Do you think most women end up settling with a guy who is less attractive than them?

[Cfb770099]

The reason why I´m asking this is that I think I have a problem with not feeling attracted by guys "in my league". I see myself as pretty and I do get some attention from guys but rarely from the ones I want! All the ones I feel attracted too always turn out to be players or jerks! Is this a sign that I´m overestimating my dating potential?

 

Also, do you think a guy would flirt with a girl (even just for the pure fun of it, maybe just to boost his ego) even though he thinks he´s hotter than her and of a "higher league"? Because there are some attractive guys flirting with me, but it never seems to be with serious intentions.

Am I overestimating myself or are most good-looking guys more promiscuous than average-looking ones?

 

I don´t think that looks is everything, but I consider physical attraction to be quite important for wether I want to be with someone or not

[KungFuJoe]

One thing to consider is that women don't value looks as much as men do. Not to say they don't value looks (everyone does) but men want fertility and women want strength and security.

 

Hence the old, bald, fat, rich guy with the trophy wife.

 

I would say, in general, couples are evenly matched in terms of looks. But, you will find more examples of couples where the woman is better looking than the man than vice versa.

 

IMO.

[irc333]

Wow, I was about to post a SIMILAR topic...but more in the regards of women finally deciding, after dating the players or GQ-types....and usually it's women of a "certain age" that finally decide to give the guy with the receiding hairline or shorter a shot.

 

Believe me, I've been there, and I have often wondered this when I had some very attractive late-40's/Early 50's hotties not even flinch to going out with me when I did ask them out.

 

One of them did admit her last boyfriend was a beefy construction worker, after work he'd just sit at home, watching the Games all weekend, she was a very athletic late 40's woman...kept in good physical cond., and she didn't ask that he follow any kind of work-out regimand like she did, but simply wanted him to go for a casual bike ride or some kind of moderate physical activity with her.

 

But it turned out to be the problem, and all the beef cake men she dated, she simply got tired of and started going out with average looking guys, with even moderate "pooches" for bellies, or not entirely muscular....she threw away her "list" and just wanted to be happy.

 

I think when women start reaching their middle 40's...is when they realize their own mortality, their superficial picky criteria has run amok...and decided to be a bit more realistic.

 

You might want to check out this article clip about

 

Forget Mr. Right — settle for Mr. Good Enough

Author Lori Gottlieb makes a case for why women should settle in marriage

 

So, OP, you might want to take heed. :-)

 

 

 

 

The reason why I´m asking this is that I think I have a problem with not feeling attracted by guys "in my league". I see myself as pretty and I do get some attention from guys but rarely from the ones I want! All the ones I feel attracted too always turn out to be players or jerks! Is this a sign that I´m overestimating my dating potential?

 

Also, do you think a guy would flirt with a girl (even just for the pure fun of it, maybe just to boost his ego) even though he thinks he´s hotter than her and of a "higher league"? Because there are some attractive guys flirting with me, but it never seems to be with serious intentions.

Am I overestimating myself or are most good-looking guys more promiscuous than average-looking ones?

 

I don´t think that looks is everything, but I consider physical attraction to be quite important for wether I want to be with someone or not

[MrCastle]

It's all subjective. There are no leagues. I could look at a couple and say they are evenly matched, and someone else will see them and think the girl could do way better.

 

I think people settle down with those they have most in common with. Those they share a connection with. What they look like in comparison to each other plays almost no part.

[somedude81]

All the ones I feel attracted too always turn out to be players or jerks!

It's because you and a million other girls want those same guys.

 

So if a guy has a ton of options, why would you expect him to settle down with one girl?

 

 

Am I overestimating myself or are most good-looking guys more promiscuous than average-looking ones?

They are more promiscuous because they can be.

[Cfb770099]

Wow, I was about to post a SIMILAR topic...but more in the regards of women finally deciding, after dating the players or GQ-types....and usually it's women of a "certain age" that finally decide to give the guy with the receiding hairline or shorter a shot.

 

Believe me, I've been there, and I have often wondered this when I had some very attractive late-40's/Early 50's hotties not even flinch to going out with me when I did ask them out.

 

One of them did admit her last boyfriend was a beefy construction worker, after work he'd just sit at home, watching the Games all weekend, she was a very athletic late 40's woman...kept in good physical cond., and she didn't ask that he follow any kind of work-out regimand like she did, but simply wanted him to go for a casual bike ride or some kind of moderate physical activity with her.

 

But it turned out to be the problem, and all the beef cake men she dated, she simply got tired of and started going out with average looking guys, with even moderate "pooches" for bellies, or not entirely muscular....she threw away her "list" and just wanted to be happy.

 

I think when women start reaching their middle 40's...is when they realize their own mortality, their superficial picky criteria has run amok...and decided to be a bit more realistic.

 

You might want to check out this article clip about

 

Forget Mr. Right — settle for Mr. Good Enough

Author Lori Gottlieb makes a case for why women should settle in marriage

 

So, OP, you might want to take heed. :-)

 

I totally get your point! Thing is, I´m 22 and when I´m talking about attractiveness I ´m referring to other guys/girls my age, so the situation is a little different than the one you depicted.

 

 

It's because you and a million other girls want those same guys.

So true! But not all other girls are equally attractive and guy cannot want just any girl who wants him ( or yes?). The question I was interested in was wether I could deduce any conclusion about my own attractiveness from the guys that flirt with me. If hot guys flirt with me is it because I´m attractive or do the do that with just anybody just because they can?

[ses]

Also, do you think a guy would flirt with a girl (even just for the pure fun of it, maybe just to boost his ego) even though he thinks he´s hotter than her and of a "higher league"? Because there are some attractive guys flirting with me, but it never seems to be with serious intentions.

Am I overestimating myself or are most good-looking guys more promiscuous than average-looking ones?

 

I don´t think that looks is everything, but I consider physical attraction to be quite important for wether I want to be with someone or not

 

Men, like women, will engage in flirting without the intention of doing something more about it. It's not gender specific. I think you should stop analyzing the situation and enjoy the attention. Physical attraction is imperative in a relationship but compatibility is much more than good looks. I wouldn't generalize and assume there's a correlation between looks and promiscuity either. What is "average-looking"? Everyone has a different standard for what he/she finds appealing. There's a guy out there for you. Just be yourself, take the initiative and find him! Don't wait for guys to approach you. Have the confidence to do it!

[Cfb770099]

Men, like women, will engage in flirting without the intention of doing something more about it. It's not gender specific. I think you should stop analyzing the situation and enjoy the attention. Physical attraction is imperative in a relationship but compatibility is much more than good looks. I wouldn't generalize and assume there's a correlation between looks and promiscuity either. What is "average-looking"? Everyone has a different standard for what he/she finds appealing. There's a guy out there for you. Just be yourself, take the initiative and find him! Don't wait for guys to approach you. Have the confidence to do it!

 

Great post, I love your optimism But again the problem seems to be that the ones I want and choose to approach never seem to want me the way I want them. So what I´m trying to figure out is wether there is something wrong with my perception of my potential or if most attractive and self-confident guys just are like that.

[Weezy1973]

A lot of men in your age range are more likely to want to play the field while they focus on school/career.

 

Men that are good looking, have their crap together, and are relationship oriented tend to be (surprise, surprise) in relationships. The ones that are single, want to stay single until they're ready to marry (which can literally take decades).

[Cfb770099]

A lot of men in your age range are more likely to want to play the field while they focus on school/career.

 

Men that are good looking, have their crap together, and are relationship oriented tend to be (surprise, surprise) in relationships. The ones that are single, want to stay single until they're ready to marry (which can literally take decades).

 

So what you´re saying is that since I´m single I´m destined to remain so for another 10 years?

[ScreamingTrees]

If a majority of women are going to suddenly put on an acting show of interest at some point in the future, as long as she knows how to hide those feelings, even if it's a feigned love and admiration in comparison to my naively sincere love and affection, if I can't tell the difference, you or any other female who chooses to "settle" is the only one who's suffering, and quite frankly, there'd be no sympathy. What the hell are you with me for?

