"He says... I need time to myself"

[LoveB86]

Shoutout to Cogee for your point of views! Helps me put this into perspective. I read what u say over n over

[ThorntonMelon]

Only advice I might add for you is that as best you can - whatever his reason for ending your relationship, you ended up apart. It stings to be cheated on, but lets say he'd ended the relationship before starting with the new girl...is that really better? You're alone either way.

 

Unfortunately relationships are a two way street and require insane amounts of trust that if we invest our heart in them, they won't be broken. I realize this is likely very difficult but the more you make him out to be a terrible person the more personalized you're making the breakup (and it is personal). Remember, what you want more than anything is indifference. And the first step to indifference is to be able to say "I don't care why it ended, I care that it ended because it showed he didn't value me and I need someone who will".

[Cogee]

So hard and my 2nd weekend without him. He cheated, he lied and some people had some suspicion about what he was doing to me at work like the employee lot attendant, but everyone keeps tellin me I have nothing to worry about and that I am too good for him! Things are slowly getting better but

i still miss him. I mad that he hurt me like this. He had been at NC since the last day he sent the text saying "he neede time away".

 

How can someone just ignore me, cowardly, heartlessly just shut me

off and he is in love with a new girl who is now his gf?

 

If he was so emotionally checked out, why he was still pursuing me and asking me to spend time with him if that girl was involved all this time???

 

I wonder what hes thinking?

 

You are feeling exactly the same way I was feeling after I learned the truth. It's very hard to find answers to these questions, especially because we could never imagine the person knew and loved would act like this to someone, let alone to us. We tend to think that people such as you and I who were so close at one point to our loved one would at least be shown a small amount of respect as things are ended, but it's clear our former partners are not capable of this.

 

I've slowly accepted that I didn't truly know her. I could never have imagined she would do that to me after all we went through together. To see this side of her now, I realize that this is actually good for me because I could never be with someone like that. She is a coward and a cheat. Sometimes I feel like breaking NC just to thank her for showing me who she truly is Of course I will never do that but mentally it helps me to move on.

[LoveB86]

Its been 2 weeks since his "space" text. He is now officially taken by his new gf. And Exactly 1 week since finding out about the cheating and lies.

 

What a crazy few weeks this had been for me. I havent seriously cried in 5 days as well as I been on NC for 5 days.

 

Its all over when I think about it. I went out last night to a bar and it had all these tvs with his fav sport teams playing. It automatically triggered him in my head and thats when I got sad. Its all over now...

 

I lost alot of weight bc of the depression, which now I am in the best shape and feel so good on the outside. Been drinkin lots of water and can see a

difference in my outer appearance. But inside, woo... heartbroken!

 

Its all over.. its all over as Im slowly accepting this. Still cant help but to

think of what hes thinking right now and what he might be doing? Im still used to his routine that I should no longer care about. Hehe cannot help it ...

 

I feel so cold, sad, and numb, so what now?.....

Edited April 14, 2013 by LoveB86

[Cogee]

Let it all out LoveB! I have a lot of fond memories travelling with my ex in my car so every time I go out there are certain places in the city that trigger flashbacks. Slowly the flashbacks are fading as time passes and I meet others.

 

Get your mind on something else for a while each day. Get a massage, go to a hot tub, try something new that you have always wanted. Who knows, you might meet some new people this way too!

[LoveB86]

Ouchhh hot tub is what we used to do at his house all the time so I am avoiding that for while hehe

 

I think I will leave the house and do somethin but its so gloomy and depressing outside like the weather alone is makin me feel like sh*t, maybe if it was sunny, It would ease the funk I am in right now.

[LoveB86]

Sorry LS members,

 

I am just writing down all my moments. My heart was in need for music today as I had been avoiding listening to music for weeks bc I don't want to be reminded of him. Well, I was listening to "Circles" by Mariah Carey and broke down and cried a damn ocean.

 

That song describes this whole breakup well. Dude dumps girl #1. Dude is with girl #2. Girl #1 dont know what the hell to do and just want this sh#t to be over!

