tuxedo cat Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 I called left a message and now its done I feel relieved but if I don't hear from him ill be sad but I mean its whatever I guess. Well, at least you can move on now. Link to post Share on other sites
Hp1991 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 I read about 2 pages of this convo and I would just like to voice my own thoughts here. OP there is no reason to think your whole world is crashing down on you . In all honesty , I thought that too, there's not a person who hasn't thought "OMG we are going to break up , why did I start the break up , WHAT WILL I DO , I HAVE NOTHING!!!!" okay , just calm down for abit... (I'm sure 3 days later you are calm ) and I know this is going to sound harsh but please you were fine before weren't you ? and so what makes you think this guy will take all that happiness you had BEFORE you met him, leave when he leaves? I can't seem to convey it as well as I'd like to but I was at a point like you are , (I'm 21 but this happened 3 years ago ) I had a bf and we were so obsessed with each other (literally, 5-6 days a week I would see him ... that is not even rationally normal) . It didnt seem like that at first since we hung out whenenver we were free..( meaning everyday) and it just became like that and when you ditch everyone else and build this world revolving around the word "us" is the only downfall you will have. A year later we were on the ups and downs and broke up and got back together and trust me EVERY SINGLE TIME I WAS THE WIMPY CRYING BEFORE HE EVEN SAID ANYTHING GIRL. I WOULD CRY IF HE SAID LETS JUST BE FRIENDS , IF HE SAID LETS TAKE A BREAK, IF HE SAID HE NEEDS TO THINK ABOUT IT. there was PLENTY of those days and I cried over years worth of tears because of this man. So how am I relating to you ? Yes maybe you're world may crash down in your mind because you have nothing and no one other than him but trust me, honestly I'm not lying. I telling you after 3 years of a relationship going up and down with me dying of anxiety and when we would break up , I'm still in a relationship but I've grown so much that it is CRAZY! I no longer wimper and try to avoid scary topics which may lead to a path of break up , we just got on a break a month ago and I was the one to initiate it . It shocked him the most because I was confident in my words and didn waiver like how i usually do ( come back, lets just work it out, BLAH) PUT some CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF AND LET HIM KNOW THAT LIFE WILL GO ON WITH OR WITHOUT YOU AND YOU WILL BE SORRY FOR EVEN HAVING TO THINK TWICE. I hope you are okay and do find some peace of mind in joining a hobby or activity you like best, go make new friends !!!!GO ENJOY LIFE , WE'RE ONLY YOUNG FOR SO LONG. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Well, at least you can move on now. I guess.... Link to post Share on other sites
nessaaa Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 your heart hurts? Sorry baba. I feel you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 your heart hurts? Sorry baba. I feel you... Haha well thanks, my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest actually, it like doesn't even exist anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Driftking102 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Haha well thanks, my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest actually, it like doesn't even exist anymore. Getting drunk always helps Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Getting drunk always helps If I didn't have class tomorrow believe me I would... When i get home after my class tomorrow I have nothing else to do I will be getting a straw and drinking out of the wine bottle. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Getting drunk always helps No, acting like an adult would help. Realizing her life doesn't center around a guy would help. Getting drunk doesn't help anything, and it could make her do something stupid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Don't ever get drunk when you are not happy. I may just get drunk tonight, dance around and clean my room but I am fu cking happy. <3 It will get better with time Imp... Link to post Share on other sites
nessaaa Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Haha well thanks, my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest actually, it like doesn't even exist anymore. Stopppppp:( Youre too beautiful to be feeling like this. you won't feel this pain forever, be strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Don't ever get drunk when you are not happy. I may just get drunk tonight, dance around and clean my room but I am fu cking happy. <3 It will get better with time Imp... It's the worst like I thought my other break up was bad this one is way worse. I can't stop crying I just wish I could make my brain stop thinking about all the stuff he said and all the plans and everything I'm just so sad. We had so many plans and now what. I'm like embarrassed because I was so happy and so excited and I knew something bad would happen, now how do I explain this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I know this does not help how you're feeling, and you will feel however you do until you feel differently. But please, don't make this into "everything was perfect and I knew something bad was going to happen and now it has." That is not the real story. The real story is: You met a guy, you really liked him, you felt that you were clicking and things were going someplace, he started to become unavailable and ultimately it really came to nothing. That is NOT minimizing your feelings. It IS putting the event into perspective. You just think I'm a big fat meanie when I tell you things like this but (no joking) it's for your own good. THIS is what goes on on your way to finding a REAL relationship. False starts and hurt feelings. At some point it will be you who is hurting somebody's feelings (and I hope you handle that with kindness when the day comes.) You need to learn how to have a relationship. You are NEVER going to meet "Mr. Perfect," fantasize about your dreamy wedding and cute babies, and then have it come true just like that. When you are ready, you need to learn how to date and get to know someone, and to make MATURE decisions about what you're doing while you're at it. If you walk away from this and start having random sex, for one thing, you are going to lose more of your self respect. Also, you will be delaying the time that you really will be in a place where you are ready to recognize the right person and do your part to develop the right relationship with him. It's a ways off for you. All that said, I know it doesn't help how you're feeling right now. Main thing is to not take EVEN ONE SINGLE ACTION (unless it involves eating treats or watching a lot of TV) based upon them. Just have them. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I know this does not help how you're feeling, and you will feel however you do until you feel differently. But please, don't make this into "everything was perfect and I knew something bad was going to happen and now it has." That is not the real story. The real story is: You met a guy, you really liked him, you felt that you were clicking and things were going someplace, he started to become unavailable and ultimately it really came to nothing. That is NOT minimizing your feelings. It IS putting the event into perspective. You just think I'm a big fat meanie when I tell you things like this but (no joking) it's for your own good. THIS is what goes on on your way to finding a REAL relationship. False starts and hurt feelings. At some point it will be you who is hurting somebody's feelings (and I hope you handle that with kindness when the day comes.) You need to learn how to have a relationship. You are NEVER going to meet "Mr. Perfect," fantasize about your dreamy wedding and cute babies, and then have it come true just like that. When you are ready, you need to learn how to date and get to know someone, and to make MATURE decisions about what you're doing while you're at it. If you walk away from this and start having random sex, for one thing, you are going to lose more of your self respect. Also, you will be delaying the time that you really will be in a place where you are ready to recognize the right person and do your part to develop the right relationship with him. It's a ways off for you. All that said, I know it doesn't help how you're feeling right now. Main thing is to not take EVEN ONE SINGLE ACTION (unless it involves eating treats or watching a lot of TV) based upon them. Just have them. This is exactly what I do to get over guys. "Oh it was a month of joy"... in reality It was a month of bliss. See things for what they are It is so easy to lie to ourselves Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 I know this does not help how you're feeling, and you will feel however you do until you feel differently. But please, don't make this into "everything was perfect and I knew something bad was going to happen and now it has." That is not the real story. The real story is: You met a guy, you really liked him, you felt that you were clicking and things were going someplace, he started to become unavailable and ultimately it really came to nothing. That is NOT minimizing your feelings. It IS putting the event into perspective. You just think I'm a big fat meanie when I tell you things like this but (no joking) it's for your own good. THIS is what goes on on your way to finding a REAL relationship. False starts and hurt feelings. At some point it will be you who is hurting somebody's feelings (and I hope you handle that with kindness when the day comes.) You need to learn how to have a relationship. You are NEVER going to meet "Mr. Perfect," fantasize about your dreamy wedding and cute babies, and then have it come true just like that. When you are ready, you need to learn how to date and get to know someone, and to make MATURE decisions about what you're doing while you're at it. If you walk away from this and start having random sex, for one thing, you are going to lose more of your self respect. Also, you will be delaying the time that you really will be in a place where you are ready to recognize the right person and do your part to develop the right relationship with him. It's a ways off for you. All that said, I know it doesn't help how you're feeling right now. Main thing is to not take EVEN ONE SINGLE ACTION (unless it involves eating treats or watching a lot of TV) based upon them. Just have them. I did really good controlling my emotions at first. He said all the right stuff and of course I started liking him way more. I don't know what to do now? I am probably not going to go the random sex route (not yet at least, I can't promise what I will do a month or so from now to feel better) it was just an intense few months. I am SOOOOO ready to be someones girlfriend like I can't even handle it. I just knew this time was so different and I would get to change my relationship status... Nope obviously not. Link to post Share on other sites
tuxedo cat Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I did really good controlling my emotions at first. He said all the right stuff and of course I started liking him way more. I don't know what to do now? I am probably not going to go the random sex route (not yet at least, I can't promise what I will do a month or so from now to feel better) it was just an intense few months. I am SOOOOO ready to be someones girlfriend like I can't even handle it. I just knew this time was so different and I would get to change my relationship status... Nope obviously not. Have you ever had a boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Have you ever had a boyfriend? I have never changed my FB status. I dated Kyle exclusively but he didn't call me his gf we were just exclusive. This guy called me his gf before but it wasn't FBO. So idk I guess no? yes? idk. Link to post Share on other sites
