Treasa Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Why would you want to be with someone who isn't crazy for you? ESPECIALLY over so short a time. I recently broke up with a guy who started becoming stressed because he started a new job (part-time) and his grandfather (who supported him financially) was having hip surgery. Yeah, I'm not gonna stick around with someone who considers those things to be extremely stressful. I think you should call his dude, or text him if he's too much of a pussy to talk to you, and tell him he doesn't need to think things through, and that you guys are over. That will make him think a LOT more than him knowing you're sitting around waiting for his answer. Ugh. Isn't your pride, self-respect, whatever, screaming at you?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Maybe I'm being paranoid but I can't shake off that feeling that I can understand why she felt such a need to find a boyfriend/husband so quickly. I also think that she has that old-school thinking where once a male that has interest in her has cemented in the relationship, she is not going to let him go, regardless of his flaws. She has the determination of a good, loyal wife and possible good mother because she isn't going to abandon her family. It means everything to her. This has benefits, of course, provided that the male in question is really in it for the long run and I'm sure those benefits is exactly what the OP wants. Of course, asking for him to be there 24/7 is an issue as that is completely impossible. He have to work, he have to piss, he have to eat, he have to sleep, he have to pay bills, etc etc. You get the idea. She just need to be less clingy, if that makes any sense. Just find a hobby or two, finish up with college, and go after any males she is physically attracted to. I honestly don't expect him to be there 24/7 I understand he works, I have things I have to do too. My issue was he never had time for me and his work schedule is not set in stone so he could be called in on a weekend and work from 5 am to 8 Saturday and Sunday then come home sleep get up and do it again. One week he worked 105 hours that is insane to me. I understand he is tired I understand he works but if you want a relationship (like he said he did) you have to put forth some effort. It got annoyed and said something. I'm proud of myself for even saying anything because there was a point I would have been like "whatever I will see you whenever.. even if it's 15 years from now" lol Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I'm proud of myself for even saying anything because there was a point I would have been like "whatever I will see you whenever.. even if it's 15 years from now" lol Well...that IS progress. I still think you should tell him to get bent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Why would you want to be with someone who isn't crazy for you? ESPECIALLY over so short a time. I recently broke up with a guy who started becoming stressed because he started a new job (part-time) and his grandfather (who supported him financially) was having hip surgery. Yeah, I'm not gonna stick around with someone who considers those things to be extremely stressful. I think you should call his dude, or text him if he's too much of a pussy to talk to you, and tell him he doesn't need to think things through, and that you guys are over. That will make him think a LOT more than him knowing you're sitting around waiting for his answer. Ugh. Isn't your pride, self-respect, whatever, screaming at you?? It is scary to end it because I really like him. That is like closing a major door, what if he does actually come up with a legit solution? I just haven't felt like this about someone like we click perfectly, I mean honestly perfectly we just click and I have never had that with anyone else so I don't know if I will get that again so throwing it away seems so bad. I mean obviously if he breaks up with me it'll be over but I feel like I can't do it. I have never broken up with someone. Now I am getting stressed again that he is going to break up with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 It is scary to end it because I really like him. That is like closing a major door, what if he does actually come up with a legit solution? I just haven't felt like this about someone like we click perfectly, I mean honestly perfectly we just click and I have never had that with anyone else so I don't know if I will get that again so throwing it away seems so bad. I mean obviously if he breaks up with me it'll be over but I feel like I can't do it. I have never broken up with someone. Now I am getting stressed again that he is going to break up with me. You will feel that SO MANY TIMES with other guys in the beginning. I promise you. Every guy in my 20s was "the one." If he really wants to be with you, he'd have made it clear by now. He'd already have figured something out. He's trying to get rid of you without hurting you or feeling guilty. Maybe you should just text him, "Hey, I'm not gonna wait around. If you want to make it work, find a way and then contact me." That way you're kinda leaving the door open, but also letting him know that this isn't appropriate. This is killing me because I know exactly how you feel, and it's almost making me feel anxious FOR you, and I wish I could send you my strength. When you really start living your life for YOU, you will be happy. When you are really and truly happy with yourself, even if everyone else seems