Do you think most women end up settling with a guy who is less attractive than them?

[miss_jaclynrae]

What exactly is the thought process behind this, "growing up"? I think that's what he's asking. What exactly is the need for a change of morals and values/lifestyle?

 

 

 

 

 

It isn't black and white. It differs for everyone.

My morals never changed, just what I wanted out of life.

I went from dating like a mad woman to wanting to finally be in a relationship.

 

 

So i changed my Dating style.

 

 

I wanted to find the one, get my life on track, prepare for the future. I was over late nights at bars and wanted to "settle down". So I did. Lol

 

 

 

 

There wasn't an "ah ha!" moment. It happened gradually. It is different for so many people. My boyfriend didn't reach that phase until he was 28. It varies.

[Radu]

If someone prefers to have a partner who hasn't had a lot of different sexual partners or whatever, I respect that.

 

But if someone has been doing what's referred to as "sowing wild oats" when men do it and then they have a change of values, and what they want in their life, and they go for it - and it happens to look like YOU - that does not necessarily mean you were settled for. It might mean that you were the biggest blessing that person ever had.

 

I'm not refering to sowing wild oats, sometimes called by women the 'slut-phase'.

 

I'm referring to women who constantly go for jerks/*******s/alpha guys with a wussy nice guy from time to time because she got burned too badly.

I'm referring to the women who at 35 still hold out for that ideal bad boy who can be 'changed'.

 

Those women [and i'm not mentioning men because the thread is about women].

[SJC2008]

From the looks of Jake Locker's wedding photos, I'd say he did just fine with her.

 

Jake Locker « Fleming Photography Studio Blog

 

If you're gauging him as better looking, I'd beg to differ.

 

I think he was insinuating that given his status and looks he COULD of gotten a much more attractive women but it's up to him to clarify. If he's implying that he's out of her league I agree with you that he's not. IMO they're evenly matched and they look great together. They both look better at certain angles (like most people) but there's no way that she's quite a bit better looking like MME Chaucer thinks.

[tbf]

I think he was insinuating that given his status and looks he COULD of gotten a much more attractive women but it's up to him to clarify. If he's implying that he's out of her league I agree with you that he's not. IMO they're evenly matched and they look great together. They both look better at certain angles (like most people) but there's no way that she's quite a bit better looking like MME Chaucer thinks.

Her name's Lauren Greer. She too was a high level athlete, playing NCAA baseball while she was in college. I'm uncertain what she's doing at present.

 

Jake Locker's wife Lauren Greer - PlayerWives.com

[KungFuJoe]

For those of you who said you were tired of just messing around and wanted a relationship...do you think it was your attitude that changed...or that you just met the right person?

 

I mean...take the person you ended up with...if you had met that same person during the middle of your "sowing your wild oats" phase, would you have dismissed him/her as just another notch on your belt and moved on, or would you have stuck with that person just the same?

 

I know, for me, I had a pretty rocky time with a girl I was with where we fought almost daily. But the sex was amazing. So after about 8 months of the on/off thing we decided to just make it a FWB arrangement and things were never better for us. Then I started dating a few girls around the same time and I remember thinking how much better for my sanity this was over the constant yelling and fighting and making up and fighting again. It was just SO much simpler. Then I met the "one" and all that went straight out the window. Within a month we were serious, I cut off my FWB cold turkey (she was actually pretty hurt and wanted me back) and in another month we were living together and I've never looked back.

 

I like to think that it wouldn't have mattered WHEN I met her...that the end result would have been the same.

[Woggle]

I'm not refering to sowing wild oats, sometimes called by women the 'slut-phase'.

 

I'm referring to women who constantly go for jerks/*******s/alpha guys with a wussy nice guy from time to time because she got burned too badly.

I'm referring to the women who at 35 still hold out for that ideal bad boy who can be 'changed'.

 

Those women [and i'm not mentioning men because the thread is about women].

 

Exactly. There is a huge difference. It's hard to explain but men who have experience in dating and relationships can just tell when a woman settles for a man. We just know and these men who are settled for are pretty much at the bottom of the relationship totem pole. I would rather be a celibate than ever be in that position.

