My life is over.. I think I am getting dumped.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I don't agree with the nonsense in this thread. OP is perfectly right here and she's dating somebody who doesn't really seem to care about her

 

 

If I had a girlfriend, I would be with her 3-4 times a week at the very least and show a hell of a lot more affection and enthusiasm for her than OP's man is

 

 

Just another case of a guy who doesn't really deserve a girlfriend somehow still finding somebody who is far too good for him

 

awww that's sweet

[Mme. Chaucer]

Ok, I can do that. I have never reported you btw.

 

Thanks. I hope you'll stick with the adult communication style, and also make an effort to address questions asked of you without resorting back to the loop. You might have a good time and get some new insights.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Thanks. I hope you'll stick with the adult communication style, and also make an effort to address questions asked of you without resorting back to the loop. You might have a good time and get some new insights.

 

I have been checking this on and off all day so I have seen a lot of questions but I had class at 5:30 to 6:45 then I had to drive home so that was like an hour or so that I wasn't looking and when I checked it was just too much stuff to reply to so I think I picked the most recent and answered it. I was also trying to text this guy :/ I almost sent him a text practically begging him to not dump me, my little brother stopped me but if I don't hear from him like tomorrow I have to send it.

[KatZee]

I never really thought of that, my parents are still married so I just hoped I would model my marriage after theirs and be like that.

 

This is how I can tell you're only 21/22. Your way of thinking is not that of a grown woman, and it's not entirely your fault because the human brain isn't even fully developed until you hit your mid twenties. Your frontal lobe, the part responsible for rational thought, long term planning, cause/effect, and consequence just isn't there.

 

And this is why you're living in your bubble of disillusion. It's why you really can't see past the "I need this right now or my life sucks!" way of thinking. Your brain simply can't comprehend long term effect of your choices and decisions.

 

And this is TRULY why you need to be single right now, working on yourself, in therapy, cultivating your own being, finding your passions and learning who you are. This way when you do hit your mid twenties and your brain does fully develop, you're able to get the relationship you're looking for and you're able to maintain and sustain it on an emotionally mature level. You're not capable of this right now.

 

You seem to want everything at this very instant, and what you need to learn to let go of, is your need for the instant gratification. Believe me, the real world is not as soft and cushy as the life you're living now. You're going to be in for a rude awakening once you're out in the world and you see how adults really live.

 

I think if you really focus on you, AND ONLY YOU, and you do follow through with therapy, and you utilize the resources and tips from this thread, you will look back in a few years and realize how foolish, and how immature you really came off. I think if you put the work in, you will just be mind blown down the line. I think you will truly wake up one day, reread some of this stuff and go, "Holy crap, did I really say that? How could I sound so stupid?!"

 

Also, you seem to be idealizing other people. You have no idea what people's lives are like behind closed doors. Everyone has their trials and their own demons. Just because your friend is so pretty and all the hottest guys want her... do you think her life is perfect? You're not your friend, so get over it. You are you. Work with what you got. You can't go through life being jealous of everyone else and thinking your life is a pile of s.hit because it's really not.

 

We can all sit here and tell you over and over that a man does not define you, that a man isn't what makes you happy, that a baby isn't what makes you happy, but until you really grasp this, you're just not going to get it.

 

If this relationship is over, don't get into online dating. You NEED to be single. Face your demons. Face your insecurity. Face your problems. Address them. Accept them. FIX them. You will continue to ruin EVERYTHING you touch if you don't really start growing up and getting rid of your warped view of the world.

Edited April 9, 2013 by KatZee

[KatZee]

I live at home I cant just bring an animal into their house randomly, especially one that probably has to be house broken and crap.

 

And you want a baby? You think those things fall out of the vagina knowing how to use utensils, and a toilet? And automatically know to stay out of the cleaning supply closet, or the refrigerator when they start throwing crap out of it as toddlers? A baby is constant work until the day you die. Even when they are grown you will still be a parent.

 

Oh boy.

[Treasa]

And automatically know to stay out of the cleaning supply closet, or the refrigerator when they start throwing crap out of it as toddlers?

 

I still sometimes do this, and I'm 38.

[KatZee]

I still sometimes do this, and I'm 38.

 

Hm. I'm almost 29 and most of the time I just forget crap is in my fridge. By that point there's a nice layer of mold.

[KatZee]

I almost sent him a text practically begging him to not dump me, my little brother stopped me but if I don't hear from him like tomorrow I have to send it.

 

I guarantee if you send that text, you will be dumped. He's an adult living in the real world, focusing on a career. He works long hours. Do you really think he wants to check his phone to see a desperate, pleading and pathetic text like that? After only 3 months of dating? If he's on the fence of dumping you right now, send this text and you will seal your fate. If anything you should just be like, "you know what, I don't really think we're compatible anymore, I wish you the best."