 

Gosh I am sooo about to have a mini breakdown.

[Appleness]

Stay strong LoveB!

 

It's hard when you're working so close to them with all the constant reminders. Trust me, no matter what he said to her, word will eventually get back to her that he was cheating on you to be with her. Or maybe she already knows (it really doesn't matter). My personal experience with my own BU is that I WISHED he looked relieved to have broken up with me. Instead, he was looking all remorseful when I moved out and blowing hot and cold the whole time. He was volunteering to do stuff that I'd been asking for him to do for me for the last two years. I politely declined. After all, what's the point?

 

There WILL be someone else to come along who will don't all the things he can't do .

 

As for the question of going quietly off into the sunset. If I were you, I wouldn't do or say another word to him or about him to anyone else. Take another week to gather yourself if you need to. Then, fake it til you make it. The crappier you feel when you wake up in the morning, the redder your lipstick and the nicer you dress. The next time you look out the window and you see them, laugh, out loud if you can manage. (If you can't muster it, google something from collegehumor.com). He WILL miss you. A year is not a short time to spend with someone that is "just a hangout friend". That remark hurt you didn't it? So give him a dose of his own medicine. SHOW HIM through your actions that he didn't matter. The next time someone reports little tidbits about he to you, graciously smile and say "he's no longer of any importance in my life, but thank you all the same" and walk away. Don't keep letting other people keep tabs on him for you.

 

I went through something very similar as you last year. We are close in age and I spent nearly 1/3 of my life with this man. A year later, I am in better shape physically, mentally, and spiritually than I have ever been in my whole entire life. Someone told me to remember that our breakup was like a man who drops a $100 bill on the ground and leaves it there because he didn't like how it didn't look new and crispy anymore. The $100 bill never loses it's value. It is still worth the same amount. It's just lonely it's no longer feeling protected and wanted in someone's wallet. But I'll bet you anything that someone else deserving will come by, pick that bill up, and thank his lucky stars that someone was dumb enough to throw something like that away. And that man who throws away his money? He'll keep doing that until one day, he's cold and hungry.

 

He is the man. You are the $100 bill. Know your self-worth and NEVER freely give yourself away to people who take advantage of you and don't deserve you. I don't even know you and I know that you are too good for him. Why? Do you know how many women don't work and make their men buy shoes, bags, meals, and pay all their expenses? A lot. You, on the other hand, buy stuff for this jerk-face. I could have sworn you said that he had a job too. Yes, I know you said that you said he was a good boyfriend, but good is not better. You need better. You deserve it.

 

Use this time to become the best YOU possible. If your ex is anything like mine, he'll soon be dying to know what's new in your life. And if you're the strong awesome woman that I know you are, it'll be far too late.

Edited April 14, 2013 by Appleness
Any longer and this'd be a novel

[LoveB86]

Appleness- yes yes I lost myself. I had devalued who I am because I felt I wasn't good enough to be with him. The shame is eating me alive. I am tryin so hard, but the pain catches up faster than i have time to think. Its like I am dwelling in misery no matter what.! I leave the house, got my hair done, took a walk, did some shopping, spend time with his friends watch tv, this pain just wont leave me alone. Its killing me and this gloomy weather outside is killin me slowly.

 

I am absolutely miserable on this Sunday evening. I will never ever love again eff this fake game of love. I am not gonna spend another month, year or years gettin to know someone who will hurt me like the rest. I would have to be absolutely insane to fall in love with someone else again after this. Love is a game that I don't want to be apart of. Because I have no time for games, so alone I will be.

 

I am scared of what might happen to me.. what's next?

[Cogee]

Could be worse LoveB It snowed where I am a few days ago despite all the animals coming back for some spring love. Meanwhile my ex is scheduled to be married next month after leaving me about 2.5 months ago for someone else.

