My life is over.. I think I am getting dumped.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I also have no idea why that piece of advice was thrown back. It seriously made me feel so much more comfortable in my skin. When I first was single it was dreadful imaging going anywhere alone. Which is exactly why my best friend told me to. Even in a relationship I find myself getting done up and grabbing happy hour drinks by myself. How do you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself?

 

I just really hate sitting alone and stuff. I honestly sat at Applebee's once for like 15 mins waiting on a group of friends and I was so paranoid I couldn't sit there alone I felt like a loser, I considered just going back out to my car until they got there. I was like staring at my phone. I have major confidence issues and I know it. I don't look at myself in mirrors (only to put on make up) I hate when I walk into a place as I can see myself in the doors I can't look. I just am embarrassed of myself haha it's weird. You didn't give me good advice in saying that but idk it seems so scary people will be like "look at that loser girl sitting alone"

[BetheButterfly]

What if a guy doesn't consider your body a prize to be won, but something that you either share with him as he shares his body with you, or you don't? That **** wouldn't work on someone like me. Do you even enjoy sex?

 

When you're getting to know someone, it's important to see if that someone is not going to break your heart (and that person is getting to know you and seeing if you are not going to break his/her heart), then it's really important to not get too emotionally connected until you know the person is worthy of your trust and vulnerability.

 

It has nothing to do with a "prize to be won" but rather has to do with protecting one's heart.

 

I agree that a sexual relationship should be sharing, or giving to each other, which is why being able to trust that person is so important.

 

Break-ups and commitment issues don't help one trust, which is possibly why Nyla wanted to make sure he was trustworthy after the sad times they experienced.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Did you notice she did not answer my direct question either?

 

We have both asked - in different ways - if she has learned anything from this and there has been no answer or acknowledgment.

 

I don't know what you asked? I was in class typing so I skimmed a lot of the posts especially the ones about Miss. Jac. I will answer anything but there are a billion posts on here I don't see them all. What I learned? I learned I need some hobbies beyond dating. I also learned I need to sit alone and eat dinner with no phone and try not to feel like a loser.

 

I didn't respond to this guy, and the guy in my class its nothing I just wanted to know what happened, I guess his roommate and some other guys jumped him. :/

[SmileFace]

I just really hate sitting alone and stuff. I honestly sat at Applebee's once for like 15 mins waiting on a group of friends and I was so paranoid I couldn't sit there alone I felt like a loser, I considered just going back out to my car until they got there. I was like staring at my phone. I have major confidence issues and I know it. I don't look at myself in mirrors (only to put on make up) I hate when I walk into a place as I can see myself in the doors I can't look. I just am embarrassed of myself haha it's weird. You didn't give me good advice in saying that but idk it seems so scary people will be like "look at that loser girl sitting alone"

 

Projecting hun.

Look it up.

Truthfully no one gives a ****.

 

I sit in coffee shops all the time alone and read.

I don't really go out and eat alone since food is something I like to share with people so it really isn't fun for me.

 

But I go to parks and longs walks alone all the time.

[MidwestUSA]

I don't know what you asked? I was in class typing so I skimmed a lot of the posts especially the ones about Miss. Jac. I will answer anything but there are a billion posts on here I don't see them all. What I learned? I learned I need some hobbies beyond dating. I also learned I need to sit alone and eat dinner with no phone and try not to feel like a loser.

 

I didn't respond to this guy, and the guy in my class its nothing I just wanted to know what happened, I guess his roommate and some other guys jumped him. :/

 

Getting dressed up and going out alone was great advice. It just isn't something you're comfortable with at this point in your life. Baby steps. Work on that self esteem/confidence issue with your therapist. And DO NOT text this guy back!

[KatZee]

I just really hate sitting alone and stuff. I honestly sat at Applebee's once for like 15 mins waiting on a group of friends and I was so paranoid I couldn't sit there alone I felt like a loser, I considered just going back out to my car until they got there. I was like staring at my phone. I have major confidence issues and I know it. I don't look at myself in mirrors (only to put on make up) I hate when I walk into a place as I can see myself in the doors I can't look. I just am embarrassed of myself haha it's weird. You didn't give me good advice in saying that but idk it seems so scary people will be like "look at that loser girl sitting alone"

 

You felt this way because you're insecure. You don't truly like yourself, and your projecting the feelings you have of yourself to those around you. Because YOU feel like a loser, and YOU think you're a loser, you think everyone feels the same. Believe me, they don't. I guarantee people weren't even focused on you or even aware of your presence.

