nessaaa Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Hey, he just met her. And this is crazy, but give him your number OP and say call me. Maybe? Ah OP, I feel for you, was in the very same boat long time ago. I pray never again. (minus wanting the marriage/baby part ASAP) LMAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Yes yes yes. dooo it BEAUTY. Link to post Share on other sites
aburd123 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I know that you feel like this is the case. You've only been together a few months. That's not very long to even really get to know each other. I know how it feels to want to be with someone every single day or even want to see them once a week, but sometimes due to work, distance from each other, etc. that just isn't possible. I understand how you are feeling. This is what I would do: First, do your homework. Make sure you are showing him that this is bothering you. Guys tend to enjoy that stuff sometimes. Don't let people know that this bothers you. Second, STOP texting him. I know that this is going to be the hardest thing for you right now, but this will make you the strongest person in the relationship. Let him text you and don't text him back right away. If he is sending you a text once a day, wait an hour or at least a 1/2 hour before texting back. Don't make it look like you're waiting by the phone for him to call or text. Third, allow him time to breathe. If this is a new job, he may be really busy and he may have been telling the truth. the worse you can do is continue to text and make him feel uncomfortable and insecure. Rather, tell him you're thinking about him and that you miss him and that you'd like for him to call you. Don't suggest meeting or asking for one night a week over a text. Once he calls you, first make conversation. Find out how he's doing, what is his job like, does he like it, how many hours does he work, how's his boss? Then casually say "You know, I've really been missing you and I've been trying to give you your space, but I really would love to see you even if just for a few hours. What time to you have in your schedule?" Don't ask a yes or no question. Don't ask "do you have time for me?" Ask it like What day is a good day for us to meet up? Or what kind of plans do you have for the weekend? These are answers that can't be avoided and will leave him to answering either honestly or making something up. You should be able to tell either way, especially if he hesitates to answer. Last but not least, please realize that even if this person is worth all the trouble you're going for, he's not worth dying for or worth jepardizing your studies at school over. Also realize that you won't be able to keep him if you are constantly sending text messages about missing him. It sends a message that you are insecure and that you really don't trust him and this makes for a real bumpy road down the line if the relationship were to last. Good luck. [code][/code] 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nessaaa Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 It's not been long enough to rebound Says who? Look at where playing by the nice girl rules have gotten you?- so much heart break. Youre hurting my heart right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 In my case, I can't "start living" while being broke. That is frankly impossible. I'm already limited when it comes to going places and then the sheer majority of them requires some form of cash to go any further. And, at some point, you are going to get tired of doing walks across the beaches, etc etc. At that point, you want more and you can't get it strictly because of that. In her case, that is different. She can wait. She just doesn't want to. That's fine as well. I do believe the number of quality, marriage-minded males do decrease over time and, since she is a female, she also has to consider that she is on a time clock. Of course, that doesn't apply to all females as some is capable of birthing healthy children past the age of 40 but who, in their right mind, wants to wait that long when you are not guaranteed to see another day, let alone the next 18-20 years? So I can't just sit here and say that the way she felt has no meaning. I felt that same way myself, more than I care to be a part of. *banging head against the wall* Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Says who? Look at where playing by the nice girl rules have gotten you?- so much heart break. Youre hurting my heart right now. Granted I don't know why I reply to this thread ... however do you think the op can handle that? If she rebounds(rebound from what - I don't know)... she is going cling to whatever poor guy. Be serious. Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) To her, being single for her entire life is failure to her which is no different than me who has been unemployed. Both makes us failures. Ya, but compare the guy who has been flipping burgers for 40 years to the ceo of McDonalds. Both have jobs, both have "succeeded" in their life goal (i.e having a job), but I am pretty sure they have varying views on what "success" is. If she pops out a kid with some deadbeat who hits her everyday does she really "succeed"? It might be the op's goal to be a wife and mother, it might be your goal to have "a job", but that's about as low a goal as you can possibly set yourself. Medical reasons notwithstanding every woman has the ability to be a mother and wife, just as every person can work. It's the quality of the work that sets a person apart. One would like to hope her true goal is to be the kind of wife and mother who can be supportive to her spouse as well as mindful to guide the children through the various potholes in life. Reading her posts, would you want her giving any advice on how to handle a relationship to a child? Has she been doing anything but stressing the guy out? Having a half conceptualized life goal and expecting the rest just to pan out is extremely immature; especially when your goal is creating living thinking humans. Edited April 8, 2013 by WhoreyBull 