with some gloomy overcast" I am doing the best I can to keep a diary, a history of the emotions behind the end of this, what I thought, was a great relationship him and I had. I have nothing bad to say about our relationship, so maybe a few RESOLVED arguments but overall it was as good as it can get. That's why no anger has yet to cross my mind. Maybe it will come soon or maybe not. I am not making excuses for his actions, but rather, had really took the time to dissect each moment and did not see anything unusual until the very very end.

 

Up and down, up and down, is what I been doing. I am venting every moment I can on LS. Hmm, so I have too much time on my hands? Could

be, but I rather I vent vent vent till I move on than to mask away my mind with fun festivities and activities. Mind you, no disrespect to those who do that, but my opinion/experience is that had not helped me as I just mask

away what's inside. Maybe it will work better for me later on but it's only been 5 days of this crazy weird sh*t.

Edited April 7, 2013 by LoveB86