 

We just have to realize that even if the sun doesn't shine through the clouds, it's always there lighting the sky. There's always a hope of finding someone new, you just have to get passed the gloomy layers and realize that there is a bright and wonderful world out there. Maybe your heart is going to close off because of this but even in the thickest of clouds there is sometimes a break for the light to reach through, and it is a truly beautiful sight when that happens.

 

In time your heart will open up in the same way.

[LoveB86]

Cogee- I am absolutely at disgust of just reading that ur ex is getting married!?? WTF!!!! Come again sweetheart? Who the hell would do such a thing to someone and how someone can make such a big commitment that fast! I can't imagine seeing life straight afterwards! I am so sorry my friend. I am in tears that our exes show no remorse for leaving us. Just living life like nothing is wrong. How you cope with it, I cannot understand!!

Edited April 15, 2013 by LoveB86

[LoveB86]

Why would the dumper be at NC with you from the beginning? Is it that they know what there doing to me is wrong, so they are trying to be the good person upfront?

 

Is it because they are truly in love with their new beau and want to focus on just them? Is it a difference between a guy dumping the girl as supposed to the girl dumping the guy?

 

I see threads where mostly everyone is getting breadcrumbs, but I never heard from the dude since. It makes me feel like I was easily forgotten??

 

I wish he would come to me to apologize! Why am I begging for some breadcrumb from him? Why am I so pathetic?

Edited April 15, 2013 by LoveB86

[Damsel in Distress]

Hi love.

 

My ex also went NC from the beginning. And I am feeling very hurt and bewildered that he can go from constant contact two months ago (and WANTING constant contact) to suddenly he's moved on to another girl and simply will not speak to me... and for all I know he may never speak to me again

 

I do know my ex felt bad about what he was doing - they don't want to hurt us. They wish that we would just say "okay!" and move on happily with our lives. But they know we can't. I think my ex is avoiding me because he absolutely doesn't want to discuss our relationship and he knows that if we have any contact that's what I will want to do. Plus, my ex was moving into a new relationship and I'm sure all his mental energy is there - so he's not thinking about me, and also doesn't want to talk to me about OUR relationship OR about his new relationship. And yes I have a gazillion questions about Our relationship and his new relationship, lol. I want to know more about when and how his feelings changed, and why I had no idea his feeling were changing. I don't think his feelings could have changed that abruptly, but there was absolutely no sign before. I also want to know what is happening now, how he is doing. Thing is, we shared two years... I can't help but want to now how he's doing and wish for updates on other parts of his life, plans he had made, how his family is doing, etc. Very hard to go cold turkey, and I'm just shocked he has been able to.

 

Anyway, I'm sorry you have also been abruptly shut out of your ex's life. It really really sucks No warning, they are just done. turned their backs on us as if we don't exist and never did

 

Truth is, it's for the best. If we were getting breadcrumbs it would just make it harder to heal. but that doesn't keep us from being hurt that our ex's went silent on us just like that

 

Hang in there Love.

[Cogee]

Cogee- I am absolutely at disgust of just reading that ur ex is getting married!?? WTF!!!! Come again sweetheart? Who the hell would do such a thing to someone and how someone can make such a big commitment that fast! I can't imagine seeing life straight afterwards! I am so sorry my friend. I am in tears that our exes show no remorse for leaving us. Just living life like nothing is wrong. How you cope with it, I cannot understand!!

 

Hahah, it has been quite a journey for me in healing. First the dumping without warning, then finding out a month later that she actually left me for someone else while not having the guts to tell me the truth, to finding out a month after that she is engaged to be married in May. We officially met and parted ways at the end of January.

 

At this point I just look at my situation and laugh. I've gone through all the pain, sadness, anger, and suffering and now I'm just left with reality - I clearly never knew this woman because I could never have imagined she would be as reckless about a life commitment the way she is. I've speculated that she is pregnant and that's why she is rushing to marry but I haven't heard any more about her.

 

Don't get me wrong, I find the situation humorous because of how ridiculous it sounds but I do wish the best for her. I have heard of people being married very quickly after meeting but not in the way this story unfolded. I hope she isn't making a mistake. On the bright side, I am heading towards my first date with a girl I have a heavy interest in (and she has an interest in me) once school exams are over.

