tuxedo cat Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 We have texted everyday and talked in the phone a few times in that time. Yeah but he hasn't made any time to see you in three weeks. Unless he is living far away that is a red flag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I've lost track -- has he responded in substance to your text asking to see more of him? When did you last hear from him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 I've lost track -- has he responded in substance to your text asking to see more of him? When did you last hear from him? I talked to him yesterday casually, asked if he has "figured it all out" and he didn't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I have learned from some other posters here, how to accumulate viral "likes". Basically, you post in the first page and just say something about how off the OP is. Then you hope the thread goes viral. You can just stay on main page and hit all the new threads that way; most topics are the same, i.e. "women don't like my height" "I am a perfect women, yet no men want me"; threads about inadequacy or private topics people don't share in real life, seem to be the most popular; also certain posters that everyone likes to pounce on) so just keep a word document with your template answer. One or two will go viral, in which case you will receive dozens of viral likes. Much better strategy than wading through that OTT; viral likes are also considered more legitimate. Much more efficient too. I have used this strategy in two viral threads recently. This one and also in the penis size thread. In retrospect, if your post does not appease confirmation bias, it is less likely to receive viral likes. For example, I posted statistical data in the "penis size matters to women" and only like one or two people liked it. It went viral, but few care about the technical research. Most are interested in gossip. So do not get too technical (like my analysis of viral likes). It is much better if you post something about the OP's personality. Also, the shorter the better. I have just contributed the only thing that actually matters in this thread. I predict it will not receive many likes. but then again maybe I am using reverse psychology so that I will receive more likes. very cute. on topic, have you heard from the guy yet IB? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Yeah but he hasn't made any time to see you in three weeks. Unless he is living far away that is a red flag. He works crazy hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 very cute. on topic, have you heard from the guy yet IB? Not today Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 He works crazy hours. Does he work 24-hour shifts? Has he had to work every single day for a full 3 weeks? If the answer to either of those is "no," there's no excuse for not making at least a few minutes to see you. I think you know that, which is why you were upset in the first place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Does he work 24-hour shifts? Has he had to work every single day for a full 3 weeks? If the answer to either of those is "no," there's no excuse for not making at least a few minutes to see you. I think you know that, which is why you were upset in the first place. 7 days about 105 hours a week. I mean I know that's why I don't think I was asking too much of him, I haven't been clingy. I have been very very careful to not be clingy with him. He and I have talked about it and so yeah. I don't see why he would react like this. Which is why I don't think he is fully done. He isn't the type of person to just not say anything. I really don't think he is lol But I know.. Believe me I know you don't need to keep reminding me, I am living it. Link to post Share on other sites
tuxedo cat Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Does he work 24-hour shifts? Has he had to work every single day for a full 3 weeks? If the answer to either of those is "no," there's no excuse for not making at least a few minutes to see you. I think you know that, which is why you were upset in the first place. I agree. He is stringing you along and he is too selfish to bother taking responsibility for his poor behavior and admit that he can't meet your needs. Unless he is a total tool he must realize that it's incredibly insensitive to keep you in limbo for three weeks like this. This guy doesn't give a fck. Let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
tuxedo cat Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 (edited) 7 days about 105 hours a week. I mean I know that's why I don't think I was asking too much of him, I haven't been clingy. I have been very very careful to not be clingy with him. He and I have talked about it and so yeah. I don't see why he would react like this. Which is why I don't think he is fully done. He isn't the type of person to just not say anything. I really don't think he is lol But I know.. Believe me I know you don't need to keep reminding me, I am living it. It doesn't sound like you're being needy. Quite the contrary! It sounds like you're being overly accommodating. Your need to see him on a fairly regular basis and know the status of your relationship is completely NORMAL. He may think you're being needy because he's so detached and unable to give that he will perceive any request for a normal amount of attention as a demand. That's his problem, not yours. Stop turning to a dry well for love. Edited April 9, 2013 by tuxedo cat 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 It doesn't sound like you're being needy. Quite the contrary! It sounds like you're being overly accommodating. Your need to see him on a fairly regular basis and know the status of your relationship is completely NORMAL. He may think you're being needy because he's so detached and unable to give that he will perceive any request for a normal amount of attention as a demand. That's his problem, not yours. Stop turning to a dry well for love. Thank you! Lol I'm not being crazy needy and clingy. I know I have major issues with being single but I wasn't being super needy with him or clingy so I don't know why he is being like this with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I also don't think you are being clingy. This guy is doing the fade, of course you will be like WTF is going on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I like other people's drama not my own. Ok aren't you like a little not older than me? And you have a long term boyfriend so... I wonder what this said BEFORE the mod edited it. I have no idea what the bolded has to do with anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 I wonder what this said BEFORE the mod edited it. I have no idea what the bolded has to do with anything. I just want to know Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I just want to know Want to know what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Want to know what? How old you are. Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 How old you are. I am 22. And that means... Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I also don't think you are being clingy. This guy is doing the fade, of course you will be like WTF is going on. While of course not always the case, in some cases guys do the fade because they can sense fear, insecurity, and desperation. When a guy has been clingy with you, has that motivated you to no longer be with him? It has for me. I do not do well when guys in my past were clingy. That's not attractive to me, and I know by experience that when I was clingy, that was not attractive to the guy I was clinging on too, in desperation, being afraid that I would lose him. And.. I did. It's fine now though, because I am glad I am not in that relationship anymore!!! For many guys, when they feel a woman is being clingy, they will tend to withdraw. Link to post Share on other sites
tuxedo cat Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 While of course not always the case, in some cases guys do the fade because they can sense fear, insecurity, and desperation. When a guy has been clingy with you, has that motivated you to no longer be with him? For many guys, when they feel a woman is being clingy, they will tend to withdraw. Whatever the reason for this guy's withdrawal if he were at all decent he would either make a clean break or tell the OP what needs of his aren't being met and see if they can fix the relationship. Instead he is taking the cowardly way out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Whatever the reason for this guy's withdrawal if he were at all decent he would either make a clean break or tell the OP what needs of his aren't being met and see if they can fix the relationship. Instead he is taking the cowardly way out. Agreed. However, not all people think like that. Some find it easier and "kinder" to just fade. As for this guy, I honestly don't know if he's truly doing the fade or not. I agree it's a red flag that he's not trying to see her in person. Due to his work, it's possible he's just busy and has his priorities on his work and not so much on cultivating a relationship with Beauty. However, many relationships grow in time. It's possible that this guy still likes her but is wondering if she's going to smother him? That's why I personally believe she should not text him, but wait for him to text/call her, and that she should take Midwest's advice and focus her mind on what she is grateful for and helping others and enjoying life. I think if he sees that she can handle him working and can be happy on her own, I think that will attract him more and motivate him to seek her out and make it a priority to spend time with her. That's just my opinion... since I don't know him, of course I don't know his mind. I could be wrong but I do think that pushing him for answers is not helping their relationship grow at this stage... Link to post Share on other sites
tuxedo cat Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Agreed. However, not all people think like that. Some find it easier and "kinder" to just fade. As for this guy, I honestly don't know if he's truly doing the fade or not. I agree it's a red flag that he's not trying to see her in person. Due to his work, it's possible he's just busy and has his priorities on his work and not so much on cultivating a relationship with Beauty. However, many relationships grow in time. It's possible that this guy still likes her but is wondering if she's going to smother him? That's why I personally believe she should not text him, but wait for him to text/call her, and that she should take Midwest's advice and focus her mind on what she is grateful for and helping others and enjoying life. I think if he sees that she can handle him working and can be happy on her own, I think that will attract him more and motivate him to seek her out and make it a priority to spend time with her. That's just my opinion... since I don't know him, of course I don't know his mind. I could be wrong but I do think that pushing him for answers is not helping their relationship grow at this stage... I don't believe that people do the fade because they think it's kind. They do it because they are cowardly and selfish and can't handle confrontation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I don't believe that people do the fade because they think it's kind. They do it because they are cowardly and selfish and can't handle confrontation. Well, judging them does not help the OP in figuring out how to have a healthy and happy relationship. We don't know this guy's mind. All we know is what the OP shares with us, and I think if she learns not to be so fearful, then that will do wonders for her and will help her cultivate a healthy and happy relationship someday, maybe not with this guy, but with another. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Yah, OP is being overly dramatic with her desire to be in a relationship in general. But this guy is a coward. Even if they have only been on a few dates, she deserves a clear explanation - that she is directly asking him for. I can't imagine ignoring someone like that, if they are in distress even after one date. It's cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 She's admitted over and over she cannot be happy w/o a BF, that she has no life outside her BF, no friends, interests or aspirations. She is clingy by definition. This is an issue. If the OP can't be happy without a boyfriend, how can she be happy with one? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Yah, OP is being overly dramatic with her desire to be in a relationship in general. But this guy is a coward. Even if they have only been on a few dates, she deserves a clear explanation - that she is directly asking him for. I can't imagine ignoring someone like that, if they are in distress even after one date. It's cruel. Yes but even if you didn't get one at this point. You would write him off, right? She is holding on to a string Link to post Share on other sites
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