Re: New to the forum, looking for advice! :)

[Nic]

YOU WROTE: "Just this last month has she started to see that sex can be more than that, and is understanding why its sometimes called 'making love' :)"

 

before i fell in love, i had casual sex about twice. and it wasn't until i fell in love, that i realised making love is what matters to me. casual sex doesn't at all, and i know i will never do it again, because i know what makes me feel good. it's making love, not casual sex.

 

but she's probably thinking very much the same thing now. she may have never been in love before. sex to her without love was all she knew. that is, until you came along. and now that she's made love, it will make any casual sex she's had in the past just seem so insignificant. she's learnt from casual sex, and she is now learning from making love. that is such a good thing. she's found what it's like to make love with you. how fantastic is that! sex is probably more than just a handshake for her now, because she's experiencing a completely new and profound different aspect of it.

 

about her 37 yr old friend - if it really bothers you, confront her about it. tell her exactly what you have said here and that it concerns you. frankly, i agree with you in a way. my main concern is that he's maintaining the friendship, not out of a true want to be her friend, but because he knows what he's got from her in the past, and still wants to try and hang on to that. i wonder if your girlfriend sees it this way though. personally, if i were her, i'd let this friendship drop, because they can't be that close as friends if they hardly talk or see each other. she's moved on to a new phase in her life now, and sometimes friendships move on as well. i suspect this guy might have ulterior motives, so if i were your girlfriend, i'd put his so-called 'friendship' behind me.

Hey everyone, just found this site by chance browsing the web, and I have to say I already love this forum. I got into a new relationship about three months ago with someone who I now love dearly, and she feels the same toward me There have been a few issues that arose recently though that have kind of stifled my feelings. For example, I found out that she has slept with 5 times the amount of people I have, although she is two years younger than I am. 23 and 21 respectively. Its had me dwelling on it for a week or so, and its been hindering my interaction with her. Including 'bumping into' people she's had casual affairs with. Anyhow, I had all kinds of nasty feelings in my head, that I'd like to point out I COULD'NT MAKE GO AWAY! They were just there, I noticed there are quite a few harsh critics on this forum! Anyhow, I noticed that you guys have covered this discussion quite extensively throughout the posts I could see, and after reading them all, I've realized I'm really being quite an ass about it all. Your all very right, a persons past is just that, their past. Now, I did want some advice on one particular subject that isnt quite resolved for me She is 21, her 'male friend' is 37. He has known her for three years, ie since she was 18. He lives in another city, and they rarely hang out or converse on the phone. They have had casual sex on many occasions. She wants to continue to have a friendship with him, but it makes me uncomfortable. This is mainly because I find it hard to believe that a man can have that much in common with a woman 16 years his junior, whilst living in another city, and not maintaining much if any contact(at least while we've been together). She says he is a really close friend, but part of me believes he's just maintaining the friendship for less noble reasons. Oh yeah, I did want to add that her sexual past, being broad as it was did in fact have an impact on our relationship before I knew, I just didnt know why things were the way they were til I found out. It DID cheapen sex for her. She liked to have it fairly often, and treated sex as merely a back rub or foot massage. Maybe I'm just an emotional guy, but sex is more than a handshake for me. Just this last month has she started to see that sex can be more than that, and is understanding why its sometimes called 'making love' Well, anyway, I'm not going to reread or edit this, so I'll check back tomorrow to see if any of the regulars have flamed the piss out of my post hehe. And thanks to any helpful advice any of you pass my way, just trying to be a better partner. -Daemon

[Tony T]

If you have described her relationship accurately, that is he lives in another city, they rarely hang out, they rarely converse on the phone but they have had sex often, I think I personally would insist on that acquaintancship ceasing...or I would cease seeing her.

 

What you have described is NOT a friendship at all, but an older man taking advantage of a young girl for sex...and a young girl who has been mesmerized by his charm and maybe money. There may be some light fondness her but you have described no meaningful grounds to call it a friendship. Maybe he is a father figure to her and that's important to her...but you don't have sex with your father.

 

Given the fact that her association with this older guy who lives out of town has been primarilly for sexual purposes, I personally would not feel comfortable at all with it continuing.

 

If your girl has enough consideration and respect for you to sever this tie, you better hope you can trust her enough to actually cease these sexual encounters. If they have been able to do this in the past with little contact in between, you will have difficulty keeping tabs on this.

 

And, by the way, there have been a few times a good back rub felt very much as good as sex. I even think my back had an orgasm.