Do you think most women end up settling with a guy who is less attractive than them?

[Noproblem]

Do you define "less" in terms of looks? Because that's what this thread is about.

 

If so, then that's a good thing. Maybe society is becoming less shallow.

 

 

 

 

Not really, any one who is willing to be in committed relationship with someone who is not really his or her soul mate is settling for less!

 

But again, I read a lot of novels...... so

[ltjg45]

It makes me sad, but this is almost what is happening right now...Most people, specially women are settling for less

 

That isn't too surprising.

 

IRL, I only see maybe 1 good-looking male to every 10 or more good-looking females.

 

When good-looking women is up fighting for the few good-looking males out there, a good portion have to settle for less looks-wise if they want a relationship.

 

Fortunately, women isn't as locked in on looks as males are. As sad as it may be (because even I can't see myself keeping a beautiful women by my side and see her be fateful to such an ugly creature like myself), it is a good thing for them, I guess.

 

Sometimes I really do feel bad for women, having to settle for less looks-wise the majority of the time.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Do I detect sarcasm?

 

My statement was directed at the OP when she talked about all good looking guys being players. I certainly have not found that to be true.

 

No. Not at all.

 

Actually, just this morning I was reading a story about an NFL quarterback who married a gal who played on his college's softball team. She's cute and all, but he's tall, handsome, famous, an athlete and rich. He could have any number of 10s to choose from.

 

Yet, he chose a gal he clicked with. His name is Jake Locker.

 

Yet, somehow people here (and elsewhere) who have much less going on I'm sure believe they deserve the absolute very best when it comes to everything.

[Noproblem]

That isn't too surprising.

 

IRL, I only see maybe 1 good-looking male to every 10 or more good-looking females.

 

When good-looking women is up fighting for the few good-looking males out there, a good portion have to settle for less looks-wise if they want a relationship.

 

Fortunately, women isn't as locked in on looks as males are. As sad as it may be (because even I can't see myself keeping a beautiful women by my side and see her be fateful to such an ugly creature like myself), it is a good thing for them, I guess.

 

Sometimes I really do feel bad for women, having to settle for less looks-wise the majority of the time.

 

Maybe science will change that

[Noproblem]

lol fair enough.

 

I think we have many soulmates , but I believe that looks play a very small part in that determination. Anyone that I know (male or female....and formerly myself included) that selects solely on looks seems to have a very shallow and unhappy life.

 

Well my theory is:

I tell that to my friends: he'll turn out to be mean and selfish anyway, at least you can choose him to be handsome or more than the average

[mesmerized]

Well my theory is:

I tell that to my friends: he'll turn out to be mean and selfish anyway, at least you can choose him to be handsome or more than the average

 

I like your thinking.

[Cfb770099]

So most people here do not seem to think that a guy´s self-immage influences who he chooses to hit on? I mean, do men always take into consideration the fact that looks are not too important for women and therefore hit on women that they know are hotter than them? Or do men not think about all this stuff at all and just go for the best without calculating what their chances of getting it are?

(In other words, does the fact that only less attractive men ( of course attraction can be a matter of individual taste ) seem to be interested in me "seriously" while all the attractive men only want me "for fun" mean that I´m less attractive than I maybe think I am?)

 

My statement was directed at the OP when she talked about all good looking guys being players. I certainly have not found that to be true.

Of course my thesis was not that all good-looking guys are players by definition, but that many of them have a tendency to be so.

[man_in_the_box]

I thought it was quite commonly accepted that men from all kinds of attraction levels hit on all sorts of women of various attraction levels. There might be some vague patterns but on a personal level its all pretty random who is and who is not going to hit on you.

[Woggle]

There really is not a science to who men approach. We see somebody we like and then we talk to her. Don't try and make it too complicated.

 

Good looking guys tend to be players because they can be and they have high standards for women. Like I said before they go for a woman that distinguishes herself from all the other ones lusting after them. It's the same with good looking women. What makes a man different than every other man who drools over her?

[somedude81]

I was just making a point that both men and women think the other sex has the pick of the litter and they have to make do with what's left.

But women pretty much do have their pick of the litter. Except for the top 1% of men which they all fight over. But I guess that 1% are the only ones that matter.

 

All I can imagine is 20 average men trying to chase 20 average girl but every single one of those girls wants the same one guy. And of course that one guy would gladly sleep with almost all of them.

The truth is that it's lack of self esteem that makes you feel that way.

