Author LoveB86 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 You're right. I am over thinking everything about what he is doing for her and it is really bothering me for some reason. Because I was so good to him and just don't understand what is all this! I have moments where I get thru it and then break down again. It's been 2 weeks of this bullsh*t and I am losing my mind for no reason. Am fighting so hard to move on and get out and been focusing on me even more and no matter what, I feel like this is a game and I just lost!! Link to post Share on other sites
itto ogami Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Love isn't a game and the fact that you let yourself be open to it is WINNING. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clw Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 You're right. I am over thinking everything about what he is doing for her and it is really bothering me for some reason. Because I was so good to him and just don't understand what is all this! I have moments where I get thru it and then break down again. It's been 2 weeks of this bullsh*t and I am losing my mind for no reason. Am fighting so hard to move on and get out and been focusing on me even more and no matter what, I feel like this is a game and I just lost!! Be strong..it stabs like a knife i know. I had a panic attack when i saw my ex having dinner with another girl and the photo was posted on Instagram..and I just had an abortion a week ago (we parted before i knew i was pregnant and we agreed on the abortion) It really proves that once we are no longer their priority or interest they just disregard all our feelings and it's unacceptable how soon they just move on along to someone new while leaving us to grieve. *hugs* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 Wow, One full day of no updates on LS. I must be slowly, slowly getting back to my normal life. Once again, thanks to all the LS members for following my thread, you are not alone and we will get thru this. What more hurt can I be at this point? Been cheated on, he disappeared, now with his new gf which they both work across the street from me, been called a "hangout friend" and a "I-never-dated-her" to his gf and my friend who works with him after a year of being with him and treating him so good. Going to work everyday and biting the bullet of the pain this man put me thru (luckily I don't have to see him). Seriously, I have on my academy award face everyday and its hard to feel good when you feel like crap on the inside, however, better now than later I was just about to spend $$$ on hockey playoff tickets and a concert for us as a surprise for him, but God stopped this bad person before I proceeded. I would of been a fool to had done all those things and yet he was cheating behind my back. The heartless son of a gun treats me as If I don't exist! It's Been 9 days of NC for me. Coward... Coward... The sick part is visualizing the fun he is enjoying with this girl, the sex they are having, the money he is spending on her, while I sit here and cry and think about him? This man didn't deserve how good I was to him. I was wife material to him and it feels like he spit on me, dumper's remorse? Ha, am I the only one who think he has no remorse? Maybe he has no remorse because he doesn't care. One day, I will rise above all this and look down and shake my head in disgust for the lack of respect this man had for me and others. I need to put myself before anyone now. I will continue to be the nice girl, however, I will be guarded and it will be so hard to get to me. It sucks, but I have to protect myself from people like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
i.am Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Yes, babe. They always say love yourself more. I'm learning to love myself too. Way to go! *Hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) ***NEWS FLASH*** One of his best friends works with me (29yo & married) happened to come over to my desk and talked to me. He told me he is so disappointed that his friend chose this other girl over me. That he made a stupid stupidd decision considering everyone knows about this girl and her character. I guess alot of his friends know her because they all went to the same high school and live in the same neighborhood. His friend felt so bad that he hurt me the way he did and told me that he will always be there for me despite of what his best friend did. That was comforting to know his friend supports me. Supposedly, his friend told me to steer clear away from them because some drama is going on and that she is a bad person that is going to hurt this guy to the core. Wow, 2 weeks of them being together and got drama already?! Guess she is all of the above of someone that is going to hurt him and that he will see all of of this soon. That there relationship won't last at all. Way to go... he just made my life hell, left someone good because he wasn't thinking with the right "head" and this girl has a reputation from years ago up until now. Quite frankly, she has a problem if she is playing games. No wonder my friend who works with her said she likes attention, she likes men to spend spend spend on her and is on to the next. He told me he is going to regret his decision soon. Good luck because I am trying to put this all behind me. Hope all works out for them, grass is greener? I won't know because I won't be there for him if they ever break up. Edited April 18, 2013 by LoveB86 Link to post Share on other sites
Cogee Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Does not surprise me one bit LoveB. I suggest that you distance yourself completely from what your ex is doing. Even if that girl and him are going to create drama, you have to remember your ex is just as bad if not worse than what she is doing. Make it clear to his friend as well that you want no part of your ex ever again and if his friend keeps coming to comfort you, try to avoid getting sucked into the drama of what your ex is doing. Change the subject, and let him know you clearly want nothing to do with it. If your ex chooses to associate himself with a game playing, attention seeking, drama queen, what does that make him? Exactly the same as her, which means you definitely do not want to associate with him again. I'm glad you are seeing this and knowing that in the likely event that things don't work out with him and her, that you will have the strength to tell him to piss off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Share Posted April 19, 2013 Does not surprise me one bit LoveB. I suggest that you distance yourself completely from what your ex is doing. Even if that girl and him are going to create drama, you have to remember your ex is just as bad if