My life is over.. I think I am getting dumped.

[SmileFace]

Since she seems like the kind to consider women past 25 to be stale Christmas cakes it can only ramp up.

Wishful thinking my dear

[miss_jaclynrae]

Again, says the girl who's own relationship progressed at lightening speed. It's pretty hypocritical for you to de-value the OP's relationship based on length of time.

 

 

 

We moved in together quickly, true, but does the fact that we have been together (and doing pretty awesome) for almost 6 months now mean nothing?

When am I going to get some credit that even though my relationship progressed quickly steps wise that I may still know what I am talking about?

 

 

 

 

My reasoning for devaluing her relationship has more to do with her overall approach to relationships and maturity (this is all personally opinion based in what I have seen from op post wise) paired with of course the timeline.

[Sivok]

Dating is a BLAST, but you need to have the confidence and independence to conquer it.

This is exactly it.

 

When it comes to dating and finding the best guy for you, you need to become the best version of you first - a Confident, self assured, independent woman. Getting what you want in life is all about two things - preparation and opportunity.

 

With your current codependent and insecure mindset, even if a great guy did come along, you're simply not secure enough in yourself that you'd be prepared to handle that opportunity. And if all you keep doing is the 'woe is me' routine like most of this thread was and don't strive for self improvement then... well... you're going to be stuck in this vicious cycle of getting blown off by guys.

 

Personally, I'm a 26 year old independent, sociable guy who takes care of himself - I consider myself a catch. I think you're an attractive girl, but with your stage-5 clinger co-dependence and insecurity, I would never see myself dating you. I might go out with you for a few dates, but once your inner turmoil and neediness comes to the surface, that's a 'I think it'd be best if we stayed friends' phone call from me. Work on yourself first - you're not ready to be a girlfriend, let alone a mother.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I saw your man... Don't want. So thanks but no thanks, I'm cute and funny and I'm gonna get another guy I'm sure. You couldn't even make your marriage work, you're definitely not someone I would model any relationship after.

 

 

 

Qfp.

 

 

 

 

You are such a winner.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Qfp.

 

 

 

 

You are such a winner.

 

Thanks I know.

I'm certainly not the type to go get dressed up in super nice clothes and go eat alone. What a waste of good clothes and money.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hugs IB

 

It's true, another man is just around the corner. This one sounds like a douche and a tool.

 

Can you do one little thing for me?

Now that this is over, can you please wear your leg braces?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Hugs IB

 

It's true, another man is just around the corner. This one sounds like a douche and a tool.

 

Can you do one little thing for me?

Now that this is over, can you please wear your leg braces?

 

That's really sweet. I guess I can as long as its not in public, just at home. I was gonna when I was with this guy because I was like "oh I have a man now so who cares what other people think" but I was wrong lol

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

So you still havent heard anything from him? Since the last text you sent asking if "he'd figured stuff out yet lol".

 

I honestly cant believe you just staid you were considering wearing your braces since you finally had a bF and therefore didnt care what anyone thought.

 

What is wrong with you? Its like the only value you place on your life (or anyone else's) is whether they have a boyfriend or not.

 

I left him a voicemail yesterday

[Nyla]

I used to behave the same way as you when I was younger. I didn't like myself, so I chose the wrong men and scared decent ones away with desperation.

 

It is NEVER healthy to become overly attached right at the beginning. Whatever you are seeking in men has to come from within. It is very worrisome that you think your life is over just because you might be dumped.

 

Sounds like a visit to a psychologist is in order. Being scared of abandonment, along with black and white thinking screams BPD.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I used to behave the same way as you when I was younger. I didn't like myself, so I chose the wrong men and scared decent ones away with desperation.

 

It is NEVER healthy to become overly attached right at the beginning. Whatever you are seeking in men has to come from within. It is very worrisome that you think your life is over just because you might be dumped.

 

Sounds like a visit to a psychologist is in order. Being scared of abandonment, along with black and white thinking screams BPD.

 

But you met someone and got married so it worked out for you

[MidwestUSA]

OP, I don't know where you are located, but here's a thought. Summer is coming, and county fairs are a great place to people watch and meet. (I read your dip and truck requirements ). Jake Owen headlined our biggest fair here last summer

 

Back when line dancing was all the rage, we had three or four BIG places locally that you could literally get lost in. My sister met and dated several guys she met there, and ended up marrying the last one. My best friend also met her hubby there. Just a thought. Get yourself a cowboy hat!

[Keenly]

OP. You are not learning a damn thing.

 

 

You are not even listening to what we are telling you . I'm done trying to help you because you only year what you want to hear. This is my last attempt.

 

 

Work on you. You need to be able to look in the mirror one day and be able to say I love you to yourself. to KNOW that you are awesome, and that any man would be lucky to have to. You need to be happy with Just yourself, otherwise your clingy ness , neediness , and desperation will scare every guy on the face of the earth away .

 

Stop thinking about marriage. There are no guys that want to get married at your age, if they did , they'd already be with you. Not a single one of my guy friends will get married any time so , except for one, but they were together since high school.

 

 

Stop looking, and your odds of finding will increase .

[Nyla]

But you met someone and got married so it worked out for you

 

Babes, I wouldn't have been able to find a man to marry if I kept acting like a desperate psycho. That is the point I was trying to make.

 

Love yourself first and the good men will flock to you. I wish I knew that when I was your age.

[Leigh 87]

aww I'm so sorry your feeling this way! It sounds awful.

 

I was once like you; my life was only great and at its "best" when I had a boyfriend to hug and "connect with"

I would fill with dread when they dumped me; I would be raging with envy at ANY couple I would see together:mad:

 

I am in my late 20's now. I stayed single from age 19 - 25, and swore that I would be totally happy in my own life and stop looking or wanting a relationship.

 

I randomly met my current partner online, when I was bored and not looking for a boyfriend; I was looking for friends as I knew no one in the new town state I moved to.

 

The main thing with us was: neither of us WANTED a relationship. Yet it happened, because we rather liked seeing each other, and we did not want to see other people. And we wanted to see each other an awful lot!

 

We live together and we are a major source of happiness for one another.

Our lives revolve around each other, but without our own interests and set things we both enjoy doing, we would go insane:confused:

 

I mean, we both need things that makes us unique individuals even if, say, we broke up. We would need happy things in life that would still make life wonderful.

 

READ: we ARE a major source of happiness for one another, and our lives are very much about each other (being together most days and sharing our lives together is a big part of our lives)

 

That is only because we are very much together now, indefinitely, and hope for a long term relationship.

 

Initially though, NO. Just no. We liked each other and only wanted to date each other, BUT.... You know... Our lives were not centred about each other, NOT at 2 - 3 months in...

 

Another worrying thing about this scenario is: it has been THREE MONTHS. OR two, was it?

 

Personally, my partner and I were still exploring our freedom at this stage! We were enjoying the fact we had someone to go visit/watch movies with/hug/have sex with/get a warm and fuzzy feeling over.

[BetheButterfly]

I saw your man... Don't want. So thanks but no thanks, I'm cute and funny and I'm gonna get another guy I'm sure. You couldn't even make your marriage work, you're definitely not someone I would model any relationship after.

 

That was rude and uncalled for, Beauty.

 

Many people struggle in marriages because many marriages are not easy. If someone marries someone abusive, marriage can be hell on earth. If someone marries someone who is not compatible, it can be downright tough.

 

I think Miss Jacklynrae was only trying to help you. You can of course not listen to her but is it really necessary to attack her? It's not good that some people were attacking you; why attack others?

 

The objective of your thread is to learn yes? Or... what is the objective?

 

About your calling this guy, I wish you had waited till he called/texted you, but oh well. What's done is done. I do think it's not kind of him to not tell you what he's thinking and that is a red flag. If he is working like 100 hours a week(!?) and had strep throat though, I think it would have been reasonable to have let him come to you once he sorted his mind out.

Anyways, what's done is done. No use crying over spilled milk, as the saying goes.

