Should i dump my girlfreind? comfused!!!

[kaitracid]

hell guys

 

been seeing my girlfriend for about a year and 6 months

 

in that time we have split up twice... both times she did the dumping, but then a few weeks later made contact with me, and we got back together.

 

here is the good and bad about the relationship....

 

 

THE GOOD

 

she is a very attractive sexy woman

 

our sex life is great

 

we have a lot of interests in common

 

 

 

THE BAD

 

 

she blames me for every single thing, every argument

 

she does not accept any wrong doing

 

she calls me names, if i ever upset her

 

she calls me a "mouse" a "girl" a "fairy" in a jokey way, but it really hurts me when she does this

 

she pushes me away when it suites her, and is very cold towards me

 

i am always worried about her dumping me again, so i am walking on egg shells

 

she has 3 children.... she wants me to rent out a house with her & for us to live together... but she has told me, if her children ever took a dislike to me & decided they do not like me anymore.... then she will end the relationship with me!!!

 

i find this very worrying indeed, as i cannot guarentee that her kids would like me

 

she is very disrespectful to me at times & calls me names & it is really damaging myself esteem

 

the communication between us is terrible... if i try to talk about issues, she claims i am trying to start an argument & tells me to shut up

 

i just cannot win, not matter how bad she behaves towards me, she never apologises or admits any wrong doing

 

she is always on facebook, or texting her mates.... if i her tell her, that i find it rude for her to be constantly on her phone, she tells me IT IS HER PHONE & SHE WILL DO WHAT SHE WANTS

 

we only have sex when it suites her

 

 

i am in LOVE with this woman, she is the most attractive woman i have ever dated....

 

but i am very very worried about my future with her.

 

my question is, should i put an end to this, and the way she is treating me & dump her?????????

 

in the past, she has ended things with me twice, but i feel like, i need to stand up for myself & put an end to her bad treatment of me, by dumping her

 

i am struggling to do it, because i love her... but she has too much control over me.

 

any advice???????:(

Edited April 8, 2013 by kaitracid

[OwlSoul]

Most of the people tend to project their own experience while giving an advice. And most of them have negative experience.

 

The forum is the last place to go for help. It's good for reflecting, and being listened, but if you want an actual help - go to someone who knows you well in real life. There is always someone who cares for you and will point out the right direction.

[kaitracid]

Also if i was to dump her, what is the best method????

 

send her an email & tell her that i am finishing with her, because i will not allow her to treat me like rubbish anymore & that i deserve so much better?

 

or i was thinking about changing my email & phone number & just vanishing... not even an explenation, just run away & try to re build my life???

 

 

i still love her & i still keep some hope, that maybe we could work things out!!

 

not sure what to do, so confused at the moment

[siankat]

i agree with Owlsoul

 

Its also hard to make the right decision and stick to it if you have low self esteem which is what i'm getting from your post.

[WhatYouWantToHear]

You know why hot chicks act like they own guys who aren't as attractive as they? Because of all needy/shallow/prentensious guys like you in the world, they can.

 

Look at your pro/con list--the first reason you listed being with her is she's hot. Dude, honestly, you deserve this relationship until you learn to stop thinking with your hot-chick wand.

 

Pretend you have some self-respect and dump her.

[kaitracid]

You know why hot chicks act like they own guys who aren't as attractive as they? Because of all needy/shallow/prentensious guys like you in the world, they can.

 

Look at your pro/con list--the first reason you listed being with her is she's hot. Dude, honestly, you deserve this relationship until you learn to stop thinking with your hot-chick wand.

 

Pretend you have some self-respect and dump her.

 

 

you may have hit the nail on the head... she knows she is a good looking woman, and she could prob get another man... but i still find it confusing, because she keeps coming back to me, again and again

 

and she tells me, that she finds me attractive

 

 

i have had relationships with average looking girls in the past, and they have treated me so much better.

 

i really don't feel like she will be there for me, in the long run.... so what is stopping me from letting her go

 

i am certain it is the fact she is so very good looking, and i find her so attractive

[siankat]

Yeah you have have your priorities in the wrong order but if this is what you want, this is what you've got. A hot woman. I think you should stay with her. Seems like a mutually beneficial match

[kaitracid]

it's so hard, to let go of someone you love & i do love her.

 

but i can't take how she treats me... it will hurt me to dump her, but what other choice do i have.

 

what shall i do

[geegirl]

you may have hit the nail on the head... she knows she is a good looking woman, and she could prob get another man... but i still find it confusing, because she keeps coming back to me, again and again

 

Confusing that she keeps coming back? What?

 

She keeps treating you like crap, so what does it matter if she keeps coming back? It would be a different story if she was remorseful and the next time around treated you with decency. Instead, you keep going back to the same BS.

 

So what if she finds you attractive? She doesn't find you deserving of respect. Where are your values or do you have any boundaries?

 

Everything about this is superficial. She comes back because you're attractive. You're with her because she's hot. Great makings of a lasting relationship.

 

And she treats you like crap because you are a doormat. And she probably keeps coming back because she has rather few options, especially when she has 3 kids. It would be hard to start over, date, find security with someone that will shoulder the responsibilities. You're there. It's easy. You'll take whatever she dishes. It's comfortable.

[destroyed4sho]

Get rid of her. She sounds like she has some narcisstic traits...

[kaitracid]

Confusing that she keeps coming back? What?

 

She keeps treating you like crap, so what does it matter if she keeps coming back? It would be a different story if she was remorseful and the next time around treated you with decency. Instead, you keep going back to the same BS.

 

So what if she finds you attractive? She doesn't find you deserving of respect. Where are your values or do you have any boundaries?

 

Everything about this is superficial. She comes back because you're attractive. You're with her because she's hot. Great makings of a lasting relationship.

 

And she treats you like crap because you are a doormat. And she probably keeps coming back because she has rather few options, especially when she has 3 kids. It would be hard to start over, date, find security with someone that will shoulder the responsibilities. You're there. It's easy. You'll take whatever she dishes. It's comfortable.

 

 

would your advice be to dump her ?

[geegirl]

would your advice be to dump her ?

 

Unless you like being treated like garbage, then stay with her. If you have a level of self-respect and you have expections for a healthy relationship and partner, then yes, dump her.

 

And you have had women in your life that have treated you well. You can't be that shallow to stay with someone that disrespects you just because she is hot.

[Mack05]

I haven't read the replies. Just noticed two things..

 

1) The cons list is a lot bigger..

2) If you ask the question 'should I break up' the answer is usually yes...

 

Sex and looks eventually go, so what exactly will you be left it?

[fancy feast]

Only you can answer the question of whether or not you're satisfied with the relationship.

 

Don't do it over email, and don't just disappear. Do it in person.

[KatZee]

Ok... so the only good thing about this woman is that she's hot and you have great sex?

 

End the relationship. There are no pro's in this relationship. She's highly toxic to you, she emotionally abuses you, she's bringing you down and ruining you.

[TearyEyedPride]

Based on your lists... she's really emotionally abusive and you seem to just let her trample all over your feelings, self worth and pride in being a man or even just a respectable human being. Please stop allowing yourself to be her doormat. It's really sad, but a lot of people with such low esteem never seem to wanna let go out of fear they'll never find someone else. NOT TRUE.

 

From my understanding pretty much looks, sex and common interests were the only pros keeping you together?! No offense but those same qualities you can find in prostitutes, strippers, one night stands, random people etc etc.

 

Please take time to value, appreciate and love the person you are inside. Seek someone who not only respects themself, but also respects you.

[veggirl]

Would you put up with this crap if she was average looking?

[uniqwa]

NO HUMAN is perfect.. That being said, the fact she comes back.. There's more then you know, She may be dealing with, insecurities ( hangups) but she does care for you.. The bitchynes. I say leave her alone, NC it kills all that ****.. because then they have time to evaluate everything.. They have time to literally think about all their actions.. people can change, but if she literally has no REASON?!? then its just because she's a bitch.. Insecurities believe it or not literally are main contributing factors to relationship failure.. ( majority of women are insecure).. but that goes away..

If you " love her" You give her one more chance.. but detach yourself, because you need to be emotionally prepared if she is not capable.

She may have some serious hang ups and she just doesn't know how to deal with them..

Her "coming back" every time.. means she is dependent on you for something, I don't know how she thinks, but being a woman, compare women to cats especially the "attractive" ones.. If you don't feed them ( do anything to emotionally benefit) They don't come back.. The attractive one's have options even with kids.. trust me, My ex's mother has 11 children and she's beautiful, having so many kids is not a "hindering factor",nor diminish quality as a woman...

 

I advise you to think about what qualities you value and respect in her. What attracts you to her? if it is simply physical and there are no other values in your relationship then you should let her go... but if there is more, again give her one last chance.. Go into this as a last chance.. Don't let her know that its the last one, but if she fails to have any growth during your time apart.. Then she literally does not deserve you and she's just an evil cunt without reason for her actions..

Edited April 9, 2013 by uniqwa

[kaitracid]

I haven't read the replies. Just noticed two things..

 

1) The cons list is a lot bigger..

2) If you ask the question 'should I break up' the answer is usually yes...

 

Sex and looks eventually go, so what exactly will you be left it?

 

 

this is what i often ask myself.... she has regular botox to keep herself looking young... she is 45 years old and i am 37 years old.

 

our sex life is already suffering, as we only have sex when it suites her these days, also when her looks fade, and the sex is not what it used to be, then what am i left with....

 

as for her being a good long term partner for me, somebody i can rely on, or depend on for the rest of my life.... honestly i am not feeling that at all.

[kaitracid]

NO HUMAN is perfect.. That being said, the fact she comes back.. There's more then you know, She may be dealing with, insecurities ( hangups) but she does care for you.. The bitchynes. I say leave her alone, NC it kills all that ****.. because then they have time to evaluate everything.. They have time to literally think about all their actions.. people can change, but if she literally has no REASON?!? then its just because she's a bitch.. Insecurities believe it or not literally are main contributing factors to relationship failure.. ( majority of women are insecure).. but that goes away..

If you " love her" You give her one more chance.. but detach yourself, because you need to be emotionally prepared if she is not capable.

She may have some serious hang ups and she just doesn't know how to deal with them..

Her "coming back" every time.. means she is dependent on you for something, I don't know how she thinks, but being a woman, compare women to cats especially the "attractive" ones.. If you don't feed them ( do anything to emotionally benefit) They don't come back.. The attractive one's have options even with kids.. trust me, My ex's mother has 11 children and she's beautiful, having so many kids is not a "hindering factor",nor diminish quality as a woman...

 

I advise you to think about what qualities you value and respect in her. What attracts you to her? if it is simply physical and there are no other values in your relationship then you should let her go... but if there is more, again give her one last chance.. Go into this as a last chance.. Don't let her know that its the last one, but if she fails to have any growth during your time apart.. Then she literally does not deserve you and she's just an evil cunt without reason for her actions..

 

 

i do believe she loves me, but i think there is an element of a bitch inside her, and she really does not have any understanding for another persons feelings.

 

the communication between us is terrible... if i try to talk about our issues, she regards that as me whinging or trying to start an argument.

 

it's just not possible to have a healthy relationship, without communication.

 

if we ever have a disagreement, it is me who gets blamed for every single thing, even when it is obvious that she is to blame....

 

it is like, she just cannot accept any guilt or resposibility for her actions.

 

 

so here are my options.... i have decided to detatch myself emotionaly from her... i am not going to come across as being needy or weak in front of her.

 

if she insults me, or makes nasty remarks, then i will, stand my ground & make it clear to her, i will not tolerate that kind of behaviour.

 

if things do not improve on her part withing the next couple of weeks, then for sure i will be dumping her.

