My life is over.. I think I am getting dumped.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

You have a whole thread, "My guy just got a new job," which is full of examples of clinging.

 

Whatever you say, no one likes that. I'm not sure if that drove him away or if your initial couple of dates just didn't click for him (which is normal, by the way. Just because a person goes out with another person two or three times and they text does not mean that they are in a relationship - and certainly not that marriage and babies are right around the corner) but it's beside the point.

 

If you're newly dating someone, and you like them, and they get a new job that's taxing on them, the best course of action would be to offer support rather than to immediately start haranguing them about how they are going to spend enough time on YOU. You really have nothing to do with their work / career choices after a couple of dates. It IS clinging, selfish, inappropriate and frankly, very unattractive for you to try to insert yourself that way.

 

I can just imagine if I'd gone out with someone a couple of times and he DARED to start needling me about my work. I would be gone SO fast!

 

Maybe you will learn something from this experience?

Ok well it wasn't a few weeks. We went on about 10 dates all together.

[Kamille]

Imperfection,

 

What have you learned from all of this?

 

I would really appreciate it if you answered that one question.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

2 weeks...

 

Just stop.. you don't know what you are talking about at all. You are giving wrong information so just stop seriously it's pathetic. I went out with him at least 10 times, he told me he liked me, he called me his girlfriend even though it wasn't on FB so stop you don't know anything right now.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Imperfection,

 

What have you learned from all of this?

 

I would really appreciate it if you answered that one question.

 

I learned not to get so attached to a guy because they always leave.

[SmileFace]

I learned not to get so attached to a guy because they always leave.

No, you need to change that.

 

You need to learn to see stuff for it actually is.

You need to know the difference between liking a guy and needing a guy.

 

Between being attached and clinging.

 

You were clinging from the beginning idea of perfect.

[Divasu]

2 weeks...

 

Yeah but that is kind of minimizing it, for her. For whatever reason, she felt a connection with this individual. I'm not sure how often that happens for her (meeting someone, developing a connection with each and every one she has ever dated, etc.). If it was a regular thing in that sense, then yes, I think that is something she should pay closer attention to. I don't know her history, so I can't comment on that.

 

Also, being in your twenties can be a very challenging period. You're still going through the pangs of discovering who you are, what direction you want your life to go. I always remember my mother telling me that.

 

Some people breeze through it, others don't.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

No, you need to change that.

 

You need to learn to see stuff for it actually is.

You need to know the difference between liking a guy and needing a guy.

 

Between being attached and clinging.

 

You were clinging from the beginning idea of perfect.

 

I just can't imagine not being with him like I want to message him so much but idk I just really don't want this to end we had so many plans. I honestly cannot imagine this I am so done.. I can't explain it like I am just so so so so sad. I did go back on my FB and message a few guys I was talking to before him because I just need some male attention but thats just not good enough, I want to kiss and cuddle and stuff

[Kamille]

I learned not to get so attached to a guy because they always leave.

 

You know, I think that's a great first step.

 

You can learn not to get attached until a guy has demonstrated to you that he is going to stick around. (And also, that you have figured out that you want him to stick around).

 

So now you need to figure out two things:

1. how to pace yourself at the beginning so that you don't get attached until it is reasonable to do so. Any ideas how you'll do this?

 

2. what it takes to figure out if a guy is going to stick around. Any ideas how you'll do this?

 

See, the goal is for you to learn to cope better with the upheaval of dating so that you put all the chances of success on your side.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Yeah but that is kind of minimizing it, for her. For whatever reason, she felt a connection with this individual. .

 

Believe me, I do understand that part. I had a really hard time during dating if I felt a connection after ONE date and the guy didn't call again.

 

IB says that they went out 10 times, so I stand corrected. I do know that the first date was 2/17 and there has been no face to face contact for 3 weeks. Only texting and a couple of phone calls.

 

Her feelings are not what I mean to minimize, but the actuality of what went on and her reactions and perceptions of it need to be minimized. For HER own good. Seriously, she wants to die, she is going to return to random hookups (which she thinks are gross) and says she won't like guys anymore based on this experience. That all really does need to be reined in, if any semblance of health is sought.

