She needs time to think

[sanskrtapanditah]

There is a girl I've known for about 9 years. We used to go out to restaurants and movies together all the time, and practically knew everything about each other. Anyway, I had to move away a few years ago, so we lost contact till she found me on Facebook. Now, she's moved closer and we've started talking more. I recently told her that I always was attracted to her and still would be open to more than friendship. She told me she will tell me about her feelings when she is ready, and said "You're such a wonderful man and I'm impressed you got the guts to tell me". I told her to take all the time she needs. We're talking like normal now, but I'm still not sure how to interpret her response to my admission...

[hannah11]

Shes probably currently interested in a different guy at the moment as well and wants to see how things turn out with him first. Shes keeping her options open and basically using you as a second choice. Or she doesn't like you and didn't want to crush your heart. My best guess would be the first option though, I would suggest moving on.

[Vogeltron]

I hate to say it. But most women are very emotional. They would know pretty early if they were really interested in you. If you can handle the truth because I have the feeling she isn't interested. But myself personally I would rather know what is really going down even if it sucks. I would just message her telling you that you are very interested in her etc and that you would really like to know how she feels about possibly reconnecting and potentially being more than friends. I would say something about how how you always really liked her but was too shy or dumb or whatever your personality traits were to ask her out. Just tell her also it is cool if you aren't interested you understand and what not. You are just really kicking yourself for the past and thought when the opportunity presented itself you better do it now or you might never have the chance again. I would conclude by saying something along the lines of this would never affect your friendship but you were kinda hung up on it and it would mean a great deal to you if she told how she felt to you can proceed forward accordingly. Personally I would might throw in something about a girl being interested in you (even if it is bogus) but you really wanted a shot with her given your history etc. That is how I would play it.

 

Also I don't advocate lying in a relationship. But sometimes to get a date or start a relationship it is absolutely necessary. Sometimes telling people how awesome they are even if they aren't along with you have other people interested in you even though you don't can go a long way. I actually gave similar advice to a friend of mine about two years ago. Girl didn't want to go down that path he convinced her to go on one date with him if she couldn't stand him to tell him to f-off and he would leave her alone. Well they have been living together for several years and from what I can see both couldn't be happier.

Edited April 7, 2013 by Vogeltron

[hannah11]

That all sounds pretty good, but I would't mention 'the other girl' she doesn't exist there is no point lying about it. Honestly, as a girl, when guys do that we can usually tell when he is lying or not. And it just makes you seem like kind of an a** it might work sometimes but it just doesn't make sense. Bringing up some imaginary person who is supposedly interested in you wouldn't change her feelings or lack or feelings towards you. Plus it makes it seem like you aren't fully interested in her and you are just grocery shopping and picking out your best option for the lowest prices. Like hey, this steak looks delicious and is pretty cheap, but hey this other steak looks slightly less delicious but is the same price...if they have any more of the first one then I'll get that. But if they are all out of those ones then I'll go for the slightly less delicious one. But women aren't steak so you can't deal with them like that. My analogy sucks, I know.