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) And, at some point, you are going to get tired of doing walks across the beaches, etc etc. Is that point before or after getting tired of looking for a job? Edited April 8, 2013 by WhoreyBull 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) Ok i don't know if any of you all are country fans but this song "Merry Go Round" by Kacey Musgraves reminds me of my life.. or like what I want my life to be except she makes it seem sad and I don't want the sad part. I am not a country fan, so I looked it up and....you want your life to be a song about getting married too young and making mistakes in life because you try to adhere to expectations of the past? That whole song appears to be a commentary on how people come to regret what you are trying to do, and how it creates broken homes. Just for everyone who doesn't want to google: "If you ain't got two kids by 21, You're probably gonna die alone. Least that's what tradition told you. And it don't matter if you don't believe, Come Sunday morning, you best be there in the front row like you're supposed to. .... We get bored, so, we get married Just like dust, we settle in this town. .... 'Cause mama's hooked on Mary Kay. Brother's hooked on Mary Jane. Daddy's hooked on Mary two doors down. .... We're so bored until we're buried. ... Jack and Jill went up the hill. Jack burned out on booze and pills. And Mary had a little lamb. Mary just don't give a damn no more." So... you want to make the same mistakes as your parents? The song is all a sad part. Where is the part you are trying to emulate? Having two kids already...? I just.... I can't even... Edited April 8, 2013 by WhoreyBull 7 Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 The overarching problem is that she doesn't think it's sad. She would rather be with anybody - including the wrong person - than to be alone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 The overarching problem is that she doesn't think it's sad. She would rather be with anybody - including the wrong person - than to be alone. I really fear for her future children Though they'll probably be able to write some pretty decent country songs. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 BTB, i really liked your posts. I just have a few questions : - is your metalhead still a metalhead ? - did your metalhead get to watch Dio in concert ? - did he pray for Dio ? PS: I was very sad to hear he passed away. Thanks I like many of your posts too. Your posts get me to think. Thinking is good. Yes he still is though he doesn't go to hard rock concerts anymore (I don't like hard rock very much... hard rock is scary to me ) but he listens to Christian hard rock while working out. I don't know to questions 2 and 3. I'll ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 \ Second, STOP texting him. I know that this is going to be the hardest thing for you right now, but this will make you the strongest person in the relationship. Let him text you and don't text him back right away. If he is sending you a text once a day, wait an hour or at least a 1/2 hour before texting back. Don't make it look like you're waiting by the phone for him to call or text. Third, allow him time to breathe. If this is a new job, he may be really busy and he may have been telling the truth. the worse you can do is continue to text and make him feel uncomfortable and insecure. Rather, tell him you're thinking about him and that you miss him and that you'd like for him to call you. Don't suggest meeting or asking for one night a week over a text. Once he calls you, first make conversation. Find out how he's doing, what is his job like, does he like it, how many hours does he work, how's his boss? Then casually say "You know, I've really been missing you and I've been trying to give you your space, but I really would love to see you even if just for a few hours. What time to you have in your schedule?" Don't ask a yes or no question. Don't ask "do you have time for me?" Ask it like What day is a good day for us to meet up? Or what kind of plans do you have for the weekend? These are answers that can't be avoided and will leave him to answering either honestly or making something up. You should be able to tell either way, especially if he hesitates to answer. Last but not least, please realize that even if this person is worth all the trouble you're going for, he's not worth dying for or worth jepardizing your studies at school over. Also realize that you won't be able to keep him if you are constantly sending text messages about missing him. It sends a message that you are insecure and that you really don't trust him and this makes for a real bumpy road down the line if the relationship were to last. Good luck. Good advice. Also, DON'T WAIT for his call. Just enjoy life. When he calls/texts, he calls/texts. It's important to be healthy and happy without someone, so you can be healthy and happy WITH someone!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I don't think anyone is questioning her dreams. But right now she's in college, and saying she's going to DIE because this guy she's known for three months Actually, just shy of 2 months. And she has not seen him for 3 weeks. That means that the dating part went on for about 2 weeks, which likely adds up to a minuscule amount of contact. It kind of reminds me of when my daughter was in about the 2nd through maybe 4th grades. She'd come home and tell me, "Nicole is going out with Kevin." I'd be all, "really? Going out? Where are they going?" What it really meant was that thy spoke to each other at school. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 I am not a country fan, so I looked it up and....you want your life to be a song about getting married too young and making mistakes in life because you try to adhere to expectations of the past? That whole song appears to be a commentary on how people come to regret what you are trying to do, and how it creates broken homes. Just for everyone who doesn't want to google: "If you ain't got two kids by 21, You're probably gonna die alone. Least that's what tradition told you. And it don't matter if you don't believe, Come Sunday morning, you best be there in the front row like you're supposed to. .... We get bored, so, we get married Just like dust, we settle in this town. .... 