[BetheButterfly]

What I learned? I learned I need some hobbies beyond dating.

 

Awesome!!!

I also learned I need to sit alone and eat dinner with no phone and try not to feel like a loser.

It's all in the mind. If you don't think you're a loser, most people aren't going to think you are either. It's interesting how that works. As for those who might think that, if your mind says, "Who cares what they think?" then they lose power over you. The mind is really intriguing and cool!

 

I didn't respond to this guy, and the guy in my class its nothing I just wanted to know what happened, I guess his roommate and some other guys jumped him. :/

I'm glad you didn't respond. The more I've learned through this book of a thread about him, the more I think this guy's not for you. I do think that now is a good time to have fun and enjoy life and yep, pursue hobbies, concentrate on your school and not worry so much about guys. As an added plus, I think that will attract a wonderful guy who you can enjoy being happy with and can pursue your dreams together. So, don't give up!

 

Ah, ok... yeah it got me curious too.

 

Have to go now but it sounds like you're feeling better, and I'm glad!!!

Keep your chin up and your head held high! You can be happy without a guy and someday be happy WITH a wonderful man!

[miss_jaclynrae]

I just really hate sitting alone and stuff. I honestly sat at Applebee's once for like 15 mins waiting on a group of friends and I was so paranoid I couldn't sit there alone I felt like a loser, I considered just going back out to my car until they got there. I was like staring at my phone. I have major confidence issues and I know it. I don't look at myself in mirrors (only to put on make up) I hate when I walk into a place as I can see myself in the doors I can't look. I just am embarrassed of myself haha it's weird. You didn't give me good advice in saying that but idk it seems so scary people will be like "look at that loser girl sitting alone"

 

 

 

 

That's the point IB... To work on it.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I'm going to therapy too again next Weds. I can't take her this entire thread lol but I can highlight the important stuff.

 

And the whole I hate looking at myself in mirrors and stuff I haven't ever told anyone that lol at least I can admit its a problem

 

I honestly do appreciate the advice I get on here even of it doesn't seem like it. I just don't like admitting I have all these issues.

[miss_jaclynrae]

That's the point IB... To work on it.

 

Not to mentiOn it gives guys an easy reason to approach you.

When I was single I went everywhere alone!

[normal person]

I just am embarrassed of myself haha it's weird. You didn't give me good advice in saying that but idk it seems so scary people will be like "look at that loser girl sitting alone"

 

It seems like you overestimate the amount of thought and judgement people put into other people they don't even know. When you walk into a place, do you look around at every individual and see how many friends they're with, how attractive they are, how much fun they're having, and judge them accordingly? Or does that stuff not even register as you go about your own business? If you don't do it, why do you assume everyone else does that to you? Do I look at every stranger on the street or in the bar? Would I notice something so insignificant about a person who in no way has an affect on my life? Hell no, I'm way too preoccupied. The odds are everyone else is too.

 

You sound like you think you're constantly being looked at and judged. We're more or less invisible to strangers until we give them a reason to notice us. So I think you should consider relaxing a little.

[Sheilalou008]

I just really hate sitting alone and stuff. I honestly sat at Applebee's once for like 15 mins waiting on a group of friends and I was so paranoid I couldn't sit there alone I felt like a loser, I considered just going back out to my car until they got there. I was like staring at my phone. I have major confidence issues and I know it. I don't look at myself in mirrors (only to put on make up) I hate when I walk into a place as I can see myself in the doors I can't look. I just am embarrassed of myself haha it's weird. You didn't give me good advice in saying that but idk it seems so scary people will be like "look at that loser girl sitting alone"

 

I think you are beautiful and not a loser. Just build some confidence. Look for the positive things about yourself. I have walked into bar and restaurants alone many times and yes, at first it is uncomfortable. I assure you no one is thinking anything bad about you...and if they are, who cares! You are young, pretty and being alone is not the end of the world.

 

Give yourself time and it will come. I understand feeling insecure. Fake it til ya make it, babe.

[Brunettie]

You really need to take Miss Jaclyn's advice.

I go out to places alone ALL the time. Sometimes my friends can't go somewhere. I'm not going to let that stop me from going where I want to go, or doing what I want to do. I've gone to the movies alone, shopping, I've eaten at a restaurant alone too. I will say, it was slightly weird..but as everyone has said NO one even noticed me or paid attention to the fact I was alone.