to hate you, you will be happy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Maybe I'm being paranoid but I can't shake off that feeling that I can understand why she felt such a need to find a boyfriend/husband so quickly. I also think that she has that old-school thinking where once a male that has interest in her has cemented in the relationship, she is not going to let him go, regardless of his flaws. She has the determination of a good, loyal wife and possible good mother because she isn't going to abandon her family. It means everything to her. This has benefits, of course, provided that the male in question is really in it for the long run and I'm sure those benefits is exactly what the OP wants. Of course, asking for him to be there 24/7 is an issue as that is completely impossible. He have to work, he have to piss, he have to eat, he have to sleep, he have to pay bills, etc etc. You get the idea. She just need to be less clingy, if that makes any sense. Just find a hobby or two, finish up with college, and go after any males she is physically attracted to. This makes no sense. I'm not going to attach myself to just any man because I just have to be a wife and mother. I am going to be EXTREMELY choosy about who I choose to parent with. In fact, more people should. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 This makes no sense. I'm not going to attach myself to just any man because I just have to be a wife and mother. I am going to be EXTREMELY choosy about who I choose to parent with. In fact, more people should. And I will just play with her kids if I feel like being around children. Win/win for everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Just doing my hair and thinking its gonna super suck if he dumps me I won't have anyone to go to Luke Bryan with this summer Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I feel like you don't understand how to sustain happyness. And I think this is your biggest problem. You're putting happyness into the future. You're making someone else responsible for it. You're also incapable of realizing that right now, this relationship is failing at providing you with what you need. It isn't making you happy. Yet, because you don't know how to provide contentment for yourself, you're latching on harder to this thing that is currently making you unhappy, in the (unjustifiable) hope that it will grant you happyness in the future. So the questions are: does this relationship make you happy? what are you doing for yourself to be happy and content? Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Just doing my hair and thinking its gonna super suck if he dumps me I won't have anyone to go to Luke Bryan with this summer Why not? GO WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND HAVE FUN! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Why not? GO WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND HAVE FUN! My friends aren't going only one is and she's going with her friends and boyfriend Link to post Share on other sites
nessaaa Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Did he contact you yet?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 My friends aren't going only one is and she's going with her friends and boyfriend You can't go with them? See, IB - this is where you can CHOOSE to be happy. Last summer I got dumped by a guy I was nuts about, and he was supposed to be my date for a wedding a month later. Well, I just called up a girlfriend and said hey dude, want to be my date for this wedding? Open bar. And she said yes and while I felt a little lame bringing a girl, we ended up getting wastey and danced our asses off and I had a GREAT weekend in NYC. So I chose to make the best of a hurtful sitch. What are YOU going to choose? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Just doing my hair and thinking its gonna super suck if he dumps me I won't have anyone to go to Luke Bryan with this summer Well, thankfully, you've come back to this as a priority over wife/mother/picket fence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 You can't go with them? See, IB - this is where you can CHOOSE to be happy. Last summer I got dumped by a guy I was nuts about, and he was supposed to be my date for a wedding a month later. Well, I just called up a girlfriend and said hey dude, want to be my date for this wedding? Open bar. And she said yes and while I felt a little lame bringing a girl, we ended up getting wastey and danced our asses off and I had a GREAT weekend in NYC. So I chose to make the best of a hurtful sitch. What are YOU going to choose? I would love to go with them but do I ask? It seems rude to impose myself on them. No he hasn't messaged me yet Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 My friends aren't going only one is and she's going with her friends and boyfriend SO - WHAT _ ???!!? You have to get it through that pretty little hair-styled head of yours that your HAPPINESS is not - dependent - on - you - having - a - guy - on - your - arm!! Being on your own doesn't make you half a person!! Jeesh, sometimes you can be quite mature - sadly, the majority of the time you ruin it by sounding like a petulant twelve-year-old!! Get a grip!! Incidentally, I'm on husband number 3 - don't put all your eggs in one basket - learn to be flexible! The 'ONE' - isn't the 'ONLY one'.