 

Life goes on, despite what my ex did to me. In time you will feel the same.

[LoveB86]

I had a dream about him about his relationship was not working out with his new gf for reasons he didn't say, but he asked to meet with me and I said yes but never showed up at the right time.. I don't know if I was going to meet him or not since I woke up but how crazy...

 

I still cannot believe all this happened. Am scared to be alone. Am scared to ever look at him in the eye for any reason as he makes me sick to my stomach. But I cannot get over him and oddly enough I miss him. I dunno what to do, but then again I can't do anything. He is testing the water right now, but hope 1 day he would look back and think about all I had done for him.

 

Hopefully... I have to learn to move on, but I can't until time takes its course. It's going slow and I am sick everyday thinkin about him. I cannot believe I love someone who had hurt me like this.

[LoveB86]

i saw him again today at work in the employee parking lot!! He drove past me

so fast as I was walking. COWARD, he better be glad I am not destructive or Ill eff him up and spit on him.

 

I am not going to belittle myself for the way he had been treating me. Someday I will see my worth and hope i never have to look back. Hope he and his gf is living the life because one day I will be so far past this pain and never ever look back. Someday soon, I am about

to cry at my desk at work. Why he hurt me like this!? Why he doesn't care about my feelings?

 

I wish i could lie down and never wake up till this pain is over

[itto ogami]

We all know this feeling -- and rest assured, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

 

Think about previous loves lost -- for most of us those once painful memories are gone, replaced by time and distance.

 

I remember my heartbreak in the past and compared the pain to my recent break-up -- it's amazing how I GOT OVER those stronger more intense feelings than the ones I've had the past month and a half. And I can look back on those previous affairs and smile and laugh.

 

YOU WILL COME THROUGH. Because you have to. Because you deserve to be with somebody who deserves you. And whatever void or space he filled, he wasn't the right one for obvious reasons. And the next woman will likely find out how cowardly he is. Because people don't change that fast.

 

NO CONTACT. And follow Bruce Lee's golden rule: "Walk On."

[LoveB86]

I am so annoyed, am in such a bad mood, hate this life! Hate the way I was treated, hate the way I have to go on masking my sadness with a fake as$ smile while everyone else is life is grand.

 

 

I am on the edge right now and not sure what to do at this point

[LoveB86]

Ladies and Gents,

 

His girlfriend came into my job today and waved at me? WTF, talk about awkward. She works with him across the street, every now and then she stops at my job. AWKWARD! she waved at me first and seemed quite pleasant about it. I dunno if its bc I am older than her and dont have time for their bs fake as$ relationship games or what. It was so weird, but she was quite nice although in the end, I dont and never had any issues with her because I dont even know her

[LoveB86]

I think I might be slowly coming to terms to accept that I will continue to be at NC and let all this go. From seeing the new gf who waved at me and seeing his coward self drive so fast past me like he's so ashamed to be in my presence ... I am just about over this! It's like all the praying I did to help me get out of this pain that I don't deserve, is slowly coming off of me. I feel like the weight is getting taken off of me and is somewhere else (maybe its on him now) because I am tired and no longer can fight my emotions anymore .

 

I am tryin to let this all go and am done. Am done of trying to make rhyme and reason out of something I didn't cause, have no control over and the childish games of someone playing games with my heart. I am donee! I am shouting this out loud because I can no longer fight. I am tiredddd of this and there are so many other people in my life I can spend my time with

who wants to be with me! I am biting the bullet everytime I go to work as I might see them and although its torture, it had taught me hell of a lesson.

 

But after 2 weeks of him ending us, being cheated on and their now

boyfriend and girlfriend, this chapter needs to R.I.P. I know what we were

and thats all that matters to me. I will miss his family alot but one day, theyll see true colors of what their son did unless they already know.

 

I have nothing bad to say about him as I am not a reflection of him (aka jerk, coward, heartless, cruel, disrespectful) and he knows that. I will

continue to remain NC which has been 7 days and have no desire to contact this coward. He hurt me cowardly and I will take it as if he pissed on my grave and u all know that is the lowest a scum could do to

someone but I have to think that way because I found myself tryin to figure out why why why about this person who clearly does not give a sh*t about me!

 

So am done with trying to figure out his selfish ways. I might just change my mind tomorrow because my emotions are so up and down right now. But right now as I lie down in bed, tryin to go to sleep, I am over this sh*t!!

Edited April 16, 2013 by LoveB86

[LoveB86]

Am back and crying over the fact that I will miss his family and dogs. Gosh I am such a emotional little lady. I loved his parents especially his mom who was like a 2nd mom to me. I loved her hugs and am so sad i wont get to say goodbye. His sister, took some time for her to get used to me and instantly she got to know me and adored me just the same way I felt about her.

 

Woww mann this is hard... May God bless his family although he hurt me

so bad, those people I have nothing bad to say.

 

Rant night

[Cogee]

Am back and crying over the fact that I will miss his family and dogs. Gosh I am such a emotional little lady. I loved his parents especially his mom who was like a 2nd mom to me. I loved her hugs and am so sad i wont get to say goodbye. His sister, took some time for her to get used to me and instantly she got to know me and adored me just the same way I felt about her.

 

Woww mann this is hard... May God bless his family although he hurt me

so bad, those people I have nothing bad to say.

 

Rant night

 

Yeah, that's one of the unfortunate consequences to relationships. We not only lose our loved one, but we lose their friends and family that we are close with. My ex's friends all adored me, and her family thought I was a very handsome, mature, gentleman which was making her into a better person.

 

I had to cut all of them out of my life or I'd never move on. I only have one of her friends in my life right now, and it's the one responsible for setting us up to begin with (they are best friends). She no longer speaks to me and if it keeps up I will probably remove her too. No sense in keeping a lost friend around which could bring up old memories if they aren't wanting to maintain friendship. I only keep her around because I bonded with her long before she introduced me to my now ex.

[LoveB86]

I think he bought her flowers as I had to drop off some

mail at their store today. They were bright and small, I just happened to glance over and saw them and to be honest, I am extremely hurt because whether he bought them or they were there long before, it saddens me to know that someone can just get rid of u and fall in love with someone else.

 

Forget all I said last night, I am still grieving and seeing those flowers once again stabbed me. Like I said, I don't know if he bought them for her but I dont know why I care?? I hate my life and back to misery and pain.

[itto ogami]

Stop giving him that much POWER over your life. It's extremely hard to not be filled with emotions and you should allow yourself to feel them, but don't let them take you over. Just remember that he would have cheated later, making life even harder. You needed to have this obstacle removed so somebody much more worthy will show up and treat you right.

 

We all go through this, despite how badly we were treated, but once your heart catches up to your head, you will see some clarity and peace.

 

Make sure you are walking, exercising, trying new things daily. Readjust your mind and schedule to the NEW YOU.

[eotdevice]

Love,

 

Try letting it go. Its hard. I am in a similar situation to you, but roles reversed. She went no contact with me 7 months ago, then came back after a month saying she wanted me to sweep her off her feet. This was the 3rd or 4th time over a two year relationship she did this. Gave me the "lot of stuff going on in my life" line too. I ended it. I do sometimes regret the decision, but she went NC and pulled out of the relationship. What I have found is no matter what, once the other person's interest wanes, your best bet is to move along. Its tough, it sucks, you feel rejected. But if he /she were to come back they would treat you like a doormat again.

 

Take some time for yourself. Talk to your other friends. For me I go to the movies, read more and started cycling again. It still hurts. I have dated some since then, but no one has clicked yet. Maybe some day, but I am not rushing it.

 

Oh and I did the whole driving by the house thing, NOT advised for anyone....there was someone else, despite her denial of same....

 

Chris