 

I think I'm actually accepting of that NOW, long before I'll ever find myself in such a ****ty set-up. I've got plenty of years ahead of me before the girls my age grow up and potentially become a bit more lax and dare I say "desperate" for anything rather than nothing.. I'm going to just enjoy my life.

[tuxedo cat]

Just find a good looking guy is nice and a bit insecure.

[Weezy1973]

So what you´re saying is that since I´m single I´m destined to remain so for another 10 years?

 

Oh not necessarily. Perhaps your values will change as you mature; maybe different types of guys will become attractive to you; maybe you'll happen to meet one of the few single good looking guys that is looking to get into a relationship. Anything is possible...

[ScreamingTrees]

Oh not necessarily. Perhaps your values will change as you mature; maybe different types of guys will become attractive to you; maybe you'll happen to meet one of the few single good looking guys that is looking to get into a relationship. Anything is possible...

 

Sure, fetishes may or may not develop over time - or else there'd be no 50 year old teachers dating and sexing up barely legal 18 year old girls , no "chubby chasers" going after women 250+ lbs BBWs..

 

I'm sure an attractive woman such as the OP could someday wake up and find it rrreeaal kinky if she allowed some fugly dude into her personal space, knowmsayn? But.. Is that something to really be counting on?

 

That's like me saying to myself, "Hmm, my love life blows now, but there's always the 0.84% chance of me having a stroke in my sleep and waking up totally gay. I'm going to wait on that.

[ses]

Just enjoy life. I enjoy flirting because it gives me a confidence boost, and I like helping other guys feel better about themselves. Flirting is a natural social lubricant between the sexes. As a currently single woman, I've never really understood all the drama of finding someone and settling down. Of course I want to meet a guy, fall in love and have a relationship but I'm not going to obsess over it. Men are attracted to confidence, not desperation. Don't give a damn about it and see what happens. The more you think about it the more stressed you'll be. I'm sure you'll feel much better (and do much better) when you relax.

[somedude81]

So what you´re saying is that since I´m single I´m destined to remain so for another 10 years?

Yup.

 

If you can't date the very attractive men, your only options are to be single forever or to be satisfied with sex only arrangements...............

[Woggle]

You might be very hot but these guys you lust after have tons of women chasing after them. A woman really has to set herself apart beyond just looks to have a shot beyond some quick fun.

[KungFuJoe]

Where are all the guys who claim they need to stand out amongst millions of men just for a shot at a halfway decent woman?

[Woggle]

Where are all the guys who claim they need to stand out amongst millions of men just for a shot at a halfway decent woman?

 

I never had to. Most of the women who have men chasing after I am not impressed by. It takes much more than looks to get me past the point of generic attraction.

[ltjg45]

Where are all the guys who claim they need to stand out amongst millions of men just for a shot at a halfway decent woman?

 

Like me?

 

Not like it matters. With my physical issues, I don't have a chance with the OP if she is as pretty as I think she is.

 

Got to stay in my league after all.

[ltjg45]

thats how it is when you are so undesirable.

 

You are living toxic. You need to disappear.

[KungFuJoe]

I never had to. Most of the women who have men chasing after I am not impressed by. It takes much more than looks to get me past the point of generic attraction.

 

I was just making a point that both men and women think the other sex has the pick of the litter and they have to make do with what's left.

 

The truth is that it's lack of self esteem that makes you feel that way.

 

I've never felt that I couldn't get what I wanted. I just felt that I hadn't found her yet. And when I eventually did, I got her.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I know very good-looking guys that got married after high school and never looked back.

 

Dude. That is such an excellent point.

[Noproblem]

It makes me sad, but this is almost what is happening right now...Most people, specially women are settling for less

[trevzilla]

Women factor other things in like confidence and financial stability. It varies from woman to woman, I've met woman who won't date guys that aren't really attractive physically and others who compromise on looks. I don't think they settle though, they'll just look at other things like a guys career and ability to support a family etc. I've seen some pretty fugly dudes with really hot women but it was clear that they had a good bankroll. I also know a guy who married a girl 8 years younger who's really pretty and he's fat and balding. But he's going into counseling and every time I hang with him he dives deep into issues and I always go away feeling better, so I can see why she would be attracted to him, he probably makes her feel safe.