The right one - too soon

[Ed]

Hi Everybody,

 

I need some real good advice.

 

My marriage has fallen apart. Two months ago, my wife told me she was not in love with me anymore and wanted to move out. So, she did, about four weeks ago (to another town). I was pretty torn up about it at first, but I have come a long way in a very short time. We have remained on speaking terms but there is very little chance, if any, of reconciliation.

 

Here's what I need advice on:

 

I have met a very nice and attractive lady. We see each other a couple of times a week in a social setting. It is strictly a friendly relationship right now, but there are some chemical reactions taking place. I want to ask her out on a date.

 

Is it too soon? How will I know when it's not?

 

I know that I am ready to move on with my life. I feel like I'm ready to do something, but maybe it's just the chemistry talking. This lady is a real catch and don't want to pass her by. I'm afraid if we remain to be 'just friends' now that she will either move on or we will remain 'just friends' forever.

 

I know that other ladies will come along later if I don't do anything now. But she's got it and I want it. I can resist this temptation, but I don't want to. She would make a great friend. I think she would be an even better lover.

 

Should I go for it?

[sparkle]

Hello Ed,

 

Well I've been keeping up with the posts, and if you're the same Ed, the ones that you've answered have been filled with great advice. So I doubt that any advice I can give you will be better than what you already know.

 

You stated that there is some chemistry between the two of you. Maybe you could flirt with her, or look for any signals showing her interest in you.

 

If you can tell that she's even somewhat interested in you, then it's not too soon to ask her out. Ask her out on a casual lunch date rather than a formal dinner. This way you'll hopefully be able to tell whether she's interested in you. And this way, it being an informal date, if you realize that she just likes you as a friend, you won't feel as awkward.

 

Or if already you know that she's interested in you, then again, its not too soon. And a romantic evening date is would be a great way to show her that you want more than just a friendship.

 

I say go for it! Just by reading your posts, you seem like a very intelligent, charming and well-mannered man, so it shouldn't be too hard to impress her

 

Good luck and tell us how things turn out with this lady.

[Nic]

You have enough sense and enough maturity to accept that your marriage is over, you've handled this better than you thought you would, and you've made the decision to get on with your life and not wallow in anything. that is a very smart thing to do. as you said, you know you are ready to move on with your life because you've accepted what happened in your marriage, and that she wasn't the right one.

 

let the chemistry talk if it is there between you. chemistry is what makes you want to pursue something more, and makes it so appealing.

 

ask her out on a date, and just let things flow from there. don't be too keen to jump in too soon though. you and this lady have already established a friendship together. let things happen naturally and see if they develop to the next plateau. if things don't develop how you would have liked, you still have a great friend and at least you gave it a shot with her.

 

just make sure that you want this lady for all the right reasons, and not to compensate for what you lost in your marriage. if this lady is a great catch, and you want to hang on to her, then take things slowly. there's no hurry for anything if you both feel the same way about each other.

 

you will know whether or not it is too soon if you can say 100% that you are wanting to be with this lady for all the right reasons. and only you can know that for sure.

 

Hi Everybody, I need some real good advice. My marriage has fallen apart. Two months ago, my wife told me she was not in love with me anymore and wanted to move out. So, she did, about four weeks ago (to another town). I was pretty torn up about it at first, but I have come a long way in a very short time. We have remained on speaking terms but there is very little chance, if any, of reconciliation. Here's what I need advice on: I have met a very nice and attractive lady. We see each other a couple of times a week in a social setting. It is strictly a friendly relationship right now, but there are some chemical reactions taking place. I want to ask her out on a date.

 

Is it too soon? How will I know when it's not? I know that I am ready to move on with my life. I feel like I'm ready to do something, but maybe it's just the chemistry talking. This lady is a real catch and don't want to pass her by. I'm afraid if we remain to be 'just friends' now that she will either move on or we will remain 'just friends' forever. I know that other ladies will come along later if I don't do anything now. But she's got it and I want it. I can resist this temptation, but I don't want to. She would make a great friend. I think she would be an even better lover. Should I go for it?

[Ed]

Thank you for replying Sparkle.

 

She is interested in me to some extent. We will be having lunch together today (Monday). Wish me luck!

[Ed]

Thank you for replying Nic.

 

I am concerned about making sure that I am doing this for all the right reasons. The chemistry is talking and it is naturally leading us to a closer relationship. How close? Who knows? Unless I put the brakes on, I'll be finding out real soon now!

[Deejette]

Normally I would advise waiting a while before you take the plunge into a new relationship, but in your case my instinct tells me that it is OK to go ahead with this new lady. She will help you understand why your marriage wasn't right for you and give you a chance to construct a new relationship, based on new behaviors.

 

If you can be that attracted to someone so soon after the breakup of your marriage, you were probably ready for what this new woman has to offer. She will help you be happy during this potentially stressful time and that is a good thing.

Thank you for replying Nic. I am concerned about making sure that I am doing this for all the right reasons. The chemistry is talking and it is naturally leading us to a closer relationship. How close? Who knows? Unless I put the brakes on, I'll be finding out real soon now!