 

Don't you find it alarming that your YOUNGER brother has more sense than you do? You should be the role model to him, not the other way around.

Edited April 9, 2013 by KatZee

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I guarantee if you send that text, you will be dumped.

 

Don't you find it alarming that your YOUNGER brother has more sense than you do? You should be the role model to him, not the other way around.

 

My brother has been with his gf for a year and a half, she doesn't allow him to use instagram because she doesn't like him looking at other girls, she argues with him every single day about a girl tweeting him, or him going out with his friends instead of her, she complained when I took him out to a nightclub for his 18th birthday even though I was with him (and my friend) and he didn't look at or dance with any other girls... So his relationship isn't that much better than mine was in all honesty. I don't get it he can stay with a stage 5 clinger but I ask the person I am dating for 1 day... 10 mins and I get the cold shoulder.

 

I should have just not said anything and just let him make time for me when he could. I'm so dumb I listen to like a million different people and then I screwed myself over.

[KatZee]

My brother has been with his gf for a year and a half, she doesn't allow him to use instagram because she doesn't like him looking at other girls, she argues with him every single day about a girl tweeting him, or him going out with his friends instead of her, she complained when I took him out to a nightclub for his 18th birthday even though I was with him (and my friend) and he didn't look at or dance with any other girls... So his relationship isn't that much better than mine was in all honesty. I don't get it he can stay with a stage 5 clinger but I ask the person I am dating for 1 day... 10 mins and I get the cold shoulder.

 

I should have just not said anything and just let him make time for me when he could.

 

What your brother does, and what kind of girl he decides to stay with is none of your concern. Obviously there are underlying issues with him as well, and it kind of says something about how you were both brought up if you both think it's OK to be in unhealthy situations, and act in unhealthy ways.

 

And do you really think that pretending to be happy and not expressing your needs in a relationship are going to get you the relationship you want? You're OK just accepting the bare minimum from someone, and not being a priority to someone?

 

You want more than he's willing to give you. You're entitled to want more attention. Keeping quiet and just trailing behind him like a lost puppy scooping up whatever crumbs he has left at the end of the day just because you're so desperate for a partner is not going to get you anywhere in life.

 

I can tell you right now though that he's not interested in a relationship with you. A man wants a partner. An equal. He wants a woman who's able to hold her own. Who has her own life outside of him. No man wants to feel like a father, and he doesn't want to be burdened with the fact that you have no life. He can't be your only source of happiness. NO guy is going to put up with that.

Edited April 9, 2013 by KatZee

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

What your brother does, and what kind of girl he decides to stay with is none of your concern. Obviously there are underlying issues with him as well, and it kind of says something about how you were both brought up if you both think it's OK to be in unhealthy situations, and act in unhealthy ways.

 

And do you really think that pretending to be happy and not expressing your needs in a relationship are going to get you the relationship you want? You're OK just accepting the bare minimum from someone, and not being a priority to someone?

 

You want more than he's willing to give you. You're entitled to want more attention. Keeping quiet and just trailing behind him scooping up whatever crumbs he has left at the end of the day just because you're so desperate for a partner is not going to get you anywhere in life.

 

My brother has dumped her before but it never lasts, they get back together after a month. Technically they aren't "together" right now yet he goes over there every Weds. and she comes here every Sat. They are going to end up married one day I bet (and funny it'll probably be before me).

 

I didn't want to pretend to be happy, that is why I asked him about giving me more time. I don't think I was like out of line or wrong for asking, I just don't get how he could just dump me over it (technically he hasn't dumped me, I won't accept being dumped until he says the words "I'm done" to me). I just don't think anyone understand how well we clicked, I honestly can't explain how perfect it was. From our first date we just clicked, we talked so easily about everything even personal stuff... I told him about my poop (not on the first date but after a month lol) we just talked about every single thing, then this absolutely ridiculous job came along and ruined my life. We would be perfect right now had he not gotten it. I just can't imagine meeting someone like him again, I swear on my life he was EVERYTHING I wanted in a person and I can't imagine finding that again so of course I am in a panic mode because I lost something major (to me it was). I honestly would rather have just kept my stupid mouth closed and just be unhappy but with him than now I am unhappy and not with him. I was going to start back to therapy anyways while I was with him so I was taking steps towards self improvement.

 

I can't just allow this to end like this, I can't. I just don't know what to do but it can't just be over. I feel like I am not prepared for that. I am just really really sad I can't explain it, I am just hating myself for being so so so so so stupid and ruining this.

Edited April 9, 2013 by ImperfectionisBeauty

[KatZee]

Again, what your brother is doing is none of your concern. It's his life, it's their lives together. Not yours.

 

And it's not the fact that you asked for more time with him that he's backed off. It's your entire attitude, and your behavior. Guys can smell girls like you a mile a way. Someone said it earlier. You stink of desperation. The way you behave around him has already shown him this. So it's not the fact that you spoke up and stated your needs, it's the actions behind those words that he's really not interested in dealing with.

