simplybrill Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Ok, I know this guy and he certainly treats me like a special friend, but its not like I'm the center of his universe or anything - which has me backing off sorta. Yes I need attention, I'm a girl damnit, not one of the boys. He's got a lot of friends...and he's only just met all of them recently. The thing is, that before last year he would hang out with everybody and noww...well he's hanging out with only his ethnicity. There's nothing wrong with that, maybe Im a little jealous - im so mixed ethnically that Ive never really found one group to hang with, so I just hang with everyone. Well I'm afraid my friend here is becoming a bit ethnocentric. I commend him on finally finding "his people" to hang with, but that doesnt mean you shift off your other friends either. I used to really like him when he was more open, and hung out with everyone, but now I get the feeling that Im going to be seeing less of the real him, and more of some fakey personality he pulls on whenever he's not around "his people." When Im around my family, yes I relax more - but if my friends are there I include them. I was hangin out with him and some of his new friends the other day and he started speaking their language, and they talked for like 5 minutes straight like that, and well it happened more and more and I just felt really alone. He was there, but he wasnt. I dont like that feeling. We were in like a public common area where lots of people hang out and grab food etc, and at one point he totally left with one of the girls chatting away in their language, came back later, and didnt even sit next to me. I was kind of,,sort of crushed. I dont think I could date him, without being paranoid of what whoever was saying about me, that I couldnt understand- or being totally paranoid that one day, he'd just inevitably leave me for one of these girls that his parents would no doubt approve of more than me. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 If he's too shallow to stare himself blind at your skin colour or cultural background, then he's not good enough for you. End of story. That said, you have to keep in mind that the two of you are not an "item", so he's free to do whatever he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I just read your other post. So, he´s Asian, doesn´t mean he has to behave like such an idiot. He is rude and you should take a break from him. That´s not a cultural thing, he simply acts like a jerk. That´s my point of view. He might feel a bit uncomfortable with you around and that´s why he ignores you, but then you must speak with him. If he did it without bad intention, he will change it, if not - forget him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplybrill Posted September 14, 2004 Author Share Posted September 14, 2004 thanks for replying kooky! you're a doll. I cant imagine the whole ignoring me thing, coming from him being uncomfortable- this guy's comfortable in like any situation you throw him in! He might feel a bit uncomfortable with you around and that´s why he ignores you, but then you must speak with him This may sound crazy, but Im so freakin sick of always being the one who has to contact HIM. Im gonna act like I never got back in touch with him, and see if he actually gets off his royal rear end to give ME a call for a change...to see if IM ok...to see if IM mad at him for anything. He made a comment the other day,,,that he's getting to an age that drama, is really unattractive to him...and im like ok...so I called him back to see if he was mad at me about anything, and he said NO..so...what Im just supposed to read his mind? Please! Yeh right. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 He says drama is unattractive to him..does this mean he thinks you create or bring drama around him?? Maybe you could learn his language so you could know what he's saying (hehe I know that's probably way tooo much trouble for someone you're not even dating yet). Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 You sound young and the way you describe his behavior he also seems young and maybe he is trying to find his identity a bit. He might be in a situation now where he can retreat to usual behavior, because it´s new, so he acts a bit weird. Talking is usually the best way to figure what´s wrong. Go ahead and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplybrill Posted September 14, 2004 Author Share Posted September 14, 2004 He says drama is unattractive to him..does this mean he thinks you create or bring drama around him?? I have no earthly idea, I would call him...and ask him, but wow, wouldnt that be stupid of me. Im the one always calling, and I would be yet again, calling him. Maybe you could learn his language so you could know what he's saying (hehe I know that's probably way tooo much trouble for someone you're not even dating yet). Its not like I would be learning spanish, that I could deal with because Im half puertorican myself...but he speaks like chinese with/ to his friends, so Ive got NO clue AT ALL what the hell they're sayin. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Yes spanish is an easy language to learn though I'm not spanish at all I both read and speak it fluently. Chinese (so I've heard) is a hard language to learn! Anyway since you're the one having to call him, I wouldn't contact him at all and see if he calls you, if he doesn't then you know he probably isn't very interested in you and you should move on and find someone better for you. If he realizes that he misses you and calls then maybe not contacting him would be the "wake up call" he needed! Link to post Share on other sites
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