Should I take revenge on this married man?

[Andrea5]

Hello, I'm new on this forum,I hope someone can help me. I must warn you that my English is very bad, I hope you will understand me.

 

I was with married man for 6 months,he dumped me after I told his daughters about us, his daughters then contacted his wife and sent my long message and proof that I was with him. At that time I realized I may destroy one familly, so I gave up, I cried for what I did, he was in panic and asked me not to admit we were together,so I lied how I just wanted his money and he never was with me.His wife believed to my first message how I was with him,and sent mi this message:

" Hi! I really want to know what kind of relationship you have had with him? Have you been intimatily involved, have you had sex together? I´m sorry I have to ask, but I truly want to know how much he is lying to me? Has he told you all those things you wrote in the letter of my family? I can´t understand this whole thing? Have you photos of you together?"

 

but then I lied how I just set up things to take money of him,I apologized and that's it. She was nice and wished me happy life. That's it.

 

But I'm still angry at him, because he don't want even to talk to me anymore,and he said before he loved me,how if we stop being together he would be friend with me forever etc. He is very rich and promissed my nice life.That is the reason I told them about us,because I realized he lied me.You may all say how MM lie to OW, but it's his mistake and he should not telling me that if he don't want problem. He even said he is sorry he ever disscus with foreinger girl (me) etc. I wanted at least that he finish with me on nice way, but he said "Leave me alone".

 

He said he don't speak with his wife,he don't love her, they will divorce soon, so I believed. So, yes, he lied all.

I don't know should I admit to his wife, because she will be hurt, but I don't know on which way I can make him hurt ? He threathen with suicide and said "leave me now alone,I made mistake, I need peace or I will make suicide" after I told the wife how nothing happened between us, he said: "Thank you very much,I hope she believes.I wish your familly all good.Goodbye" and before that he was rude, after I lied to his wife,he became "nice".

 

I heard many storeis how married man return to their mistress and forgive her after she told the wife about the affair, but this one don't want to keep in contact, which mean he never felt nothing toward me and he manipulated me (and I didn't even admit)

I don't want him again,I just have problem to accept he din't finish with me on nice way, and admit he used and lied to me. I know that myself now, but if I lied to his wife to protect him he could be more nice to me at the end and keep contact with me until I got some answers from him.

 

The reason I want revenge is also this : Everytime we meet ,he helped me financially.I asked him to sent me money for the New Year, he said he can give me money only face to face, which mean he would help me only if he benefits from, yet speaking about his "love" for me. He even dared to say "You only think about money,and not love". I said: "You only think about sex, so of course I think about money,we both use eachother,fair deal" and then he would talk about his love and emotions for me, how he don't want to sent me money ,ony face to face and he even teach me how true love doesn't mean money... He tried to make completly fool of me, so where is his love now after I threathen to tell his wife ? If he really liked me ,he wouldn't care for if I told someone ... So, he even asked me to fall in love with him,and now he want to stop contact ?

 

If he really had feeling he would not stop contact with me never, and now he showed his true face, and yet making a fool of me when I expected his finanical help which he promissed.

 

So, I think maybe I should contact his wife again and admit our affair to make him hurt too. What do you think ?

Edited April 6, 2013 by Andrea5

[january2011]

I don't see the point in causing more misery.

 

Cut your losses. You got yourself involved in a bad situation and didn't make smart choices. You can change that. Cut off contact and ignore any attempts from him to re-engage with you. You don't need him to be happy. Hurting someone else out of revenge is not the road the happiness. It is the road to self-pity, denial and self-destruction.

 

Own your pain and realise that you can choose to do more wrong or you can focus on clearing your head, heart and life of this man.

[stillafool]

Yeah step off. You knew you were involved with a MM and sometimes this is the way it ends. Leave these people alone and learn from this.

[ComingInHot]

You admit you Both "used" each other. Be done using regardless of lies told and move on learning and bettering yourself.

I'm sad for you and your pain from the choices you made.