 

And face reality. You guys were not "perfect" together. If you were so "perfect" together, he'd want to see you, he'd be making the time to see you, he'd be talking to you and he wouldn't be doing such a complete and obvious fade out on you. As hard as you want to fight for something that isn't there, he's just as equally uninterested in being involved with it.

 

You were in the trial period of the relationship. You weren't on your way to the alter with him.

 

Unfortunately, you blew it. You showed him that you're immature, insecure, needy, clingy, desperate to be with anyone, you don't have a life, you can't handle yourself and life situations. This is why he's gone.

[SmileFace]

I am more than convinced I am blocked... however print your responses in this thread and show it to your therapist.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I am more than convinced I am blocked... however print your responses in this thread and show it to your therapist.

 

Blocked?? I see what you have posted so how can you be blocked?

[SmileFace]

Blocked?? I see what you have posted so how can you be blocked?

I guess not.

However the same still stands. Print this out - have someone explain to you in person how asinine your thinking is. It really isn't healthy. You are young - please get yourself some help and a better perspective. Granted I think you are extreme ... the fact that you post and as blunt as your posts are - you seem to hopefully deep down want help.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I am such a horrible friend. My friend (with the boyfriend) and I have class tomorrow and she knows I am upset I didn't tell her what I was upset about and she is like "aw you wanna get Starbucks tomorrow before class" I said no because I am not in a Starbucks mood. She is like "well I am always here to talk, love you" and honestly I just feel upset and I'm not upset with her specifically I'm upset how things worked out for her. I just don't really want to see her tomorrow, which is horrible and bad but I REALLY don't. I am going to have to but I don't want to, maybe I can just be nice and ask her to not talk about her bf (who happens to have the same name as the guy I am with/was with).

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Thanks, I'm going to wait 2 days then text him and see what's up if I haven't heard anything

[TaraMaiden]

I am such a horrible friend. My friend (with the boyfriend) and I have class tomorrow and she knows I am upset I didn't tell her what I was upset about and she is like "aw you wanna get Starbucks tomorrow before class" I said no because I am not in a Starbucks mood. She is like "well I am always here to talk, love you" and honestly I just feel upset and I'm not upset with her specifically I'm upset how things worked out for her. I just don't really want to see her tomorrow, which is horrible and bad but I REALLY don't. I am going to have to but I don't want to, maybe I can just be nice and ask her to not talk about her bf (who happens to have the same name as the guy I am with/was with).

 

You're jealous, but in such an immature way, I am truly giving up with you. 17 pages of posts and you've just gotten younger every post you make.

 

Truly, anyone reading your posts must think they're discussing stuff with a juvenile.

 

Your therapist must be such a patient person. Either that, or they're keeping you on as their retirement fund.....IiB, you really need to grow up.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

You're jealous, but in such an immature way, I am truly giving up with you. 17 pages of posts and you've just gotten younger every post you make.

 

Truly, anyone reading your posts must think they're discussing stuff with a juvenile.

 

Your therapist must be such a patient person. Either that, or they're keeping you on as their retirement fund.....IiB, you really need to grow up.

 

How am I supposed to not be jealous? Ive always been a jealous person even when I was younger its just how I am I have to 1 up everyone. My m kind of didnt help it because she is super competitive too and she likes to have the best of the best. I stopped going to therapy in November, I'm going back next week but I just didn't have any real problems so I stopped going then I met this guy and my life was perfect so I had nothing to tell my therapist. I know I need to grow up I don't know how I'm supposed to do that, I can't just stop my emotions I mean I love my friend but in the end she is just another girl with a boyfriend who I have to hear about constantly because she is obsessed with him but when I got obsessed with mine I got dumped.. Is that fair to you? She deserves to be dumped too.

[MidwestUSA]

I have a challenge for you. It's off topic, but sort of pertinent.

 

I challenge you to ONLY write here like you are an adult peer of the other people posting on your threads. That means, no more "Idk," no more "like, ew, gross" or ANY of that.

 

You want to be taken seriously as a woman, or is it more fun to keep acting like a young child and then reporting the posters who call you on it?

 

People are seriously trying to talk to you about your problems here, and on all your threads - and you don't even show the respect of responding. You just go on with the Idk I wanna baby I'm jealous my life sux I'm gonna die. Endless loop. Same every thread.

 

Anyway, will you accept my challenge? Communicate like an adult, or at least a reasonable high schooler?

 

I'd like to add this. Go back through ALL of your posts and edit out the word "like". It may take just enough time that you can consider it to be a hobby. Then you can tell us you have one! Two birds, one stone.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I'd like to add this. Go back through ALL of your posts and edit out the word "like". It may take just enough time that you can consider it to be a hobby. Then you can tell us you have one! Two birds, one stone.