And you know what? I want to go to the beach SO badly. And do you know what I've decided? If my bf or friends can't go with me, I'm going to go alone. Would it be more fun with someone to go with? Of course. Is it going to be dull and boring because I go alone? Heck no.

 

After class, really, go somewhere. Go to a coffee shop, the movies, grab a donut..alone. Just give it a try. Baby steps. Maybe not a meal or a movie yet..just go grab a coffee or a donut alone and see how that goes.

[CarrieT]

You really need to take Miss Jaclyn's advice.

^^^ THIS ^^^

 

Until you are comfortable alone in public and in your own skin, you will never be ready for a relationship or good to anyone because you will be relying on them to make you whole.

 

Take baby steps like Brunettie suggested; doughnut shops, Starbucks, whatever...

 

That note that you arrived at an Appleby's and wanted to go wait in the car because you were scared people were looking at you spoke volumes about the level of your immaturity.

 

There can be great joy in dressing up and going out to eat ALONE. Even though I am now in a relationship, I still do this now and then because of the sense of satisfaction I receive from having alone time. It is important that you become comfortable with yourself before you can offer yourself to another.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

You really need to take Miss Jaclyn's advice.

I go out to places alone ALL the time. Sometimes my friends can't go somewhere. I'm not going to let that stop me from going where I want to go, or doing what I want to do. I've gone to the movies alone, shopping, I've eaten at a restaurant alone too. I will say, it was slightly weird..but as everyone has said NO one even noticed me or paid attention to the fact I was alone.

And you know what? I want to go to the beach SO badly. And do you know what I've decided? If my bf or friends can't go with me, I'm going to go alone. Would it be more fun with someone to go with? Of course. Is it going to be dull and boring because I go alone? Heck no.

 

After class, really, go somewhere. Go to a coffee shop, the movies, grab a donut..alone. Just give it a try. Baby steps. Maybe not a meal or a movie yet..just go grab a coffee or a donut alone and see how that goes.

I do wanna see that new Tyler Perry movie

[Brunettie]

I do wanna see that new Tyler Perry movie

 

Go see it!! Get dressed up all cute, and go see it! Have a night all to yourself. I go to the movies pretty often and there's always people there alone. It's really nothing big or out of the ordinary. It doesn't make the movie and less enjoyable.

[clia]

I just really hate sitting alone and stuff. I honestly sat at Applebee's once for like 15 mins waiting on a group of friends and I was so paranoid I couldn't sit there alone I felt like a loser, I considered just going back out to my car until they got there. I was like staring at my phone. I have major confidence issues and I know it. I don't look at myself in mirrors (only to put on make up) I hate when I walk into a place as I can see myself in the doors I can't look. I just am embarrassed of myself haha it's weird. You didn't give me good advice in saying that but idk it seems so scary people will be like "look at that loser girl sitting alone"

 

Let me tell you a story.

 

When I graduated from college I got a job as a management consultant. This meant I traveled all week from Monday to Friday to different cities. I was your age -- 22 years old -- and traveling alone. All week I stayed in a hotel (or later on apartments) in cities where I didn't know anyone except my co-workers. Typically I would go out to dinner with my co-workers once or twice a week. Other than that, I sat in my room and ordered room service or got take out for dinner.

 

At that time, I could not even fathom going to a restaurant by myself. I thought like you did -- what if everyone stares at me, what will they think, isn't it weird to go by myself, etc. It just seemed...abnormal...to go to a restaurant alone since that had always been an activity I'd done with other people. So, after a few weeks of room service food and take out fish tacos and leafing through the Los Angeles city magazines in the hotel room and noticing all the cool restaurants and bars in town, I finally said "Screw it, I'm going to dinner by myself." I realized that I was going to miss out on a lot of great meals and experiences if I couldn't find a way to suck it up and go by myself.

 

So, I went. And the first meal was somewhat awful. I felt as though everything I was doing was magnified, that everyone was staring at me, judging me, thinking I was a huge loser for being there alone. I had brought a book with me (this was before cell phones), so I read that. I made small talk with the waiter, ordered a glass of wine, ordered my meal, ate it, and left. I was practically shaking the entire time. But I did it.