It's hard. Learn, love and Live in your next adventure*

[KathyM]

I think you should tell the wife the truth, and then refuse all contact with the MM. Nothing good will come from continuing a relationship with him. He is a liar, a manipulator, a deceiver, a user, and a selfish man who will do anything to cover his butt in this fiasco. Don't allow him to manipulate your emotions like this. You can't trust a thing he says. Get the truth out there to the wife, apologize to her, and then refuse any further contact from both of them.

[Andrea5]

From your own post it doesn't sound like he lied about you just wanting money.

 

No,please understand me, he is milionare, he himself said to me he will help me financially and completly change my life, he really could do that if he wanted, I never asked him first for money etc. He said "I will help you everytime we meet".

 

I accepted the deal because I live very poor, and I would not sleep with him if he was ugly to me or something similar, he really attracked me. That's why I'm sad he gave me money only when we meet in face to face, he didnt want to help me other times, which mean I meant nothing to him,he used me just as his prostitute. The problem is that I realized all that but he would always said "I love you, I want you to fell in love with me, money is not important" so I said if you love me then why you are hidding me? He said he is very admired buy his society,and he can't ruin his reputation,because all people know him.

 

He said he is in his marriage only because of the kids, so I didn't felt I do something wrong, but then I realized he lied and his wife of course loves him, otherwise she wouldn't be uppset by my message...

 

I told him openly "Please do not play with my feelings, because I will be hurt,don't say you love me if you don't mean that" he would answer how he is really serious with me bla,bla. I'm angry because I hate when someone make a fool of me. I told him: "Ok,let's both use eachother,I know you are using me",but he would say: "nooo, I love you" he could simply be honest and I would be with him, give him nice time ,and he would help me financialy. He promissed that,and then when I expected his help he complained, which mean he only wanted to use me as cheap as possible.

 

Then I saw he is a pathological liar , so I did what I did. If I wanted his money so much I would continue to be nice to him, and would get money eachtime we saw eachother, he has a plan to come to visit my state for 2 weeks.But I didn't want after all his fake emotions and lies.

[Andrea5]

Didn't finish????????? You want to be more finished???? Are you looking for closure???? Or better said: You want reaffirmation??? You want to know you meant something??? You have hope???

Thank you for your post,I admire that.

No ,I don't want nothing more from him,I just wanted his apology and how he should admit he used me and lied me,and explain to me if he speaks 6 months for his feelings toward me, why now he want to stop contact? He said "forgive me", but he didn't want to talk more. I'm angry because it was like he is the one who left me and not vice versa.

 

He sent me last message :

"Thank you very much.Hopefully she believe and life goes to normal near time.I'am very nervous hold time but I think when time pass then it will be better.Greetings for you mother and sister.Goodbye"

My replay was this one : "Yes,she believed it was just mess and nothing more.Mom and sister greetings you too,they also supported me to be good to you and never admit.Goodbye"

 

See... It finished like I'm quilty, and I feel ashamed how weak I'am. Now he probably laugh how stupid I'am.

I wish to tell his wife,but she is the one who will suffer and not him. I want to forget him,but 2 days I'm happy,and next 2 days I'm angry.

[eleanorrigby]

Tell the wife everything, go for it.

Be prepared that you may not see the fallout the way you would like to see it, but trust that if you blow him out of the water with lots of evidence and truth, you will have your revenge.

 

ETA: unless the guy is so rich and evil that he might hire a hit man on you or something.. if you think he's that nuts, then I'd leave it alone.

 

ETA again: If this was a paid service situation then I don't think you should seek revenge.

Edited April 6, 2013 by eleanorrigby

[Andrea5]

I think you should tell the wife the truth, and then refuse all contact with the MM. He is a liar, a manipulator, a deceiver, a user, and a selfish man who will do anything to cover his butt in this fiasco.

 

Yes, I want to tell the wife, but then her world will be ruined,she will suffer for long time, and he said how he is now in depression and how he need peace or he will commit suicide. So,if I tell he will maybe do that,and I can kill myself if he is really serious..But maybe he just lie again to save himself.

[Andrea5]

Tell the wife everything, go for it.

ETA: unless the guy is so rich and evil that he might hire a hit man on you or something.. if you think he's that nuts, then I'd leave it alone.

 

ETA again: If this was a paid service situation then I don't think you should seek revenge.