 

I've never felt that I couldn't get what I wanted. I just felt that I hadn't found her yet. And when I eventually did, I got her.

You married your high school sweet heart or something like that when you were pretty young right?

 

That just tells me that you've never actually been turned down by somebody you really liked.

 

Frankly, I've found the one I wanted several times, and they kept rejecting me. That doesn't have anything to do with my self esteem, except lower it because of the rejections.

[Cfb770099]

Any guy that is successful with women does not put that much thought into approaching.

 

Not to be a d*ck, but have you considered the possibility that you're not as attractive as you think you are?

 

YEs I have actually and I wrote that in the same post of mine you quoted in your post. My conclusion for now is that I´m attractive enough to get some less attractive men to be serious when flirting with me, but the more attractive ones only want me for a relatively "low price" and are thus more focused on the "fun and easy" part. In other words I would have to be more attractive to get even the attractive men to want to offer a "higher price" for me. Could this make sense?

 

I know this sounds like I´m talking about economics Again this has nothing to do with love and romance, just attraction, which has been scientifically proven is not JUST a matter of individual taste, there are people that are actually objectively more physically attractive than others!

[ltjg45]

In other words I would have to be more attractive to get even the attractive men to want to offer a "higher price" for me. Could this make sense?

 

Actually, it doesn't make sense.

 

If the more attractive males wanted you for more than that, they wouldn't be treating you as a FWB.

[Weezy1973]

YEs I have actually and I wrote that in the same post of mine you quoted in your post. My conclusion for now is that I´m attractive enough to get some less attractive men to be serious when flirting with me, but the more attractive ones only want me for a relatively "low price" and are thus more focused on the "fun and easy" part. In other words I would have to be more attractive to get even the attractive men to want to offer a "higher price" for me. Could this make sense?

 

I know this sounds like I´m talking about economics Again this has nothing to do with love and romance, just attraction, which has been scientifically proven is not JUST a matter of individual taste, there are people that are actually objectively more physically attractive than others!

 

Did you ever consider that maybe you happen to only be attracted to players? And by that I mean certain attributes that players have that more monogamous minded men don't have (not just physical). Players are going to spend more time and effort on their appearance as well - so maybe that's it? If all the men that you find attractive aren't commitment minded, perhaps there's something about commitment minded men that you find unappealing.

[xxoo]

I know this sounds like I´m talking about economics Again this has nothing to do with love and romance, just attraction, which has been scientifically proven is not JUST a matter of individual taste, there are people that are actually objectively more physically attractive than others!

 

Physical attraction explains that "fun stuff" only. If you want more, you've got to consider more than just physical attraction. He does, too.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

What they look like in comparison to each other plays almost no part.

 

 

 

This is 180 degrees of inaccurate and every realist knows it.

[somedude81]

This is 180 degrees of inaccurate and every realist knows it.

Last girl I had feelings for could have passed for my sister, we looked so similar. She didn't want to date me and was only interested in men who were far more attractive than me, and her as well.

[Woggle]

Attraction is very subjective. What one person is attracted to might not be what another person is and vice versa. There are women who most men drool over that just do nothing for me. It is far from an exact science.

 

If this is what college is like I am glad I graduated.

[KungFuJoe]

But women pretty much do have their pick of the litter. Except for the top 1% of men which they all fight over. But I guess that 1% are the only ones that matter.

 

All I can imagine is 20 average men trying to chase 20 average girl but every single one of those girls wants the same one guy. And of course that one guy would gladly sleep with almost all of them.

 

You can imagine it all you want...it's not reality. Just because you are a woman doesn't mean you can pick from the 1% of available men. There are just as many good women out there struggling to find a man than vice versa.

 

You married your high school sweet heart or something like that when you were pretty young right?

 

That just tells me that you've never actually been turned down by somebody you really liked.

 

Frankly, I've found the one I wanted several times, and they kept rejecting me. That doesn't have anything to do with my self esteem, except lower it because of the rejections.

 

I met my wife in high school, but be barely knew each other. I was 25 and her 23 when we finally got together for good.

 

So you've been turned down. You're not the first and you won't be the last. What does that have to do with which sex has more "options".

 

Of course a struggling man thinks the women have it easier...just like a struggling woman (like the op) thinks men have it easier.

 

Can't you BOTH see that it's just YOUR perception and not reality?

[hppr]

Men and women find different things attractive, that's all. Men put lots of stock into looks and character while women focus more on social standing and personality than anything else.