 

Wow aren't you like the funniest person ever! Not.

I only say "like" when I have a hard time finding words, I also say "idk" honestly the way I type on here is pretty much how I talk in real life (depends who I'm talking to) I can hold an intelligent conversation if I have to.

[bentnotbroken]

How am I supposed to not be jealous? Ive always been a jealous person even when I was younger its just how I am I have to 1 up everyone. My m kind of didnt help it because she is super competitive too and she likes to have the best of the best. I stopped going to therapy in November, I'm going back next week but I just didn't have any real problems so I stopped going then I met this guy and my life was perfect so I had nothing to tell my therapist. I know I need to grow up I don't know how I'm supposed to do that, I can't just stop my emotions I mean I love my friend but in the end she is just another girl with a boyfriend who I have to hear about constantly because she is obsessed with him but when I got obsessed with mine I got dumped.. Is that fair to you? She deserves to be dumped too.

 

 

Unfortunately, it is entirely possible you will be this way as an old woman. I believe people can change...but only when they work at it. You unfortunately seem to have made the core of who you are as angry, jealous, and very vindictive. If your life isn't what you think it should be you desire others to not have blessings. Yes, I can see how it appears God is not answering all your prayers:(.

[curlygirl40]

.. Is that fair to you? She deserves to be dumped too.

 

Wow. I'm starting to wonder if you're even a real person or just doing this to bait people into feeling bad for you. I can't understand how someone can be this immature.

 

You will grow up someday, then you will go back and think about this time in your life and then maybe you will see what everyone here is trying to tell you. You have a lot of growing up to do.

 

Maybe you should be dumped because you need some time to figure things out for yourself without a boyfriend.

 

You to need to ask yourself what do you want out of this? Do you want a boyfriend who will go three weeks without seeing you? Do you want a boyfriend who will ignore your texts?

 

I'm sure you don't or you wouldn't be posting here about it. So why is that o.k with you?

 

He is not filling your needs. So YOU should be breaking up with him right now, instead of sitting here like a lost puppy wishing that your friends were dumped as well so they could feel as bad as you feel.

 

Life will go on. He's not the right guy for you. During the three months that your life was so 'perfect' you did indeed have things to talk to your therapist about, you chose not to.

 

Good luck. You have a ways to go. Someday you will look back and you will wish you handled yourself better during this time.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Unfortunately, it is entirely possible you will be this way as an old woman. I believe people can change...but only when they work at it. You unfortunately seem to have made the core of who you are as angry, jealous, and very vindictive. If your life isn't what you think it should be you desire others to not have blessings. Yes, I can see how it appears God is not answering all your prayers:(.

 

I don't deserve this though that's what you don't get. I haven't done anything bad in my life to deserve this ****ball life, this started when I was way younger before I did some pretty bad things that I guess I could say I got bad karma for but you make 1 minor mistake and karma shouldn't kick your ass for the 3 years over it. God hates me that's why he doesn't answer my prayers and I don't get it. I honestly must have been Hitler in my past life.. It only makes sense.

[KatZee]

How am I supposed to not be jealous? Ive always been a jealous person even when I was younger its just how I am I have to 1 up everyone. My m kind of didnt help it because she is super competitive too and she likes to have the best of the best.

 

I know I need to grow up I don't know how I'm supposed to do that, I can't just stop my emotions I mean I love my friend but in the end she is just another girl with a boyfriend who I have to hear about constantly because she is obsessed with him but when I got obsessed with mine I got dumped.. Is that fair to you? She deserves to be dumped too.

 

 

How are you supposed to not be jealous? By being happy and appreciative and thankful for what you DO have. There are always going to be prettier people, skinnier people, funnier people, more successful people...

 

Do you really enjoy going through live just being envious of everyone else? Count YOUR OWN blessings. There are probably people out there who wish they were YOU.

 

You grow up by putting the world into perspective. You have no grasp on reality and what is important in life. Your entire mental focus is on popping out babies when you're not even responsible enough to care for a pet. Your priorities and your focus are on the complete wrong things.

 

And who ever told you life was fair? I see a 4 year old acting like that. "Life isn't fair!!! Waahhh!!!" Guess what? Put on your big girl panties and get the hell over it. Life's not fair. You're going to be screwed over, and used, and lied to, and treated like crap, and you're going to feel down, and bad about yourself.

 

Pick yourself up, stand on your own two feet and start becoming an adult. You basically give the impression that you lay on the floor kicking your arms and feet throwing a tantrum like a petulant child.

 

Stop focusing on everyone else, and what everyone else has, and how everyone else acts. THOSE PEOPLE ARE NOT YOU. The only person you have control over, and the only person you have any significant influence over IS YOURSELF. You need to get a grip on yourself.