jessyj Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 So here I am 3 years down the line and the affair or "relationship" I thought I was in is finally over. Myself and MM began a relationship 3 years ago through work and it was a complete rollercoaster of a ride.. fun passionate exciting. All the things that you could want from a man except it was all kept going through secrecy and lies. We had all the things a normal relationship had. We lived together on week days we went on holidays together, went to social occassions together but then he would go home to his BS and daughter and the reality kicked in. During this time I fell pregnant and he manipulated me into having an abortion and made me believe there was no way I could cope with a baby and without his support (because our relationship wouldnt last the pressure of a child) Even through all of this I stuck by him. I convinced myself our situation was SPECIAL and he would eventually leave his BS and sexless marraige. I convinced myself he truly loved me like he told me every day and then everything would end in a fairytale because we were after all the exception to the rule and we werent a cliche. I was so wrong. 95% of all affairs are the same and I now realise that its close to impossible to maintain an affair or develop a relationship past the affair because it is all based on secrecy jealousy lies and complete lack of trust. MM will promise you the sun moon and stars but when it comes to delivering the goods they keep making excuses. Ladies please dont fool yourself like i did that his excuses are genuine because that pity you feel for him is exactly what he wants. So here I am 3 years later in immense pain and reminiscing about the good times wondering what he is doing and whether his marriage is rekindled and hoping in some small way that he will come back to me begging for forgiveness. But do you know what all the pain I am going through right now will be worth it because we all deserve to find someone that wants us and only us. We deserve some one who wont lie and try to hide you under a veil of secrecy. We deserve real love. If anything good comes out of my affair is that I can save someone else from going through all the pain bitterness jealously and heartbreak I have felt in the past 3 years. Dont get involved with a MM however attractive that forbidden passion is. Yes it will be the best sex of your life and intense passion and emotion but thats because it is so wrong. Look at it for what it is and walk away. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Jessy - I remember you when you were here posting about the pregnancy. I'm sorry that you are hurting. I hope you find peace and that LS will help you heal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Jessy, I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain right now. Especially sorry about the pregnancy. Take care of you right now and don't worry about anyone else. I hope you heal quickly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Oh Sweety, I'm sorry for your pain. The ending may seem cliche , but we're all unique and so is your pain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 No lectures from this BW. Just huge hugs!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain34 Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 But do you know what all the pain I am going through right now will be worth it because we all deserve to find someone that wants us and only us. We deserve some one who wont lie and try to hide you under a veil of secrecy. We deserve real. Realizing that you deserve much more than his crumbs is a huge stepping stone to moving on. Whenever you are feeling weak, remember you are worth so much and this isn't real love. Stay strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I am sorry for pain Jessyj. Time heals all and with all the pain we learn from it. I hope you find peace soon. Big Hugs.:bunny: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Thank you Lady Gray I have been busy and not feeling so well but I am getting better. Big Hug to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Jessy - big hugs! I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering. You are right and unfortunately a statist. I think most of us OW can definitely see how our relationships with our XMM although real within the bubble, they were the ones that could not follow through. Manipulation? I wish you could see the letters mine wrote to me - now I see it - then I believed it was total love and he would never do anything to hurt me. But I specifically remember the first time we didn't use birth control (I know, stupid). Afterwards we went to eat and he was a little nervous about the possibility of me being pregnant and my xMM ( diehard prolife guy) mentions the possibility of abortion if I were to be pregnant. I looked directly at him and said "that is not who you are". And it really wasn't. I actually should have known then this is a disaster in the making - him giving up long held beliefs to suit his own issues. Anyway, later on I was pregnant and lost the child. This miscarriage was right after d-day. And I went throwing it alone. He wasn't here to help me. Although I guess I knew on some level he couldn't be, it hurt so badly. I am so sorry you are going through this. Believe me when I say there will come a time when he will have to deal with his own guilt over it. Hang in their. Link to post Share on other sites
FallenPrincess Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I'm so sorry. Love is blind. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 How are you doing Jessy? We are here for you if you need to talk. Hugs for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jessyj Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 Thank you for all the lovely messages. Appreciate the lack of judgement. Time is a healer it's just going to take a lot of time. Doing good but feel angry towards MM and myself. Appreciate the support on this forum x Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I wish there was something I could say that would take away some of the hurt but I know there isn't. We are all here to help you thru it. Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I second DO's post. Link to post Share on other sites
sybo24 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I am so sorry to hear both of your posts. I cant imagine how hard a pregnancy would be in an affair. I wish you both all the best and hope you can get through the pain we all on here understand only too well xx Link to post Share on other sites
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