'Cause mama's hooked on Mary Kay. Brother's hooked on Mary Jane. Daddy's hooked on Mary two doors down. .... We're so bored until we're buried. ... Jack and Jill went up the hill. Jack burned out on booze and pills. And Mary had a little lamb. Mary just don't give a damn no more." So... you want to make the same mistakes as your parents? The song is all a sad part. Where is the part you are trying to emulate? Having two kids already...? I just.... I can't even... It's a good song but my parents marriage isn't like that... They got married at 30 and had me at 34 and my brother at 38 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I am going to be EXTREMELY choosy about who I choose to parent with. In fact, more people should. Very important!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 It's a good song but my parents marriage isn't like that... They got married at 30 and had me at 34 and my brother at 38 WHAT THE...? Your PARENTS had you at 34???? Then what the hell is the problem here? Where are you getting this "22 and I'm gonna be single forever!" crap?! *MIND BLOWN* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 It's a good song but my parents marriage isn't like that... They got married at 30 and had me at 34 and my brother at 38 You dooooo realize that the moral of the song is exactly to not do what you're planning on doing, yeah? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 My partner had a period of being clingy and dependence and I can assure you it was not fun and one of the worst aspects of the relationship. It literally sucks the life out of you. You sound 10x worse than her - don't you realize what you are doing? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) It's a good song but my parents marriage isn't like that... They got married at 30 and had me at 34 and my brother at 38 I know, I mean that is what the song is about. The song is about settling down too young with someone you don't really care about and that is creates a sad "merry-go-round" of people trying to make instant lives. You said you want your life like that but without the sad part... but it's inherently sad! Why do you want that? Edited April 8, 2013 by WhoreyBull 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 WHAT THE...? Your PARENTS had you at 34???? Then what the hell is the problem here? Where are you getting this "22 and I'm gonna be single forever!" crap?! *MIND BLOWN* I mean it has worked for them but like say I am 30 and still haven't met anyone? Then what happens to me? When do I have babies? I mean I am kind of prepared mentally to be a single parent because I think if I'm like 30 or 31 and have no potential guy I'm probably going to go to a sperm bank or something I want to be energetic and fun when I have kids you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I mean it has worked for them but like say I am 30 and still haven't met anyone? Then what happens to me? When do I have babies? I mean I am kind of prepared mentally to be a single parent because I think if I'm like 30 or 31 and have no potential guy I'm probably going to go to a sperm bank or something I want to be energetic and fun when I have kids you know? I would only start seriously worrying about this at around 35-38 and you're still single. Women have kids WELL into their 30's now with no issues. And yeah so what if you're 30 and single? I'm 33 and not married and still having a blast. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 I know, I mean that is what the song is about. The song is about settling down too young with someone you don't really care about and that is creates a sad "merry-go-round" of people trying to make instant lives. You said you want your life like that but without the sad part... but it's inherently sad! Why do you want that? I don't know. I don't want the bad stuff, I honestly just want to meet someone and date and get married and have beautiful little babies. I want to not be lonely and sad all the time. I was so happy when this relationship started, like the most happy I have ever been and now I'm not happy because more than likely it is ending. Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I mean it has worked for them but like say I am 30 and still haven't met anyone? Then what happens to me? When do I have babies? I mean I am kind of prepared mentally to be a single parent because I think if I'm like 30 or 31 and have no potential guy I'm probably going to go to a sperm bank or something I want to be energetic and fun when I have kids you know? Ok, I'll bite, if you are 30-31 and single then do whatever the hell you want. How about in the 8 years you have before that trying not to be such an overbearing person that you push away every penis willing to give you a free batch of baby material. No one wants to date a 22 year old acting like a woman moments away from menopause. Women complain about men seeing them as "objects" but you are talking about someone you are supposed to love as nothing but a dna sample. Also, kids are a great way to sap all the "energy" and "fun" out of you. So I wouldn't worry too much about that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I don't know. I don't want the bad stuff, I honestly just want to meet someone and date and get married and have beautiful little babies. I want to not be lonely and sad all the time. I was so happy when this relationship started, like the most happy I have ever been and now I'm not happy because more than likely it is ending. Babies are not a cure for loneliness. Have you considered therapy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Babies are not a cure for loneliness. Have you considered therapy? I just made an appt lol Link to post Share on other sites
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