mach3 Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Hi all. First - thanks so much to everyone who posts - a lot of these threads have gotten me through some rough times. Quick rehash - Ex GF of 2 years - she moved out of my place in April (lived together for over a year). We've had nearly daily contact since then and have even been somewhat back together in brief spurts since then (both 26 years old). There were some rough spots as well where she briefly began hanging around with an Ex. I won't go into details, but we had some problems, things I thought were fixable. Ultimately - I am a good guy and treat her well. Things were going well between us, we had a good July and August. I was taking it slow - having been hurt before, but she was receptive. Out of nowhere, she said some mean things to me (being busy and a lot going on) and I stopped contacting her (about a month ago). She called once, but IMO she needed something - I didn't answer and just dropped it off at her house very early in the morning. It had been about 3 weeks after we last spoke (our longest prior to this was about 2 days) and I happened to see her one night at a club - very quickly, passing by each other. I don't think she saw me. Later that night, I went to her house to talk and found out she was "with" someone - to make matters worse, I had seen this guys car there very early in the morning when I dropped off the item she requested. So I know something has been going on for at least a couple of weeks. Perhaps the cause of her sudden attitude change? My No Contact just made it easier? Having called her since - it seems these 2 are together literally all of the time now. I know that it's an infatuation phase - but it is just killing me. I had hoped some time apart would do both of us good. How could she "replace" me so quickly? It was hard enough not talking with her - but this is practically unbearable. I wrote her a letter, on the advice of her Mom - to no avail. She just doesn't seem interested right now. I know it's pretty pointless at this point to keep trying since she is caught up in the intoxication of someone "new". My question - how do you get through this? I thought our breakup was bad, but never worried too much about this. I didn't think she was that kind of girl - she flirts and flirts - but is just a big tease to guys. I knew she would see other guys, but never thought this would happend and I am crushed. Any advice appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Perhaps the cause of her sudden attitude change? My No Contact just made it easier? Yes and no... How can I explain it?..... Many people think that 2 days of no contact is going to fix things. No contact means no contact at all. It means you move on and the other person starts to move on. She right now has had you and only you in and out of her life right now. She might be confused as what she feels and so she's dating this guy because he is new and exciting. But that is a phase exactly how you put it. It's a phase that dies out and thats when she will realize either if she wants to be with you or not. Thats when you do no contact for a while and she compares you to her new guy. If your not meant to be and she likes him what can you do? You move on...it hurts but you move on...but if in the end after her romance stage wears off with this guy and she wants you back and you are willing to work it out then good luck. You wrote her a letter, you told her exactly how you feel (i hope) and nothing..so you did your part so now its time for you to move on. It hurts but it's not the end of the world. Link to post Share on other sites
AsGoodAsItGets01 Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd, that was some real helpful advice...u are right i was with my ex for 3.5 years...we were together since we were 16 and 17 and I am all she knows....now she started daying a friend from her college. I look at her away messsages sometimes and it says "staying at blah blahs tonight"...with a smiley face. It hurts but I am hanging in there....and finally starting to move on...with or without here. Link to post Share on other sites
Splatty Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 we were together since we were 16 and 17 and I am all she knows....now she started daying a friend from her college. Ok... we have very similar situations. Been with my girl a long time, I was her only real boyfriend. Samething as you, she started acting weird and got a new bf really fast... like before I was out the door. Not cool! I have had zero contact with her and I could see it being a long time before I ever do. I guess I have a question for you is do you think this only known you thing is good or an excuse? Good because you don't want to marry someone who would question their love, you want them to know, right. Excuse because when two people are really in love you don't need to compare and question. My thoughts.... are mixed. I don't want to marry them to find that the want a divorce or at least waste some of your good young years. I also think that true love should not have to be questioned. Then again I have had a serious relationship so I have my comparison. I didn't think she was that kind of girl - she flirts and flirts - but is just a big tease to guys. I knew she would see other guys, but never thought this would happend and I am crushed. She probably isn't that kind of girl, but she is doing stupid stuff, mine was sweat and wonderful and she did really uncharacteristic sh*t. My guess is she lost her identity and got confused during the long relationship and she wants a vacation from herself. I lost myself in an early relationship and I did stupid sh*t that wasn't in my personality. Guess really I am no better then her. My advice is after a long relationship find who you are as an individual. Push your life forward, focus on your goals and dreams. If you do that you are in a much better position, if she comes back you will have spent your time apart wisely, if she doesn't you spent your time as an individual wisely. Don't get me wrong it is not easy to do, you will still miss her, some days will still be hard, but you will have a promising future and less regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 She probably isn't that kind of girl, but she is doing stupid stuff, mine was sweat and wonderful and she did really uncharacteristic sh*t. My guess is she lost her identity and got confused during the long relationship and she wants a vacation from herself. I lost myself in an early relationship and I did stupid sh*t that wasn't in my personality. Guess really I am no better then her. My advice is after a long relationship find who you are as an individual. Push your life forward, focus on your goals and dreams. If you do that you are in a much better position, if she comes back you will have spent your time apart wisely, if she doesn't you spent your time as an individual wisely. Don't get me wrong it is not easy to do, you will still miss her, some days will still be hard, but you will have a promising future and less regrets. That is so true. After my break up I got into drugs, I went partying everynight, I wouldn't come home until like 6 in the morning everynight. My whole family was worried. I did drugs to numb the pain and help me take a vacation "from myself". It was horrible. I don't remember exactly how i snapped out of it but thank god I did and the whole time I was thinking to myself this is me I'm just letting it out now. WRONG..it wasn't me. Then i found myself again and I'm still finding myself. Now in my new relationship my bf says he admires how Im independant and know myself so wll and now exactly what I want out of life. (if he only knew lol ) But now I tell all my friends after a break up take a while to find yourself again. To remember what made you happy when they weren't around. What did YOU do alone on your free time. Spend some time alone before getting into another relationship. It hurts and it's lonely sometimes...but like they say ... "the sweet is not as sweet without the sour" You'll be lonely for a while and then you'll meet that great person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mach3 Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 The thing that kills me - from what I know, they aren't just dating. They are literally together all the time - spending the night and stuff. It has just crushed me. And I don't think she would have contacted me had I not called her after 3 weeks. Really - she still hasn't. Sent me an email of all things. Over 2 years and all I get is an email? The only thing I can take comfort in, she runs hot and cold on everyone. It will burn out eventually... But still, it's like a knife in the heart. Sure date other guys, do what you will with them. But to be spending the night and such, 7 days a week - ouch... It hasn't even been a month. Link to post Share on other sites
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