[Kamille]

I just can't imagine not being with him like I want to message him so much but idk I just really don't want this to end we had so many plans. I honestly cannot imagine this I am so done.. I can't explain it like I am just so so so so sad. I did go back on my FB and message a few guys I was talking to before him because I just need some male attention but thats just not good enough, I want to kiss and cuddle and stuff

 

Oddly, I understand this.

 

I too want to kiss and cuddle and stuff.

 

I would love some male attention.

 

But there is none of that good stuff around in my life right now.

 

Lucky for you, you're 22. There's going to be more kisses and cuddles for sure. I'm 36 and I also believe I'm going to get more kisses and cuddles.

 

But, right now, it just sucks to be us.

 

(Well, it honestly doesn't suck so much for me. My life does otherwise rock).

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I can't imagine having conversation flow so perfectly with someone else. I am just like done. I can't explain it.

[Divasu]

Believe me, I do understand that part. I had a really hard time during dating if I felt a connection after ONE date and the guy didn't call again.

 

IB says that they went out 10 times, so I stand corrected. I do know that the first date was 2/17 and there has been no face to face contact for 3 weeks. Only texting and a couple of phone calls.

 

Her feelings are not what I mean to minimize, but the actuality of what went on and her reactions and perceptions of it need to be minimized. For HER own good. Seriously, she wants to die, she is going to return to random hookups (which she thinks are gross) and says she won't like guys anymore based on this experience. That all really does need to be reined in, if any semblance of health is sought.

 

You're a good person Mme. I know what you're trying to convey, and that it's with good intentions. I think her saying "she wants to die" is just a twenty-something year old, being a twenty-something year old. I don't think she actually means it (at least I hope not...).

[SmileFace]

I can't imagine having conversation flow so perfectly with someone else. I am just like done. I can't explain it.

What is your ex name?

 

Wasn't it the same with him?

 

Guys are a dime a dozen. Learn that.

 

For example the last guy I dated we will talk for hours.

Believe me I am not a phone person. However it was amazing with him.

 

When it came to communication we clicked and I loved it.

However he wasn't acting the way that showed he wanted to be with me.

Outsisde of all the that greatness. He thought our perfect convos was enough.

 

However I respect myself enough not to settle for that alone.

Same with you - besides clicking, you never saw dude. That is crazy.

It isn't as great as a whole and you need to see that.

 

Him not contacting you already should be huge factor. This isn't as good as it gets.

 

 

Please I am no in hell saying your next guy will be perfect - since I stand by the fact that I do not think you should be dating. I don't even think I should be dating (and I don't plan to for the next year). However you need to be angry for a week and get over with it.

 

Plus I don't think you should be contact other guys - this guy hasn't even contacted you back yet. End this first - give yourself a break and then move on. Needing constant male attention isn't a good thing. Granted I can't have much of an opinion but just give yourself a break.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

What is your ex name?

 

Wasn't it the same with him?

 

Guys are a dime a dozen. Learn that.

 

For example the last guy I dated we will talk for hours.

Believe me I am not a phone person. However it was amazing with him.

 

When it came to communication we clicked and I loved it.

However he wasn't acting the way that showed he wanted to be with me.

Outsisde of all the that greatness. He thought our perfect convos was enough.

 

However I respect myself enough not to settle for that alone.

Same with you - besides clicking, you never saw dude. That is crazy.

It isn't as great as a whole and you need to see that.

 

Him not contacting you already should be huge factor. This isn't as good as it gets.

 

 

Please I am no in hell saying your next guy will be perfect - since I stand by the fact that I do not think you should be dating. I don't even think I should be dating (and I don't plan to for the next year). However you need to be angry for a week and get over with it.

 

Plus I don't think you should be contact other guys - this guy hasn't even contacted you back yet. End this first - give yourself a break and then move on. Needing constant male attention isn't a good thing. Granted I can't have much of an opinion but just give yourself a break.

 

Which one, this guys name is Robert. The guy before him was Kyle. Kyle was the same except he and I had sex but it was about 2-3 months too.

 

 

I'm probably going to message him tomorrow I was gonna try to wait 2 days but I can't.

[Kamille]

 

 

I'm probably going to message him tomorrow I was gonna try to wait 2 days but I can't.

 

What do you expect out of messaging him?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

What do you expect out of messaging him?

 

I want to know whats up, like if it's over end it.

[Star Gazer]

OP: You are confusing intensity with real intimacy. It is not emotionally healthy to be so devastated from someone you truly barely know and who you've spent so little time with.

[ScreamingTrees]

Oddly, I understand this.

 

I too want to kiss and cuddle and stuff.

 

I would love some male attention.

 

But there is none of that good stuff around in my life right now.

 

Lucky for you, you're 22. There's going to be more kisses and cuddles for sure. I'm 36 and I also believe I'm going to get more kisses and cuddles.

 

But, right now, it just sucks to be us.

 

(Well, it honestly doesn't suck so much for me. My life does otherwise rock).

 

Could be worse, guys, you could be like me, nearly ImperfectBeauty's age and with absolutely no kisses or hugs that haven't been on the cheek from (RIP) grandma! With a face that only a mother could trick herself into loving. (In all honesty, my life's good, this particular aspect just sucks and isn't likely to get better, unless perhaps in a few years it does..)

 

I might've actually sweet talked a girl into giving me a kiss on the cheek in like.. 3rd grade, for whatever reason. Man, I was a total player back in my prime.. ****..

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

call him and talk to him.

 

I feel like if I call he might not answer I'm scared.

[Divasu]

I feel like if I call he might not answer I'm scared.

IB, where did things leave off with you two?

[curlygirl40]

I'm trying to follow this thread but I need to eat and shower and work and stuff too. This is like a full time job. lol

 

Can you recap this??

 

How long has it been since you've heard from him? Have you contacted him at all during that time? If so what did you say and did he respond? When did you last see him? How did you leave things? Did you buy that journal yet?

[Star Gazer]

What is your ex name?

 

Wasn't it the same with him?

 

Guys are a dime a dozen. Learn that.

 

QFT.

 

Each time I feel totally bummed over it not working out with a guy, I'm tempted to exclaim, "But I never felt a connection like this before! Everything was so perfect! I'll never find that again! Wahhhhh!!!"

 

But then I think back to the last guy I really liked, and the one before him, and so on... And realize that this most recent guy wasn't the first and he most certainly won't be the last.

 

At 22, I can understand why you don't beleive me just yet. But you will, someday.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

IB, where did things leave off with you two?

 

I asked him if he had figured things out like he said he had to and he didn't respond. That was yesterday

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I'm trying to follow this thread but I need to eat and shower and work and stuff too. This is like a full time job. lol

 

Can you recap this??

 

How long has it been since you've heard from him? Have you contacted him at all during that time? If so what did you say and did he respond? When did you last see him? How did you leave things? Did you buy that journal yet?

 

I bought a journal a while ago and never wrote in it so I guess I will start now.

 

I talked to him yesterday, casual about his work and the baseball game, I asked him if he has figured out everything (he said he needed to sunday night) and he didn't respond and that's it so far. I am thinking of calling tomorrow while he is at work and leaving a message for him, I might just end it but I want to at least do it on the phone.. I'm not a totally rude person unlike some...

[Kamille]

I want to know whats up, like if it's over end it.

 

I feel like if I call he might not answer I'm scared.

 

I asked him if he had figured things out like he said he had to and he didn't respond. That was yesterday

 

You have been on pins and needles about this for the last 3 days at least. He knows you're anxious about this. And yet he doesn't respond.

 

No wonder you're losing your mind.

 

Why are you putting up with this bull****? Is this really the kind of relationship you want? One with a man who ignored you when you're feeling vulnerable?

 

Why are you putting up with this? Don't you deserve better treatment?