Special Person

[Di]

I keep getting told that I'm a special person. But, I just can't find my soulmate or have a meaningful relationship. Have been divorced for 15 years and tried of being lonely. Would appreciate some in-site...

[Taressa]

Di,

 

It may be that in you longing for romance you are not seeking out life itself. Sometimes we stay home seeking out dreams and wishes instead of enjoying life among friends.

 

Did your first marriage take you out of circulation so that you lost the group of friends you had as a single woman? Did the marriage destroy your trust or confidence?

 

There may be a little re-building of yourself required before you're ready for love. And your use of the word soul-mate makes me wonder if you may be living in a fantasy world of wishful thinking. Now don't get me wrong, I believe for a special few there is that special relationship. I don't believe it is something we can seek, however, but something that is given.

 

For now, seek out friends who will love you enough to be honest and who will be available for fun times and serious talks. Their company will ease your loneliness and help you build the confident, fun life that may attract an equally confident man. The company of friends will also ease your need for a companion so that you can approach love from a much stronger stance.

 

A great book by Drs. Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries in Dating, was a great help when I was experiencing these same feelings... I found I was doing a LOT wrong, and carrying MANY wrong expectations of men. Perhaps it may help you too.

[Di]

Taressa,

 

Thank you for your response. I will look for theses books that you suggested.. I moved to a small town, after my divorce. Yes! I did lose my confidence after my divorce. My ex was more interested in drugs and booze. After that the doubt was in my mind whether I was a women and lost the will to love again. It has been hard to meet new friends, because most of them are married and grew up in this small town and I don't go to the bars. When I lived in Orlando, I had alot of male friends, but not boyfriends. I live around Gainesville and Jacksonville Florida.

Di, It may be that in you longing for romance you are not seeking out life itself. Sometimes we stay home seeking out dreams and wishes instead of enjoying life among friends. Did your first marriage take you out of circulation so that you lost the group of friends you had as a single woman? Did the marriage destroy your trust or confidence? There may be a little re-building of yourself required before you're ready for love. And your use of the word soul-mate makes me wonder if you may be living in a fantasy world of wishful thinking. Now don't get me wrong, I believe for a special few there is that special relationship. I don't believe it is something we can seek, however, but something that is given. For now, seek out friends who will love you enough to be honest and who will be available for fun times and serious talks. Their company will ease your loneliness and help you build the confident, fun life that may attract an equally confident man. The company of friends will also ease your need for a companion so that you can approach love from a much stronger stance. A great book by Drs. Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries in Dating, was a great help when I was experiencing these same feelings... I found I was doing a LOT wrong, and carrying MANY wrong expectations of men. Perhaps it may help you too.

 

[Taressa]

Di,

 

I just feel the need to say I'm sorry for all you've been through. There's a lot of unspoken heartbreak hidden in your words.

 

The book I mentioned is actually co-authored by the two men, Dr. Cloud and Townsend. You may need to go through a Christian bookstore since much of their work is published that way. I highly recommend it... it's helped me live and love much more smartly. It helped me see how much energy I've wasted on wishful thinking, mistaking wishes for hopes.

 

Please do read the book. And please take steps this week to get involved in a small group within which you may make friends... a reading club, volunteer work, church organization, really just about anything you enjoy... just get yourself out there and initiate friendships. It really will help.

 

Oh my heart goes out to you. You really will be okay, Di. It takes effort and initiative. Take your life back from those hands that abused your heart and start rebuilding now. You are kind, gentle, and worthy of love; there are people who are going to treasure you... take a risk now and go invite them into your life.

 

I hope the very best for you.

 

Taressa