 

 

I found out they are one nice familly, he is well known in his town,he has his own company,and he doing his best to make good life for his children, he keep image of good father and businessman. He is very peacefull man, but the most manipulative and selfish man I have ever meet.

He is not that kind of man who would do bad to me if I told the wife.He is scared and in panic of me after my threats, he said "Please don't say nothing" etc..

He said "I think I'm the most good man on planet,I would never hurt anyone" I told him :" Why do you cheat on your wife and lie to me if you are so good ?" He ignored my question.

[So happy together]

I'm sorry. I just don't understand how telling the wife would solve anything for you. I don't think it would make you feel better. Even if it did for a short time, you'd be right back to being upset. You've got to try to let it go, for yourself. If it is over, the best thing for you is to try and move forward with your life and not worry about her. I don't see how hurting her would help you. Hang in there and try to feel better. Sometimes revenge is NOT the way to go.

[KathyM]

Yes, I want to tell the wife, but then her world will be ruined,she will suffer for long time, and he said how he is now in depression and how he need peace or he will commit suicide. So,if I tell he will maybe do that,and I can kill myself if he is really serious..But maybe he just lie again to save himself.

Her world is already ruined, she just doesn't know it yet. Giving her the truth will allow her to make the choices she needs to get her life back, whether that be to kick him out so that she can find happiness with someone she can trust, or whether she wants to try to get her marriage back on track with this man. As far as his threats, don't believe them. He's just using those threats to manipulate you and manipulate the situation. It's time the truth came out.

[Andrea5]

Ugh...if I ever would've considered being unfaithful before I sure as hell wouldn't after reading that big ugly mess.

 

Nice job destroying his family.

 

You must be a really great human being.

 

No,you didn't read well, we are not in contact anymore. I told his wife how I never was with him and how my messages were fake,she said: "Thank you,wish you all best in your life and sorry for this mess".

 

I just make situation bad for one short period of time because he manipulated with me,they will forget about me soon. If I admit her the real truth then their familly probably would be destroyed, but now everything is ok. And he will probably find some other girl to lie in the future.

 

So, don't be unfaithful if you gonna lie to women and promiss them everything because not all women are stupid and will forgive you. I could have easy convice his wife he was with me, I would openly say to her: "If you don't believe me,take him with you,we are going all to detector lie test,so let's see who lied ".

He was with me only because of sex and not because he loved me as he claimed, so I think it's better if I don't admit to her nothing, because she will not understand anyway. BS are hurt even if their husband used other girl as sex toy.

 

I just regret my last message to him was nice , I should have humiliate him. I even said to him "Now you can have peace again,wish you all the best" I don't think he deserved that because he did not answer on some of the questions I asked him. So,he won in this mess.

At least I forced him to say to me: Thanks,I'm sorry,and forgive me.

[Andrea5]

You participated willingly, why would you feel you have the right to revenge?

 

He told me he don't speak with his wife, and he sleep in other room,he said "I think it's soon over with us" after I wanted to break up with him. So,I was stupid and believed.

 

Then I read many stories on internet and was shocked how all MM use the same fake story,I couldn't believe.

 

I even asked him "do your wife have someone,what if she find some other man?" and he replied: "She can be with anyone she wants,I don't care".

Edited April 7, 2013 by Andrea5

[Andrea5]

Well it's not really his fault that you believed him. You made the choice to believe him and then later you made the choice to lie to his wife. You need to realize that you have to own your own part in this. He didn't MAKE you get involved with him you did that on your own.

Yes, he lied, but so did you. After you said something... which was your chance, you turned aroudn and lied to his wife.

 

Frankly, you've lost all credability with her because of it, it honestly sounds to me like you are at least as upset about the money going away as the man.

 

Yes, you were fooled by someone. Yes, he lied to you. I'm sorry if you're hurting because of that, but that doesn't excuse the fact that you made the choice to be with him knowing he was married. It's not all his fault. What would you gain by telling her now?

 

How it's not his fault ? I made choice to be with him because I though he is honest with me, I told him at begining, "do not lie to me,I don't want be with you if you are not serious".

I would never be with him if he told me the real truth, he could spare me the pain, but he didn't.

I lied to wife,because he threathen with suicide.I'm not sure did he lied or not.I can't risk on that.