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Did he contact you yet?!?! Hey, he just met her. And this is crazy, but give him your number OP and say call me. Maybe? Ah OP, I feel for you, was in the very same boat long time ago. I pray never again. (minus wanting the marriage/baby part ASAP) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Echo000 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 poeple are too kind on this site..this girl needs a mother and father to slap her (the OP- imperfectionisbeauty) and tell her to grow up. God has been bad to you? According to you- GOD GAVE YOU THE PERFECT GUY. So what, lets say you lose him. how many girls had the perfect guy at all? For even a few? I mean, as a side note you are dead wrong. He is far from perfect, and of course there are other men out there that would be just as good, if not better. But you are building a table with one leg, when it should have four. If that one leg is chopped (i.e. your relationship is ended) that table (i.e YOU) will fall straight to the ground. That, my friend, is called being UNSTABLE. Stop blaming God, stop calling your life shi**y, etc. Stop COMPLAINING. Pick yourself up. Stop acting like a girl and start acting like a woman. If he DESERVES you, he will stick around. and if he doesnt (or, to be painfully honest, if you dont deserve him) he wont. I'm tired of people always making the dumper out to be the bad guy..maybe he/she is, or maybe he or she deserves a better relationship. If all you do is make your life about him, then he deserves better. Just trying to help my friend. I was somewhat harsh, but honesty has no time to be dressed up in BS niceties. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 This makes no sense. I'm not going to attach myself to just any man because I just have to be a wife and mother. I am going to be EXTREMELY choosy about who I choose to parent with. In fact, more people should. Of course not but you also don't value it as highly as the OP does. To you, marriage and family is merely another option, not a life goal like the OP wants. To her, she wants it just THAT badly. It's no different than me who wants to work and be the main breadwinner of the household. All of my value is focused on that while her worth is strictly focused on being a loyal wife/mother. To her, being single for her entire life is failure to her which is no different than me who has been unemployed. Both makes us failures. So it is not surprising that you feel this way. That's fine. Everyone is different, after all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nessaaa Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Wheres your rebound guy!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Wheres your rebound guy!? It's not been long enough to rebound Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Of course not but you also don't value it as highly as the OP does. To you, marriage and family is merely another option, not a life goal like the OP wants. To her, she wants it just THAT badly. It's no different than me who wants to work and be the main breadwinner of the household. All of my value is focused on that while her worth is strictly focused on being a loyal wife/mother. To her, being single for her entire life is failure to her which is no different than me who has been unemployed. Both makes us failures. So it is not surprising that you feel this way. That's fine. Everyone is different, after all. Of course I want a family. But what am I gonna do, sit around and wail about it because it hasn't happened yet? Life's too short. I think you BOTH need to get a grip and start living. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I don't think anyone is questioning her dreams. But right now she's in college, and saying she's going to DIE because this guy she's known for three months is breaking up with her. THAT may not be the ideal time/mindframe for getting married or having kids. I think someone makes a good partner or mother when they're stable, secure with themselves, all those good things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Ok i don't know if any of you all are country fans but this song "Merry Go Round" by Kacey Musgraves reminds me of my life.. or like what I want my life to be except she makes it seem sad and I don't want the sad part. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Of course I want a family. But what am I gonna do, sit around and wail about it because it hasn't happened yet? Life's too short. I think you BOTH need to get a grip and start living. In my case, I can't "start living" while being broke. That is frankly impossible. I'm already limited when it comes to going places and then the sheer majority of them requires some form of cash to go any further. And, at some point, you are going to get tired of doing walks across the beaches, etc etc. At that point, you want more and you can't get it strictly because of that. In her case, that is different. She can wait. She just doesn't want to. That's fine as well. I do believe the number of quality, marriage-minded males do decrease over time and, since she is a female, she also has to consider that she is on a time clock. Of course, that doesn't apply to all females as some is capable of birthing healthy children past the age of 40 but who, in their right mind, wants to wait that long when you are not guaranteed to see another day, let alone the next 18-20 years? So I can't just sit here and say that the way she felt has no meaning. I felt that same way myself, more than I care to be a part of. Link to post Share on other sites
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