ajonesman Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I feel like crying right now. I just got home a little bit ago. I was on my way to see my ex. We were going to have coffee and talk. Something I've been wanting to do for 6 months now. She called me up and said, "were we going to meet today?" I said yes... and then she said she didn't want to because she was working on a painting. My heart just sunk, I could die. We continued to talk chit chat a while. I've written her letters and we've talked on the phone a few times. I’ve told her I wanted to talk to her. We were going to talk last week and she stood me up then too. I hurt, I miss her, and I want to talk to her in the hopes I can find closure. She tried to pick another time this week... but can not find a time that would work.... I'm in the middle of a move and I we picked today to talk and I made my plans accordingly. Does she not care? I guess she doesn't know how important it is for me to talk to her if she canceled just so she can paint. What should I do? Keep changing my plans so we can meet? Give up? I’m tired of this game. I think I'm going to laydown for while and try to calm down. I'm sorry if this doesn't make since right now, Right now I feel as if I just want to crawl into a hole. I posted about this in an earlier thread. Here it is if you are interested in reading it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=302992 Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I would call her again and explain that you taken this time off to talk to her, that it is important to you. Reassure her it's not about you trying to get back with her, you just need to talk to her. Perhaps she's afraid of you having this 'closure'. Hard to tell without knowing her side and the details on the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Faye Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Coming from a woman standpoint. She is avoiding you and do not want to see you. Let her take the initiative if she wants to talk or see you. Leave a forwarding address and number. Get out of bed and think about your future. Life is too short for you to be stressed. Link to post Share on other sites
ojibwaywmn Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I agree with Faye. She is avoiding you and she doesn't want to talk. I am sorry it hurts but take the hint. If she wants to talk, let her come to you. Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I agree with the rest. Coming from a guys perspective who had his heart broken.....its easy for me to tell you now but trust me. Dont call her and dont text her. Let her come to you. If she calls you in the next few days to see if you guys can talk tell her its not a good time right now and that she really hurt you and you are taking this time apart to get your life in order, before you two can meet. She will want to be around a strong guy when you two finally meet again. You wont ever get the answers you need to put closure on this so you just have to accept it. If she calls you then dont answer for a while....give yourself time to get strong again. Do the no contact for at least a month. THIS WILL BE THE HARDEST THING YOU WILL EVER DO!! If you want any chance with her again then you MUST do this. Let her realize that she made a huge mistake and let her realize it on her own. I just went through all of this so I know what you are going thru. Me and my ex, although I still call her my girl , have never talked about the break and I have become a strong person again and she sees this. Be strong for you and for her, if you want her back. She doesnt want to meet you now because you will be this mushy sniffling baby and she doesnt want to be around that cause it will make her feel terrible. Go no contact and give her LOTS of space. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 And realize that everything you do to try to force her to talk to you is going to drive her further away. My ex of about a year has bopped back into my life on occassion to talk, but will not make any effort to see me and will not contact me at all while she is seeing someone else. I'm giving her lots of space. Haven't heard from her in almost 3 months now. Link to post Share on other sites
prevch Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 hmm interesting points. I too am in the midst of no contact. One thing that scares me a little about no contact is that sometimes I think girls will not contact you because they think you are mad at them or something. I would say go no contact for awhile. Give yourself time to be strong. I have been broken up with my ex for almost 3 months and I am just now feeling better. I finally am at a point where I can accept her new relationship and talk with her as an unbiased party. Just act like you don't care that she is busy doing other stuff. Go no contact for awhile and see if she calls. If not then contact her and talk to her a bit as a friend if possible. Let her know that she is important to you and you miss her. I hope everything works out for ya buddy but whatever you do if you love her don't give up. If you shoot for nothing that is exactly what you'll hit. Young girls don't realize how rare a good man is she will get it eventually. Hope everything works out for ya buddy. I know it will. Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Thats all you can do Lost.....cant force an issue. I am beginning to rethink my position on talking with them while they are in a relationship with another guy. I dont want her to call me and talk about him. To tell you the truth I wouldnt care how he was. I guess I'm selfish that way. But the thing you have to think of is that...."I know that I am the right for her, but she doesnt realize it YET". Like prev says....keep up the fight and shoot for something. Dont give up. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 backspn That's exactly right. Don't be her girlfriend. prevch ever time I've talked to the ex I've made it clear to her that I miss talking to her and tell her she can email or IM me anytime. She was closing her divorce when she broke it off. Everyone said it was divorce hysteria (my name for it) and that she just needed to be single, single phase, whore the planet, fear of commitment, panic...lots of names for it. She's unable to deal with me because I tried to get her back and then just let her go but never yelled at her or anything like she expected. So now she can't deal with me because she doesn't know what to do. hehehe Anyway my hope is that once she works thru the divorce stuff that she'll look back and reconsider. The occasional contact tells me that she does still care to some degree. My point though with my earlier post was that these things can take time depending on circumstances. You can't reeally put a time frame on it, all you can do is wait it out and find other things/people to do in the meantime. Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Thats right. Since my first post here about 2 weeks ago I have answered her calls when I WANT to and when I dont feel like it....I dont. Do I miss her....SURE!! Do I show it...NO!! I come across like the whole world is just handing me things left and right....couldnt be better. You know what? I think its working. I feel better and SOME days...not all...and not most.....but some days I could care less if she comes back. Do I fight for her to come back? Everyday. Do I give up on her? No way. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love her for it. Is this making me a better future BF/husband.....definitely! When I finally get her back it will be better than ever. You have to be positive in these times....your mind plays tricks on you...and soon you will wonder why you were ever worrying in the first place. I can tell you honestly that I am a better person, a better friend, and a hell of a lot sexier to be around now then I was a year ago....all because of a breakup. Silly, huh? To everyone who reads this.....things get a hell of a lot better!!...and your ex will love the change, whether she gets you or not. Remember....its YOUR decision to take him/her back.....not theirs!!!! God bless. Link to post Share on other sites
prevch Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 back done laid his shizzy out on this one. You did not choose this they did. Stay strong. "God give me the power to change things I can, accept things I can't and the knowledge to know the difference between the two" I wish u heaven Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Originally posted by prevch "God give me the power to change things I can, accept things I can't and the knowledge to know the difference between the two" I wish u heaven BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!11 Link to post Share on other sites
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