He doesn't understand NC and concept of

[Soulsearching29]

So stopped talking to my friend of 3 years (1 year and half in the middle was my FWB also) because I have feelings for him, and for him i am only a friend not more. I sent him a sweet truthful last email wishing him well, telling him clearly that I need to take a step back and forget my feelings, telling him to take care etc. This was about a week ago.

 

(His response to that email : Thanks, maybe one day i'll respond)

 

So... thought that was the start of no talking at all. i de-activated FB and from that day last week thought NC. I understand all about NC and am a big believer in it, and intend to implement it with this situation, even though it wasn't a break up with a boyfriend, i think the concept is still good in this case with us.

 

Today I just recieved a FWD email from him, which is a job offer in the field i am in. It's a relevant job offer and before we stopped talking he knows I was looking for new work. If none of this had happened and we were still friends like before, this is a really nice gesture. The FWD he sent me is a link to the job advertised on the net and is a good one. It is not a lame attempt to get in touch with me (i actually dont think he even misses me really at this point) I imagine he just saw it, simply thought of me, and clicked send to me.

I am actually going to go for the job offer.

 

Thing is, this broke NC on his part... but I don't think he knows what NC is (that or he doesn't care about breaking it?).

I was expecting in a couple of weeks a ''how r u? kisses' text from him. This I would have ignored.

This job offer link, well I am going to ignore him but it threw me off a little bit.. it's a platonic and helpful thing..

Made me realise that this is my next problem with this guy/ my ex friend. If he reaches out for light friendly contact, i look like a drama queen or impolite if I ignore him. Which goes against my closure email letter which was essentially to tell him I care about him, and am not being dramatic or cold or childish..

Any thoughts on this ????????

No response I think is ok, but what about if I get a short text or email in a week or so saying simple 'did you check out that job' or whatever

Any one have any experience with the person who cares less keeping LC when you dont want them too???? Any advice on that ?????

[mammasita]

All you can control is YOU and whether or not you respond to him. You can't expect him to do anything or even know what no contact is.

 

You already told him how you felt. It's irrelevant whether he thinks you're a drama queen for not responding at this point.

 

Why don't you take it a step further and block his email.

[Soulsearching29]

I'm unsure whether to write back 'Thanks.' or write back nothing.

Nothing is probably the best idea? Although 'Thanks.' isn't bad.. doesn't leave room for anything, and is polite but shuts it down there.

Anyone have thoughts on that?

 

To Mamasita, yes I have thought about blocking email. It would be much cooler if I could block him on my phone though. I can't block texts on my phone and I really don't want to change my number. We communicated by either FB or texts (sms) pretty much never ever by email so probably no point in blocking. He only sent it by email because it was a long link and forward and he couldn't send that on my fb anymore, and by text way too complicated. But in 3 years we've probably only emailed like 3 times so no bother with that really. To be honest I would much rather block his number on my phone (can't do it in my country already went to the shop to ask)

 

So 'thanks' or nothing.. by email. I'm thinking nothing.

[WhoreyBull]

The issue with having feelings for someone is that you want them in a situation where you get to continue to have feelings for him.

And since you are worrying so much about his opinion of you, it's seems you want to preserve a situation where he could possibly have feelings for you back.

Cut him out completely and find a friend who's just a friend.

[Soulsearching29]

i love the 'cut him off completely' part of your message (and the rest but that part really hit home as to what i have to do - just have to hear it from someone else sometimes, especially in weak moments!!)

 

i am going to get this. 100% NC from me, whatever comes from him, but 100% no contact from me.

i always think that because its a friendship ending it's i don't know, it's different somehow.. but you know what, I think I have to think of this as a break up. I was (am) in love, and I dont want him in my life because he isn't in love with me, so in a way it's a break up (?) or at least i feel similiar to as to when i left a boyfriend in the past.

 

still thinking about this guy a lot (as you can see loll) especially whenever i am not busy. I so hope this aspect of it changes.

[Balahala]

My friend, I completely understand where you are coming from here. I came on this site tonight searching for some answers myself for a very similar situation. My friendship of almost 7 years now has come to a halt of my own doing. Much like yourself I feel that if I do not distance myself from this person (which is difficult because we work together and have traveled as friends together on multiple occasions) I will never be able to move on and find the love I deserve.

 

I will not lie to you, this is going to be a very emotional time for you. It really doesn't matter how he reacts, contact or no contact, it will not be good enough for you. You want more, if you didn't, you wouldn't be in this situation. The thing to remember is that you were open and honest with your feelings. You told him how you felt in a mature and (in my opinion) drama free way, and you should be proud of that. I hope that the action alone made you feel lighter and your heart less heavy.

 

I think not contacting him and cutting him out of your life is the best way to go. I know in my own situation that this won't be easy because as you seem to be aware, this friend cares about you and is feeling the loss of you. But I urge you not to let that cloud or confuse what you need. Despite them being hurt by you ending the friendship, you still need the space and distance. If you could get over this person while remaining friends, you would have done it already. The sad truth is, it sounds like being around them and is enough to keep you hoping for more.

 

I can relate, my friend, just by being himself stirs the desire for a more intimate relationship with him. I won't begin to say its the same situation because each is unique, but I can tell by your letter and the follow-up posts that there are definitely some similarities.

 

Please do keep posting your progress. I have been in tears so much this last week over ending my friendship that I'd love to hear that someone else is succeeding in their quest to get over a similar situation.

 

Stay Strong...