DannyMason Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 My grandmother is in her mid 80s now and not really able to take care of herself independently. This past October she moved in with me and my Dad. Since then, Dad has treated her very poorly. He constantly insults her character and intelligence and often goes on screaming tirades over nothing, like her just walking around the house. Granny had pre-existing issues with depression even before moving in with us and I worry about what effect all this abuse might have on her. Dad says he's on pills that are supposed to help his irritability, but I've not noticed any difference; the abuse continues. I honestly have no clue what to do here. Does anyone have any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 My grandmother is in her mid 80s now and not really able to take care of herself independently. This past October she moved in with me and my Dad. Since then, Dad has treated her very poorly. He constantly insults her character and intelligence and often goes on screaming tirades over nothing, like her just walking around the house. Granny had pre-existing issues with depression even before moving in with us and I worry about what effect all this abuse might have on her. Dad says he's on pills that are supposed to help his irritability, but I've not noticed any difference; the abuse continues. I honestly have no clue what to do here. Does anyone have any advice? That is horrible. Do you have other family members who know how to love and can treat your grandmother with courtesy, respect, and dignity? If so, I recommend calling them and explaining the situation. If a member of my family were treating my grandmothers in such a way, I'd be furious and offer to care for her myself. If other family members cannot or do not help, please search for women's shelters in your area and call. Explain what's going on to the director of the women's shelter and see what she says. There are helps out there... it's possible that a women's shelter can connect you to a help or a senior community where your Granny can live without harassment. As for your Dad, I really wish he would stop being mean and would be loving, kind, and respectful of her. You can't force him to change though; it's much easier helping your Granny then convincing him to change his ways, sad to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 My grandmother is in her mid 80s now and not really able to take care of herself independently. This past October she moved in with me and my Dad. Whose idea was the move? Why did she move in with you? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Every time he treats her badly tell him to knock it off. You are old enough to stand up to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Seachelle1 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Danny, Caregiving is such a loaded issue! All too often the caregiver or the one receiving care in a family home is abusive. I've heard of it going both ways. My mom, before she had her stroke, investigated elder abuse for the state we lived in for 11 years. Before that she managed a nursing home and before that my family owned one! It is extremely hard to take care of a mother. I know. I do it sometimes and my sister does it full time. My mom is abusive to me and likewise I am abusive to her. There are huge issues at play there and they didn't come out of nowhere. There were tensions long before she had her stroke and I didn't speak to her for many years. I don't take care of her for long periods of time because it would kill us both. We love each other but there are boundaries. I accept that I am a bad fit and that I can provide help in different ways. There are a few things you can do here: -Understand that there may well be an ugly history between your father and grandmother that you might not know about which could have a lot to do with your dad's irritability. If this is the case your family can look to support and heal that pain or put your grandmother in a different care situation. -Is it too much for your dad to take on? Does he need more support? What else is going on in his life? You might want to go to a caregiving website and ask these questions there, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts