Her Actions Don't Make Sense (Long)

[Keaix]

Being the curious person I am I found out something that made me wish I didn’t know. I secretly installed one of those spy programs into my girlfriends computer only to find out that a male friend of hers has feelings for her. She met him online and he was her friend before I came into the picture, it seems like I made the move first and now me her have been together for 8 months and counting. She was the one to say I love you first, she was also the first to say how she wanted to be with me forever. I too felt the same way not too long after.

 

The first message I read she was talking to another male friend of hers about what was going on. She said how he was talking to her on the phone and expressed how he felt about her and every time they talk he always slips it in. She also said she would never try to be with anyone else while with me.

 

The second message I read he sent her an e-mail with the subject of “For the future Mrs. Hislastname” in the e-mail he’s asking her how things are going and that he spoke to one of her girls and she asked him if he was with my girlfriend and he response was not yet maybe in do time. So her friend tells him she is spoken for then he says she already told me. At the end of the e-mail he says call me when you get a chance I’ll be waiting but then again for you I’ll wait forever”

 

The third message was an IM my GF had with the friend he spoke to she got really defensive towards her saying “he likes me and he says things ...he has plans for the future for us meaning me and him for the future, find your own” her friend then says I’m not talking to him like that blah blah.

 

Then one day I was driving us to a restaurant and she noticed a street and said it out loud then I asked her what was so special about this street and she tells me he said he lived on that block. So I turned up the block and asked her what was the house number she played like she didn’t know at first then told me after, I slowly drove by the house I asked her if she sees it then she was I really don’t care about where he lives I don’t plan on coming to see him.

 

The fourth message was an e-mail from him saying how he’s going to be buying a car soon and he needs his hair done and wants to know if she can do it for him that way they get to see each other and she would be helping him because other people can’t do hair as well. Then at the bottom of the letter he writes please may be 20 times.

 

The fifth and final message was her responding saying “I’ll ask my sister to do your hair…I’ll see what I can do”

 

After reading these I was furious then I began to ask myself questions like…

 

She knows he’s interested in her, why allow the friendship to get closer than it is?

 

Why would she try to keep him available for herself and away from her girlfriends when

she always tells me she wants to be with me forever?

 

Why would she allow this male friend to get so close while she’s with me?

 

This friend is from the internet, she’s never met him…why do so now?

 

Why did she tell me he was just a friend nothing more when I asked about him?

 

What does she want out of the relationship that I’m not providing? Which I did ask her and she said everything is perfect the way it is.

 

I thought about waiting for the arrangement e-mail for him to arrive at her house to have his hair done then show up and find out what’s going on…

 

I wanted to bring this information to the table and confront her about it but then I risk losing her. Especially since I’m not supposed to know any of this, so now I’m stuck knowing that her guy friend is hawking us waiting for me to slip to attack and I can’t do anything about it.

[mighty bop]

I would continue to check the messages with that spy program. It sounds like you are insecure about the relationship and I guess you should be, with this kinda stuff going on. Just keep acting like nothing is going on until something happens then say see ya. Easy as that.

 

Chris

[tanbark813]

With the exception of the third message, I don't really see anything in there that indicates that your gf likes the guy as well or wants to get involved with him. I hate to break it to you man, but any girl who is even remotely hot is ALWAYS going to have some guy trying to get with her. That's just how it is.

 

I don't think you should worry about it too much unless you start catching her in lies or she starts saying she'll be in one place but going to another. The guy that's trying to get with her sounds like a chump anyway. All the "I'll wait for you forever" and the "please" 20 times make him look pathetic and are no doubt why he's in the friend's zone with her in the first place.

 

Granted she shouldn't be encouraging this behavior--which she sort of is by not explicitly putting a stop to it--but my guess is she just likes the attention. Let me guess: She's around 22, right?

[arcadia]

as a girl i can honestly say that 4 out of 5 guy friends i have had in my life have admitted some kind of attraction to me in some way or another.

 

 

Some of them get creepy about it and i have to cut off the friendship, while others are perfectly able to continue being my friend knowing that they have feelings i dont return. I have 4 really close male friends that have at one point confessed love/attraction/whatever, but they are just that. my friends. and aside from their attraction they are great people.. fun to talk to, etc. So i value their friendship regardless of the fact they they are interested in me and i am not really willing to give up a good friendship over a confession of interest so long as it doesnt get out of hand. And all of them eventually take the hint and never mention it again and we are able to continue our friendship.

 

 

in your case, i would say that the guy fits in the category of a little bit creepy in his interest. If i were her, i would probably not want to hang around someone who constantly bothered me with their interest while i was in a relationship. But do you know if she has normal conversations with this guy that do not involve him trying to hook her? If those kind of conversations only happen occasionally and she often has normal conversations with him, she might hope that he will eventually forget about it and she will be able to carry on a normal friendship with him again. I will confess i have done that before. from what you have told us, it doesnt sound like she is really that interested in him as anything more than a friend. and i wouldnt be too suprised if she soon gets fed up with his persistance and quits talking to him

[JoL]

I just find it creepy that you felt the need to install a spyware program on your girlfriends computer....why did you feel the need to do that, were you suspicious?

[Adunaphel]

Step one: stop worrying. She is not acting like she is even remotely interested in that guy. If you continue to feel threatened, you could try to ask her to stop contact with him.

 

Step two: remove the spyware from her computer.