 

About marriage, marriage does not automatically mean "happily ever after." I was married for the first time when I was 23. For almost 5 years, both he and I were miserable. We weren't a good match for each other. Once you experience marriage, I very much hope you experience it with a man who is a good match for you, because otherwise it is emotionally as heartbreaking as what you are experiencing now.

 

After my divorce, I dated around and experienced a lot of pain and heartbreak. That's why I understand what you are going through, because it is painful - to like someone and then not understand why that person pulls away. I struggled with fear and desperation and insecurity too. Many people do.

 

It took me awhile to realize that my value and worth is not found in a relationship with a guy. I personally found my value and worth (as well as everyone's value and worth as priceless and awesome beings) in God. When I grew in my relationship with God, I also grew in security and was no longer afraid or desperate.

 

When I met my husband I was in a very healthy emotional place because I was not scared of being alone. It's very freeing not to be dependent on a guy for happiness, but rather be happy WITH a wonderful man!!! In September, we will be married for 2 years.

 

You can do that too! So, what do you think can help you grow in losing your fears, insecurities, and in making you a strong and confident woman who is not desperate? For some people, they find that in their career. For others, they find it in helping those in need (which is very awesome to do and makes the world a better place!). For others, they find it in pursuing an interest they love, like music or art. A combination of all these is wonderful too and leaves a person too busy to be afraid, desperate, and insecure!

 

So, keep your head up! It's going to be ok. It's very possible this guy was not a good match for you, and it's time now to concentrate on living life and pursuing your goals so that when a wonderful man comes into your life, you don't depend on him for happiness, but rather are happy WITH him!!!

[Leigh 87]

Imperfect Beauty - please can you just go chill a bit.

 

I admit - being in a relationship has proven to really enhance my life, now that I have love in it.

 

The thing is - before him I was very contented in being single.

 

You need to be alone, and to FORCE yourself to learn to ENJOY being single.

 

A happy person is a happy person; with kids, or without kids. With a partner or without a partner. With great beauty or a plain face. Get it?

 

You can experience the same level of contentment and joy from being single, as you can from being in a relationship.

 

You really can.

 

plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz can you try to break free of your need to be in a happy relationship?

 

I promise - you can be happy single.

 

....do you have issues where you get horny and need a guy to fool around with? And rather it be a guy who likes and respects you, and hence you need for a relationship?

 

Or are you just a much happier person when you have someone to hug and be close with?

 

You need to learn to value other things outside of a relationship. You can masturbate if that is the issue LOL.

 

Or you could get a dog. My dogs are free to hug me 24/7 and I often hate letting go of my tiny dog, whom my partner HATES, in order to go hug my partner instead.

 

IF your at home, well, once you start work and move out, getting a dog has done wonders for me - in so far as giving me my "cuddle" fix.

[Leigh 87]

grr, imperfect beauty - why did you say that about bethbutterfly?

 

She has a great marriage. She is a lovely sounding person. She sounds like a good role model as far as relationships are concerned.

 

You make it hard for us to like you?

[BetheButterfly]

 

A happy person is a happy person; with kids, or without kids. With a partner or without a partner. With great beauty or a plain face. Get it?

 

You can experience the same level of contentment and joy from being single, as you can from being in a relationship.

 

You really can.

 

plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz can you try to break free of your need to be in a happy relationship?

 

I promise - you can be happy single.

 

 

100% agree! Very important!!!

 

As for a dog, her parents don't think she should have a dog, if I'm not mistaken?

[Leigh 87]

ooooooh sorry I just realised she said those mean comments to that other girl.

 

My bad.

 

It was still mean though? As if she wanted to marry a guy who was wrong for her?

 

Do you think people marry with the intention of getting a divorce?

 

And you do realise that people marry the wrong people, but just not realise it at he time they get married?

[BetheButterfly]

grr, imperfect beauty - why did you say that about bethbutterfly?

 

She has a great marriage. She is a lovely sounding person. She sounds like a good role model as far as relationships are concerned.

 

You make it hard for us to like you?