not worse than what she is doing. Make it clear to his friend as well that you want no part of your ex ever again and if his friend keeps coming to comfort you, try to avoid getting sucked into the drama of what your ex is doing. Change the subject, and let him know you clearly want nothing to do with it. If your ex chooses to associate himself with a game playing, attention seeking, drama queen, what does that make him? Exactly the same as her, which means you definitely do not want to associate with him again. I'm glad you are seeing this and knowing that in the likely event that things don't work out with him and her, that you will have the strength to tell him to piss off. I am staying far away! I told everyone today to not be my personal TMZ team as I do not want to know what is going on in their life. I just want to put this behind me knowing it is so hard. I pray everyday just to give me inner peace. It's slowly working to my advantage (Thank you God!) I hate that I get those moments where I miss him, but I have to remind myself over and over that he did me wrong! It hurts, it hurts to know someone did all they could to hurt me. To say hurtful things such as "I was never with her". Really? You would lie just to get the other girl?? You really wanted her that bad huh!? And just toss me out into the trash. Wow, I never in my life had anybody treat me like this. It seems so surreal. I was so nice to him too. Everybody asked me why I was with him because I am too beautiful and mature to be with a guy who looks like he is 16. I always stood up for him because I thought that was messed up when people would say that about him. He just a 28yo with a baby face. All that nice and love I showed him. Wow, I am slowly beginning to accept what he did to me and write it off as a "Good Luck, May God bless him because he certainly is stupid" and I deserve better than him! Infact, I am wanting to forgive him and hope karma doesn't hit him on the way out! I miss you, I once loved you, when your gf breaks your heart, just remember you are a coward and you probably had it coming! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Share Posted April 19, 2013 Today, I woke up feeling so sad. It is like I was reminiscing a sad movie of how hurtful someone can be to someone. Why, over and over, I start day dreaming this scene in my head, where I was in the pool with him and we were swimming and having fun until he grabbed my neck and strangled me till I drown (This is just me day dreaming, not real life) That is exactly how I feel about how he ended us. Like all the crying I did, all I could to beg for help, and he choked me till I couldn't breathe anymore and drowned. The death of us seems like the end of me. I am really taking this pain to the core. I guess because nobody had ever hurt me so bad like this. The cheating, the lying, sticking up for the girl who you only known for 1 month?? What about me? Did he not know me after a year?He did everything he could to be on her side and he does not know a thing about her character and/or what she is all about. He did me so wrong and I seem to wakeup every morning depressed more than any other time. It is because I wake up to another beautiful day of knowing someone out there had hurt me and tossed me away. What kind of human are you? A heartless, cruel bastard huh! You get a Academy award for that role at best! I am thinking of finding a therapist today on my day off. I am having a hard time focusing on happiness because that daydream of him choking me in the pool scene is eating me alive. I am too busy directing this horrible scene instead of cutting the scene out of my life entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
itto ogami Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 You should definitely see a therapist. Just to vent. It helps. But stop trying to "figure out" his actions. You never will because he has serious issues. You're actually trying to evolve while your ex has devolved. You will be stronger, better and find somebody worthy of your love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Share Posted April 20, 2013 You should definitely see a therapist. Just to vent. It helps. But stop trying to "figure out" his actions. You never will because he has serious issues. You're actually trying to evolve while your ex has devolved. You will be stronger, better and find somebody worthy of your love. I am falling apart. I can't eat, I am having trouble sleeping. I cannot bare this pain any longer. I cannot let someone think it is okay to hurt me like this. I am alone and in bed on this Friday evening and am miserable. I am losing my mind and don't know what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Cogee Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 You have to find someone to talk to LoveB. Someone you can trust to just speak and for them to listen. I felt exactly all of the things you are feeling and yes, weekends are the worst when your mind wanders out of control. Seeking a professional to help you with this would be a great idea. We on LS can only offer support to you within the confines of this forum, but we are here nonetheless. Take care of yourself this weekend LoveB, and write on here if you are feeling up or down! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 I think you should seek counseling. You could benefit from working on: Your healthy boundary Knowing how to take your power back Choosing a healthy man Not wasting more energy on a man who isn't respecting you Learning how to never settle! Learning to honor and respect yourself. Being bust and focused on your goals that help you feel accomplished and proud of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 Why is ANY man so important that you give him control over YOUR happiness? He shouldn't be that important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Share Posted April 22, 2013 Just a little update, He is working at my store today. It had been awhile since I even looked his way. I'm at NC for exactly 2 weeks and he pretty much vanished from my life. It had been a tough couple of weeks, but surprisingly I am hanging on in there physically. I lost a lot of weight and am in the best shape. Got alot of support and most of all, no hard feelings, may God bless him and his new girlfriend who he cheated on me with. His girlfriend waves at me, awkward, but guess there is no hard feelings. I pray everyday to help me get thru this and he is a few feet away from me. He walked past me and all I see in my eyes is guilt, coward, liar and a cheater. I wonder what is going on his mind right now, he probably doesn't care. Dumpers have no remorse right? I am deeply sad on how bad he hurt me, but you see no tears in my eyes. I'm holding up my head high and showing him I have no regrets. I treated him like a King. Hopefully he will learn his lesson, don't mess with people's hearts. Ha.. my co worker saw him and feel like punching him in the face. I told him.. keep on walking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Share Posted April 25, 2013 He cheated and is gone. Happy in his new relationship of 3 weeks. Dumped me for her. Am slowly slowly accepting this and I am wishing them the best. Now, I just got to find my self worth again. Don't know how or what to do? I am in the best shape, am getting out the house, but is that it? I no longer cry for him, but am sad and disappointed. Is this it? Now I go on feeling sad for some time. Wishing them the best. Now where is my light in this dark tunnel? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Share Posted April 26, 2013 Had a beer. Trying not to drink alcohol during this time of depression. But I figured, I'll take one. On top of me being mentally and physically tired from work starting at 7am. I felt off and sick and now I am completely feeling disoriented. I want to cry bc I hate that he do this to me. Putting a damper on my spirit. I hate this!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Share Posted April 26, 2013 The weekend is here. About to head out to work.. Am becoming majorly depressed about this. I cannot handle this stress! It is killing me inside! I was so good to him and I just don't deserve this! Him and his gf are just living the life I bet. Why I sit here with all these up and down moods. What is this life?? I Love Love Love to get heartbroken in the end. I shouldn't had loved at all and stayed single. Freakin A!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Share Posted April 26, 2013 I woke up feeling so bad this morning. I prayed and told myself I will get thru this day, sad or mad. I got dressed this morning and came to work. Am getting bombarded with compliments on my weight loss and how beautiful I look. Even got asked by a good friend of mine to go out to the movies this weekend with him. Also, yesterday I went on my daily jog around the apartment complex and was asked out by this guy for lunch. I feel so bad, but I declined because I am scared to get to know someone new. I am scared they might lead me on and then leave me in the dust. With the weight loss, getting all that excess baggage off of me since the breakup 3 weeks ago. I am starting to feel like a lady again and not some worthless trash. I just don't want to come off as vulnerable. I feel pretty again .. Ugh I know pathetic right!?! Link to post Share on other sites
OwlSoul Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 Nope. Your appearance is very important thing I'm doing the same with dieting, working out and jogging everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 27, 2013 Author Share Posted April 27, 2013 Nope. Your appearance is very important thing I'm doing the same with dieting, working out and jogging everyday. It surely helps. I mean, I looked good when I was with him, but we ate out so much that I gained a good 10lbs. So all of it is gone! Link to post Share on other sites
OwlSoul Posted April 27, 2013 Share Posted April 27, 2013 It surely helps. I mean, I looked good when I was with him, but we ate out so much that I gained a good 10lbs. So all of it is gone! Haha, I'd be doing the same bc we'd always went out somewhere. So half of the week spent with him, half of it I am on my own trying to lose the gained weight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 27, 2013 Author Share Posted April 27, 2013 Haha, I'd be doing the same bc we'd always went out somewhere. So half of the week spent with him, half of it I am on my own trying to lose the gained weight. We gotta keep it up. LS Biggest loser contest lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 I had been self destructive over this breakup. I got written up for work for being late.. 2 more write ups and I'm fired. Lost alot of weight, not caring about my life anymore. Driving fast in and out of traffic. Waking up late, wearing my old makeup from the night before, drinking a bottle of wine on a empty stomach, what have I been doing to myself. Feeling like I'm going to throw up bc of a hangover. This is no way to allow myself to be like this... I am better than this. Yes this guy cheated, yes he now has his girlfriend sleeping over at his house after knowing her for 1 month. This is not me, I deserve better of what he put me thru. I gotta snap outta this before I put myself or anyone else in harm's way. Please, don't do this to yourself. For those who are hurting , please don't become self destructive towards yourself. One day there will be someone out there who will love you so much, will want to be there with you no matter what. Love yourself as much as u can. Use this time to better yourself!! I gotta wake up and do this for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveB86 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Share Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) 1 month of NC for me.. Silence from him since the BU.. Him and gf been together for 1 month I really hate that I am saying this, but I miss him alot. Hate that he hurt me the way he did though. I miss someone that had no respect for me because they lied, cheat, and broke my heart. Is he so caught up in honeymoon stage, that he does not think about me? How can you be with someone else and bury your feelings of the other? I don't see how that is possible. Wouldn't he be too busy comparing the two? The difference between us vs their relationship is their the same race, they went to the same high school when they were kids, she spends the night at his house with his parents there, and she lives by their work (she lives with her parents too) so he has a place to chill when he goes home. Big deal.. Okay, so I don't live by work, big deal... my actions proved way more about how I truly cared in the relationship. All the things I've done for him, the small things I've done. Why do I care? Obviously he is so caught with his new gf, why should I care about someone who didn't buy me things? He never made me feel appreciative. All I did was give, give, give and never asked for anything in return. I wonder would he ever wake up and realize how good I was to him? I wonder if he would ever remember all the times I made him feel special? Why I feel like she wouldn't do as much as I had done because it takes a special, unique individual to think creative like that. Just venting.. His lost as everyone says, but how is it a lost for him when he left me? It was my lost right? Edited May 3, 2013 by LoveB86 Link to post Share on other sites
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