 

Simply being wild during your college years is not the same thing at all.

[Cfb770099]

 

The OP is struggling because she can't get the every attractive men to date her. Bo hoo. If she wanted to date an average man, she could already. Right now she things dating a normal dude is settling. Sucks to be her.

 

She also seems to be very shallow and that's a big turn off for me.

 

Well I´d say it´s absolutely normal to be looking for a guy I find charming and physical attractiveness IS for me an important element of masculine charm. Of course there are also other things that are important but for me If I met a very very intelligent, nice, funny etc.. guy who I didn´t find physically attracted to I´d rather just be friends with him!

 

I understand if my posts sound a little shallow. Thing is something happened recently that made me think about all this stuff. A hot guy was being very flirty with me and I then started noticing how attractive he was and that + the fact he was flirting made me feel very attracted to him. But it turned out there was no serious intention behind that at all, no expectation to get even just something "for fun", it was just flirt for the sake of flirting. (Because when I made myself a little more available there was absolutely no reaction from him)

 

So this made me wonder if it´s somehow possible to understand guy´s behavior in relation to my physical attractiveness.

[USMCHokie]

I think everyone in the most general sense of the word settles. No one is perfect. And likewise, no one is absolutely "perfect" for anyone else. You can't provide absolutely everything for someone else. And you can't expect someone else to provide everything you could possibly desire in a partner.

 

Everyone settles.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think he was insinuating that given his status and looks he COULD of gotten a much more attractive women but it's up to him to clarify. If he's implying that he's out of her league I agree with you that he's not. IMO they're evenly matched and they look great together. They both look better at certain angles (like most people) but there's no way that she's quite a bit better looking like MME Chaucer thinks.

 

 

Going by looks alone, they are in a similar ball park. Both quite attractive

[irc333]

Wow....this post really took off!

 

Anyhow, I know this woman who was late 40's at the time...met her through some of the Meetup events, at one time, I had wanted to date her, but only pursued her because I thought she showed interest in me...she was really fun, cute, and very positive attitude.

 

She asked for my phone # and we talked on the phone...but when I went to ask her out....she said she thought I was a great guy, but didn't think of me in "that way".

 

We became friends, but we don't talk as much as we used to, but she was asking me that she's been having a lot of men she's not into (from the Meetup) trying to ask her out, get with her, etc. She wanted MY opinion if she was doing something to encourage them.

 

Simply enough, none of the men in the group she considered at least physically attractive enough for her to want to date.

 

She's spent time with them one on one in a "Friendzone" arrangement, but they couldn't get out of that zone.

 

I said to her, "hey, you're turning 50 soon, you are not getting any younger ...so perhaps its time to stop being so into looks".

 

 

And she was like "Yeah I guess your right"...though I don't think she'll follow suit, but we'll see.

[USMCHokie]

Simply enough, none of the men in the group she considered at least physically attractive enough for her to want to date.

 

I would add the following maxim: you are only as attractive as what you can attract.

 

For those who complain that they aren't attracted to men (or women) who are attracted to them, it most likely means that they aren't as attractive as they think they are. But this is probably pretty common in today's modern self-esteem era where everyone is taught that they are each special and beautiful. Until reality slaps them in the face.

[irc333]

I would add the following maxim: you are only as attractive as what you can attract.

 

For those who complain that they aren't attracted to men (or women) who are attracted to them, it most likely means that they aren't as attractive as they think they are. But this is probably pretty common in today's modern self-esteem era where everyone is taught that they are each special and beautiful. Until reality slaps them in the face.

 

 

Well, this kind of reminds me of a "sidebar" bar story....where I heard about how now these little leagues or pee wee football, EVERYONE gets trophies...there are no "winners or loosers"

 

I'm like DUH, of course there is.

 

A society where they're promoting mediocrity or rewarding those for things that are already expected of them in the first place.

[USMCHokie]

Well, this kind of reminds me of a "sidebar" bar story....where I heard about how now these little leagues or pee wee football, EVERYONE gets trophies...there are no "winners or loosers"

 

I'm like DUH, of course there is.

 

A society where they're promoting mediocrity or rewarding those for things that are already expected of them in the first place.

