CarrieT Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 So, I have a legitimate question, IB after all these pages.... You believe now that the guy dumped you because you haven't heard from him. Do you still believe "your life is over?" And, if not, how are you going to make it different and better for next time? Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 That's all fine and good but I'm not going to let someone insult me about being single, she was just as rude so... Oh well Omg stop with the dramatics, I am no way insulting you being single. I WAS single, I very well may be again, but I loved being single. It was such a fun time and yeah sure, it took adjusting, especially because I WAS married. I'm trying to tell you that being single is OK and that you will be for quite some time if you don't change your outlook on it. Holy eff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 She was trying to help. I know when I was 22, my friends who were around my age would always give me advice and counsel about guys, and I appreciated most the advice from my friends who currently were in relationships. I didn't hold their past relationships against them but rather was interested in learning. Now, some of the advice they gave me was not incredibly helpful and focused more on looks than on attitudes/views on life, but I appreciated my friends' desire to help me. While people on this forum aren't all personal friends, one can learn from strangers if they want to. I am happy for Miss J, and I very much hope that someday soon, ImperfectionisBeauty will experience a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man too!!! I don't think Miss J was placing "her personal value above that of the OP" at all. Rather, she was just writing from her own experiences and her experience right now is happy. Hopefully ImperfectionisBeauty will enjoy a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man too, and be happy WITH him - not dependent on him for happiness! People are going give advice from their own experiences in life and if the OP learns from them, that's great. If not, that's her decision. Can't we all just get along though, and show each other respect and kindness, even if we don't agree? She didnt help the end. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Ok this isn't miss whatever's post so I don't care about her boyfriend I don't feel bad about what I said I'm not apologizing, she was just as rude to me I defended myself the end. Keep calm and sparkle, IB. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 She didnt help the end. Maybe if you actually took a look at the advice I gave and not automatically disregard it because I am divorced, or in a relationship where we moved in together from the get go, or because I also am 22... You would have seen how much help I was giving. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 IB. Do you actually take anything that's written to you to heart? I do not mean "are you going to do what people tell you to do." I am asking if you honestly consider things, or just react to anything that does not fit exactly into your notions by rejecting it or insulting the person who wrote it? Have you ever thought that perhaps your ideas about and approach to relationships might be … wrong? Or do you truly believe that everybody else (EVERYBODY) is wrong? I'd also like to ask you: why were you seeing a therapist in the first place? What do YOU think your issues are? What do you think YOU have to work on? If there is anything, do you have a plan on how to work on it? Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 She didnt help the end. If someone doesn't help you, you can ignore that person. You don't need to lash out at that person. Don't let anger eat you up, k? I'm writing this cause I do care. Many people on this forum, including me, want you to be happy and healthy, to be a confident and strong woman who does not depend on a guy for happiness, but rather is happy by herself. We also want you to experience a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man someday. We are rooting for you!!! You don't need to take the advice or "listen" to anybody on this forum, but I do hope that you do some soul-searching and question why it is that you are so dependent on a guy for happiness, and why you are lashing out against someone whose advice/insight you don't consider to be helpful? Everyone can grow everyday in regards to relationships, as well as relationships with strangers on an internet forum. Again, if you don't want to write with someone, why not just ignore that person? Personally, I think the best place to go to for advice is a mentor who has years of experience in relationships. My mentor is a very sweet lady who has been married for 51 years. Now, there are issues that separate us, like times and differences between generations, but she has given me some incredibly helpful advice with my marriage. She focuses a lot on attitude. Attitude is so important in helping with any relationship, as well as respecting each other and caring for each other. About this guy who broke your heart, it is very possible that he's not a good match for you. I agree with the other posters that now is the time to grow in other areas and to learn how to be happy and single. That makes it so much easier to be happy with a guy, instead of depending on him for happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I think the best thing for IB to do is to keep making the same mistakes she's been making. She's not going to take anyone's advice. She's going to do what she wants. I doubt anyone's advice, and I know it's all well-meaning, is doing much good. If anything, it's enabling her to feel sorry for herself and get the attention she desperately craves due to her lack of emotional maturity. I think she should keep up falling and getting back up again until she learns not to fall on her own. If that means a string of horrible relationships or (God forbid) being single, then she'll either sink or swim. <----swimmer who finally got it after a number of years 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 I did something really good just now. I talked to a guy in my class I asked why he had a black eye ))) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Keep calm and sparkle, IB. Actually, that's great advice!!! There's power in keeping calm and sparkling! One doesn't need a man to do either Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I did something really good just now. I talked to a guy in my class I asked why he had a black eye ))) Why does he have a black eye? I'm curious now. I'm glad you're talking with guys!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Right, which came after the post about MJ having something OP does not - the ability to get a keep a man. And being able to keep a man is still a very valid point regardless of what you think........ Mj's, current relationship is still 6 times longer than the ops, and i assume her marriage lasted even longer. The op can't seem to attract men or keep them for very long even though she is very attractive. IMO her troubles are purely on her personality issue/flaws. She seems to be approaching relationships like they are some kind of trophy to be won. In that regard she is no different than the LS bitter brigade, who just wants to get a woman. Add to that her general delirium about relationships, and the disregard for the concept of the man having free will, and you have a recipe for a pretty damn strong guy repellent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Wtf guys he just messaged me and said "I haven't forgotten you..." Shut up! Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Thanks I know. I'm certainly not the type to go get dressed up in super nice clothes and go eat alone. What a waste of good clothes and money. It is a waste of money to pamper and be nurturing to yourself? Why are only men worth that kind of effort but not you? I used to take myself out on dates all the time when I was single. Hell, I do it even now! Just because I'm married, it doesn't mean I have to have no identity outside being a wife. My husband loves that about me. When I was 21, I was newly single after a breakup on Valentine's Day. I was also moving out on my own and I needed to prove to myself that I could be independent. I dressed in a lovely gown and attended a single's party alone. It was an old fashioned dance that even had dance cards. :)The men were all over me because they were intrigued by my chutzpah. "You're here alone?! Damn, that takes balls. I like a ballsy woman!" I heard that all night. I radiated confidence and beauty. See what I mean about loving yourself first? I held my head up high among couples walking in the street with the women carrying roses. I am smiling at what a tough little tiger I was back then. Those were the days! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Making it "Facebook official" means nothing. Just because it's not on facebook doesn't mean it's not a real relationship. Just because it doesn't say you're in a relationship on your facebook, doesn't mean you're not in a relationship. It doesn't have some kind of affect on your relationship, or make it mean anymore to have the status thing on there. I mean sure, it's nice. Sure it's cute to look at, but it's not that important. Right? I knew a FORTY YEAR OLD woman who was all smiles because her man put their relationship status on FB. 40 fricken years old and believing such garbage. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Wtf guys he just messaged me and said "I haven't forgotten you..." Shut up! Some guys are so irritating. I know... be patient! Don't freak out! Don't go crawling back to him either, k? Maintain your dignity and let him pursue you. If he doesn't, big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Wtf guys he just messaged me and said "I haven't forgotten you..." Shut up! So what did you respond? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Do you actually take anything that's written to you to heart? I do not mean "are you going to do what people tell you to do." I am asking if you honestly consider things, or just react to anything that does not fit exactly into your notions by rejecting it or insulting the person who wrote it? Did you notice she did not answer my direct question either? We have both asked - in different ways - if she has learned anything from this and there has been no answer or acknowledgment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I think the best thing for IB to do is to keep making the same mistakes she's been making. She's not going to take anyone's advice. She's going to do what she wants. I doubt anyone's advice, and I know it's all well-meaning, is doing much good. If anything, it's enabling her to feel sorry for herself and get the attention she desperately craves due to her lack of emotional maturity. I think she should keep up falling and getting back up again until she learns not to fall on her own. If that means a string of horrible relationships or (God forbid) being single, then she'll either sink or swim. <----swimmer who finally got it after a number of years Which is exactly why I don't start threads. I let myself make the mistakes -- why ask for advice when I know I am going to do what I want anyway. I am not saying advice isn't good but at the end of day learning is a better way to go about things. Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 It is a waste of money to pamper and be nurturing to yourself? Why are only men worth that kind of effort but not you? I used to take myself out on dates all the time when I was single. Hell, I do it even now! Just because I'm married, it doesn't mean I have to have no identity outside being a wife. My husband loves that about me. When I was 21, I was newly single after a breakup on Valentine's Day. I was also moving out on my own and I needed to prove to myself that I could be independent. I dressed in a lovely gown and attended a single's party alone. It was an old fashioned dance that even had dance cards. :)The men were all over me because they were intrigued by my chutzpah. "You're here alone?! Damn, that takes balls. I like a ballsy woman!" I heard that all night. I radiated confidence and beauty. See what I mean about loving yourself first? I held my head up high among couples walking in the street with the women carrying roses. I am smiling at what a tough little tiger I was back then. Those were the days! I also have no idea why that piece of advice was thrown back. It seriously made me feel so much more comfortable in my skin. When I first was single it was dreadful imaging going anywhere alone. Which is exactly why my best friend told me to. Even in a relationship I find myself getting done up and grabbing happy hour drinks by myself. How do you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 IIB needs to stop making herself to available. I recommend not answering his calls or texts right away. Sounds manipulative but men love the chase. When I was dating my husband, I made sure not to answer the phone all the time or call after dates. I also refused to get back with him immediately when we broke up because of his commitment issues. He had to earn his way back into my heart and my panties. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 IIB needs to stop making herself to available. I recommend not answering his calls or texts right away. Sounds manipulative but men love the chase. When I was dating my husband, I made sure not to answer the phone all the time or call after dates. I also refused to get back with him immediately when we broke up because of his commitment issues. He had to earn his way back into my heart and my panties. No... if this guy was showing her the interest she wanted - she should be always be available. However ... giving someone the same attention they give you is understandable and is what this situation needs. But she should not not talk to him in the hopes that he will get back with her . Game playing isn't the way to go. She needs to move along for a on good with out any reason behind it. Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 IIB needs to stop making herself to available. I recommend not answering his calls or texts right away. Sounds manipulative but men love the chase. When I was dating my husband, I made sure not to answer the phone all the time or call after dates. I also refused to get back with him immediately when we broke up because of his commitment issues. He had to earn his way back into my heart and my panties. What if a guy doesn't consider your body a prize to be won, but something that you either share with him as he shares his body with you, or you don't? That **** wouldn't work on someone like me. Do you even enjoy sex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Just wanted to add... a text saying "I haven't forgotten you" is NOT him pursuing you. Rather, it's a text putting feelers out there... I personally think the best thing to do is ignore it and concentrate on the guy with the black eye... sounds interesting. Don't let a man "rule your world" or get you all excited until he's proven himself trustworthy, and this guy has not proven himself yet, and may never will... I agree with Nyla. I think it's best to inore that text if you haven't answered yet, and just concentrate on other things. If he grows the cajones to truly pursue you and gives you the time you want, awesome. If not, big deal. He's not the one for you. Now, why does the guy in your class have a black eye? That sounds interesting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 "Well, I talked to this girl in my class, see, and this guy came up and punched me for talking to his girlfriend. Talk to you later." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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