 

I'm not upset because of money, he has a plan to be with me for longer,and he could give me alot of money eactime,I knew he will left me after I threathen him to told his wife.Some other girl would accpet his game and take all what he offers.

[neveragain34]

So are you more upset because it's over or because you didn't get the money he promised? I'm sorry to say, but you were just a high dollar hooker to him. This was not love. You should not rely on a man for money, but if you are really that low, poor and desperate for it, then you might as well blackmail him for money. (I.e. If you don't pay me, I'm telling your wife.)

 

As for him coming back, if you ignore him, he will be back in a few months when things get back to normal at home and he's horny again. Nothing more. I'm experiencing the same thing right now. I thought for sure it was over with my exMM after I told his wife about us. He was furious and said he wished I was dead. Now, four months later, he is telling me he misses me and wants to see me. Will I see him? HELL NO! I've learned my lesson and deserve better than a scumbag like him. Hopefully you will feel the same when yours comes back around.

[Andrea5]

I think you should tell the wife the truth, and then refuse all contact with the MM. Nothing good will come from continuing a relationship with him. He is a liar, a manipulator, a deceiver, a user, and a selfish man who will do anything to cover his butt in this fiasco. Don't allow him to manipulate your emotions like this. You can't trust a thing he says. Get the truth out there to the wife, apologize to her, and then refuse any further contact from both of them.

 

Thank you,I will yet to think about it very well.

It seems this is the forum for protecting MM ,and bashing OW.It's even more pathetic if it comes from women who themselfs were with MM in the past.How ironic. Especailly one asnwer where he say he will think about affair after my story and even said how I'm not human being, but according to him, he will be a human being if he find the women which he can lie and manipulate..Funny.

 

At least you and few others gave me direct answer on my first post, that's what I was looking for, direct answer I asked,not analizing (because I explained all very well in few of my posts) and judging so they can to make a monster of me.

Edited April 7, 2013 by Andrea5

[So happy together]

So are you more upset because it's over or because you didn't get the money he promised? I'm sorry to say, but you were just a high dollar hooker to him. This was not love. You should not rely on a man for money, but if you are really that low, poor and desperate for it, then you might as well blackmail him for money. (I.e. If you don't pay me, I'm telling your wife.)

 

As for him coming back, if you ignore him, he will be back in a few months when things get back to normal at home and he's horny again. Nothing more. I'm experiencing the same thing right now. I thought for sure it was over with my exMM after I told his wife about us. He was furious and said he wished I was dead. Now, four months later, he is telling me he misses me and wants to see me. Will I see him? HELL NO! I've learned my lesson and deserve better than a scumbag like him. Hopefully you will feel the same when yours comes back around.

 

 

I'm not sure it's acceptable to tell someone she is a high dollar hooker. She's told us some things, and asking our advice, which is fine. But to call her that is out of line. Even if she wanted money, whether he promised it or not, it's still not okay to say that.

[neveragain34]

I'm not sure it's acceptable to tell someone she is a high dollar hooker. She's told us some things, and asking our advice, which is fine. But to call her that is out of line. Even if she wanted money, whether he promised it or not, it's still not okay to say that.

 

You're right, but it's the truth. I don't think she's a hooker, but that's how he probably viewed her since she was always asking for money and he even said he would only give it to her in person and had to benefit in return. Last time I checked, that was prostitution.

 

It's hard to give advice when I can't tell whether or not she's upset about the broken promises he made to love her or the broken promises he made to give her more money.

[coffeebean201]

well he is obviously very controlling.

 

 

if you are serious about him, see if he is interested in introducing you nicely to his friends.

[wisernow]

well he is obviously very controlling.

 

 

if you are serious about him, see if he is interested in introducing you nicely to his friends.

 

Say what?

How exactly is his introducing her nicely to his friends helpful to the OP? He treats her like a prostitute, lies to everyone, and is basically a douce. OP, I hope you won't even consider this. Lesson learned, but please run, dont walk. I'm quite certain you want more from your life than this.

[Andrea5]

I think it might be that the OP has difficulty with english as per her first post, but I had a hard time with understanding the priorities too. I think she is upset about the man, and the loss of money is just an additional piece that is upsetting? I'm not sure.