 

I promise not to go too far down this rabbit hole, but in response to the above, this is why you have incidents like the Newtown shooting...you have these kids who are clearly messed up, and instead of telling them they are weird and need to change to become more functional members of society, you coddle them and tell them they are perfect and special and entitled to be loved by everyone. Then they get bullied because they are a proverbial "loser" that still got a trophy...and then they go apesh*t when they don't get that "trophy" from their peers.

 

Same thing applies to dating...when you live with a huge entitlement complex, you begin to hate the opposite gender because they aren't giving you what you feel entitled to...and this applies to both men and women...and if you hate enough, people might get schwacked...

[irc333]

I promise not to go too far down this rabbit hole, but in response to the above, this is why you have incidents like the Newtown shooting...you have these kids who are clearly messed up, and instead of telling them they are weird and need to change to become more functional members of society, you coddle them and tell them they are perfect and special and entitled to be loved by everyone. Then they get bullied because they are a proverbial "loser" that still got a trophy...and then they go apesh*t when they don't get that "trophy" from their peers.

 

Same thing applies to dating...when you live with a huge entitlement complex, you begin to hate the opposite gender because they aren't giving you what you feel entitled to...and this applies to both men and women...and if you hate enough, people might get schwacked...

 

 

Right, there are a lot of non-dating situations where in other scenarios even kids these days are being "coddled".

[todreaminblue]

who is judging one person to be better looking....if you are attracted to someone no matter what anyone else thinks.......you find that person to be good looking

 

 

i went to this night club once there was this really good looking italian guy tall smokey eyes, natural confidence and charm not drinking, not smoking, all the girls liked him he wasn't short of partners on the dance floor, a girlfriend of mine noticed my puppy dog eyes...and said go ask him to dance deb........i said nah ill be right....she went up and told him i thought he was cute.......he came up to me and asked me to dance...i ended up dating him exclusively for six months.....i remember one day walking in on a conversation between him and a friend.....you chose her you need glasses...he told the guy to shut up ....and we went out to dinner......he was attracted to me i dont think it was more physical

 

some people just get attracted for whatever reason, doesn't matter who is more good looking or who isnt, i was attracted to the italian guy because he was charming , not rude, and he came up to me, he was a gentleman ...he also would when he was driving hold my hand or want me to put my hand on his leg he was afectionate an dloving.....also loved his mum......he wasa package deal.....so much in him so much more than looks......i wouldnt have approached him, i hardly ever do...i have considered all the guys i go out with to be better looking than me......and i judge that in confidence......they have all been confident where i am not the guy i am attracted to now.....so sweet ...so fine.........i dont think anyone should sit and pick apart people on how they look...when you are attracted you dont want to do that.....why would you......deb

[USMCHokie]

some people just get attracted for whatever reason, doesn't matter who is more good looking or who isnt, i was attracted to the italian guy because he was charming , not rude, and he came up to me, he was a gentleman ...

 

But none of that would have come to pass without the initial physical attraction. How could you know all of that other stuff that attracted you without getting to know him?

 

Again, looks matter to initiate interest. Overall attraction is a whole lot more than that, but you'd never know the rest of him unless you were physically interested enough in him to begin with.

[phineas]

I would add the following maxim: you are only as attractive as what you can attract.

 

For those who complain that they aren't attracted to men (or women) who are attracted to them, it most likely means that they aren't as attractive as they think they are. But this is probably pretty common in today's modern self-esteem era where everyone is taught that they are each special and beautiful. Until reality slaps them in the face.

 

I was going to post this also.

To answer the OP's question i'm going to say no.

 

Most above average women I meet who are eternally single are no where near as attractive as they think they are & are massive attention whores that are picky as hell.

 

On the flip-side I have seen some really hot women & i've looked at the guys they dated & thought .

 

WTF am I doing wrong? LOL!

 

Essentially it seems the truly beautiful women don't give a rat's ass what other people think of the guy they are with.

why? IDK.

 

The chicks who are a rung or two below the really hot one's and really just above average seem to be really picky & care what other people think of the guys they date to the point where they look for any reason to disqualify the guy.