 

Last girl I had feelings for could have passed for my sister, we looked so similar. She didn't want to date me and was only interested in men who were far more attractive than me, and her as well.

 

I know lots of single women like that, they just have a hard time dealing with being average and can't understand why they keep missing out on that 'big break' in their career, or why they can't 'fall in love' etc etc. Men on the other hand seem to revel in it. Woohoo, payday, I can buy a new toy, WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

 

Very strange when you think about it.

[hppr]

A lot of women may be shocked to find that the guys that they wouldn't give a second look or chance in their 20's or early 30's

 

As a 30 year old guy who isn't married this happens to me constantly. I tell this stuff to the young girls I meet, if you find a guy who treats you well stick with him like glue. Think dating is hard now? Wait til you're 10 years older, have a kid or two, and are trying to date the exact same guys as before (only now they're fatter, balder, and have kids of their own).

 

They don't listen to me though, but then I never listened to a friend of my dad's who said the same thing to me. "Find a good looking girl that doesn't drive you completely crazy before you're bald" lol...

[Woggle]

I tell young guys all the time to stay away from the thin hot blondes and go for women who actually have something going for them but they just don't hear it. People have to learn this stuff on their own.

[somedude81]

You can imagine it all you want...it's not reality. Just because you are a woman doesn't mean you can pick from the 1% of available men. There are just as many good women out there struggling to find a man than vice versa.

Yeah about that, I said that women have their pick of men except for the 1%.

 

 

 

I met my wife in high school, but be barely knew each other. I was 25 and her 23 when we finally got together for good.

You're very lucky that you got to marry so young.

 

 

 

Of course a struggling man thinks the women have it easier...just like a struggling woman (like the op) thinks men have it easier.

The OP is struggling because she can't get the every attractive men to date her. Bo hoo. If she wanted to date an average man, she could already. Right now she things dating a normal dude is settling. Sucks to be her.

 

If you haven't realized by now, I'm not trying to get a beautiful girl and I have no problems at all getting together with a plain Jane.

Maybe OP and SD should date.

 

 

Not a chance she'd be willing to date me because of how I look.

 

She also seems to be very shallow and that's a big turn off for me.

[Noproblem]

30 years old isn't really old, man (especially for a guy).

 

No, 30 is not old ...but if the guy or the girl didn't take care of themselves and what they eat, they'll look older than their real age....I know people who are 18 but look like 30 ....and people who are 33 and look like they are 20

[Noproblem]

20 year olds look like little kids and 30 year olds are around their peak.

 

So now I'm just confused. Are you trying to get me to eat poorly and not work out?

 

 

 

 

You can do whatever you want with your life...

[ascendotum]

That isn't too surprising.

 

IRL, I only see maybe 1 good-looking male to every 10 or more good-looking females.

 

When good-looking women is up fighting for the few good-looking males out there, a good portion have to settle for less looks-wise if they want a relationship.

 

Fortunately, women isn't as locked in on looks as males are. As sad as it may be (because even I can't see myself keeping a beautiful women by my side and see her be fateful to such an ugly creature like myself), it is a good thing for them, I guess.

 

Sometimes I really do feel bad for women, having to settle for less looks-wise the majority of the time.

 

Its because you are a male that when you are about and about that you you judge females more attractive than males. That's the intention of nature that you as a male find them attractive and not men, but its also the intention of nature to have women find men desirable. Why the hell would nature create a massive imbalance like that in a species, unless the males just inseminate the females using brute force so they have no say in the matter, whereby strength becomes the desirable trait to pass on to her offspring. A handsome face might be a great attribute now for a man, but as far as the last 200k years, it didn't make any difference when it came to putting food on the table, or help to build his dwelling or fight another tribe.

 

We also inherit genes from both mother & father, so its not like each generation of boys stay stagnant with 'ugly' as the girls get all the 'good'.

Using your logic, you could say only 10% of stallions are as good looking creatures as mares, only 10% of male chimps are as attractive animals as female chimps, and that's crazy.

 

Snagging a good looking guy for a FWB/STR is not the same a LTR, which I would consider a more reliable measure of your standing in the desirability stakes. When it comes to relationships, its not possible for all women to settle down with less attractive men. This would mean the ones missing out on LTRs are the really handsome men (who hardly any women are good enough for) and the really unattractive women (who cant go lower). The hookup culture and erosion of monogamy has changed the landscape somewhat.