 

Oh she didn't say that about me. She was writing to another lady who was trying to help and who is divorced and is in a relationship with a man she obviously adores! I can relate, since I got divorced from my first marriage. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is. What's done is done. I am in a relationship with a man I adore too!!!

 

Thanks for standing up for me though and your nice words

[BetheButterfly]

 

And you do realise that people marry the wrong people, but just not realise it at he time they get married?

 

This happens all the time and is heart-breaking.

[Leigh 87]

Hey, my motto and one that every lady could stand to benefit from, is:

 

" there are guys out there who will fall in love with you because your you. You do not have to try to ensure they call you and that they don't ..go away"

 

... Really, if a guy is into you and starts to develop strong feelings for you, you do not HAVE to monitor or over analyse his behaviour! HE WILL STILL WANT TO BE WITH YOU even if your weird, or if your a b*tch sometimes!

 

...............

 

I was a complete freak when my boyfriend met me; recovering from anorexia with no friends; I had not been around PEOPLE in YEARS. I was a freak all right.

 

One thing I had learnt though; to love myself. To know I have my plans in life, my goals, and my likes and dislikes.

 

I essentially though; I am me, I am awesome (albeit with a ways to go socially).

 

A guy who is genuinely into me will find me, and I will not have to go out of my way to get him to like me.

 

I knew a guy who was really interested in getting to know me would WANT to spend time with me, regardless of his busy schedule.

..............................................................

 

I do not believe that people who have not reached that point, where you think: I am awesome, and just being myself will be enough to attract the right guy who is genuinely into me.

 

 

....people who are not at that stage in life, cannot find love, ion my honest opinion.

 

Without just KNOWING that the right guy will just WANT to be with you, you will forever try to force a relationship with ANY guy who you "connect" with.

[Leigh 87]

100% agree! Very important!!!

 

As for a dog, her parents don't think she should have a dog, if I'm not mistaken?

 

 

 

And neither was I: my parents live overseas, but let me live in their nice flat during my time at college.

 

Unfortunately, it is a no pets aloud complex:(

 

Since meeting my boyfriend and adopting two small dogs, and basically being the surrogate mother of his two small dogs, I now have FOUR tiny dogs who love me.

 

My life is SOOOOOOOO much better since caring for these 4 little dogs...

 

Then again I am a total dog lover. I am not much into animals, yet LOVE dogs.

 

They really changed my life for the better.

[BetheButterfly]

And neither was I: my parents live overseas, but let me live in their nice flat during my time at college.

 

Unfortunately, it is a no pets aloud complex:(

 

Since meeting my boyfriend and adopting two small dogs, and basically being the surrogate mother of his two small dogs, I now have FOUR tiny dogs who love me.

 

My life is SOOOOOOOO much better since caring for these 4 little dogs...

 

Then again I am a total dog lover. I am not much into animals, yet LOVE dogs.

 

They really changed my life for the better.

 

I love dogs too. I have a little Yorkie who my husband calls my little shadow because she follows me around the house. Yeah, I think dogs can help people learn about faithfulness, loyalty, unconditional love, enjoying life, and caring for others. The following I think is so true!

 

What Dogs Teach Us about Peace, Joy, and Living in the Now | Tiny Buddha

 

What Pets Can Truly Teach Us Humans - Lifehack

 

This is a cool quote which I think can help the OP if she applies it:

 

“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” ~Marianne Williamson

[Leigh 87]

I adopted a long haired, blind chiwawa; he waits outside the bathroom when I have a shower or go to the toilet LOL.

 

I would go as far as to say that my dogs have made me a BETTER person.

 

Seriously.

 

Only dog lovers would understand!

 

Your dog sounds cute too.

 

If I were single, finding something you love, such as a dog, can really help you overcome the obsession of thinking getting a boyfriend is the best thing in the world.

...............................

 

By the time I reached my mid 20's I seriously did not think there was anything special about getting a boyfriend?

 

It took getting one to realise the benefits, because in theory, I wanted to ENSURE I was totally comfortable being alone.