 

I felt good when I got back to my hotel room, as though I had crossed a barrier. Suddenly the world felt more open, and I had options and things to do each night for dinner and I didn't have to get take out. I continued to go to restaurants alone, and every time I went it got easier and easier. Now I go to restaurants alone all the time and don't think anything of it. Trust me, no one will even notice if you are there alone. If they do notice you are alone the last thing they will think is "what a loser" unless they are 12 years old. I look back now and think about all the great meals and restaurants I would have missed if I hadn't just taken the step to conquer my fear of eating alone. It's really no big deal, and gets easier every time you do it. Doing things alone will also help you build more self confidence. Ever hear the phrase "fake it 'till you make it?" Do that.

 

Also, sitting at a bar or restaurant alone is a great way to meet men.

[startinganew777]

Wow, I can't believe what I am reading! This is crazy!

 

Beauty, how about being married to your best friend for 10 years, loving him more than you have ever loved anyone, having rheumatoid arthritis, having your spouse love you so much and promise to take care of you the rest of your life, wash your hair for you when you are in so much pain you can't lift your arms. Think about that. Then think about having to divorce him because of his alcoholism and mental abuse while intoxicated. Hearing all those evil little suggestions he put into my head about how no one will ever love me enough to take care of me when my arthritis gets really bad and that I will live alone the rest of my life and probably in a wheel chair with no one to take care of me. THEN you can tell me about real life and real pain.

 

You are 22 years old and went on 10 dates with a guy that isn't responding to you now. So what?! Big freakin' deal!!! Get over it and learn to respect yourself enough to be able to carry on a mature adult relationship!

 

I am 33, divorced and may be in a wheelchair at 50. Who knows. But you know what, I am single now, on my own, which is scary but I am the happiest I have EVER been and I don't HAVE to have a man in order to be happy. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get the help you need or you are headed for a very sad pathetic life. You have many, many years ahead of you. Just live your life. What happens, happens. Let is just flow. Life is more fun and enjoyable that way. Believe me.

[Nyla]

What if a guy doesn't consider your body a prize to be won, but something that you either share with him as he shares his body with you, or you don't? That **** wouldn't work on someone like me. Do you even enjoy sex?

 

Who said anything about sex?

 

I'll let you go through my posts and you can decide from reading them if I enjoy sex or not.

 

My post about being less available had NOTHING to do with sex or my body. I meant not being so emotionally available and eager to get a call from a man.

 

I have three brothers and I dated quite a bit before I got married.

 

In my experience, men generally don't respect women who are too eager.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Go see it!! Get dressed up all cute, and go see it! Have a night all to yourself. I go to the movies pretty often and there's always people there alone. It's really nothing big or out of the ordinary. It doesn't make the movie and less enjoyable.

 

Well one starts at 4:55. I might go, I'm scared! But I will report back. Does it still count even if its at 4 and a lot of people might not be there?

[Brunettie]

Well one starts at 4:55. I might go, I'm scared! But I will report back. Does it still count even if its at 4 and a lot of people might not be there?

 

Yes, it counts. Go see it and yes, report back. You'll be fine and you'll have fun.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Who said anything about sex?

 

I'll let you go through my posts and you can decide from reading them if I enjoy sex or not.

 

My post about being less available had NOTHING to do with sex or my body. I meant not being so emotionally available and eager to get a call from a man.

 

I have three brothers and I dated quite a bit before I got married.

 

In my experience, men generally don't respect women who are too eager.

 

My mom has told me that before that I need to not be so available, when i was with Kyle I used to drop everything when he called no matter what time to see him. I drove out to his house one night at like 11 just to hang out (and have sex lol) and he lived about an hour away.

[CarrieT]

I don't think going to a movie alone counts as much...

 

That is sitting alone in a dark theater and not interacting with anyone beyond the person selling the ticket.

 

But I suppose it *is* a baby step....

 

If you succeed, next try a coffeehouse or something!

[KatZee]

I don't think going to a movie alone counts as much...

 

That is sitting alone in a dark theater and not interacting with anyone beyond the person selling the ticket.

 

But I suppose it *is* a baby step....

 

If you succeed, next try a coffeehouse or something!

 

Have to start somewhere though, better to start on the first step rather than to jump to step 10 and wind up so overwhelmed that she never tries it again. Easing into it when she's so insecure as is, is the way to go here.

[AlexDP]

I don't think going to a movie alone counts as much...

 

That is sitting alone in a dark theater and not interacting with anyone beyond the person selling the ticket.

 

But I suppose it *is* a baby step....

 

If you succeed, next try a coffeehouse or something!

 

Going to a movie theater alone is kind of a creep move. I could never imagine doing that.

 

A coffeehouse on the other hand seems the obvious choice. You pick a book, sit there and drink a coffee. Awesome.