 

I'm uppset he finished with me not answering on my questions why he lied to me.I wanted to ask him if he talked about his fake feelings for about 6 months why he is now cuting all contact ?

 

I sent him today message that I deserve answer and he replied this:

"I can't trust and talk anymore because all my personal messages what I wrote is now in my daughters,wife and many her friends email,all informations that you give.

I don't wanna write any message never and I hope you can respect that. Good bye now,not any message please.My psycho cant be better if you sent me message again and again .Please I try to recover my health. Goodbye now,not any message anymore."

 

but he was responding without problem when we talked how I should lie to his wife that I was never with him. After I lied to his wife how nothing happened between us,now he wants to cut all contact and not answer on some of my questions. I think it's not fair from his side.He only think about his feelings right now,and of course I'm angry again.

 

I answer to him this to make him hurt too :

"Ok,you didn't respect me to answer on simple question.Keep in mind I'm not interested in you.I was just upset you promised me nice life and lied.I could find any young,more better man to sleep if I wanted.I will ask your wife did you didn't talked etc. at least she will tell me the truth, and I will tell her what is your true face. This is definetly my last message,if I don't admit to her you will find other girl to lie.That's all from me."

 

he replied "I answer tomorow in email"

Edited April 7, 2013 by Andrea5

[ComingInHot]

Andrea, " ..I could find any young,more better man to sleep if I wanted."

 

This. Do this!!!

[Andrea5]

He's cutting all contact because you made the decision to go tell his duaghters and wife about your affair. Now, despite you lying to them, they don't believe him at all. So of course he's not going to continue to message with you.

May I ask, why did you tell his daughters? His wife? What were you hoping to accomplish when you did it?

 

But I read here how MM did not cut contact with some of OW ,even after they told the wife ? That mean they really had feelings for OW. Thats why I'm hurt, if he had ever feelings for me he would never cut contact.But he fooled me.

 

I told daughters just to make him hurt. I did it in moment of great anger.It was stupid ,I know. I even cried because I realized I can hurt them too. Now I'm angry again,and want really to admit. See, all bad I'm doing is because I can't control my anger toward him. I can't stop to think about the whole thing.

[neveragain34]

I'm uppset he finished with me not answering on my questions why he lied to me.I wanted to ask him if he talked about his fake feelings for about 6 months why he is now cuting all contact ?

 

I sent him today message that I deserve answer and he replied this:

"I can't trust and talk anymore because all my personal messages what I wrote is now in my daughters,wife and many her friends email,all informations that you give.

I don't wanna write any message never and I hope you can respect that. Good bye now,not any message please.My psycho cant be better if you sent me message again and again .Please I try to recover my health. Goodbye now,not any message anymore."

 

but he was responding without problem when we talked how I should lie to his wife that I was never with him. After I lied to his wife how nothing happened between us,now he wants to cut all contact and not answer on some of my questions. I think it's not fair from his side.He only think about his feelings right now,and of course I'm angry again.

 

I answer to him this to make him hurt too :

"Ok,you didn't respect me to answer on simple question.Keep in mind I'm not interested in you.I was just upset you promised me nice life and lied.I could find any young,more better man to sleep if I wanted.I will ask your wife did you didn't talked etc. at least she will tell me the truth, and I will tell her what is your true face. This is definetly my last message,if I don't admit to her you will find other girl to lie.That's all from me."

 

he replied "I answer tomorow in email"

 

You don't need him to answer your questions; you already know all of the answers!! Why did he lie? BECAUSE HE IS MARRIED, THAT IS WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO TO KEEP YOU AROUND. Why is he cutting off contact? HE GAVE YOU A REASON TODAY...HE CAN'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU WENT CRAZY AND TOLD HIS DAUGHTERS ABOUT YOU! As a parent, that would hurt me even more than going to my spouse (if I had one). OP, do you have kids? If you want revenge, the kind where he feels pain, then you already gave it to him by telling his kids. I'm sure he felt lower than ever at that point and remorseful if he is not a serial cheater. Even though you tried to retract it by lying to the wife, deep down I'm sure they all still believe it. Now learn from this and move on.