[irc333]

Yeah, I recall a rather narcissistic woman stating, "I'm attracted to my equal in looks"

 

She was rather attractive, (still over 40 and single till this day), so she found most balding, unfit guys contacting her constantly.

 

 

 

I was going to post this also.

To answer the OP's question i'm going to say no.

 

Most above average women I meet who are eternally single are no where near as attractive as they think they are & are massive attention whores that are picky as hell.

 

On the flip-side I have seen some really hot women & i've looked at the guys they dated & thought .

 

WTF am I doing wrong? LOL!

 

Essentially it seems the truly beautiful women don't give a rat's ass what other people think of the guy they are with.

why? IDK.

 

The chicks who are a rung or two below the really hot one's and really just above average seem to be really picky & care what other people think of the guys they date to the point where they look for any reason to disqualify the guy.

[ThaWholigan]

I was going to post this also.

To answer the OP's question i'm going to say no.

 

Most above average women I meet who are eternally single are no where near as attractive as they think they are & are massive attention whores that are picky as hell.

 

On the flip-side I have seen some really hot women & i've looked at the guys they dated & thought .

 

WTF am I doing wrong? LOL!

 

Essentially it seems the truly beautiful women don't give a rat's ass what other people think of the guy they are with.

why? IDK.

 

The chicks who are a rung or two below the really hot one's and really just above average seem to be really picky & care what other people think of the guys they date to the point where they look for any reason to disqualify the guy.

Attraction is never truly as simple as looks matching up, no matter what any studies say .

 

As for most women settling - I know quite a few women who have at some point. Almost to the point where both her and the SO have APs.

 

Do I think its shallow to want a good looking partner/one you're attracted to? No I don't actually.......well, it depends. Are you looking for attractive at the expense of anything else? Then yeah, that's shallow. But some people are generally shallow and not very deep. I expect that and good luck to em.

 

Good looking people come with different packages too. Not all are field-playing so-and-sos .

[USMCHokie]

I notice you have a pattern of making hypothetical/theoretical statements. None of your comments are based upon your personal experience.

 

Indeed; I tend to prefer discussing the analytical side of relationships on LS, as I find the arguments are stronger than the isolated experience of a single data point. Especially when that data point cannot come up with anything resembling reasoning beyond "that's not how I am..."

 

What do you do to improve your dating life?

 

Absolutely nothing. I've been deployed for the past six months and still have six more to go.

[xxoo]

I think he was insinuating that given his status and looks he COULD of gotten a much more attractive women but it's up to him to clarify. If he's implying that he's out of her league I agree with you that he's not. IMO they're evenly matched and they look great together. They both look better at certain angles (like most people) but there's no way that she's quite a bit better looking like MME Chaucer thinks.

 

We are outsiders judging their attractiveness.

 

I bet that, if you could see her through his eyes (husband looking at wife), it would not be possible for him to find a more attractive woman.

[veggirl]

Forget you, I want a girl to settle for me.

 

Getting used has to be a hell of a lot better than beating off to porn.

 

SD you were rejected by ONE girl who looks the same as you. The rest of the girls you chase, that I've seen, are GORGEOUS and can get any man they want. When I read your posts I question if you even bother with normal girls, all the girls, except one, that you've shown me have looked like they can get any young man they want.

[Radu]

Maybe the girl isn't settling. Maybe she just learned from her mistakes.

 

Then by all means, i hope they have their happy forever.

 

But those are the women who are referenced in the OP.

The difference between a woman that learns from her mistakes and one that settles is the criterias at stake; the former changes her criterias and her modus operandi, the latter doesn't.

The latter will just waste her time, the guy's time, their families time and potentially provide drama in the lives of the little ones.

Which is a very selfish thing to do, since some of these see kids/family as accesories capable of providing something for her.

[ThaWholigan]

SD you were rejected by ONE girl who looks the same as you. The rest of the girls you chase, that I've seen, are GORGEOUS and can get any man they want. When I read your posts I question if you even bother with normal girls, all the girls, except one, that you've shown me have looked like they can get any young man they want.

Interesting....

[Revolver]

OP's problem is common among the vast majority of young women today.The guys who actually want to date/commit to her she doesn't like and the guys she wants to be with only want NSA/FWB relationships