 

 

yes she is a sexy attractive woman, and yes i fancy her so bad, and love her too.... but on the emotional level she does not have anything to offer me.

 

i don't feel secure in this relationship...

 

i have to look long term, what i want for my life.

 

 

i have a simple question for you guys...

 

would you give up a beautiful woman if she did not make a good long term partner?

 

would you settle for a lesser attractive partner, but she was a wonderful person & showed you genuine love

[kaitracid]

Based on your lists... she's really emotionally abusive and you seem to just let her trample all over your feelings, self worth and pride in being a man or even just a respectable human being. Please stop allowing yourself to be her doormat. It's really sad, but a lot of people with such low esteem never seem to wanna let go out of fear they'll never find someone else. NOT TRUE.

 

From my understanding pretty much looks, sex and common interests were the only pros keeping you together?! No offense but those same qualities you can find in prostitutes, strippers, one night stands, random people etc etc.

 

Please take time to value, appreciate and love the person you are inside. Seek someone who not only respects themself, but also respects you.

 

you have stated that she seems to be emotionally abusive.... and i seem to be letting her trample all over my feelings...

 

how do i stop her from behaving in this way?

[Mack05]

this is what i often ask myself.... she has regular botox to keep herself looking young... she is 45 years old and i am 37 years old.

 

our sex life is already suffering, as we only have sex when it suites her these days, also when her looks fade, and the sex is not what it used to be, then what am i left with....

 

as for her being a good long term partner for me, somebody i can rely on, or depend on for the rest of my life.... honestly i am not feeling that at all.

 

Dude I was you. My last ex was/is a beautiful sexy woman. But take that away and you are left with very little. At least little for me. I'm sure there is a man that would see a HUGE amount in her. I just was never going to be that man.

 

I think everyone deserves someone that loves them (ALL OF THEM). Anything less you are letting her down and more importantly yourself down..

 

My advice to you is, if you are going to leave the relationship. Be compassionate, clear and decisive. Give her no belief that there could be a reconciliation down the line. I think when you break up with someone it's best to be cruel to be kind. I see so many dumpees on this site clinging on for dear life in the 'hope' their ex might come back. Even they they can't see it, a dumper is doing them a HUGE favour by closing all doors to a future reunion..

[kaitracid]

i really don't feel like showing any compassion.

 

all i have done is love this woman, yet she treats me like crap... so i don't owe her any compassion.

 

i will give this relationship a week or two, if she does not change her ways, or start treating me with some respect, then i will indeed dump her!!

 

it's better i go through the pain of breaking up now, rather than later years down the line.

 

i love her, but if i carry on with her like this, she will destroy me from inside.

 

 

she keeps asking me to move in with her... but if i move in with her, there will be no escape from her abusive ways.

 

she also wants to try for a baby.... lol i can see myself being treated like crap, then paying maintenance for the rest of my life.

Edited April 9, 2013 by kaitracid

[OwlSoul]

Asking to move in + wanting a baby usually means that the person feels the control over the relationship shifted to the partner's hand. So the person tries to tie the partner by a commitment.

[Mack05]

i really don't feel like showing any compassion.

 

all i have done is love this woman, yet she treats me like crap... so i don't owe her any compassion.

 

i will give this relationship a week or two, if she does not change her ways, or start treating me with some respect, then i will indeed dump her!!

 

it's better i go through the pain of breaking up now, rather than later years down the line.

 

i love her, but if i carry on with her like this, she will destroy me from inside.

 

 

she keeps asking me to move in with her... but if i move in with her, there will be no escape from her abusive ways.

 

she also wants to try for a baby.... lol i can see myself being treated like crap, then paying maintenance for the rest of my life.

 

So you are just going to sit there and hope for the best, all the time hoping she has amazing mind reading skills? Hoping she will just suddenly stop her abusive behaviour and become everything you want? I'm starting to get a better picture.....

 

As regarding compassion, just because one person does not behave with class doesn't mean you have to stoop to her level.