tuxedo cat Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) I have never changed my FB status. I dated Kyle exclusively but he didn't call me his gf we were just exclusive. This guy called me his gf before but it wasn't FBO. So idk I guess no? yes? idk. I figured. This is why you are so desperate for a boyfriend, any boyfriend, and have such a romanticized idea of relationships. You seem overly hung up on trivial markers of relationship status as if they will somehow translate into magical forever bliss. Being official in and of itself is meaningless. There are all kinds of exclusive relationships that are horribly twisted and unhealthy. The unique dynamics of the two people in a relationship determine its tone and health. Stop being so desperate for any boyfriend and look for somebody who is compatible with you. Edited April 11, 2013 by tuxedo cat Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 I figured. This is why you are so desperate for a boyfriend, any boyfriend, and have such a romanticized idea of relationships. You seem overly hung up on trivial markers of relationship status as if they will somehow translate into magical forever bliss. Being official in and of itself is meaningless. There are all kinds of exclusive relationships that are horribly twisted and unhealthy. The unique dynamics of the two people in a relationship determine its tone and health, not its public status to the outside world. Stop being so desperate for any boyfriend and look for somebody who is compatible with you. We honestly were so compatible though. I just really want to be a girlfriend and this is taking forever it is ridiculous like there are people way worse off than me who have relationships and are doing fine in life. I'm just over it like I don't know what to do next. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I have never changed my FB status. I dated Kyle exclusively but he didn't call me his gf we were just exclusive. This guy called me his gf before but it wasn't FBO. So idk I guess no? yes? idk. Dude. Facebook has NOTHING to do with it. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 We honestly were so compatible though. I just really want to be a girlfriend and this is taking forever it is ridiculous like there are people way worse off than me who have relationships and are doing fine in life. I'm just over it like I don't know what to do next. You should count your blessings. You are doing FAR better than me in both dating and professional. The things I would give up just to go to college right now..... Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Stop being so desperate for any boyfriend and look for somebody who is compatible with you. This ^^^ When I read the OP's posts, specially the one opening this thread, the phrase Drama Queen & needy come to mind. Your world should not end, because someone you dated for the blink of an eye faded out of your life. Additionally I would say that your relationship/dating style might have pushed him away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ses Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 You have a lot more to offer in life than the label of "girlfriend/wife." Why are you willing to debase yourself and settle for any shmuck off the street? We're trying to give you advice because your mentality is incredibly harmful. Nobody deserves to be used in order to compensate for a lack of self-worth. Heartbreak is normal. It's a part of life. I've spent many hours eating junk food and crying on the phone to my girlfriends/family members about a guy who hurt me. Yes, I felt like dog doo and thought I wouldn't recover. Yes, I thought the guy was "perfect" and couldn't understand WHY ME. Guess what? I'm going to shed more tears as I get older and form new relationships. i just have to handle it and learn to adjust despite my fears. Yes, I'm scared about getting hurt again. But I know I'll be okay and survive. So can you. Life feels unbearable at these moments but put everything in perspective. You're so fortunate in life. Count your blessings. I've wallowed in self-pity and cynicism on numerous occasions but then I realized how damn lucky I am to have a loving family, a home, great friends. Life isn't fair. Learn to have compassion for others and look around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 We honestly were so compatible though. No - you were compatible in your head because you wanted it to be so. You only saw the guy ten times. You never had sex. You have no comprehension of what long-term compatibility means for a real relationship. You had an infatuation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Dude. Facebook has NOTHING to do with it. Please. It is important to me, I want to show people that I can get someone I have been single forever people probably think I am pathetic as ****. Link to post Share on other sites
tuxedo cat Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 We honestly were so compatible though. I just really want to be a girlfriend and this is taking forever it is ridiculous like there are people way worse off than me who have relationships and are doing fine in life. I'm just over it like I don't know what to do next. Honestly, I don't believe it. You haven't said anything specific about why this guy is so perfect for you. Instead you keep coming back to the general: "I just really want to be a girlfriend," "I want to be fb official with somebody," "I want to be a mother," etc. This reeks of desperation. No guy wants to be with a girl who sees him as interchangeable because she just wants a boyfriend. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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